Tom Cruise & Katie Holmes take Suri for some normal person camping

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The Mirror has the most hysterical story about Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes planning a camping trip with Suri. It’s fall-off-your-chair funny for a lot of reasons, not the least of which is the line about how Katie, “can’t wait to dive into a tent with her husband.” For some reason every time I read that line (and I’ve been laughing over it for five minutes now), I imagine Katie literally diving into the tent, but sort of the way you might dive onto a Slip ‘n Slide. Because they’ve got to mean that literally – there’s no way Katie wants to dive into a tent with Tom sexually. They also claim her enthusiasm has a lot to do with his campfire pasta skills. Tom likes to keep it real.

Hollywood superstar Tom Cruise is all set to camp it up across America. We can reveal that he will be turning his back on luxury hotels and five-star resorts to take wife Katie and daughter Suri on a no-frills trip in the US. And Katie, 30, can’t wait to dive into a tent with her husband – who can cook up a spaghetti storm under the stars.

She said: “We love going camping. Once when we were camping Tom made his pasta carbonara for me. He knows exactly how to do it. A pinch of this, a pinch of that. He has a recipe, but he also kind of improvises by himself. You have to do the egg at a certain time.” He was inspired by the great Brazilian outdoors while he was working down in South America earlier this year but, unsurprisingly, they won’t be travelling completely alone.

An insider told us: “They’ll be accompanied by a friend from the church of Scientology, as Tom never likes to be too far away from his religion. They will also have security camped down the road to keep any unwelcome people at bay.”

Well, the smell of Tom’s carbonara will have people – and wildlife – flocking from miles around… “They are certainly likely to cause a bit of a frenzy,” agreed our source. “But the whole point of them moving away from luxury holidays is to do things as a normal family.’ Suri will be three next month and Tom and Katie want her to experience as much normality as possible.

Our source added: “This is what Tom wants for Suri. He doesn’t want her to miss out on the things he and Katie enjoyed as kids, just because she is growing up in the spotlight.”

[From the Mirror]

My family went camping every couple of years growing up, and while we were never roughing it – there was always a water spigot and a few electrical outlets attached to a pole – pasta carbonara never made an appearance on our campfire menu. Maybe this is some “normal family” camping basic I don’t know about. But I’m pretty sure eggs are entirely out for most of us that go camping without a refrigerator.

And unlike Tom and Katie, I never bring my security team with me when I rough it in the wilderness. I like to give them some time off. They’re always all, “JayBird, OMG, will you be okay?” and they do this ridiculous, utterly embarrassing jay bird call they learned from some PBS Nature program, all panicked about what might happen if I’m left alone. And I have to calm them down and be all, “Guys, you must chill, you do a good job guarding me from the paparazzi and potential assassins and Scientologists (sometimes one and the same), but you need a vacation too.” So they back off. They’re devoted sons of bitches, I’ll give them that. This is probably what Tom and Katie feel like. I empathize.

Here’s Tom, Katie, and Suri spending a day at the beach in Rio De Janerio on February 2nd. Images thanks to

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19 Responses to “Tom Cruise & Katie Holmes take Suri for some normal person camping”

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  1. Lem says:

    First the ladies shorts in the background. oy

    We camp alot. eggs I guess are on the menu when we are straight back from the store, but as long as it stays cool. meh

    I’m so excited just yesterday I was saying Katie needed a vaca from Tom. This is perfect. We’ll ‘hi-jack’ her and Suri. They can come over to the primitive sites with us. Tom would never think to look there. They can even come back to the house and stay awhile. Half the women in town have whatever the hell Katie’s doing with her hair so they can stay with us and actually be normal for awhile instead of playing normal for the photogs. I guarantee no one will track them down here.
    Then when ready to go back she can just call up tom and confess she’s been lost in the woods. Perfect!

    You be careful out there Jay Bird. There are little crazies running around the woods apparently.

  2. SW says:

    Eggs were ALWAYS on the menu when we camped in the mountains. Just find a spot in the river/stream (cause the water is always freezing cold) where the water is shallow and pretty still, put them in a minnow basket, and tie the basket to a limb on a bank. Keeps the eggs cold.

  3. silentA says:

    Your post just made my day, Jaybird.


    “Guys, you must chill, you do a good job guarding me from the paparazzi and potential assassins and Scientologists (sometimes one and the same), but you need a vacation too.”

  4. Lem says:

    SW: that’s a great idea. We’ve done it with beer but hmm eggs would work too. Thanks for working my brain for me. Duh

    I make a wicked aluminum foil kiabasa, onion potato campfire dinner but I’ve never once made pasta. Then again I’ve never made caronara in the kitchen either.
    Nor have I ever taken someone from the church with me. My uncle are priests but we make sure we’re well away from them when we set up. lol
    Security down the road, poor guys. I mean, I guess they get paid and get a bit of distance but I have this vision of Tom yelling “SKUNK” and all the men in black come a runnin. Can you imagine that running past your campsite?
    I wonder what normal people camping means? Does that mean renting out the entire campground? Does that mean setting up a pop-up on their own acreage? Does that mean a new 5th wheel with slide-outs, a nanny, church leader and a cook? Or does that mean a pup tent sandwiched between rednecks who drink PBR and hollar back and forth across the sites. I wonder why I’m so curious? I wonder if Tom will get the chance to “save” somebody from drowning or a snakebite or a broken ankle on the trail?

    Dear Katie: my kayak is the sweet little orange one, row for your life. I’ll leave a kid lifevest and one for you under the big oak tree 100 paces from the dragon headed rock. just be sure to ship her back. I love her.

  5. photo jojo says:

    Jaybird, that was a fantastically well written piece! Kudos!

  6. Kimble says:

    Thank you, thank you, thank you – this really did make me LOL!!!

    Reminds me of my last family camping trip in the south of France – we had 2 x two man tents while all the other “campers” were in RV’s with satellite TV!!!

  7. Lem says:

    someone answer this for me? Why does a man who is ‘so high’ up in the church still need a chaperone? Seriously?

    (stepping away from the coffee now)

  8. SW says:

    I just wonder if they, like ‘normal people camping’, are going to be sitting on that old tree that has fallen over? You ‘normal people campers’ know the one, its about a foot or so off the ground, has a hole dug out behind of it, with a roll of toilet paper sitting on top of it.
    Somehow I just don’t think their ‘normal people camping’ is gonna be like ‘normal, normal people camping’.
    And LEM, you are so dead on about those red-necks! They have provided me with endless hours of amusement while camping (cause we always stayed a week at a time). Those RedNeck games when they’re drunk … HILARIOUS!!!!

  9. boomchakaboom says:

    Camping, lol! God, the memories. My b/f and I drove many miles to Key West one Spring Break with a tent to stay for a week. How hilarious. All the good spots on the water were eaten up by giant RV’s, of course, and the tent area was a little circle in the middle of the park. We were like little bugs.

    Pasta carbonara? Dude, no. HOT DOGS!

  10. Bodhi says:

    Haha! JayBird, you are hilarious! Thanks for the laugh!

  11. cindy says:

    whats with the weird wave from katie it looks like a spock sign. Maybe the next comet will pick tom up

  12. KateNonymous says:

    @Lem, after our last camping trip, I told Mr. Nonymous that I thought all dinners should be foil dinners. So good. Also? So easy to cook and clean up. I’ll take that over pasta carbonara.

    But maybe the Scientologist minder also does dishes!

  13. the original kate says:

    camping is all about one thing: s’mores! oh and waiting for the crazy ax killer that just escaped from the mental hospital to kill me in my sleeping bag, but that’s another story.

  14. Lem says:

    yeah foil rocks. Those throw away foil-like bread pans that are a buck at the grocery. you can lay those right in the coals too. the really cool thing is say you make sausage and onions for lunch then you can throw veggies for kabobs in for dinner and they get all the seasoning from lunch. then you could throw SW’s river eggs in for breakfast and basically between the leftover oils and veggies. Omlets-a-la-campfire.

  15. KDRockstar says:

    I am remembering Nicole Kidman talking about the tiny tot’s carbonara (with the eggs and bacon). It stuck in my mind because (young thing that I was) I thought it sounded nasty.

    He’s a one-recipe dood. And by dood, I mean doody.

  16. RAN says:

    Jaybird, hilarious post! Thanks for the laugh!

  17. Aspen says:

    HA HA HA HA…oh Jaybird, that was awesome. You totally made my whole morning.

  18. raven says:

    So, I wonder what Suri will be wearing on a camping trip. This is the kid who supposedly wears only dresses.

  19. kk says:

    I’m no Cruise-r, but puh-lease with the camping. Nobody claimed they were backpacking. You toss a dozen eggs and bacon in an ice chest and you cook over a propane burner. With enough prep at home, anyone who cared to can pull off carbonara with their eyes closed. I’m a tent-sleeping car camper and obsessed foodie. I appreciate the franks-and-beans style but it’s not for me. I just came back from 4 days in Joshua Tree NP–high desert, no water, no showers, no flush toilets, no electricity. On our last morning I made Eggs Benedict for breakfast. Takes some juggling on one burner but it came out fabulous!

    But if the Cruise-fam wants a “real American experience,” they might consider ditching the security detail. I can imagine them muscling other campers out of the more “defendable” parts of the campgrounds!