Gwyneth Paltrow’s 2017 detox involves an intense colonic & a special ‘detox oil’

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Another new year, another opportunity for Gwyneth Paltrow to shill her Goopy pseudoscience. You know, because she’s such a trailblazer! Because I’ve been covering Gwyneth for so many years, I know that she loves a seasonal detox. It doesn’t matter if her own business partner and smug, judgy body-guru Tracy Anderson has slammed the idea of “cleanses/detoxes,” Gwyneth still maintains. I personally think Gwyneth loves a detox because the word/idea serves as a cover for her terrible relationship with food. That being said, over the years, Gwyneth has toned it down. Her seasonal detoxes used to be a lot more hardcore, like they would involve a month of juice-fasting and four hours of exercise a day. Goop’s 2017 Detox is almost reasonable.

1. “Drink water with fresh-squeezed lemon first thing every morning. Counterintuitively, the lemon decreases acidity in the body, which has major benefits for overall health as well as skin.”

2. “Even a single session in an infrared sauna will help clear toxins, decrease inflammation, soothe muscles and increase your overall energy. If you can afford one, it’s definitely worth the investment; if not, find a gym or a spa that’s got one.”

3. “Colonics are especially beneficial during a detox when the intestinal villi are busy pulling toxins out of your blood stream and into your intestines to be disposed of. You’ll feel lighter and much more energetic, and the process of healing your gut for optimum metabolism will have already begun.”

4. “Take baths as often as you can during a detox; ideally do a nice hot one every night. Supercharge it with essential oils and botanical extracts like the ginger, orange and thyme in Jane’s brilliant Detox Bath Cube (with which I’m obsessed).”

5. “The glow you get from going clean is undeniable; increase it with a super-thorough exfoliation. For body, start with dry brushing all over, then follow with a detox oil like the one from Organic Pharmacy. For face, there’s nothing better than a product that just takes it all off—goop’s Instant Facial is made with all five alpha-hydroxy acids plus salicylic acid, so there is no more efficient skin-smoother and glowifier on this earth!”

[From E! News]

So many celebrities recommend the “water with lemon” thing. I should probably try it at some point, instead of starting my day like a rock star, with a Diet Pepsi and a banana (#ThugLyfe). As for the recommendation of the colonic… I would be very interested in sitting down with Gwyneth and talking about poop at some point. I really feel like she has some major pooping issues, and I think she’s projecting her own bad BMs onto other people. Like, not everyone needs a colonic. Some of us poop just fine (see: Diet Pepsi-and-banana breakfast). As for the rest of it… I prefer to shower and for God’s sake, do we need a special “detox oil”???

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Photos courtesy of WENN.

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78 Responses to “Gwyneth Paltrow’s 2017 detox involves an intense colonic & a special ‘detox oil’”

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  1. African Sun says:

    The Detox oil is probably going to be flogged with her Juice Beauty line that she is trying to push. She mentions another brand’s fair enough but she will probably do her own.

    I’m in the cosmetics industry and when Gwyneth was saying she was launching her line, it kind of met a lukewarm reaction in the beauty industry.

    Just can’t get with this chick. She always ‘over talks’ in interviews if I am making sense.

    I’m like African Rain today instead of African Sun, coming for annoying celebs but whatever she bugs me.

    • AnneC says:

      Every “lifestyle” person I follow on Instagram is blathering on about detoxing. Hey, why not just eat healthy all year round and enjoy yourself when appropriate (holidays, Saturday night whatever). It’s such a money scam for gullible women always searching for something that will make them slim and desirable. Well, I guess we’re entering the age of the “grifter” presidency, so it all makes sense.

      • African Sun says:

        Right. It’s business and there is nothing wrong with that but it is just overkill now. I read an article on Racked about all the paper the ‘teatox’ brands are making.

      • KiddVicious says:

        Yep. As long as you have a working liver your body will detox itself. Same with the alkaline/acidic crap, your body regulates itself, if it didn’t you’d die.

    • Mrs. Welin-Melon says:

      As someone with Crohn’s Disease, the idea of elective colon meddling blows my mind with its stupidity.

  2. Saras says:

    I will put some almond oil in a fancy bottle and charge her $1,000 for it. Colonics are as bad for you as douching. The body cleans itself…

  3. librakitty says:

    Sorry but I love her. Always have and always will.

    • Ashamed 2 b a Fl girl says:

      why?

      • Danielle says:

        Me too! I love her cause her idiocy mages me happy. No idea why. But a goop post with incredulous comments takes me to my happy place.

    • call_in says:

      I like her too, always have! But I’m a fellow pilates-doing health nut, and I take pleasure in having periods of all-out feasting followed by periods of ultra-clean living. Guess me and ol’ G have that in common. Wouldn’t mind having a comparable bank account as well… I’d be lying if I said I’d never been tempted by anything in the Goop store.

  4. Lascivious says:

    Ugh, this nonsense again. If your liver and kidneys work, you’re already detoxing. If you don’t like what’s in your body, stop putting it in there. And if you’re serious about being healthy, quit smoking.
    Easy, simple, and goopless.

    • Wurstbonbon says:

      This. The stuff that you can get rid of with rituals like this is the stuff that you shoulnd’t be eating in the first place. As for detoxing from other fun stuff that your body ingests while your not even aware of it (think heavy metals, pesticides in vegetables, antibiotics in meat and water, hormones and pharmaceutical residues in water etc): you won’t get that out of your body with some sparkling lemon water anyway.

  5. Mrs.Krabapple says:

    “Detox” and “juice cleanse” are just starvation diets, with some ingredient added to irritate the GI system and act as a laxative. Abusing laxatives to lose weight is nothing new, and has been going on for centuries. It is unhealthy. But, beauty first, right? Paltrow is an idiot.

    • isabelle says:

      They are a gimmick. They basically bake you poo/pee a lot, which makes it look like you have lost weight. They can actually cause more damage than a beneficial outcome.

    • Erica_V says:

      I’ve always thought this way too. It’s just a way to avoid putting solid food in your body to lose weight.

  6. Lady D says:

    This woman is going to kill herself with her stupid experimentations. I really hope she’s not sharing her *whatever they are* ideas with her children.

  7. Deana says:

    I depend on my kidneys to detox. That’s what they do. smh

  8. Dolkite says:

    I keep reading that all these colon cleansings and detoxings are nonsense and doctors say that most people’s bodies do a perfectly fine job cleaning itself out.

  9. Stephanie says:

    I have a genuine question about detoxes. Do they actually do anything?? I thought that was what your liver is for? Any ideas it does anyone have some real experience with detoxes?

    Also, no way I am going to get a colonic. Hard pass. Lol

    • detritus says:

      Cleanses can decrease your metabolism by causing muscle breakdown, act as a cover for unhealthy non-Dr monitored extreme calorie reduction, can cause insulin resistance because of the high sugar content and generally screw your body up.

      caveat: intense calorie restriction can be done in a medically endorsed manner. There are new studies suggesting that a medically monitored diet of 600 calories a day for two weeks can help reverse type 2 diabetes.

    • QueenB says:

      they cost money. other than that they do as much as homeopathy and astrology.

    • isabelle says:

      Colonics can destroy your healthy bowel bacteria and pulls nutrients. Its a big lie that any matter lays in your bowels for years or months, unless you have bowel disease….even then it is made to hold & get rid of waste that is its function. So self forcing colnics is very disruptive to the natural function of your organs.

    • Arpeggi says:

      They are a complete scam. As a starter, there is no such thing as toxins. I’d really like someone to ask Goop one day to define what a toxin is, that would be wonderful. So you can’t get rid of things that don’t exists in the first place. Sure enough, you can buy expensive “detox” products that contains stuff that will coagulate while in you bowels to look like strange thing when you poop them out and some snake oil vendor will tell you that those are the toxins you expelled, but it’s utter BS.

      And then, yep you’re right: everything that enters your body has to be processed by the hepatocytes (liver cells), whatever isn’t needed is sent to be flushed away. The liver does its job perfectly, if it stops, it’s easy to notice since you’ll turn yellow…

      The lemon thing is ridiculous. Your body has a different pH depending where you’re looking. It’s naturally going to be very acidic in the stomach, urine will be anything from slightly basic to acidic depending on what you just ate whereas the blood is slightly basic. Blood pH is highly regulated and if it where to become acidic, you’d die from acidosis. If you starve yourself and your body needs to pick up energy from the muscle cells, then you urine is likely going to be a bit more acidic because proteins are made from amino acids: you use proteins for energy, you expel amino acids. Drink lemon water because you like how it tastes, but it doesn’t do anything special.

      Colon cleanses are also a terrible idea. It will disturb your gut microbiota which will screw up the way you absorb nutrients for weeks, even months. It can cause inflammation and intestinal bleeding depending on the type of laxatives used and will dehydrate you. Nothing gets “stuck” in your intestine anyway. If you have a healthy GI track, your bowels are cover with mucus and bacteria and they are happily doing their things and keeping you healthy.

  10. detritus says:

    ““Colonics are especially beneficial during a detox when the intestinal villi are busy pulling toxins out of your blood stream and into your intestines to be disposed of. You’ll feel lighter and much more energetic, and the process of healing your gut for optimum metabolism will have already begun.”

    OMFG I am going to have an aneurysm. There is so much WRONG packed into one paragraph.

    Intestinal villi do not pull toxins from the body.
    Intestinal villi help ABSORB nutrients in the intestine.
    They do not pull toxins from the blood, firstly that implies an active mechanism, which there is not.
    They do the exact opposite, they pull nutrients from the intestine TO the blood. Its passive diffusion through a semipermeable membrane, which is why the villi exist because they increase the surface area.
    Toxins are not a scientifically accurate term for waste products, dangerously bioactive chemicals or pathogens when discussing nutrition and metabolism.

    Stop spreading incorrect science that is going to be used by idiots the world over to damage their body. STOP IT.

    Also, if goop can name one ‘toxin’ i will eat my winter hat.

    • Katherine says:

      +1

    • minx says:

      Thank you.

    • Arpeggi says:

      Thanks! My Dept is more and more into studying the human gut microbiota and whenever I hear people talking about cleanses and colonics, I just want to cry and throw research papers at them. The amount of harm that one can do to itself through a “colon cleanse” is appalling

      • detritus says:

        Yaaaaaaas, preach science peeps!
        I wasn’t even thinking about the micobiome, and there is so much interesting work coming out about the importance of maintaining healthy gut and intestinal bacteria.

        She would be better off shoving bacteroides up her butt in the form of someone else’s faeces rather than this.

        There are some hilarious health things that actually may work, detoxing isn’t one. I love that there is more scientific support for supervised helminth infection as a health intervention than a detox cleanse.

        That’s right readers, purposefully infecting yourself with whipworm has a better therapeutic use than detox cleanses, since it is thought to help with ulcerative colitis and crohn’s. So basically science can support shoving you full of other peoples poop (fecal transplant) or infecting you with worms (helminths).

      • Arpeggi says:

        Oh yes! Helminths can be our friends… It’s pretty strange to say that considering how parasitic infections have been, and remain in a huge portion of the globe, a ginormous public health issue. It’s not for nothing that our immune system has developed a bunch of weapons to protect us from them (which nowadays are responsible for many allergic reactions).

        Fecal transplant could in theory help you lose weight since it seems that the microbiome over overweight individuals is different than the one from people within the “normal weight” range. Though in practice, there are so many parameters to take into consideration (the fact that we’re not mice is one), I’d rather start with fecal transplant to alleviate/cure Crohn’s or IBD symptoms or avoid a C. diff infection than try to make an underweight actress lose 10 pounds.

        And you can’t shove bacteria up; it won’t work, the bacteria and spores won’t colonize properly. Nope, in order for it to work, you gotta eat it. Can you imagine Goop eat a pill of peasant’s poop post-cleanse to recolonize her GI?

        Seriously, the whole microbiome thing is pretty awesome. I love when our dept’s seminars are about it. Hearing about poop transplant and trying to make artificial poop (shampoop!!!!) to make it more customer-friendly the first time is gross. But it quickly becomes fascinating and it could do so much good!

      • Agnes says:

        I believe in science. It seems Gwenny hasn’t heard of it. It’s almost like she is some alchemist from the dark ages.

      • Spiderpig says:

        This is fascinating! I read that book “Gut” and loved it – I’m especially interested in the enteric nervous system. So dangerous to play around with nonsense like colonics when you don’t know basic science.

      • detritus says:

        Mary Roach! Everything she writes is entertaining and educational and smart, just mwah, love it. I started with Stiff and I haven’t yet got to Gut, but I’ve heard it’s really great.

    • Amaria says:

      THIS. Thank you! I was going to write this. What does she think kidneys and liver do? I understand she needs to shill this crap, but this is the most basic biology – Wikipedia, Gwyneth, it’s not rocket science! Then again, if I had an eating disorder i would probably try to cover it up too.

      • detritus says:

        Who cares about the ‘real’ function of organs when there’s cleanses to sell! I mean, I guess kudos to Goop for persevering in the face of reality, her complete self interest is apparently unshakable.

    • JustBitchy says:

      Detritus. You wear your handle well. Must be a GI doc. Thanks for the science and all the other fun replies. Goop certainly has issues with poop.

      • detritus says:

        Very flattering but please, please, no. I am not an MD or nurse. I’m not going to have the same type of background knowledge and general expertise a MD does, and I’m wrong significantly more often than I hope your Dr is. Just a sciencey person with too much caffeine and a bad gut.

    • TotallyBiased says:

      THANK YOU, DETRITUS!!!
      That was my instant reaction to the colonics paragraph, that she doesn’t have the most basic comprehension of how the intestinal tract functions!
      The villi only exist in the upper intestine, and she describes them as functioning exactly opposite to how they actually work.
      So much bad science comes out of her mouth, and it makes me sad when I think of how many people she is doing an ill-service.

      • detritus says:

        I hate how people can use it to sell things, and there’s basically no repercussion. Because at the end, Goop is saying this to Sell Her Shit. She’s making things up, sprinkling in an anatomy term and some extra syllables and people get confused. They’ve shown thavague and nonsensical, aphorisms appeal to people with less education and ‘intelligence’. It stands to reason vague and nonsensical marketing terminology will also confuse and appeal that demographic.

        People bastardise science to take advantage of the less advantaged. It’s snake oil sales and modern conmen (conGoop in this case) bilking desperate and trusting fans.

    • Eda says:

      Thank you, Detritus! Fabulous name, by the way. You said it so much more eloquently than I ever could.

  11. mkyarwood says:

    The water with lemon thing is as old as the hills, and I do it. Tastes nice with honey too. Then I have coffee. I do a food detox after the holiday season, which just means I don’t eat anymore blue cheese or giant roast dinners, and go back to things like stuffed sweet potatoes and oatmeal with a variety of things. I think your body likes to process food. It is designed for it. The colonic thing sounds like an addiction to me at this point.

  12. lucy2 says:

    She needs the colonics – she’s perpetually full of shit.

    Someone who boasts about all the clean eating and everything she does shouldn’t need to detox. As others have said, that’s what your organs are for! But you can’t make money and get attention of that, now can you?

  13. lassie says:

    Ugh. The neck never lies. No matter how many ‘essential oils’ and things to ‘glowify’ your face, you can’t escape the crepey, old, sun damaged neck.

  14. Lightpurple says:

    Just wait until she has to prep for a colonoscopy

  15. Angel says:

    The lemon thing is really good. I don’t believe any of the woo but it is strangly thirst quenching, the same way Coke is. If you are trying to cut down the amount of pop you drink try it. And it works just fine with bottled lemon juice.

  16. Jayna says:

    All these people having colonics cracks me up.

  17. Adrs says:

    The water with lemon thing might have benefits but it does NOT change the acidity in your body. The body has sensors that mantain stuff at the same levels. Your stomach needs a certain pH to digest the proteins, but when food passes from the stomach to the small intestine, the pancreas releases enzimes and “juices” that balance out the pH so the gastric acid doesn’t affect the intestines. It doesn’t matter what you eat that always happens.

    There’s a wrong theory about the body’s pH that thinks that “cancer cells thrive in an acidic body” and that you can prevent cancer by going on an alkaline diet to change the pH in your body. It is based on a 80-90 year old research paper, the dude took samples of normal cells and cancer cells and found out that cancer cells had a way lower (more acidic) environment as opposed to normal ones.

    Where he made the mistake was that he thought that the acidic pH in the body was what caused cancer, but studies have found out that the cancer cels are the ones that produce that acidic pH. There’s a process called “The Krebs cycle” through which the cells turn sugar into energy and the ‘waste’ of that process is water. The process needs oxygen so when that process happens a lot for very long periods of time, the oxygen is consumed, the process changes a little bit and the ‘waste’ becomes lactic acid. The crystals of lactic acid are the reason you feel sore after a workout you’re doing for the first time, because your cells didn’t have that much oxygen to process that high amount of work.

    Anyway. Cancer cells have a very high metabolism because they are replicating at higher speeds than normal cells, therefore they need a lot of energy and produce a lot of lactic acid, which is the reason why they live in acidic environments. The pH in your body amd the pH in your food has nothing to do with whether or not you’ll develop cancer.

    Of course most acidic food is animal fats and processed food, and alkaline foods are veggies and other nice things so of course you’re gonna benefit from a more alkaline diet, but focus on why the other components of said food are better for you and not in the pH of the item

    • detritus says:

      This is another pet peeve of mine, and this is a lovely explanation. I didn’t know the start of this was some ancient paper, but it makes sense.

      Your GI controls and changes the pH of food so it can digest all the different parts appropriately.

    • Amaria says:

      I’m glad to see people know the actual science :-)

    • Arpeggi says:

      Thank you! I still don’t understand why some people believe that whatever you ingest will affect your pH, it just doesn’t make sense, our body self-regulates. And we don’t absorb food anyway, we absorb nutrients; sugars, amino acids, minerals… If we were such fragile creatures, our ancestors would have never been able to live long enough to reproduce.

      But then again, should we be surprised that someone who believes that, if you yell at water it’ll freeze badly (?!?), will also believe in such nonsense?

  18. minx says:

    It just kills me that she thinks she is so smart. She briefly went to U of C Santa Barbara, which is not exactly Harvard. She didn’t graduate. I can be as snooty as her, but in regards to education, not stupid detoxes.

    • Alix says:

      Unless she’s working in a coal mine in Chernobyl, I can’t imagine why she should constantly be full of so-called toxins.

    • TotallyBiased says:

      Hey, no need to knock UCSB–there are some cutting edge science programs there, an excellent literature program, and even a decent film school. Unfortunately for her, I don’t think she benefited from any of the University’s strong points.

  19. Emily C. says:

    A banana is an excellent thing to start the morning with. You should eat more for breakfast than just a banana though. Water with lemon tastes nice, there’s nothing wrong with it (certainly healthier than soft drinks), but it does not do what Goop claims it does whatsoever. It gets you water and vitamin C in a pleasant-tasting package, and that’s it.

    This “cleansing” stuff is total, unadulterated nonsense, btw. It’s as based in science as the idea of water having feelings. Also, Goop is obsessed with poop. Maybe instead of “infrared saunas” (dear lord) and self-obsession with bodily purity, she and all these rich women like her could give the money they spend on woo to a homeless shelter or something. Actually do something that has a point to it. Now that will leave you feeling “cleansed.”

  20. Spiderpig says:

    Lemon water, saunas and baths are all lovely.

    Colonics are so bad for you. If you have issues there (assuming not bad enough to need a doctor) just eat more fibre and take a good quality probiotic (mine are blueberry flavoured capsules). Seriously a box of bran flakes costs like £2.

  21. thaliasghost says:

    Starts out reasonable..and then you are supposed to have your own sauna.

    Moving to relatively shitty short term roommate situations this year. having a bath tub is a luxury not everyone has. Not that Gwyneth would know this.

  22. Ankhel says:

    Hm. Herbs. Oils. Strange ritualistic stuff, like shaping animal figures out of weird food. Penchant for luxury, looking down on common people, and unflattering blonde, centre-parted hair.

    Is she a Malfoy?

  23. crazydaisy says:

    Maybe she’s got her small intestines on inside out.

  24. Huh. I recently had to bowel prep for surgery, that involved magnesium citrate and 2 enemas. I was miserable and definitely did not feel energized after. Never understood the appeal of colonics.

  25. BP says:

    “Intensive Colonic”???? That phrase makes me want to puke!

  26. Jillbean says:

    Water with lemon or lime…. best thing ever! Everyone should do it!

  27. raincoaster says:

    “Infrared” is just heat. An infrared sauna is a sauna featuring heat. Apparently, following Gwyneth’s detox routine will rid your body of brain cells.

  28. Amy says:

    LOVE this: “Diet Pepsi and a banana (#ThugLyfe)”
    Most hysterical thing I’ve read all day! Thanks for the LOL.

  29. anon1 says:

    As an Indian,’i've heard about drinking lemon,water and honey before it became fashionable. it really helps your digestive system. i think this craze for detox and colonics is an exaggeration and distortion from ayurveda- which recommends ocassional fasting and colonic cleanses, supervised by a doctor, for people that have major health issues.

  30. Bread and Circuses says:

    It is all horse-crap. All of it. She parrots BS told to her by con artists who were trying to sell her something.

    1. “Drink water with fresh-squeezed lemon first thing every morning. Counterintuitively, the lemon decreases acidity in the body, which has major benefits for overall health as well as skin.”

    No, your body maintains a fairly constant pH regardless of what you eat. And why would lemon work differently than Dr Pepper, anyway? They’re both acids, and your body runs on chemistry, not magical fairy thinking.

    Also, notice the vagueness of the word “benefits”. They always leave it vague because they are bullshitting, and if they got too specific, then it’d be much easier for people who know what they’re talking about to say, “No, that’s bullshit. Here’s what we know…”

    2. “Even a single session in an infrared sauna will help clear toxins, decrease inflammation, soothe muscles and increase your overall energy. If you can afford one, it’s definitely worth the investment; if not, find a gym or a spa that’s got one.”

    “Toxins” is another of the super-vague bullshit words. Chemicals have names, and you never hear these people specify what toxins they mean because they don’t know what they mean. Because there aren’t any toxins. The “toxins” they talk about are bogeymen meant to fear-monger you into buying things from people who talk about toxins.

    Also, anything cleared out of your sweat glands by sweating in a sauna would be equally well cleared out by you sweating while exercising or sweating while lying on a Jamaican beach.

    3. “Colonics are especially beneficial during a detox when the intestinal villi are busy pulling toxins out of your blood stream and into your intestines to be disposed of. You’ll feel lighter and much more energetic, and the process of healing your gut for optimum metabolism will have already begun.”

    THAT IS BACKWARDS. Your intestines do NOT pull things out of your bloodstream; they put things INTO your bloodstream, i.e. nutrients you’ve absorbed from your food.

    It’s your liver and kidneys that take toxins (real toxins, like vodka and urea, not bullshit sweat-toxins) out of your bloodstream.

    4. “Take baths as often as you can during a detox; ideally do a nice hot one every night. Supercharge it with essential oils and botanical extracts like the ginger, orange and thyme in Jane’s brilliant Detox Bath Cube (with which I’m obsessed).”

    The detox bath cube is more bullshit. There are no toxins you can draw out of your body through your skin. Skin is not built that way. Skin is a barrier.

    If toxins were able to leak out of your body through your skin then toxins would also leak into your body, in much greater quantities, through your skin. And then you would die, as demonstrated by burn victims who die of infections because they don’t have an effective barrier between them and the world anymore.

    5. “The glow you get from going clean is undeniable; increase it with a super-thorough exfoliation. For body, start with dry brushing all over, then follow with a detox oil like the one from Organic Pharmacy. For face, there’s nothing better than a product that just takes it all off—goop’s Instant Facial is made with all five alpha-hydroxy acids plus salicylic acid, so there is no more efficient skin-smoother and glowifier on this earth!”

    The detox oil is more bullshit, for the same reasons as the bath cube was. Your skin is a barrier. And while it’s true that some chemicals can diffuse INTO your body through your skin, and poison you, but there’s no mechanism by which oil on your skin (which your skin is built to keep out, and is generally successful at keeping out) can slurp anything out of your body.

    There is no active chemistry possible that would draw stuff out of your body through your skin that wouldn’t also compromise your skin to the point where you’d be in danger of dying of infection. Stuff can diffuse INWARD; it cannot be actively hoovered OUTWARD.

  31. ash says:

    you guys was to clear waste and really detox

    in small or mid size doses, get some real:
    - lemon juice (NOT LEMONADE YAL)
    - apple cider vinegar
    - apple sauce (or blender some apples)

    get a jug of warm water….. and mix all up. Drink in morning and before you go to sleep and sometimes at lunch….

    Trust me it works…and you really feel lighter….. THERE GOOP, i just shilled a homemade detox and it cost 0.00 (pompous a**hole) lol