I’m actually fascinated by the Cannes Lion event, which has become an annual thing every June, where celebrities, executives, advertising people, entrepreneurs and regular people all come together to… like, talk and sh-t. The topics are about anything and everything, but a lot of the discussions are focused on advertising and business, with a healthy dose of tech stuff too. So of course Gwyneth Paltrow had to go! She went last year, and she was invited back again this year. Gwyneth is, at this point, Business Goop. She’s all about growing her business and synergy and data and money and wellness and figuring out what dumb sh-t to sell to ignorant rich women who will literally buy anything if the label is pretty or cool. Here are some highlights from Business Goop’s discussion:
She’s as scared as everyone else: “”I’m scared sh-tless all the time because the sands shift so quickly in e-commerce and digital media, and one day something works, and the next day it doesn’t,” she said. “One day one brand is buying media this way, and the next day they’re not. It makes us have to always innovate.”
She’s getting better on data: “Until fairly recently I couldn’t afford a BI [business intelligence] or analytics person,” Paltrow said. “Now I have this gift of a woman, she’s come in and been able to enter data you couldn’t even dream of.”She knows what she doesn’t know: “I’m fastidious in what I don’t know or don’t understand,” Paltrow said. “No matter how much my team explains to me about Facebook pixels and why they’re not firing, I’m like f–k off, I don’t have a big enough brain to understand this.”
She has mentors, including a guy from Walmart: “Last year I met Brian Chesky [CEO] of Airbnb,” she said. “I e-mail him. I call him. I ask his advice. He’s so incisive, so practical, so iconoclastic. Marc Lore [CEO of Walmart eCommerce U.S.] is a new mentor of mine. He’s obviously an e-commerce genius. He’s incredibly helpful to me. …I have a business coach. It takes a village, as they say.”
This is Business Goop. This is who she is now. She’s a has-been actress, a failed wannabe singer (remember that?), and now she’s a self-help expert, wellness specialist and wannabe empire-builder. She’s someone fastidious about what she doesn’t know but tells her employees to “f–k off” when they try to explain something to her. Business Goop is an enigma, covered in a tacky aura, sprinkled with nonsense.
Also: Page Six had a funny and shady story about some of the CEOs at Cannes Lion shading the f–k out of Business Goop. City AM’s Elliott Haworth said, when asked about what he would change about this event, “I think I would like to see some sort of forum or hothouse or session where clients and creatives could get together…I would love to see the two sides coming together to get some answers before we leave Cannes. It would be mutually beneficial, and a lot more constructive than guest appearances by celebs like Gwyneth Paltrow.” As in, people in the business world don’t actually take Gwyneth seriously. Probably because she thinks she’s a wellness and business expert now.
Photos courtesy of WENN.
That quote sounds weird. Maybe she’s using the word fastidious correctly (anything is possible), but it still doesn’t make much sense to me.
most of her comments don’t make any sense
Probably should have said “facetious” as in, I don’t know anything but I’ll lie my ass off.
She is definitely not using the word fastidious correctly.
I have a calendar on my wall that says, “Sometimes I use words I don’t understand so I can sound more photosynthesis.” I think Goop needs a calendar like it.
Hahaha, what a great calendar quote!!
Hee. Hee hee. I love it! I want a calendar like that too!
Goop is the complete ANTITHESIS of the word “fastidious”:
fas·tid·i·ous -adjective
very attentive to and concerned about accuracy and detail.
(see my comment below about her “stickers” of stars and unicorns that sell at $120 for a pack of 24 claiming that “they are made with the same conductive carbon material NASA uses to line space suits so they can monitor an astronaut’s vitals during wear) come pre-programmed to an ideal frequency, allowing them to target imbalances.” HAHAHAHAHAHHA!!
NOTHING is oilier than snake oil…except Goop!)
What is her education level, did she get a college degree?
She’s using fastidious totally incorrectly. Unless she means being overly concerned about the cleanliness of her vagina. That would be correct, but it still doesn’t work with the sentence. I do agree that she needs to Eff Off and that her brain really isn’t that large.
More like ridiculous
Sweetie… That SO isn’t how the Word Fastidious Operates…..
Right?! I don’t think that means what you think it means.
I know! I’ve never heard of that word before today so I looked up the definition. Then I read it in context… girl, don’t throw fancy words around if you don’t know how to use them. Geez.
You beat me to the quote!
The way she’s using it makes her seem FASTIDIOUS (earnest/keen/particular in detail, picky) in remaining ignorant, only knowing what she knows and not wanting to know/understand any more. Truly “staying in her lane (which she DOESN’T).”
If that’s what she means…I mean…good for you…?
You are all exactly right. This reminds me of what happens when my college freshmen learn a word like “myriad.” It will pop up everywhere no matter the context. English professor for 37 years.
Yeah Ya’ll I Use Fastidious Often enough to know better.. Someone Should hype her up to Crissles (from The Read) Campaign called: Words Mean Things.. Aim precisely at famous people that want to say things that they don’t well know the Websters dictionary meaning for
Channeling T.I. with all that superfulicitudiness. 😄
Usually, we are fastidious ABOUT something. I am fastidious about my wardrobe or I am fastidious about my desk at work. Also, her example makes no sense whatever. Hard to believe this was the young lady I cheered for in SHAKESPEARE IN LOVE. I guess I am just too fastidious about celebrities.
She often attempts to sound more intelligent and complex by using what she thinks are smarter sounding words but they end up being gibberish because she doesn’t know the true meanings.
You self absorbed, myopic twit. You aren’t scared like the rest of us.
You just said you were scared your business won’t be popular, that you won’t make as much money as you are used to. You’ll still be sitting on more money than many of us will make in our entire lives.
So no, not like everyone else. That in not why most of us are scared and angry.
Also, calling BS on the analytics. an SEO or SEM manager can cost quite a bit, say 80-150k, but they arent’ so expensive you couldn’t afford one as a large internet based business. My partner has been in offices of less than 20 people and there will be more than one SEO person. And an analytics person doesn’t ‘enter data’, they analyse it.
Is she trolling us now? Like legit just saying random nonsense words to make us mad?
I loved the “enter data” line. Like they hired someone to input Goop’s words into the pretty machines.
Data Entry for 24 June 2017 AEST:
Goop spews drivel. Again.
I really don’t think Goop knows what fastidious means or knows much about anything actually. This whole Goop experiment is comical in its absurdity, the fact that she has people buying what she’s selling is terrifying.
That NASA quote should be up on a billboard! 🤣🤣LOLOL
Goopie’s Ad: “Body Vibes stickers (made with the same conductive carbon material NASA uses to line space suits so they can monitor an astronaut’s vitals during wear) come pre-programmed to an ideal frequency, allowing them to target imbalances.”
“Gizmodo reached out to NASA for a quote. The NASA rep responded that spacesuits “do not have any conductive carbon material lining.” One NASA scientist added, “What a load of BS.” ”
I will NEVER need sunblock again after all that shade!! 😎😎 Thing is though, she is WAY too far up her own a$$ to ever notice (and nor will the sycophants who reside up there with her.
LOVE THIS!!!!! ^^^^^^^^ 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
The NASA response was hilarious. But you are right. Her market is wealthy white women who never touched a newspaper in their lives. It wont make a dent. Speaking of her market, I bet you Melania Trump is an avid follower. Seriously. Maybe Ivanka too.
A newspaper or a BOOK !
NO.
I do not think that word means what you think it means…
I think she meant to say she’s covfefe, not fastidious.
Well, in fairness she is a business expert now. How many celebs and non celebs have tried to set up these type of site and failed? I mean even Blake Lively whose following is very much the age of online shopping folded. Now is she an ethical business owner? Hell nah. But then I’m not sure the attendees of that conference are either. One of them runs a supermarket that stocks freaking amunition in their aisles, ffs. I guess what I am saying is that…….I take offence to their shading of Goop. Celebrity snakesoil man and oil industry execs dont get to look down on each other.
I hope you are joking about the expert part.
The only quote that makes any sense from her: ” I don’t have a big enough brain”
Correct.
She’s hardly a has been actor. She won many awards over her lengthy career and basically retired in her 40s. If you don’t like her website or advice, don’t read it. Simple as that, really. More women-hating nonsense from this website.
No. Legitimate criticism from smart women who know bullshit when they see/read it. Don’t create a teenage cheerleader picture in your mind that all women must support each other. That is insultingly sexist and childish.
There is no women-hating *period* in this awesome community.
Goop spits out dangerous “health” advice that defies science and common sense.
She is a clueless, delusional and ueber-privileged douche-Luis Vuitton.
@demi I’m shocked your comment is still here. Every time I have anything remotely negative (but truthful) to say regarding the comments here I am banished. Good for you!
I cannot believe she is CEO of her company but needs a business coach? And what is a business coach? Is that like a life coach?
She has more coaches and therapists and mentor and advisors. Sounds exhausting. Why can’t she just rely on herself and her own mind and sense. Oh, wait, nevermind.
I just read about a conversation she had at Cannes where, not understanding the word patriarchy, she claimed that the patriarchy is out to get her because of her success in the business sector. Okay. Right. Meanwhile she has used the ‘patriarchy”…hello Harvey Weinstein, her whole acting career.
Stupid Goop remark for the day: she said that she is at the forefront of ‘pattern recognition’. I said WTF? Another grammatical Goopism. She thinks the definition of that word is her coming up with something and making it popular and when people copy it that is what pattern recognition is. Save me. She must have stolen that word from her new data person. That is what she reminds me of anyway: her ideas and thoughts are not her own but pieces and bits of what everyone around her says that she mashes all together trying to sound smart. #Not Working.
Urgh….I wish the media didn’t give her so much attention which has the effect of making her seem like a legitimate entrepreneur rather than a really rich actress who’s looking for a side hustle to keep her entertained.
She’s basically saying she even does stupid better than everyone.