Justin Bieber had a big weekend. He turned 21 a few weeks ago but officially celebrated his birthday in Vegas, nightclub style. Earlier that day, Swaggy was roasted for Comedy Central in LA. I think the remarks outside the venue were more interesting than the ones inside the event. Hannibal Burress told the press, “I would not call myself a Belieber. I’m a disbelieber. Martha Stewart said she had “some questions” about Bieber’s Calvin Klein ads. Why did Martha show up? #savetheeggs
The episode will air on March 30. Like many roasts, several jokes slipped out to the media. Most of them weren’t funny. A lot of the jokes were really raunchy and can’t be repeated here. Bieber’s guests took several swings at Selena Gomez, which doesn’t seem fair. Here are a few “highlights”:
Kevin Hart: “Orlando Bloom took a swing at you; you have a perfume called Girlfriend; you threw eggs at a house – not gangsta.”
Shaquille O’Neal: “Justin as a father of six you have to straighten up, son. Last year, you were ranked the fifth most-hated person of all time. Kim Jong-Un didn’t rank that high. And he uses your music to torture people.”
Ludacris: “Justin wants to be black so bad he’s actually seen Kevin Hart’s movies in theaters.”
Snoop Dogg: “Justin’s life changed when Usher heard one of his songs and liked it, which only goes to prove that Usher ain’t black.”
Bieber’s rebuttal: “What do you get when you give a teenager $200 million? A bunch of has-beens calling you a lesbian for two hours … I turned a plane into a bong. I turned a lot of people off the past few years. There was really no preparing me for this life. I was thrown into this at 12 years old, and I didn’t really know what I was getting myself into. There’s been moments I’m really proud of and a lot of moments I look back and I’m pretty disappointed with myself for. But the things that I’ve done really don’t define who I am. I’m a kind-hearted person who loves people and through it all, lost some of my best qualities. For that, I’m sorry. But what I can say is that I’m looking forward to being someone you can look at and be proud of. I’m excited to see what’s next. You have my word — I will not end up broken, pathetic, bitter or sitting on someone else’s roast. I’m at a moment of change. This is a new day. … I’m going to Vegas … on my jet, bitch!”
More jokes can be found at the Cosmo link. This is all part of Swaggy’s redemption tour. He’s trying to prove he’s a man, and this coming-of-age tale involves being the butt of tasteless jokes. Bieber became famous at a young age, but that doesn’t excuse his “breaking the law” attitude. He keeps apologizing though. Only time will tell whether he’s serious.
I’m including photos of some attendees. Scooter Braun, Chrissy Teigen, and Carly Rae Jepsen’s new red hair showed up. The beleaguered Seth Rogen did not accept his invite. Bieber really spiffed himself up for this roast. He got some caramelized highlights to accessorize his dirt lip. Swag.
Photos courtesy of Fame/Flynet & WENN