Mike Pence really did touch the space equipment labeled ‘Do Not Touch’

While Donald Trump was Making America Deplorable Again (#MADA) by acting like a total moron in Poland and Germany, Mike Pence was trying his best to be presidential at home. VP Pence visited the Kennedy Space Center yesterday, and he made a speech about how we need to invest even more time, money and resources into the space program and how “American security will be as dominant in the heavens as we are here on Earth.” I think that means Pence wants to bomb sh-t in space, like Star Wars or something. He also said words about America going to Mars, but stopped just shy of saying that we needed to colonize Mars in the name of the Great Soviet Republic of Trumplandia.

But none of that was important. What was important is that Pence got a VIP tour of the space center and this happened:

“DO NOT TOUCH” the sign reads. The sensitive space equipment explicitly refused consent. Mike Pence didn’t care. “Mother’s not here,” he whispered. “No one will ever know.” The space equipment: “DO NOT TOUCH.” VP Pence: “This is almost as good as eating a meal with a woman who is not Mother, oh God, right ther—–” So of course it became a meme.

Photo courtesy of Getty.

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53 Responses to “Mike Pence really did touch the space equipment labeled ‘Do Not Touch’”

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  1. Jugstorecowboy says:

    I like how that other guy seems to be grabbing his arm like I do with my kids.

  2. lisa says:

    gosh i miss the good old days when dan quayle just counldnt spell and that was it

    • INeedANap says:

      I am still infuriated and despondent that Howard Dean’s career was effectively vaporized after his awkward yell. That was a big ol’ nothing-burger and he would have been a great president.

      Now we have this nonsense.

      • hannah89 says:

        ugh yes. I feel bad that that was a dealbreaker, that scream. Looking at the world now, Im like ugggggh the scream was nothing. pure innocence.

    • teatimeiscoming says:

      HA! That’s so great, and how quaint it seems now.

      • third ginger says:

        Howard Dean is still a great elder statesman for us Dems. I appreciate that he stands up for marginalized groups and refuses to use the term “identity politics” For me, that term means someone’s children.

  3. Sullivan says:

    Sometimes twitter is thing of beauty.

  4. Ashamed 2 b a FL Girl says:

    Twitter gives me life.

    • Keely says:

      Twitter is currently saving my life, everytime I need a little pick me up, I’m there. Blue Ivy trending this morning was another gem.

  5. Rapunzel says:

    Probably cost us thousands to get that piece clean again. God, the Trump admin. Is full of toddlers. Check that, toddlers would listen when mother says, “don’t touch”.

    • Esmom says:

      Right. And not easy with the administration’s hiring freeze.

      It burns me up to think of talented, passionate young people, like a woman I know who just got her masters in public health, being shut out of opportunities to do very critical work.

      • Melly says:

        I live in DC and there are SO many qualified people who normally would kill to work in the white house, but they refuse to work for this admin. They aren’t refusing because of political differences, even though that’s a factor, but they don’t want (1) to have their work degraded and/or (2) have to hire a lawyer because the admin is corrupt.

      • ash says:

        Not to toot my own horn (TOOTED) …but i would include myself in there. I’ve been tech writer and documentation lead for 10 years and only in my late 20s…. but i recently got a call to do some documentation development for cyber security and policy for the office of the president. At first i gave them an astronomical 6 figure income…they agreed…then i asked would i be working in the whitehouse…they said yes, then i kindly declined.

      • Tiffany :) says:

        Holy cow, ash! You are badass and totally awesome.

    • Megan says:

      Trump & Co. bungle every single thing. This was supposed to generate good press and all we are talking about is how Pence acted like a jackass.

  6. Alexandria says:

    But he would blame Eve for eating the apple right?

  7. Becky says:

    NASA’s tumblr post about this, and the comments, are hilarious:

  8. Beth says:

    Jesus! Keep your hands in your pockets, Mike

  9. Honey says:

    If that had been Donald, would Melania have swatted his hand? Maybe mother doesn’t swat her husband, Mike’s hand when he misbehaves like this

  10. lunchcoma says:

    Why would you even want to touch that unless it was to purposefully defy the sign? It’s not like that’s a puppy’s belly or a glass ornament you want to look at more closely. It’s a piece of metal.

  11. ImAlreadyGone says:

    Mother wasn’t there to supervise little Mikey.
    My husband played off my joke by saying “Mother said not to touch it but it feels so good.”

  12. Mermaid says:

    I can’t with this guy and the Mother thing. The best was on SNL when Alec Baldwin was like, “Mike, I’m horrible with women but the Mother thing is just creepy. Please stop.”

  13. Jerusha says:

    It’s too bad Leslie Nielsen is no longer with us. He’d be perfect for pence in All the President’s Men 2.0. He could inject a little Frank Drebbin into the blandest man on earth.

  14. Eric says:

    Pence thought the equipment had “magical powers” like the orb Emperor Zero touched in the Middle East.

    Hey Pence, where’s your red squeaky nose and big orange shoes, you clown?

  15. Sparkle says:

    But where was mother to supervise?? I heard a funny joke the other day something about Pence asking for Mrs Butterworth to be removed from the breakfast table until mother arrived.

  16. Word says:

    “Mother’s not here,”
    he whispered. “No one will ever know.”…ROFL

  17. nicegirl says:

    This post is hilarious. Thank you!

  18. magnoliarose says:

    Later his assistant found him in the Men’s room in a flood of tears staring at his cellphone. He asked him what was wrong and Pence wailed “Someone took a picture. Mother’s gonna know. WAAAAH. She told me not to be a bad boy WAAAAH. I just wanted a lil touch. I’m scaaaared WAAAAH.”

  19. Beth says:

    My mother always told me to look with my eyes, not with my hands.

  20. BearcatLawyer says:

    Reading is fundamental, kids!

  21. Svea says:

    Such a douche move. Bet that is not all he touches that he is not supposed to.

  22. JennyJenny says:

    Rules only apply to us peons….

  23. third ginger says:

    A recent NEW YORKER satire piece listed items Pence is not allowed to be alone in the same room with. Two I can recall were “a fresh loaf of bread” and “Jared Leto.” Anyway, it was hilarious.

  24. WhatAmIGonnaDoWithAGunRack says:

    That’s insane.

    • tiepin says:

      Completely unnecessary use of quotation marks, tsk, NASA! There’s a website somewhere devoted to this very thing, haha.

  25. Bobbysue says:

    Junior and Igor saw that and immediately called Ivanka and made her book them on the same NASA tour cause they wanna touch it too. And neither one of their wives will dare say a peep about it like Mikey’s did cause he was in so much trouble when he got home.