Usher didn’t use protection with the 3 people suing him, one has herpes

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According to the CDC, the virus which causes genital herpes, HSV-2, has a relatively short incubation period, just from 2-12 days for symptoms to show. However many people may have symptoms so minor they might not realize they have it. (Apparently you can also get HSV-1 in your genital area, that’s the herpes virus which causes cold sores on the mouth and which most people have, from mouth to genital contact. Again that is a different strain of the virus.) Also according to the CDC “there is no commercially available test to determine if a herpes infection in one individual was acquired from another specific person.” Basically a person with genital herpes has no medical way to prove who infected them, assuming they had more than one partner in the incubation window, if they even know when that was.

That’s all preface to this story about the lawsuit filed against Usher by three plaintiffs who claim to have had unprotected sex with the singer after 2012 and to have meber been informed that he had genital herpes. The complainants claim to have learned about Usher’s herpes infection when the news leaked that he was successfully sued in 2012 for infecting a partner. We heard on Sunday that there would be a press conference with the celebrity lawyer representing the plaintiffs, Lisa Bloom, and also that Bloom would have one of her clients with her. Bloom had a 21 year-old woman named Quantasia Sharpton with her at the press conference Monday morning. (You can watch the whole press conference here on Youtube.) Sharpton claims that Usher picked her out at one of his shows two years ago, when she was there with friends celebrating her 19th birthday. She said that she had sexual contact with Usher that night after he contacted her at her hotel. Sharpton said Usher did not discuss his STD status with her at the time. She’s since had a baby, she acknowledges that she doesn’t have genital herpes, and said she contacted Lisa Bloom after learning Usher was infected “to know what my rights are as a woman.” She said she would never have consented to sex with Usher if she would have known he was HSV-2 positive and feels that her rights were violated.

All of Bloom’s clients claim they had unprotected sex with Usher since 2012 and that none of them were informed by Usher about his alleged herpes I’m bolding that because it was a detail mentioned in the question and answer section afterwards that should have been included in the main press conference.

Bloom made the point in the press conference that Usher has not confirmed nor denied the reports that he spread herpes knowingly to a partner, as per the 2012 lawsuit. She also said he allegedly violated the rights of her clients, “at least one of [whom] has tested positive for the virus,” by not informing them of his herpes diagnosis. That client who tested positive “alleges that it was Mr. Raymond who transmitted it.” She would not state whether it was a male or female client.

Bloom seeks in the lawsuit, filed on behalf of two women and one man, for Usher to state whether he is HSV-2 negative or positive. She said that “many people have reached out to me claiming that they had unprotected sex with Mr. Raymond since 2012, fearful that he may have transmitted the virus to them. They have been anxious, fearful and missed work to undergo medical testing. Mr. Raymond has not reached out to any of them.” Usher always called his partners from a blocked number so they have no way to reach him. Bloom wants Usher to either make a public statement or to contact his partners to put them at ease. Since announcing the lawsuit, Bloom claims that more of Usher’s past sex partners have reached out to her.

As for the damages that Usher may owe partners he didn’t inform but didn’t infect, Bloom cited a Rock Hudson case from the 80s. A former sex partner of Hudson’s, Marc Christian, successfully sued the Hudson estate for millions. Christian’s lawsuit claimed that Hudson had sex with him for years without letting Christian know that he was HIV positive. Christian found out on the news a few months before Hudson died that Hudson was suffering from AIDs. Christian never contracted HIV but was understandably devastated.

Usher was legally obligated under California law, and under the rules of common decency, to disclose his STD status to new partners. It was careless and cruel for him not only to not tell his partners but to not use condoms. Now that I watched the press conference and have heard the details I understand the anguish that this causes people and do think Usher violated these partners’ rights. However it may be hard to prove that Usher is the one who spread genital herpes to Bloom’s client who tested positive for it. I would be interested to hear if any more of Usher’s past partners test positive. You can bet Usher is getting a team of lawyers together now. He’s not going to come clean about his herpes status, he’s going to lawyer up.




Photos credit: WENN and Pacific Coast news

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58 Responses to “Usher didn’t use protection with the 3 people suing him, one has herpes”

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  1. Missy says:

    Didn’t this woman from the press conference yesterday tweet a few days before that she needed money and that she would be famous soon?
    I find it hard to sympathize wi anyone who hires Gloria Allred or her ambulance chasing daughter

    • milla says:

      It can go both ways: she is not or she is telling the truth. Her social media means nothing.

      I remember similar story about Pippen. But he was cleared. Then again he was not Usher.

      • Missy says:

        Why would her social media mean nothing…people put their entire lives on their Facebook and Twitter.

      • milla says:

        Cos it means i need money…cos i wanna buy new designer shoes. Or i need money in general. Like i wanna be rich.

        I don’ t wanna judge harsh either side cos i was blind too many times. R. Kelly, Depp recently.

      • Megan says:

        Lisa Bloom is the gold digger here. God knows what promises of fame and fortune Bloom made to this poor woman, but the truth is she is going to get dragged through hell as Usher’s lawyers root through her sexual history to “prove” she could have been infected by any number of men. Except she’s not infected so in addition to slut shaming her, they are also going to paint her as a gold digger and fame whore. She did herself no favors with that tweet.

    • Nicole says:

      Yep. It makes me suspicious of her. She’s the only one giving press conferences and using her name in the lawsuits. I’m more inclined to believe the first two annoymous filers

  2. Zapp Brannigan says:

    I thought it was now possible to dna test the herpes virus that a person has and therefore link it back to a particular partner, any medical types here to shed light on this, or am I way wrong.

    As for anyone not disclosing their diagnosis before being with someone, that is cruel to put it mildly.

    • fubar says:

      Did you read this above in the first paragraph?

      Also according to the CDC “there is no commercially available test to determine if a herpes infection in one individual was acquired from another specific person.” Basically a person with genital herpes has no medical way to prove who infected them, assuming they had more than one partner in the incubation window, if they even know when that was.

    • Arpeggi says:

      Herpes simplex type 1 and 2 has been infecting humans ever since there were humans (there are herpes strains infecting about every mammals and event reptiles that exists). The name was given by Hippocrates, it shows how long it’s been around! So there’s a lot of polymorphism (ie genetic variations) in some regions of the virus’ DNA and it makes it absolutely impossible to link one strain with a group of people. Besides, the virus is relatively common, so you couldn’t say for sure that even if the strains were similar or identical that person 1 gave it to person 2. The tests that are available are meant to determine if you carry the virus or not. If you go to the doctor when you have blisters, than those will be sampled, inoculated on cell culture to check if there is a virus there (you can have red bumps for other reasons). If you don’t have symptoms, then you’ll have a blood test to check for antibodies raised against some viral proteins (because if you have circulating antibodies, it means you’ve been in contact with the virus ie, you carry the virus). That test isn’t always accurate especially if you’ve been a long-term carrier. It’s expected that the % of sexually active individuals actually infected with HSV2 is higher than the stats that we have because testing for herpes in asymptomatic individuals isn’t frequent.

      I’m really uncomfortable with the concept of suing for having potentially been exposed to the virus, though. Will we sue over potentially getting a cold sore too? Because genital herpes is about as “dangerous” as a cold sore in healthy individuals (in a certain light, it is even less because there’s no risk of getting encephalitis from it, but it having intercourses when you have blisters increases the risk of getting another STI). You should disclose your status (and more importantly, use a condom! Even if it does nothing against HSV), but at the same time we need to remember that someone with HSV isn’t contagious all the time either and that herpes isn’t as bad as all the stigma around it make it sounds

      • freewhitebaby7.0 says:

        Great comment. On the STD scale, herpes is kind of low IMO. Most of the others can cause devastating illness if not treated. Herpes is more of an inconvenience. It’s not something to be taken lightly, but it’s not the end of the world either.

      • Mama says:

        Wonderfully written. The stigma is terrible…. as someone who has had it for 20 years (and never once passed it on and always shared the information).

    • Leah Rabinowitz says:

      DNA testing for HSV can only tell if the virus present is HSV1 OR HSV2.

      Unless you have an active outbreak (sores, blisters, yeast infection type symptoms, burning during urination, discharge) and use one of 3 testing types available: Viral culture, antigen, or PCR

      It can be more difficult to determine if you have HSV. Antibody testing (blood test) is not always accurate. Even though it is generally stated that HSV presents itself with active infection within12-14 days THIS IS NOT TRUE. The herpes virus can remain dormant in your system for years only becoming active in a time of low immunity or stress. Antibody testing is only positive if the virus has become active in your system and you have made antibodies to fight the subsequent infection.

      Because an outbreak is oral or genital does not necessarily correspond with the virus present being HSV1 (ORAL) or HSV2 (genital) either can plug into either set of nerves in the base of your spine or the base of your skull.

      The numbers for HSV in Adults is on average 1in 5 adults test positive. The virus can only be passed between partners when it is active BUT an active virus can be cellular with NO obvious symptoms even to the person with the outbreak. That is why HSV is so common in the population. The majority of people who have the dormant virus or active with no outward symptoms, have no idea.

      Hope this helps!
      Sexual health RN

  3. HadToChangeMyName says:

    I find it awful that Usher’s medical information is being splashed across the media like this. That being said, he’s likely liable for his failure to disclose that he had an incurable STD prior to engaging in sexual activity. While the unprotected part is gross, it’s not indicative of anything, as one can still transmit herpes while using a condom since the lesions can be in the genital “area,” but not necessarily ON the genitals.

    • HK9 says:

      I find it awful that he didn’t inform his partners. This is his life and much of it is public which is the downside to being famous. If he wanted to avoid this he had every opportunity to chose a different way of approaching this but he didn’t did he. A talk with his doctor, and or a lawyer would might have produced a different result. All parties involved are responsible for protecting themselves. He’s not a little boy, he’s a grown man.

      • Anoneemouse says:

        On behalf of all single ladies who may be subjected to an “Usher” in their future, THANK YOU for posting this comment. Who cares about his medical information when he is spreading diseases to innocent people?

      • Lilian says:

        Is it an American or a world thing now to not take responsibility for yourself? She had an unprotected one night stand with a man who pulled her out of the crowd. She says she values her health, yet nothing she did suggests that. She’s lucky all she didn’t get was Herpes.

        That’s another thing. They read an unsubstantiated article that Usher paid someone off after giving them herpes, so she got tested, is negative and is now suing him and asking him to confirm if he had herpes or not? Is this a joke? Seriously I’m confused. So she’s suing him for not giving her herpes even though they aren’t sure if he actually has herpes????

  4. Megan says:

    I’m not clear on what the case is for his partners who tested negative.

    Also, both parties are responsible for safe sex.

    • Zuzus Girl says:

      That’s what I posted when this story first broke. Why aren’t these women protecting themselves? It’s a two way street and I sure wouldn’t depend on the guy to do it.

    • Rachel says:

      I can’t see that any partner who tested negative would have any cause of action. More likely, they’re just looking for hush money.

      Zuzus, I agree. It’s not like STDs are a new phenomenon. I mean, my god! I got the safe sex talk in school almost 30 years ago! Why would anyone go around having unprotected sex with someone?? Especially someone who’s just a hookup?! Before you do have unprotected sex, you should be having a very frank discussion about your history and exchanging test results. If you’re not comfortable doing that, then maybe you shouldn’t be having unprotected sex with that person.

      That being said, as others have pointed out, people who are HPV carriers can be asymptomatic AND/OR you can transmit it even if you use a condom, due to the location of sores. However, as was mentioned on the post yesterday, if are not having a flare up, it’s rare to transmit the disease to a partner. So that being said, if he knows he has it, and he’s engaging in unprotected sex during a flare up without telling his partners of the risk, he deserves what he gets.

      • Andrea says:

        I haven’t met a man yet keen on condom useage. I will only go sans condoms in a committed relationship monogamously after std testing. I had an ex cheat on me and flipped out on him about the potential exposure I could have had to stds(he admitted he didnt use protection with her and then slept with me the next day). I got tested and promptly dumped him.

  5. Hannah says:

    Those three people didn’t use protection with Usher either. Because everyone involved are idiots.

    It’s Sex Ed 101: if a guy (or gal) doesn’t insist on a condom during a casual encounter then then probably didn’t insist on a condom during their previous casual encounters and you’re putting yourself at risk of ending up with the sum total of their combined sexual histories turning your crotch into a sore, pustulant wasteland.

    But seriously, genital herpes was generally considered by the medical community to be nothing more than an embarrassing annoyance (outside childbirth complications). It’s the drug manufacturers that turned it into a supposed sex-life terminating catastrophe.

    • Missy says:

      There’s no such thing as personal responsibility anymore…everyone is looking for an excuse to sue and get some quick money…blame anybody but themselves for their own stupid decisions

    • Trashaddict says:

      Sorry, Hannah, not quite true: genital herpes lesions will make it easier to transmit HIV (and in the days when there was no antiretroviral therapy, that would have been a big deal).
      A pregnant women with active genital herpes can transmit it to her baby during labor. If the child gets a systemic infection, that can result in herpes encephalitis which is neurologically devastating.
      It’s also painful and uncomfortable when there are active outbreaks, and some folks get them frequently. So more than just “an inconvenience”.
      Pregnant women who have a history of genital herpes should make sure they are on prophylaxis with Acyclovir starting at 36 wks to help prevent infection of their baby.

  6. littlemissnaughty says:

    I’m sorry, what? He’s obviously a grade-A assh*le and apparently might also be a criminal according to California law but who is this woman who slept with him unprotected, came out of it fine, and now wants money? For what? For him lying? What damages could she possibly prove? NONE of these people look good and just because he’s looking like the worst of them (by far), that doesn’t mean I can spare enough energy to feel bad for the rest. “He didn’t use protection.” Yeah, neither did you. HIV has been around for decades. F*cking syphillis has been around for … well, probably as long as mankind. Do people not care about their health???

  7. tanesha86 says:

    Zapp I think that’s true of HIV

  8. IlsaLund says:

    What Usher did is inexcusable. No one should have sex with someone knowing they have an STD. That being said, in this day and age, who knowingly has unprotected sex with someone (regardless of their fame or who they are)? STD’s (syphillis, chlamydia, HIV, herpes) who wants to run the risk of contracting a disease by having unprotected sex. All parties involved are wrong. Usher and the individuals who didn’t bother to ensure he zipped/covered it up first.

  9. LAK says:

    Green Discharge. That’s all i have to say.

    • Arpeggi says:

      Which cannot be caused by a Herpes infection. Probably the clap though (that if left untreated, can make you sterile…)
      That being said, why would anyone want to have sexual encounters when you have symptoms of an STI?? I can’t imagine myself doing it if I have a yeast infection or an UTI!

      • LAK says:

        Honestly, i don’t care what caused the green discharge. I would never stick around to findout why they had a green discharge because in my book, that’s a red flag to potential STDs of some sort.

      • Arpeggi says:

        Yeah, I’d GTFO as well. I just pointed out that green discharges cannot be cause by HSV2 because there is so much stigma surrounding the virus and it needs to stop. Herpes infections will cause red bumps. They can be uncomfortable because of their location (there are many nerve endings there, which is also why it shows up in those region), it can be an issue if you are about to give birth (easily solved by taking antivirals) and can be an issue if you are immunocompromised, but for most healthy individuals, it is nothing more than pimples on your genitals (most of the time, there aren’t any pimples at all)

  10. CharlieBouquet says:

    I imagine her legal will say she is seeking compensation for emotional duress, medical costs of testing and time missed from work. I mean I would flip the eff out if I found out a partner didn’t disclose a life long communicable disease, no matter the variety.
    I mean we warn people if one of us has a cold before peeps visit, it’s just the decent thing to do. Informed consent is always the way to go.

    • Missy says:

      If you were at a concert and the artist invited u backstage to have unprotected sex…would u not assume that’s he’s done the same thing before and could possibly have a disease. I know that would be my first thought. Protection during sex is a two way street…maybe this lady should take some responsibility over her own body

  11. tittyglitter says:

    I think she is just looking for fame and a big payday. Her social media is a good indication of that and should be taken into consideration. He didn’t even infect her with herpes. I’m sure it was traumatic for her waiting for the results of her test but I think she’s going too far with this, imo.

  12. MrsPanda says:

    I just scanned the story and it’s terrible if he knowingly passed on the virus, but I learned recently that they don’t include HPV 1 or 2 testings in ”regular” STD panel tests and they usually wait until you have symptoms, then diagnose it! (ie no prevention at all). Like someone mentioned upthread, it’s not seen as a big deal in the medical community. I don’t like that they cloud this issue over and they need to be much more transparent, and tell people that they’re not being tested for Herpes. The way it’s going, we will all have it in the future! (currently 1 in 5 is diagnosed with the HPV 2 strain, so there will be many more that have it). Then over 90 percent for the HPV 1 (the traditional ”cold sore” type, which can sometimes spread to genitals too). You can get either type with condoms too as it’s a skin-skin virus. Brief article here on why they don’t test for it – I really hadn’t been aware of this and now ask my Dr to specifically include it in the screenings – but it’s more expensive and you can see they’re not used to this request, and false results are also common as they don’t have good methodology yet for it!

    • Arpeggi says:

      *HSV not HPV
      HPV is the Human Papilloma Virus, which some strains can cause cervical/anal/throat cancers (although that part is easily preventable nowadays thanks to vaccination) and most strains will cause nothing or a wart. There is screening for HPV for women

    • LT says:

      Your info is absolutely correct, except the herpes virus is HSV 1 or 2 – HPV is something different.

    • MrsPanda says:

      * yes sorry I meant to type HSV not HPV! got my STD acronyms mixed 🙂

  13. Anoneemouse says:

    This is just disgusting. He should be held criminally responsible.

    • Arpeggi says:

      For what exactly? If the person is negative. Will we also start suing for cold sores? Someone with herpes contagious all the time, he might have thought that since there wasn’t any bump, there was no risks (which isn’t entirely true either).

      Disclosing it is the decent thing to do, going the legal route doesn’t seem like a good thing either. People will more likely not get tested to avoid knowing they are carriers.

  14. Sarah B says:

    Every Tuesday morning should begin with a biology and epidemiology lesson from Celebitchy.

  15. nicegirl says:

    Protect yourself.

    • Missy says:

      Best comment here

    • MrsPanda says:

      Always good advice but sadly condoms won’t fully protect you from Herpes as it’s spread by skin-to-skin contact (the same way that genital warts are spread). It’s still quite possible to contract them even if you use a condom (without being too graphic, the ”sores” can appear like just one or two tiny razor bumps and can appear anywhere in the genital region – not just ”on the penis”. Therefore any skin-to-skin contact puts you at risk even with a condom. Also even if you have a new partner and they show you the STD panel results, Herpes is not tested for so they may think they’re clear but they’re not!
      I really think it’s an epidemic as a lot of people have it (1 in 5 ”DIAGNOSED” with HSV-2) so plenty more would be Asymptomatic and totally unaware they have it. (HSV-1, most commonly the ”cold sore” strain is evident in over 90 percent of us. It worries me that the odds of getting HSV-2 are quite high even if you’re very careful so I’d say best is to be super cautious of who you are with and for myself I’d make them do the special HSV tests even though they’re not standard protocol and seen as ”unnecessary” to the medical community! I’m probably not contributing to people’s anxiety over this (and plenty of people manage living with Herpes and don’t find it such a big deal) but I do think we should be given the full information and more should be done by the medical field to protect and prevent spread of HSV-2. I think that could be balanced in a way that doesn’t create unnecessary stigma but simply makes people fully aware of the possible risks even when taking usual precautions (condoms & screenings).

  16. Lalu says:

    So… These people all expected Usher to have more concern about their health than they did???
    Maybe Usher doesn’t think the herp is a big deal. If you have one night stands with strangers and don’t use protection, I would assume you don’t either.
    None of these people deserve a penny.

  17. Erica_V says:

    If he does in fact have an STD then he has a legal responsibility to disclose his illness to his partners and he didn’t then she has every right to sue him. Whether she should or should not have had unprotected sex with him is irrelevant.

    If he has it, knows he has it, has already paid out to someone for having it, he’s an idiot to continue having sex without protection.

    That said, the original Radar story about the 2012 civil suit is still unconfirmed. No lawsuit or case # has been found. That doesn’t mean it didn’t happen only that the lawsuit & payout are still unconfirmed.

  18. As much of a douche he might be, girl you’re grown! You can’t expect the man to just dish out his STD history and who the heck sleeps with someone you don’t know without protection!!?? I can’t completely blame usher, especially if he was unaware he had the illness, but come on he is a superstar and probably sleeps around with randoms all the time! Why in the hades would you sleep with someone like that with no protection? It baffles me and it disgusts me that no one likes to take responsibility for their own actions. They’d rather get a pay day in court.

    • Valois says:

      I get your point, but having unprotected sex with someone you don’t know is extremely stupid while having unproved sex even though you know you have an std (and don’t tell your partner) can be a crime.
      There’s a difference in responsibility.

  19. India Andrews says:

    If you have a skin swab of blisters HSV-1 is included.

    If you only have an antibody test from a blood sample you aren’t being screened for HSV-1.

    I don’t know why but it is what is is for now and it stinks because who knows how many asympomatic HSV-1 people don’t think they have anything.

    • Arpeggi says:

      HSV-1 is the causal agent of cold sores. It is estimated that past 40, 90% of the population is a carrier even though not everyone show lesions (it’s the minority that does). HSV-2 is the causal agent of genital herpes, and it is estimated that about 20% of the sexually active population carries it (likely more because testing for it is not common amongst asymptomatic individuals). Both viruses can infect other regions and are somewhat interchangeable because of oral sex, but that’s how we usually define them.

      You can ask for a blood test to check for HSV-1 and HSV-2, but they aren’t necessarily covered by your insurances and aren’t part of the normal tests. Part of the reason why is to not cause unnecessary stress to individuals or unnecessary costs because you are likely going to test positive at least for HSV-1 and it’s not the end of the world.

      • MrsPanda says:

        Thanks Arpeggi I’ve just scanned your comments upthread also and learned a few more things 🙂 Do you think the medical field should do more to help prevent HSV-2 or are we all just going to end up with it in 20 years? (which seems to be the way it’s going, based on the fact there’s no regular screening in place and so many people are Asymptomatic & totally unaware, and with condoms not providing adequate/full protection either).

      • Arpeggi says:

        @MrsPanda thanks! I heavily comment on these posts because I care. I did my thesis working on HSV1 and find it astounding how much misinformation there is about the virus. I mean, people generally lack scientific and medical knowledge (not their fault, it’s not well taught most of the time and presented as a difficult thing only accessible to a select few, which is utter BS) and on STIs, but it seems that most of what people know about herpes comes from scary add campaigns and bro movies where herpes is the butt of a joke. Plus as a known carrier of HSV2, and knowing other carriers, I know that the stigma can be strong and that misconceptions are hard to break.

        From a historical perspective, genital herpes only became a big deal around the same time as the beginning of the AIDS epidemics. It’s always been around, it never has been seen as a big deal, just a small annoyance (yeah, it’s a bump, it can hurt, but personally, I’ve had more painful and gross-looking ingrown hairs) until then. My personal opinion is that some have used AIDS and Herpes as a way to shame people of having dared to try a more liberated approach to sexuality and all this still lingers in popular culture: herpes (and STIs) is a punishment of some sort. You can be promiscuous and not get herpes, you can be strictly monogamous and still get herpes and it doesn’t even mean that your partner cheated, you can practice safe sex and get herpes… Herpes and, most importantly, having symptoms are really mostly a case of bad luck. Which doesn’t mean that having unprotected sex with a musician on tour isn’t completely stupid!

        The medical field is doing what it can by telling people to take a chillax pill when it comes to herpes and focus on the bigger picture: use condoms because they protect you against the stuff that can really harm you, get tested frequently, after every broken condom, even when in a monogamous relationship and seek treatment if you get diagnosed with an STI, get vaccinated against HPV and don’t have intercourses if something seems odd with your genitals (that also means don’t have sex if you feel a flare coming), make sure that drugs are cheap and accessible for all so that no kid gets born with neonatal infections. I don’t think that “everyone will have HSV2” anytime soon, it would have already been the case if it had to be (all those greeks, romans, mongolian invaders and medeval peeps would have make it happen) and I certainly hope a vaccine will provide protection against flaring soon to reduce risks of transmission. Now it’s a difficult thing to do because the virus is good at evading the immune system (it stays latent in our nerves) and uses a lot of our cellular proteins and mechanics in order to reproduce and we can’t make drugs that will target and destroy normal cellular patways without harming ourselves. But we’re working on that.

      • MrsPanda says:

        Arpeggi that’s very cool you did your thesis on HSV1, it was clear you were very informed! I’m interested in it because I had a ”scare” last year – I was dating a guy for a few months and we only hooked up a few times (always with a condom) but he managed to still give me chlamydia which was my first experience with an STD at age 36. I’ve always been careful to the point of paranoid, but that scare showed me that ”safe” doesn’t always mean safe (although of course unsafe always means unsafe, if that makes sense!). Luckily he informed me quickly and I had the uncomfortable symptoms and got treated within a few days with antibiotics, but of course worried for months afterwards that I was riddled with everything from HIV to Herpes etc, hence my research into HSV-1 & 2 and what became my ”Herpes conspiracy theory” amongst my friends! I was stunned at the lack of information & the fact it’s not routinely tested for, and just how prevalent it is and I totally agree it’s only a matter of luck – I was actually amazed I didn’t have it, just as a regular person with a regular sex life these days. My Dr told me not to even test for it as I had no symptoms so it was a hassle to fight for the blood tests and they aren’t always accurate, but it came out clear of HSV-2, I did have antibodies from HSV-1 but I knew that as I’ve had cold sores since I was a kid. It’s very interesting that it’s been around so long and we don’t already all have it (HSV-2) – I wonder if the real numbers are more 2 or 3/5 (rather than 1/5) as if lots of people are Asymptomatic (or have such light symptoms) then they could live their whole life easily not knowing. I’m sorry to hear you got it but am glad it doesn’t cause major discomfort for you (I also had been scared by the stigma and the worst google-images I could find of extreme outbreaks!). Totally makes sense that the stigma created was part of a righteous & shaming strategy about sex in general – for something that for most people is a few tiny bumps every now and then with periods of shedding where they have to be a bit more careful.

        It makes me wonder about my niece & nephew who are only tweens now, but I can imagine that contracting HSV-2 at 16 would be an entirely other thing as worrying about it 36! I guess I’d give them the advice to be very careful, choose carefully, always use a condom, but at the same time to chillax and that HSV-2 is so common and it’s not the end of the world. Then it’s up to them, and they can have the full information at least. I’m glad they have the HPV vaccine now as they can have that before 18. Anyway thanks for your insights and information, hopefully they will develop a safe cure that can work around the immune system soon 🙂

      • Arpeggi says:

        If it makes you feel a bit better, know that if you have cold sores, getting HSV2 will most very likely be totally asymptomatic. It doesn’t mean that you couldn’t pass it along but it is very likely that it will stay totally latent and never do anything. This is also probably part of the reasons why HSV2 isn’t that prevalent in the population. As for all STIs, due to anatomical, mechanical and cultural reasons, the prevalence/risk of getting infected through intercourse is higher in women than in men (because we really needed something else to worry about!).

        And you know what, we all have scares from times to times, even if they aren’t rationals. And it’s good to act upon them and find MDs that will be able to help you with that (I’ve had some friends tell their MD refused to have them pass a test because they seemed healthy and had a “normal” sex life, makes me want to cry). And what you can tell your nephews and nieces is that 1st, having a sex life is totally normal and healthy and nothing to be ashamed of and 2nd, that while it is so freackin’ important to practice safe sex, getting an STI is also not something to be ashamed of, as you have seen yourself, you can be careful and still be unlucky. What is shameful is to not get tested and/or take the proper treatment (if you live in a country/under a government that allows you to have easy access to those, of course. If not, the shame is on them). And get educated about what really are STIs and not just from google images.

      • MrsPanda says:

        Thanks Arpeggi! all really good advice 🙂

  20. ArchieGoodwin says:

    This isn’t exactly the same, but it speaks to the woman saying use protection.

    I was dated raped. I didn’t know it at the time. I remember telling him to slow down, and he said why, you are enjoying it, lay back and enjoy it. He didn’t ask to have full on sex, I did not know I could stop it once he was “in”. Yes, I had been drinking. I did not give consent to actually intercourse, nor did I stop him once I felt it. It took me years to figure it out, yes, he took advantage and knew what he was doing. I was lucky- all I got was pregnant. No STD. Yes, I had an abortion because while I knew him, we were “hanging out” and not “dating”, and I did not want a child of his. I went to meet and marry my now husband a year later and we have 2 kids.

    I knew the difference, in a prior relationship I did stop sex because of lack of protection. I was unable to stop the above mention guy- I had been drinking, I had tried and was told to lay back and enjoy it.
    So, it’s not always as easy as – stop the sex. It should be, but it’s not. Women carry on with sex for so many different reasons.

    Anyway, he absolutely should have disclosed in the moment, and if he didn’t know he had an STD, when he did find out he was responsible to try and contact anyone he slept with. Not so easy when you are famous, but it should have been done.

  21. Tulsi 2020 says:

    Reminds me of my favorite herpes movie scene:

  22. Katy says:

    The real infection we got from Usher is Justin Bieber