One Tree Hill actress and singer Jana Kramer shared some really sad news the other day. Jana posted a photo to Instagram revealing that she had suffered a miscarriage. Unfortunately, this was not her first. Jana and her husband Mike Caussin are parents to one-year old daughter, Jolie Ray. In the past, Jana has been very open about her abusive first husband and the infidelity struggles she had with Mike. And now she is opening up about this very emotional topic. You can see Jana’s Instagram post here *Trigger Warning* but this was her caption:
Today I am 1-3. I debated posting this for the exact reason why it’s a silent struggle. I don’t want I’m sorry or sympathy. I just don’t want to feel alone. And I know I’m not. This unfortunately isn’t my first loss. When I first found out I was pregnant I wanted to shout it from the rooftop but I know for reasons like this we have to wait. So because we don’t tell many, we have to suffer silently…and suffering silently was my thing in the past, but it’s not now. For the women out there who have miscarried in the past and need support and a place to grieve their little one lost or to those in the thick of it like me who are currently grieving and in pain, let us all be there for each other. You don’t need to feel alone and maybe that’s me talking to myself but if you need a place to share, I’m here for you…and all of us are (and guys too. We sometimes silence your voice because you feel bad to express how it’s made u feel so let this be a safe place for you too). And because I don’t have all the words to say because I’m knee deep in crying and trying to listen to God, my girlfriend @alittlebitfancy says them for me. But in her Words and her story on her loss. It’s powerful and strong and those who have suffered a loss I truly feel u can heal reading her blog. I know for me it helped. Head over to her page. Her link is in the bio and also in my bio. I love you guys. #yourenotalone
I am rarely triggered but seeing that ultrasound photo brought up some very sad moments for me. I remember seeing that still image on the screen and after the disbelief dissipated, being left with a crushing pain I couldn’t understand. And I say that knowing how incredibly lucky I am to have gone on to have a successful pregnancy following the unsuccessful one. It’s possible this is affecting me so much because of the timing, too. I was pregnant at Christmas and found out right before my birthday that the pregnancy was over. Her friend’s blog that Jana references in her Instagram nails many of the moments I went through. She does a good job describing how emotional the process is – when you first see a still image and the days between in which you have a tiny bit of hope that the “timing” was wrong only to find out, nope – it’s actually the “worst case scenario” instead. Her friend decided to wait for nature to run its course. I did not, I took the medical approach.
How people handle this is so different. I don’t really have advice for those of you who know someone in this position, everyone responds to it differently. But Jana’s point that “you’re not alone” is true and I do think it helps. Like Jana, I am not looking for sympathy, I received an outpouring when it happened. There is no quick fix to make things better. Sometimes it just helps to be heard, especially if unaffected people think ‘maybe you should move on.’ In lieu of advice, let me just say to those who have suffered – I’m sorry. I know it feels like the world should stop revolving right now and in reality, everyone else is just getting on with their day. It hurts and it likely will continue to hurt. So, I’m sorry. And I’m listening if you need to let it out.
Photo credit: WENN Photos and Instagram
I’ve written about our miscarriages here and at Jezebel, and the communities are incredibly supportive. We lost our son Porter at 16 weeks last July and it was devastating-I’ve never understood pain until that moment. We had already told people we were pregnant, so we spoke about our loss publicly, and the amount of women who reached out to me with their own stories was incredible. We are not alone.
A great resource for the baby-lost is the website A glow in the woods (google it). When we lost our son in 2010 (at 39w gestation), the forum kept me sane. Or barely sane. Being with others who know your pain is it’s own salve, and we could share the hurtful, painful things that others just didn’t get.
I still grieve but it gets better- every day you adjust to your new normal.
I’ve had five miscarriages and last Monday I gave birth to my son at 19 weeks. I never told anyone about the miscarriages as that is my preference but I have decided to tell people about my stillborn. My mom and mother in law both think I should just keep it to myself but I don’t want to this time. Although it is scary as hell thinking about telling people. I’m going to email coworkers and do a select Facebook post even although I’ve been going back and forth about sharing on Facebook. I want to tell my coworkers so they know why I’ve missed so much work and I thought “if I’m telling them why aren’t I telling my friends and family?!” But I still feel conflicted over what to share and when and everything
I’m so sorry Pinetree. So very sorry.
Stillbirth is awful, and I posted just above you about A glow in the woods – they may be a good safe space for you right now.
I find speaking about my son helps my healing, comfort of others be damned. Do what is good for you right now, not anyone else.
Thanks cdnkitty I will check it out! Right now I’ve just been reading the support groups on BabyCenter.
I am sorry for your loss as well.
It feels like there are babies and pregnant women everywhere.
Pinetree, my heart breaks for you. I lost my son at 20 weeks many years ago. I found a support group was helpful, and of course, now days there are so many internet options. Grieve in your own time and in your own way. All my best to you and your family.
Pinetree-
You should absolutely speak, and speak, and speak until you are hoarse. Grief shared is grief lessened, and having people to listen, to sit with you, to hold you, and to be open to your need to talk about it is incredibly healing. Two of the people in my very close friend group have had babies in the last fourteen months, and one is pregnant again, and they know that I’m celebrating with them, but that celebration will always be bittersweet as we thought all three of us would have babies together.
Also, your MIL and your mother, like ours, probably came from a time when women were expected to bear this grief silently and stoically. F*ck that. You need your community, your people, your tribe around you during this time, and they can’t rally if they don’t know.
I am praying for healing and light for you, and everyone on the same path.
I’m so so sorry for your losses. I miscarried on Halloween and my mom hasn’t been great about it. I wonder if it’s a generational thing, to expect us to move on silently? My mom told me the other day (after I had some adjacent but unrelated to the miscarriage health issues) that going forward we were going to start referring to the miscarriage as a “misfire.” It just kind of shocked me. Anyways, i’m sorry I turned your post into a vent about my life, but I can relate to what you wrote about your mother and in law.
Liz, wise words, indeed. Laughy, I am so sorry. I fail to understand this attitude, and I am 65. However, I had several losses myself, so maybe that experience colors my view [I hope so.] Please try to be with people who understand. My best wishes to you.
Yes, back when my mom lost my brother as an infant the doctors and others made very insensitive/cruel comments…I think they might just be trying to protect me from that?
I think it is incredible how many women actually suffer from miscarriages. When I had mine I felt so alone and honestly thought that it meant that something was wrong with me and that I’d never have kids. I had no idea how common it was!
I don’t know this actress, but I am happy that she opened up. I believe it will help others and I hope that the support will help heal her as well!
My mother had two miscarriages before having me – one at 5 months and one at almost 9 months (not sure this one qualifies as a miscarriage as she lost her daughter one day before the programmed c-section).
She still cries over them because she “knew them” – which foods triggered them, if they reacted to music, etc.
I’ve never been pregnant nor am I a mother, but I can imagine her pain every time I look at my mother when she speaks of her losses.
It depends on the country but it is usually over a certain number of weeks (as few as 20 or as many as 28 in different places – 24 seems to be a common number though) or a certain weight classifies it as a stillborn child as opposed to a miscarriage.
My mum miscarried before me too (very early, she only just knew she was pregnant). I like to think what our lives would have been if she had that baby (I imagine it to have been a boy) and then me too. It would have bridged the gap between me and my older sister BUT I never would have been born so I guess it’s good for me that she did miscarry.
Not a miscarriage but I just found out today that it is very unlikely that I will be able to fall pregnant and have children naturally. I know that there are many other ways but I feel very raw right now. I don’t quite know how to deal with my partners pain either, feel very much it’s my fault that he may not have a child.
(((Hugs)))
Lara we have strangely had the same experience today… the doctor told me that my chances are slim. It’s a terrible feeling to think that you may never get the experience of being a mother and fulfill a life goal. I’m at a loss.
On my fifth IVF, 18 mounths ago, I finally got pregnant. I found out on my sister’s birthday. I miscarried 10 days later. I went trough a sixth IVF that went wrong and don’t have the strenght and the money for another one, so I quit. It sadden me a lot that now I associate my sister’s birthday to this incredibly painful thing. Every time I read a story like this I just start crying: I usually try not to think about it, but deep in my heart I know it will always be like this. heartbreaking.
I am so sorry ec07 🙁
The love being expressed here for all of us that have lost is palpable. Thank fellow Celebitches 😊
We are strong and not alone. I hope this love only spreads 💗
I lost twins over Christ’as/New Years 2015. We found out it would likely be a loss on the 23rd, but I held out hope until the morning of the 27th, when I laid snuggling my then 2 year old, and physically felt that it was clearly going to end. We found out there were two later, as one was uterine and the other was tubal.
My miscarriage changed my life completely. I was already a mother and people said many hurtful things about simply being grateful for the child I had. It doesn’t work like that.
I’m lucky to be stuck underneath my sleeping one year old rainbow right now, home sick for the day from work.
You are not alone. I am so sorry for everyone here. #1in4
I completely relate & needed this. I miscarried the day before Thanksgiving at 9 weeks. It was my first pregnancy & first loss. Had only told a handful of people I was expecting and only a couple more know we lost. The feeling of being alone is crushing. I’m doing a bit better now and trying to think positive future thoughts, but damn it gets sad to think about what might have been that no one will ever know of.
Just remember you’re not alone! With my first miscarriage I didn’t talk about it to almost anyone for a long time. I finally started talking about it about a year later when I got pregnant with my son. It’s awful and soul crushing, but it does get better with time. I just had a second miscarriage in September again at 8 weeks and I’m still grieving and healing. Give yourself plenty of time and be gentle with yourself.
I too have had 2 miscarriages followed by a stillbirth at 39 weeks. The grief and loneliness is indescribable, it changes you forever. I wish more celebrities would speak up about this. I’ve dealt with hurtful comments and have lost friendships so now I tend to keep my feelings to myself. I just wish people would be more understanding.
I have never had to go through a miscarriage or still birth but just wanted to say that all of the stories from the commenters above touched me deeply and I am now writing this through tears. Pinetree, I think you are amazing the way you replied to several fellow commenters even though you are going through so much pain yourself.
Saying my thoughts and well wishes are with all of you doesn’t seem to be enough, but I don’t know what else to say, except, you are all remarkable women.