Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt were a reality show couple (The Hills) who were everywhere at once and then disappeared, seemingly overnight. They pulled so many stunts to try extend their fifteen minutes that I think even they got sick of their own bullish*t. They also got caught up in the celebrity lifestyle and spent all their money, an estimated $10 million, quite quickly. Heidi has several of those Hermes Birkin purses, they have a huge arsenal of guns, they hired a dedicated security team (to protect them from their meager amount of temporary fans I guess), and they wasted even more money on plastic surgery, “magic” crystals, a failed music career for Heidi and more. They didn’t suffer much. They’re currently living in an amazing beach house in Santa Barbara owned by Spencer’s parents and they’ve had several years to reflect on their time in the spotlight. It doesn’t sound like they’ve learned much, but it’s still fun to check in on them occasionally. The couple gave People Magazine a tour of their home and told them what they’ve been up to recently.

“Taylor Swift and Calvin Harris? That was us,” Spencer tells PEOPLE exclusively. “We were that for a moment, so to feel so different now, it’s like, ‘Wow.'”

We were so famous, and now we’re so not,” says Spencer, 32. “To see both sides of it is really eye-opening.”

Now, “I almost miss the haters,” Spencer admits. “Because if I don’t see them I’m like man, I’m irrelevant for real.”

Still, he says he’s a champion for celebs like the Kardashians. “I love success, especially for reality stars,” says Spencer with a laugh. “So when I see Kim getting millions of dollars, I know it’s just eating haters alive. And I enjoy it!”

“We were keeping up with the Joneses, but we were going against Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes,” Spencer tells PEOPLE exclusively. “We should have stayed in our reality TV lane.”

Sure enough, just as quickly as the money came in, it was being spent.

“I was kind of playing house,” says Heidi, 29, of her splurges. “I felt like I was someone I wasn’t. We had business managers who told us to stop spending but we acted like we knew what we were doing.”

Within a few years, the Pratts, who wed in 2009, had squandered nearly their entire fortune: $1 million on Heidi’s luxury designer wardrobe, a full staff (bodyguards could command up to $15,000 for a night out), pricey dinners with $3,000 bottles of wine and Spencer’s crystal collection on which he estimates he spent up to $1 million.

“I was feeling so alone and defeated,” Heidi admits of the time. “Everyone else on our cast had houses and we had nothing to show for what we’d done. I was like, the haters were right! It was sad.”

“We make most of our income from reality shows,” says Heidi now of appearing on programs like the U.K.’s Celebrity Big Brother and Marriage Boot Camp: Reality Stars. “We’re doing fine. Each show is like an audition for the next.”

[From two articles on People]

People also has video interviews with these two in which they show off their enormous crystal collection and talk about what they would do differently if they could go back. Heidi says that she would have managed their money better and Spencer says he would have kissed more butt because you have to be a liar to make it in Hollywood. As for Spencer’s claims that they were like Taylor Swift and Calvin Harris, it sounds like he’s behind on his gossip and also like he’s vastly overestimating their level of fame. Taylor Swift, for all you can say about her, is one of the bestselling music artists of all time and Calvin Harris is a highly successful music producer and DJ. They have talent and skill beyond getting into high profile feuds with people, which is just about all that Heidi and Spencer were good at. Spencer does know just what to say to get headlines though.

In case you want to see Heidi and Spencer back in the day, MTV classic, a channel full of MTV shows from the 90s – 2000s, will launch on August 1st. It will feature reality shows like The Hills and Laguna Beach along with favorites such as Daria and Beavis and Butthead.

photos credit: Getty and screenshots from People Magazine