I’ve been actively ignoring, or trying to ignore, Gwen Stefani and Blake Shelton for months now. It’s not that they’re terrible people, it’s just that they were in the first flush of romance and they were being crazy-extra about it. Like, they were Tiddles-before-Tiddles. Or Tiddles was taking a page out of the Stefani-Shelton Playbook of PR Romances. But something happened in those months when I was ignoring Gwen: I actually missed her a little bit. As I was reading Gwen’s August cover interview for Harper’s Bazaar, I realized that I actually still like her and want good things for her. She’s had a terrible few years, but she seems happy now. You can read the full Bazaar piece here, and here are some highlights:
Why she’s not hiding her personal life these days: “It’s like, what’s there to hide? It’s because I have children. As a famous person, you start to think, ‘I can’t say all that because I’ll embarrass them or hurt them in some way.’ And especially now because they can see everything and hear everything… But I’ve done nothing I’m ashamed of … Well, we all have a few things we’re ashamed of.”
She never thought she would be someone: “I’ve never been the type of person who thought I would have any impact on anyone. I just didn’t even have those kind of dreams, you know?”
Having a baby, Apollo, at the age of 44: “Yep, it was a surprise but it was also the beginning of a waking up, like, ‘Oh, my God, that’s beyond this world.’ He was kind of another beginning. And literally as soon as he was born,they called me about The Voice.” Apollo, now barely two, was “only 11 months old when everything happened… Everybody knows what happened next.”
The beginning of the end with Gavin Rossdale: “February 9. I obviously know the date. It was the beginning of hell. Like six, seven, eight months of torture, trying to figure out this big secret.”
How she got through the tough times: “What happened was praying. That’s my childhood, that’s how I was raised. And I think I strayed from that. But you know when it gets that bad, you just get desperate? You’re on your knees. You’re like, ‘What do I do?’ You can’t even go to your parents and ask them what to do.”
Sharing custody with Gavin: “It was so insane because not only did my family break up, but then my kids are taken away like half the time, so that was really like, ‘What?! What did I do?’
The end of her marriage: “My dreams were shattered. All I wanted my whole life was to have babies, be married, like what my parents have. Then I remember thinking, ‘There’s gotta be a reason for this.’ Of course you go through the ‘Why me?’ and feel sorry for yourself. But then I was like, ‘No, this happened to me already and I made something good out of it,’ and that was Tragic Kingdom… I had spent a lot of years not being confident about my songwriting. But I know that’s all I had left, and that was my gift. I had read somewhere if you don’t have gratitude and confidence in what you’ve been given, you’re nowhere.”
When Blake revealed his divorce: “July 7… There I was with my big secret, right? And that’s when Blake was like, ‘Everybody, before we go out there, I want to let everyone know that by the time this airs, I will be divorced.’ [I felt] exposed somehow, you know? But it was like being handed this gift of a friend who was going through the exact same thing at the exact same time… And then it was just like everything flipped. It went from horrible to, like, hopeful and, like, ‘Wow, God, you just don’t know what’s gonna happen next.’ I’m not here to talk about my personal life, but my record is my personal life, so!”
Moving forward: “I’m at a certain time in my life where I feel like I’m doing what I’m supposed to do. Every day is art, you know? Some days are really bad, and some days are so good… [With Blake,] it’s crazy the support and love I’ve felt. Life is such a weird… I mean, I can’t believe I’m number one on a country chart.”
I don’t begrudge her the tell-all interviews or the openness with which she shares the pain of finding out that Gavin was cheating. It must still sting, and I think Gwen always believed that she would be married forever, and that marriage was for life, regardless of infidelity and whatever else. I do think she’s the kind of woman who just can’t be alone though – she has no idea who she is if she’s not someone’s girlfriend or wife. As for her complaints about sharing custody of her sons with Gavin… did she really think that she was going to get sole custody?
Photos courtesy of Harper’s Bazaar.
She sounds so needy.
I think Gavin sounds so needy.
I like her. She’s a little extra, but I also think she’s pretty genuine.
I didn’t read it as she thought she’d get full custody, more like she’s very aware of missing her kids half the time, which is something she hadn’t previously imagined doing.
And missing them and sharing custody because of what her husband did, not because of what she did.
Exactly.
I think what she’s saying – and I agree – is that it’s just cruel on top of cruel that you endure being cheated on, a divorce, your life/dreams shattered, and then you miss out on your kids too. It’s completely unfair, though I totally understand parents should share custody.
” I do think she’s the kind of woman who just can’t be alone though – she has no idea who she is if she’s not someone’s girlfriend or wife.”
I think she knows who she is. It kind of sounds like she wanted her marriage to work because that’s what she grew up seeing with her parents.
I agree. And while she was married to Gavin she went off on several big tours, made albums, had for a period a great solo career even, started a fashion line that was successful for years, raised her children, took the Voice gig soon after having her third child, and was a good wife.
People act like she gave up everything to be his doormat. She may have put up with a lot from Gavin, but she didn’t give up the other creative parts of her life as far as her career. In fact, given their busy careers that took them away from each other through a big portion of their marriage it is amazing they lasted.
this!!! Gavin remained in the public eye because she married him. not the other way around. She is not the first woman or the last one to want family and career, and make choices to do both. Just because you want marriage and family, it doesn’t make you needy.
She didn’t ‘find out’ Gavin was cheating. He’s been cheating on her for the entirety of their relationship. She knew, and she ignored it. Pre-marriage he was extremely open about it and he dumped her for other women regularly. Post-marriage…well he was just as open about it but no one cared about him anymore so the stories slowed down.
Gwen is like Jen Garner. She very actively chased the sleeze who notoriously can’t keep it in his pants, put up with it for years, and now wants sympathy for her poor life choices. I just feel sorry for the kids who have to grow up with this kind of drama because their parents lacked self-respect and self-control.
YES!!! This^ EXACTLY!
But why did she finally decide to divorce him? Just curious…
Many rockers out on the road for months at a stretch have flings It is a reality.. Wives look the other way or never know and don’t want to. Jon Bon Jovi is one who doesn’t deny he hasn’t been perfect out on the road. His wife knows this. He and his wife will never divorce, though, and they are committed to the marriage. He is just more honest than others.
I listened to an interview of Gavin the year before the separation, and he is a creep for what he did. I know that. But in the interview he truly came across humble and that he loved his wife and was proud they had lasted. You could honestly feel the love he had for her and how proud he was of her accomplishments. He did say he was off on the road a lot and then Gwen at times would be off on the road and that was hard. I just think he is a man who can compartmentalize. But then he took it to the nnth degree with the nanny affair. What he did in Gwen’s own home for years and while she was pregnant with Apollo is unforgivable.
Cheating every great once in a while off on the road (which I think more wives accept of Rockers than people realize) is a far cry from finding out in your own home under your nose your husband has been carrying on with the nanny for three years, a nanny who has been with your family for seven years or so, someone you probably confided in and trusted.
Was it because it was the nanny? Cheating with randoms on tour is (an unspoken?) ok, but the woman who is taking care of the children is too familiar and therefore not ok?
@Amilu, I’m not saying it was ok off on tour. I couldn’t accept it. I guess Jon Bon jovi’s wife has accepted it if or when it happened. I’m not saying it was every tour cheating happened. Gwen probably caught him a few times over the years. I’m saying I think some wives married to musicians off on the road for long periods of time put up with it and it’s not that they really know for sure, but suspect and turn a blind eye. Sting and Trudy Styler have a long and committed marriage, but he hasn’t been faithful while off on tour, and they have some kind of understanding.
BUT a three-year affair — again THREE YEARS — in your OWN home with a long-term nanny who Gwen seemed to be close to and probably confided in, entrusted with her children, is far different than a one-night stand on tour. This was a massive betrayal in her own home by TWO people in her life, not just one. The nanny had been with them for seven years, so practically a part of their family. By all accounts he left the hospital and went home and slept with the nanny the day she gave birth to Apollo. It would mentally throw me for a loop thinking back to the smarmy nanny kissing up to me for info to go back to Gavin with, or knowing how smug she was knowing she was banging Gavin while being all sweet to Gwen’s face.
The betrayal is massive, huge.
Like @jayna said, I think it’s the difference between being able to dismiss a one night stand as ‘just sex’ or purely physical, versus a 3 year affair with a family member (or as good as), which has to feel like an emotional betrayal. To be clear, I think either would destroy my confidence and trust, but the latter would certainly be more heartbreaking.
It wasn’t just one night stands on the road though. In the early days of their relationship, he was openly dating other women and was much more serious about them. He broke up with Gwen numerous times for other women. He gave interviews where he basically said he wasn’t that into her, but was rapturous about other women. He’s always had long-term side-pieces, not just one-nighters and quick flings.
There were pictures of Gavin being all cosy and handsy alone with the nanny years ago. The media thought it was his sister, but obviously Gwen would know it wasn’t. She stayed and had another kid with him anyway.
I suspect Gavin wanted out and basically forced her hand rather than manning up and ending things himself, much like Affleck did to Garner.
I would think giving up your kids half the time would be wrenching, even if you knew it was happening!
I just wish she could speak without saying “like” all the time…it makes people sound so ignorant.
Not a fan of her, but she looks amazing in that 2nd pic! O-O
Agree I was coming here to say that!! She looks fabulous in the black tulle. So pretty. I even like her without the red lip
having to leave the kids with a man who proved he can’t put them first, that’s such crap! He cheats on his family, is a self centered liar, and SHE has to lose them half time??? It’s sickening.
Just because he’s a cheater, it doesn’t mean he’s a bad father. Unless there was evidence of physical abuse, the majority of the time joint custody will be awarded. Children are not possessions to be used as bargaining chips or leverage, just because you’re hurt. Bitter women destroy their children that way, because they can’t get over their ex’s cheating. And when the kids get older, they end up hating the parent who kept them away from the other parent for it.
It’s not about her thinking she would get sole custody. It’s talking about her feelings and how unfair it felt. She is talking about she loved her husband and he betrayed her in a horrible way and her marriage imploded. He destroyed it with a long-time employee carrying on a long-time affair under her nose, someone she was probably close to and her children were close to. But to add to all that pain, her little boys, especially the baby (what pain it would be for me), are then gone from her half the time. It is a double brutality, and she said she didn’t feel like she deserved that to happen to her. I would feel the same way.
It’s the reality that in California he would get half custody if he wanted it . But she is speaking from her heart and how she feels as a mother not only losing her husband but her kids half the time. Her little boy Apollo was still her little baby, and it must have been absolutely heartbreaking.
I get it.
Agreed. Not her fault and she loses her kids 1/2 of their lives. Can’t even imagine the pain. You can get over losing your husband but not your kids.
I don’t know what she’s had done, but it looks great. She has always been a beautiful woman (I’ll ignore the bindi days) but his new refresher was real done well. it would be interesting to hear her speak about her businesses. I have so much respect for how she has expanded her brand and personal success separate of a music career. Credit to her.
She did that music video for Misery, which I love because of the fashion and the backdrop, but she uploaded a behind the scenes video of the industrial setting and all the looks she did while filming, and she really does look so pretty. I absolutely love the visuals of how they shot this with that elevator and with those three dancers and how the dancers are dressed.
Here’s Gwen behind the scenes on the shoot.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ynozoVwUEa8
Any relationship between talking ‘but praying and being on the country charts? Too cynical, yes?
no, she has been an active italian catholic for years. Paps know they can catch her walking in and out of church every Sunday and you can find those pictures going back at least 4 or 5 years
Whew!
She never saw fit to talk about it before-that’s the difference. (If you know of an earlier interview where she discusses this I’ll happily recant my statement.) You may look at pap photos everyday but most regular people don’t, so the general public would have no idea about that. I certainly had no idea she was so “religious” and I’m an active follower of gossip! Imo this interview is an obvious pandering to Blake’s fanbase.
How so? Blake’s fanbase isn’t into her music.
So Gwen talking about what got her through a dark time, how is that pandering to his base? It’s about how she coped during an earth-shattering period is why she discusses it in interviews when talking about her marriage imploding and the heartache, turning to spiritual comfort and guidance.
Many people I’ve known, including me when I was religious years ago, turned to church and faith when going through a dark time. How is it so inconceivable since she’s turned to the faith even more during this period that when talking in interviews about her tumultuous year she would bring it up? Blake doesn’t go with her to church. Her dad usually does.
After she found out about Gavin in February 2015, she and Gavin and the kids were papped going to church in the spring. It was in the Daily Mail, a big publication. Trying to heal the family during a tough time? Who knows why they went together. Gavin trying to get her back maybe.
Agree with a love post. It wasn’t about sole custody. It’s about the fact that one top of all the bull…then she has to dea with seeing her babies part time. I know MANY people who have stayed together with cheating partners for this EXACT reason. They don’t want to be away from their babies. As a mother, I would be devistated to have my infant only 3.5 days a week or switching weeks. It would kill me.
I agree.
I know a woman who was cheated on whilst pregnant with their second child and she still wont leave him because she doesn’t want her daughters to be with other stepmoms as she assumes there will be a parade of them if they split up. Her parents and everyone else wants her to leave him; if you met him he seems checked out already, just living off of his wife’s salary/money. Sad all around.
I’ve thought about leaving my husband here and there, and the thing that really prevents me is thinking about being without my kids half the time. Not being there for every Christmas? No thank you. Things would have to get sooooo bad for me to give that up.
I don’t think she thought she’d get sole custody, it seems more like she’s talking about the whole situation. Like she is not the one that cheated and then suddenly her whole life is different.
I honestly think that Blake is the kind of man she’s been waiting for… her “simple kind of life” guy. Even if it doesn’t work out long term. I don’t think this is a PR relationship, even if she went overboard with the PR.
Well of course she would pray it makes perfect sense as she is a religious person. That’s great if it is what she does. Seems to have worked out for her, she seems to be doing well now. Not sure why it was noted as ‘pray’ in the headline but whatever.
I totally get what she’s saying about custody. I went through the same thing with my son’s dad, and I had the same feelings when the visitation started up. It was like, “I didn’t cheat! Where did my family go? What did I do to deserve not seeing my kid half the time?” It’s hard, it’s salt in a wound. I never expected or wanted sole custody, I wanted an in-tact family, and it was a reminder that I couldn’t provide that for my son – he’d always be shipped back and forth until adulthood.