Madonna says failed adoption isn’t right; Lourdes devastated

madonna cecconis 060409

Madonna and her daughter Lourdes are both said to be devastated by a judge’s ruling that she can’t adopt 4-year-old Mercy James from Malawi. Though it’s hard to see Madge as someone with emotions and who’s capable of feeling real sadness, she’s obviously going through a hard time right now, and told her aids that what happened wasn’t right. I’m not sure I can say I feel as much empathy for her as I probably should, but it’s hard not to feel badly for Lourdes and the rest of Madonna’s kids, along with little Mercy – who was said to have bonded with what she thought would be her new family.

Madonna devastated after officials blocked her adoption of a 3-year-old girl from Malawi, telling aides, “it’s not right.” The Material Girl, who is now back in London, even referred to Chifundo (Mercy) James as “my little girl” before heading home, Australia’s Herald Sun newspaper reports.

“I can’t believe I’m leaving my beautiful baby behind,” she said. “It’s not right. I love that baby girl … she needs to be with me.” Madonna’s daughter Lourdes was reportedly heartbroken that her mom was barred from the adoption. The 50-year-old pop icon looked downcast after spending her final hours with Mercy, the child a judge blocked her from adopting last week, before jetting out of the country.

“Madonna spent some time with Mercy; she looked sad. But Lourdes, who had clicked with the little girl, looked devastated,” a staffer at the Kumbali Lodge where Madonna had been staying, told People magazine. Anne Chikhwaza, director of the Kondanani Children’s Village, took the girl back to the orphanage, the staffer said.

[From the Daily News]

Mercy’s emotions must have bounced all over the place in the last week. This whole ordeal has likely been incredibly confusing for her. I can’t imagine what it would be like to be told you have a new family and to spend time with them and probably get excited like only a little child can. And then have it all suddenly taken away. That’s not to say the judge was wrong – perhaps what is ultimately best for Mercy is to stay in her own country and/or be adopted by someone willing to obey the laws and live in Malawi for a year. But what an emotional rollercoaster.

Something tells me Madonna will get over this. While she’s upset now, she doesn’t strike me as the sort to feel things super deeply for an extended period of time. It’s hard not to cheer for her failure, because it’s downright wrong for her to ignore another country’s laws and think she can do whatever the hell she wants, so long as she can throw money at the problem. Maybe next time she’ll remember that it’s not just her own wishes that matter – she’s taking a bunch of kids along for the ride, and their feelings matter too.

Here’s Madonna arriving at Cicconi Restaurant in London yesterday. Images thanks to WENN .

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31 Responses to “Madonna says failed adoption isn’t right; Lourdes devastated”

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  1. kiki says:

    Loudes “devastated”
    what about MERCY !!! the littel girl?
    shes 3 years old, you swoop in tell her you are going to adopt her introduce her to your 3 kids they play with her then you are gone. you dont think that Messed with her head??
    Unless an adoption will take place you dont introduce a child and the parents to be in this manner.

  2. kiki says:

    oh by the way I luv the closeup of her ancient elderly womans hands and arms. noting says her age like her claws
    why is it these women Mdonna and AJ , Nicole Kidman have the uglyest hands? they dont do housework or work the fields.

  3. Chiara says:

    She has the opportunity and the finances to contribute to this child’s upbringing. Why not another country, one with easier to meet requirements?

    Odd to me one would wait 3 years trusting a third world country.

  4. Alexis says:

    She does not believe that child is her daughter.
    She can easily buy her way out of a lot of situations but let’s just pretend that she couldn’t for a moment, shall we. Do you think that, if in her divorce from Guy the courts said she could not leave the country with Rocco, she would pack up and let her lawyers figure it all out while she dines with friends?
    I don’t think she would.
    Madonna can’t believe how unfair this has all been to Madonna.
    I think she can’t comprehend being told no. She’s inflicted this pain on all of the children involved. Believing you are above everyone and their laws and regulations may make you rich and famous, but it will not make you fulfilled.

  5. nanster says:

    Why don’t they just adopt a puppy instead?

  6. SW says:

    If she cares so much for the little tyke she should buy the girls family (or the whole village) some cows and other livestock. Contribute to whatever it takes to make that village life a good one. I don’t know if they have any kind of water supply there but if they do she could send a supply of the water purification tabs or whatever it is. There is so much she can do to help Mercy besides taking her away from the family she has there.

  7. McKenna says:

    I totally disagree with you. First of all, it is wrong for you to judge how Madonna feels or how emotional she is unless you personally know her. A lot of people put up walls, but it doesn’t mean they don’t feel pain. That is completely insensitive.
    Secondly, it’s a fact of life that people with money and fame get special treatment. That’s how it has always been and that is how it will always be. I think it was admirable that Madonna was using her fame to do something good. I don’t care that this child has family. The fact is that she is in an orphanage and her father hadn’t bothered to look for her until this whole fiasco. Are you telling me that your own feeling that there is some justice in this world is more important than the welfare of this child? Besides, if there are laws in Malawi, then they should be applied the same way in every situation. She was allowed to take David Banda 2 years ago, why the sudden need for her to stay in the country? I think it’s absurd.

  8. Alexis says:

    I think she thought she was nanster

  9. manda says:

    McKenna–It’s also wrong for you to assume that because Madonna has money, Mercy will necessarily have a better life. For all we know, Madonna beats her children (probably not, but who knows?). Those laws are in place to show dedication to the child and to allow the government to get a better view of how the parent will be with the child. They also help deter people from kidnapping babies and putting them up for adoption (which is something that was happening in Guatemala) because the wait period is a disincentive for adoptive families, there isn’t as much of a demand for children.

    Correct, the laws should be applied the same, but they weren’t. Judges are people too. Madonna didn’t have the same judge that she had last time, and judges (at least in America) tend to do what they think the law tells them to do. The first judge used discretion to avoid the laws, the second judge did not.

    Finally, why doesn’t Madonna try to adopt babies that really don’t HAVE anyone? Why does she insist upon choosing children that have connections to a place? Why not adopt a child that truly has no one????

  10. the original kate says:

    madge needs to get over herself. if she had followed the rule and resided in malawi as required i’m sure it would have worked out. that was the reason she didn’t get the kid, and now she’s trying to blame everyone else. if she doesn’t like malawi’s rules there are children in other countries (including america) that are looking for a home. she makes me ill with her sense of entitlement.

  11. Pufft says:

    I agree McKenna. It is a pity that people’s dislike for Madonna out weighs the good that she is trying to do

  12. lrm says:

    She didn’t know Mercy had a father; she may not have known about her grandmother when she first looked into adopting Mercy,for that matter. This was shortly after she adopted David.
    yea,why didn’t the orphanage or authorities find Mercy’s Dad sooner?
    And,if there were a wealthy family who was not famous,but looking to adopt,they may have been able to…
    There would be no story here for Malawi courts or otherwise,if the individual were NOT famous.
    So to blame Madonna entirely is not correct.
    And,the laws are almost exclusively in place in Malawi to prevent child trafficking.
    Tell me there are no loopholes or other means to bypass that,when the family to be is obviously NOT child trafficking? Heck,even requiring a 4 or 6 week stay would be reasonable. Many countries have 2-4 week requirements.

    Selective application of laws is pretty common in Africa,in my experience directly living there. No offense,it’s a diverse continent and an amazing,wonderful place at that.
    BUT,laws are a grey area. I mean,at first they were concerned b/c Madonna was now divored,but apparently that didn’t stop them. I’m sure they can be bought,and that’s not just Madonna’s fault. She didn’t create poverty in Africa-you can look to the multi national corps,colonialism,neo-colonialism,unfair trade,and African government corruption for blame there.
    So don’t put the blame on her for buying her way in;she didn’t put the country up for sale. Her charity is something they welcomed.

  13. SolitaryAngel says:

    Mercy and Lourdes wouldn’t be devastated like this if Madonna AND the adoption people hadn’t done things ass-backwards! NEVER should the kids be introduced, etc until the adoption was known for sure! I can’t decide if the main person to be angry with is Madonna for her arrogance or the orphanage for allowing the so-called “bonding” in the first place! I mean, REALLY–just anybody can show up to a Malawi orphanage, pick out a child, and take that child away for a few days because they’re interested in adopting? Jesus. So screwy. If Madonna was a REAL mother, she would never have allowed her children to be hurt in this way–I wouldn’t!

  14. Bina says:

    A couple of things I think are going on with Madonna psychologically:

    She’s just been recently divorced but instead of grieving for her failed marriage and the loss of her children’s father, she’s thrown herself into this whole adoption thing as a way of avoiding the pain. Now that it’s fallen through, the pain of the divorce and the failure of the adoption process is going to hit her twice as hard.

    Madonna lost her mother when she was only five years old, so she probably feels a real bond to children who have lost their mothers but whose fathers are still alive (as Madonna’s was). She probably projects her own feelings of loss and grief onto David and now Mercy. Perhaps as a child she wished so badly for a mother that today she wants desperately to be a mother to these children, and isn’t really thinking about anything else beyond that.

    If I were Madonna I would go to therapy and work out my personal issues, so that I could at least come to peace with some of the more difficult aspects of my life right now. Just because she’s rich doesn’t mean she isn’t human.

  15. OXA says:

    My heart goes out to that little girl who was depostited back on the shelf.
    I hope she does not think it had anything to do with her.

  16. whatever says:

    I don’t get where people think Madonna is a good mum? She certainly can’t teach her kids about love, loyalty, kindness, class, integrity, honesty, etc.

    Look at her OWN actions. Didn’t she break up her own home and cheat on her husband? Didn’t she cheat on her husband with a man whose wife just gave birth to their second child? Didn’t she behave like an ass after the divorce by publically saying Ritchie is an “emotional retard”? She just took a swipe at Jesus Luz on Twitter, saying she’s so happy to be single again. Didn’t her own family members (except two) not get invited to her last wedding b/c she hates them? Didn’t her brother just write a tell-all book which discusses her narcissism, her arrogance, and control-freak ways? Haven’t MANY other people in Hollywood who’ve worked w/ her (carrie ann moss, Rupert everett, etc) say how nasty she is? Didn’t she just treat her nannies rudely and not pay them well (she has had five staff members quit in the past few years)? The charity she ran has just been declared “delinquent.” Didn’t 3 million dollars go missing? Isn’t she also using this charity to indoctrinate kids into Kaballah? It goes on and on.

    She may give the kids she raises money, but they will be missing many other important values. This is what Madonna has said about Lourdes: “she walks into a room and demands to be the center of attention.” Obviously, her kid is learning to be exactly like her. Money doesn’t equal mothering. Paris Hilton proves that much; her mother needs to be spanked for raising that one.

  17. paranel says:

    It was very wrong to introduce and bring Mercy into Madonna’s family before the adoption was finalized. That was cruel. I still think the little girl would be better off with Madonna than in the orphanage.

  18. McKenna says:

    I agree that she should try to choose kids with no families but I think she just bonded with this little girl. I also agree that until the adoption was final, it was not fair for them to allow the meeting and to tell Mercy that her mommy is taking her away.

    Yes, judges are human, but the fact is that she has had David for 2 years now and he seems like a happy and well-adjusted little boy. Shouldn’t that alleviate any concern. I just think everyone’s main issue is that Madonna is receiving special treatment and we need to get over it. It is about the well-being of this child and can you honestly tell me you believe she would be better of in an African orphanage than with Madonna?

  19. j. ferber says:

    I agree with both McKenna and Bina. Jaybird, you are way too hard on Madonna.

  20. Nony says:

    I still think that if she’d gone over there with a little less arrogance and a little more sensitivity, if she’d lived there low-key for maybe 3 months, if she had spent time with Mercy’s family and visited Mercy in the orphanage .. this would have gone through.

    The girl’s family would have gotten to know and trust her, because she would have related to them as the family of the little girl she clearly already loved, instead of as people who refused to let her have what she wanted.
    By living there low-key (not in a million dollar lodge!) for a couple of months she would have shown respect to the law and the local culture by making an effort.

    I am convinced that had she done that, Mercy’s family wouldn’t have blocked it and I’m pretty sure a judge would have okayed it.

    But instead she marched in there, her actions oozing disdain for the country, the culture and the laws, and threw money at the problem in the stubborn belief that she deserves to have whatever she wants. And Malawi answered “You are not above the law.”

  21. Pufft says:

    It is so easy to criticize Madge and assume that she did not follow procedures when in actual fact adoption laws in Africa are very blur and not as clearly defined as American and European states. This fact alone means that most African states normally find themselves making up the rules as they go along when handling a case that is not clearly defined in the Child Care Act.

    I’m not too familiar with the Malawian Adoption Laws, mostly because their Child Care Act is wishy-washy, but in South Africa a child whose parents are both dead (as Madge was made to believe) is available for adoption if extended family are unable to care for the child. If a child has been put up for adoption while one of the parents is alive (as is Mercy’s case) the natural father has to acknowledged himself in writing to be the father of the child and make his identity known on the child’s birth certificate.

    If this is not done while a child is at an orphanage, the commissioner causes a notice to be served within 14 days informing the natural father of the consent that has been given and affording him the opportunity to also give or withhold consent.

    Taking Mercy’s case as a prime example, the notification of an intended adoption of a child born out of wedlock may be dispensed if the children’s court is satisfied that the birth father deserted the child or his whereabouts are unknown or that the father has failed to acknowledge himself as the father of the child.

    Last I checked, Mercy’s father’s whereabouts were unknown and he has failed to acknowledge himself as the father’s child (hence the reason the orphanage was under the impression that he was dead).

    Also, a single person (a widow or widower or an unmarried or divorced person) can adopt a child as a single person if they get the consent of the Minister.

    Although Adoption laws in S.A require social workers and adoption agencies to “give due consideration” to language, religion and culture when matching prospective parents with children (preferably to other South Africans), the adoption laws also prefer that a child be raised in a family, which is far better than growing up in an institution.

    This very fact has not yet dawned on the many people that have unleashed their wrath on Madge and her will to adopt Mercy.

    The short of it, the only unstable leg the Malawian Adoption Law is standing on is that Madge is required to stays in the country for over 6 months, which last I checked, wasn’t a clearly defined law because she got away with it last time.

    So, if you want to blame someone, blame Malawi, not Madge (she did everything by the book and had no reason to believe that she would be denied adoption this time. Which also explains why she introduced Mercy to the children she thought would be her siblings).

  22. Pufft says:

    @Nony: She couldn’t be low-key even if she tried for the simple fact that the paps would be on her tail throughout her entire journey. Madonna adopting in Africa again is enough reason for some of the best news agencies to send their best reporters to Malawi. Plus, although she stayed at a luxury accomodation, I would hardly call it a million dollar lodge (I actually read that statement and started laughing because it borders on ridiculous. Forget the Malawi Kwatcha, and take one of the stronger currencies in Africa, the South African Rand (ZAR). Your statement alludes that the lodge costs over 9 million ZAR – which, I don’t know if you know – is a stretch of the imagination.)

  23. Aud says:

    If this woman had gone into this with some degree of humility, I think things would have turned out differently, whether Mercy had family there or not. This woman barged into a COUNTRY, and said I’m Madonna and I get what I want. I think her choosing children that have family is a power trip for her. She was going to send an assistant to pick a child so I doubt very much she cares for that child specifically. The kids are the only ones being hurt

  24. Hieronymus Grex says:

    Give Miss Eyebrows another 10,000 dollar credit card she’ll get over it.

  25. the original kate says:

    it was handled badly from start to finish by madonna, her lawyer, & the orphanage but it will be mercy and madonna’s kids who will pay the emotional price.

  26. Larissa says:

    I am sorry to disagree, but 1 week is not enough time for BONDING, especially at Mercy´s such young age! More likely she got used to having them around, but not attached in a much deeper level.
    Mercy will be just fine in that matter!

    As for Lourdes, uh oh, poor rich girl! She is not getting a new doll to play with!

    Regarding malawi adoption laws, Madonna WAS NOT the 1st forigner to be willing to adopt there…FYI, she didn´t DISCOVERED Malawi and is not the first offering aid to the country!
    I am sure the ones who followed and respected the country´s laws,succeded.

  27. Michele says:

    Fuck Madonna.

  28. becca says:

    You know, there’s this thing that I believe is called microlending. I was told briefly how it works, so I’m not sure about the skematics, but I was told something along the lines of, “200 dollars to a man in Africa can get him and his family out of whatever situation they’re in and with a business of their own.”

    Madonna should look into this if she really wants to show everyone this supposed halo around her head.

  29. CeeJay says:

    If Madonna truly felt the child was “hers” she would stay and fight for her. I don’t know all the details. Sounds like she’s been involved in this process for a few years so maybe she was fighting from afar. Nevetheless, I have a friend (at one time her case was a very sad national news story) whose adoptive child was taken from her and returned to the biological parents. She fought for 5 years to keep the child. She never once got on a plane and few to another continent. She stayed put and she did not give up until, sadly, her child was taken from her arms at the front curb of her home As I posted here a week or so ago, perhaps Madonna would be better off trying to undertake these matters in a less public way. In Madonna’s case she has her P.R. people put out the word that she is in Malawi to bring home her newest adoptive child. There’s a time and place for P.R. and the presumptive adoption of a child is not it.

  30. anastasiabeaverhausen says:

    I think it was cheap and low of Madonna to drag Lourdes’ feelings into this. She KNOWS people don’t feel sorry for her, so she’s got to get her 12 year old daughter involved.

    Good God. How low will she go?

    I agree that the timing of this attempted adoption is weird being literally on the heels of a divorce.

    I also agree that money does NOT equal good parenting.

    Hopefully she will work on herself, contribute to families in Malawi and raise the three kids she’s got. But I won’t hold my breath.

  31. Vibius says:

    They are both just devastated because they are not used to “No”.