Every time I see Katie Holmes on the red carpet lately, I’m struck by how vibrant she looks. Remember how she looked in 2012 as her marriage to Tom Cruise crumbled? She looked desperately unhappy, and now she’s living life on her own terms. She may give the most disappointing interviews ever (talking about pancakes to People magazine), but Katie is happy.

This week’s issue of The Enquirer has a bit of entertaining fanfiction. The tabloid says Mel Gibson wants Katie to make him a very happy man. They say Mel wants to get back into the dating scene after licking his wounds over Oksana Grigorieva. Aaand he wants Katie to be his lady. The tab has placed itself inside Mel’s mind. Katie would seem ideal, right? She’s cute and has her own money. She’s famous enough to be a catch, but her level of fame wouldn’t overpower his. Most importantly, she’s seen some sh-t and knows how to keep her mouth shut. So yeah, she could be exactly what Mel is looking for in a woman:

Mad Mel Gibson has a crush on Hollywood darling Katie Holmes — even though she’s more than two decades his junior.

“Mel drools over Katie!” an insider told The Enquirer. “She’s everything he wants in a woman — sexy, intelligent, independent — real wife material.”

The actor, 58, has been single since his sensational split form Oksana Grigorieva four years ago.

Now he’s ready to dive back into dating.

“Mel’s trying to arrange a date with Katie through mutual acquaintances. He’s convinced she’ll fall for his charms if she’ll sit down for dinner with him,” said the pal. Gibson is far from fazed by 36-year-old Katie’s history with ex Tom Cruise, sources added.

“Mel’s taken a real beating over the past few years, which is why he’s kept such a low profile,” an insider said. “But despite everything he’s been through, he’s incredibly self-confident and believes he’s as big a catch as ever.”

[From Enquirer, print edition, December 22, 2014]

I’m cringing so hard right now. The Enquirer laid it on thick with this story. It’s difficult to remember a time when Mel was ever considered “a catch,” but that really happened. He was People’s Sexiest Man Alive (when that sort of meant something), and all those Lethal Weapon movies had people falling at his feet. I mean, he was considered desirable enough to be a romcom leading man.

This story probably isn’t true — it’s a very slow week for the tabloids. Katie would laugh at the idea of going on a date with Mel. Whomever she gets with in the future will be drama free. Girlfriend’s had enough baggage for several lifetimes. She’ll probably end up with a quiet businessman, not an egomaniacal, violent pig like Mel Gibson. Nice matchmaking, Enquirer.

Photos courtesy of WENN