I recently hate-read Fifty Shade Darker and Fifty Shades Freed for all of you. I realized, about a month ago, that the sequel films were definitely going to be made and that I should know what the hell I was talking about when I bashed the stories. You know what? It was WORSE than I was expecting. I’ll give FSD a little bit of credit – E.L. James put in a “mystery” that kept some of the story afloat, although FSD also messed up the timeline in a major way – by my estimation, Ana and Christian got engaged after knowing each other for less than a month. Seriously. FSF was the worst though – what could have been a half-way not-terrible plot was ruined by E.L. James habit of making Ana selectively stupid and disengaged at just the right moment.
Anyway, E.L. James has a new book out right now. It’s called Grey, and it’s the same story (the seduction of Anastasia Steele) told through Christian’s perspective. As soon as it was released, it was widely mocked – go here to see Gawker’s hilarious and NSFW coverage of Christian’s many emotions as told through his penis. To promote the newly released book, E.L. James did a Twitter Q&A yesterday and it went off the rails almost immediately. Here’s a sample of some of the hilarious tweets E.L. got (I’m not embedding the tweets because that would take all day):
#AskELJames after the success of “Grey,” have you considered re-telling the story from the perspective of someone who can write
#AskELJames I need advice on making a BIG romantic gesture. Should I put a GPS tracker in her phone and make threats if she tries to leave?
#AskELJames a guy stalked me and put a GPS tracker in my phone, I think he rly likes me should I ask him out for a date or wait for him to??
#AskELJames Is it only ok for Christian to stalk, coerce, threaten & manipulate Ana because he’s hot, or is it also ok because he’s rich?
#AskELJames Are you aware that using alcohol and manipulation to gain consent is incredibly abusive and negates any consent given?
#AskELJames Is there a safe word which will stop you from writing anymore of this bollocks?
#AskELJames How many times a day do you think Charlie Hunnam just laughs with sheer relief?
Are you as homophobic in real life as your books are? Asking for a friend. #AskELJames
My boss said no when I asked if I could kiss him and then I did anyway because no means yes right? Things at work are awkward. #AskELJames
i like this girl but she doesn’t seem all that into me, is it cool if i beat her into liking me like christian grey #AskELJames
Did you see the abusive relationship of Bella and Edward and think “hmm needs more abuse” #AskELJames
Will there be a delay to our answers while you wait for Stephanie Meyer to answer them first, so you know what to write? #AskELJames
What do you dislike more, Independent strong woman or the English language? #AskELJames
Will you be rewriting the book from Stephenie Meyer’s point of view next time? #AskELJames
Bless them. Bless them all. After reading the original trilogy, all I can say is BRAVO and BRAVA! While I do think Christian and Ana’s relationship is abusive, I came out of the trilogy angry at the simply sh-tty storytelling. At some point, it wasn’t even a joyful hate-read of “Hahaha, this is so stupid, you’ve got to laugh.” It was so stupid, I got really depressed.
Photos courtesy of WENN.