Sean Penn wrote a garbage poem about #MeToo and how it’s a ‘toddler’s crusade’


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As we know, ham impersonator Sean Penn has been smoking his way through the promotional rounds because he’s releasing his book, Bob Honey Who Just Do Stuff. I’m not even going to try to summarize what the book is about because A) I don’t care and B) I tried to read a summary and I lost interest mid-sentence and started playing with my cat. But HuffPo writer Claire Fallon is a brave soul, braver than any one of us. Fallon read the entire book and her review is thus:

Is it needlessly cynical to read a pompous celebrity’s very bad novel purely in order to dunk on it? Yes. But the true joke is on me, because it’s physically impossible to dunk on a novel that is already dunking on itself so hard.

Bob Honey is an exercise in ass-showing, a 160-page self-own.

We might also call it needlessly cynical to promote such a garbage novel as the second coming of The Crying of Lot 49 just because it was written by a craggy white man with an unearned sense of intellectual superiority and a well-thumbed thesaurus. Nonetheless, Penn was allowed to publish this novel, and Salman Rushdie blurbed it. So here we are.

[From HuffPo]

Fallon excerpts some of the worst parts and once again, my eyes glazed over and I looked around for the A–hole Kitten. But then I came to this part: apparently, at the end of the book, Sean Penn included a “poem” about the Me Too Movement. I sh-t you not. And it is just as bad as you think it is.

Though warrior women
Bravely walk the walk,
Derivatives of disproportion
Draw heinous hypocrites
To their flock.
[....]
Where did all the laughs go?
Are you out there, Louis C.K.?
Once crucial conversations
Kept us on our toes;
Was it really in our interest
To trample Charlie Rose?
And what’s with this ‘Me Too’?
This infantilizing term of the day…
Is this a toddler’s crusade?
Reducing rape, slut-shaming, and suffrage to reckless child’s play?
A platform for accusation impunity?
Due process has lost its sheen?
But, f–k it, what me worry?
I’m a hero,
To Time Magazine!

[From HuffPo]

What a garbage dump of a human being. His soul is a dumpster fire. HE WROTE A POEM. About how Charlie Rose and Louis CK shouldn’t have been outed for sexually harassing multiple women, exposing themselves to multiple women and more. He’s literally saying that victims of abuse and harassment are behaving like children because they’re coming out and saying “this guy is an abusive a–hole.”

Actor Sean Penn seen dropping his cigarette on the ground while leaving a restaurant

Photos courtesy of WENN.

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73 Responses to “Sean Penn wrote a garbage poem about #MeToo and how it’s a ‘toddler’s crusade’”

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  1. monette says:

    Me thinks The Ham is in need of attention thus all the antics.
    I say: Ignore him! It will hurt him more.

    • ELX says:

      He’s just a wife beater whistling passed the graveyard.

      • jwoolman says:

        My first thought when I saw the headline was “He must be expecting something to come out about him soon.”

      • lucy2 says:

        Same her jwoolman. Usually the ones crying about all this have something to hide.

        “Where did all the laughs go?
        Are you out there, Louis C.K.?”
        Yes, clearly comedy is dead and no one has laughed once since Louis CK admitted he couldn’t keep his pants on. GTF over yourself, men.

      • Lahdidahbaby says:

        Same here, exactly, jwoolman. Some story must be hatching somewhere.

        And since he’s treading on my professional turf here, I will also say from this excerpted bit that the “work” is such irredeemable shit that it would have never seen the light of day if he weren’t a famous (or an infamous) actor. But then it doesn’t really take a writer to know that.

        I hereby nominate Hamhock Head for the James Franco School of “Poetry” Award for Grandiosity and Delusion.

      • ol cranky says:

        It’s time for Madonna to reveal some hard truths

      • Lahdidahbaby says:

        Ol cranky, I SO agree with you! She isn’t doing women any favors by hiding that particular truth.

    • Lahdidahbaby says:

      Just found some quotes from this “book” — It’s like some high schooler was assigned to imitate FINNEGAN’S WAKE and came up with this sophomoric, alliterative wet-dream that is in NO way Joycean:

      “While the privileged patronize this pickle as epithet to the epigenetic inequality of equals, Bob smells a cyber-assisted assault emboldened by right-brain Hollywood narcissists.” ― page 99

      So embarrassing I almost feel sorry for him, but then I remember who he is. Newp.

  2. Ankhel says:

    Why do women still give this little rage ham the time of day? He’s such a terrible human being.

    • Mira says:

      Right? We should just ignore him. See what he does then.

    • Lorelei says:

      Not only women, but publishers?? His poem is a joke. And he got paid for that nonsense. SMH

      • GreenTurtle says:

        Ugh. I heard an interview with him on NPR shilling his book. During the conversation, he pronounced the word memoir as “mem-WAH.” Don’t get me wrong, if you’re from NY or Massachusetts and say that, fine, but he has no accent, otherwise, so it just sounded incredibly douchey.

    • Kate says:

      lololololol “rage ham”

    • isabelle says:

      The same narcissistic as*hat who celebrated Hugo Chavez.

      • Cranberry says:

        What’s so wrong with Hugo Chavez? Maybe you don’t agree with him politically because he lead a rebellion, but he wasn’t an evil dictator. US government paints him that way cause he wouldn’t be their poppet and hand over all their oil.

  3. wendywoo says:

    The one lesson I have learned from watching guys I know, gay and straight, on SM in the wake of MeToo and in light of rumours I’ve heard about them:

    If they call it a witch hunt, if they bemoan “trial by media”, if they tweet-scream “what happened to innocent until proven guilty?!. They’ve done it too. It’s a ratio of one to f%^king one.

    Needless to say, I’ve done a cull.

    • Frome says:

      This. I don’t know why people have such a problem just saying it. This is a sure sign of guilt

    • Darla says:

      Definitely.

    • tracking says:

      Agreed.

    • Ankhel says:

      Yup and yup. It’s always the gross ones you’ve heard stories about who say these things.

    • Kitten says:

      Unquestionably.

    • mannori says:

      Add to that “is so hard to be a man these days” “I’m afraid of even shake hands with a woman, what if she accuses me of raping her”
      That’s why I was so disappointed and started doubting of William H. Macy and his “is hard to be a man these days” comment and his (!!!) only-men meetings in his house to discuss about how they should react collectively ….he was someone I’ve always liked very much both as an actor and as a guy. But that is done and he’s on my sh*t list too.

    • Mia4s says:

      He might end up skating given that most of the stories show him to be a violent a**hole but not necessarily a sexually abusive one (beyond his HORRENDOUS attack on Madonna though). Either way, I’m happy to dismiss everything about him as an artist and alleged human. Bye!

      Oh and random aside; his comments about Bradley Cooper’s Star is Born and the fact they were at dinner is showing that clearly these two are buddy-buddy. Cooper was also a beneficiary of Harvey Weinstein on at least two movies. He’s been very quiet on Weinstein, although in fairness he has not been asked. Given his choice in friends I better hear someone ask when the opportunity arises. Cooper has interesting taste in friends.

  4. grabbyhands says:

    Well, Sean Penn IS an abusive assh*ole, so it doesn’t shock me in the least that he would do this.

    He’s realizing that no one is going to miss him now that he “isn’t in love with acting” anymore, so he is desperately trying to hold on to some attention.

  5. Darla says:

    Oh god. He just won’t stop. I never liked him on a personal level, but always admired his acting skill. For one example, Mystic River. I love that film. Now I can seriously never watch it again. I just cannot.

    Or I guess, shorter Darla: girl, bye.

  6. Mira says:

    He must be trolling us at this point.

    Sean Penn, kindly F off. Go to some desert island… Anywhere, really. Just… F off, yeah?

  7. Ms. Lib says:

    I love watching Colbert but when Penn lit up that cigarette, I deleted the rest of the show. He (Penn) is truly disgusting!

    • Darla says:

      Smoking is the least offensive thing about this guy. And I say that as someone who physically gags if I come into contact with cigarette smoke.

  8. Tanesha86 says:

    So I’m thinking about making Navajo tacos for dinner tonight. What’s everyone else having?

  9. Merritt says:

    I’m surprised there hasn’t been a #me too story about Penn yet. He hates women, so I’m guessing he has more than a few skeletons.

    • Lorelei says:

      He’s already done so many repulsive things that we know about, I feel like any new “revelation” about something else sh!tty be did would be met with a collective shrug from the entire world. It would barely merit a headline (no pun intended, I swear!).

      Very interested to see how many copies of this book sell 🙄

    • isabelle says:

      Sadly is a man many women flock towards and grovel. That bad boy women will defy their own integrity/will over. Several openly made excuses or forgave his awfulness. He doesn’t give a flip about them though. Women raise your daughters to be savvy & outspoken against men like Penn.

  10. Patricia says:

    There’s a special place in ham hell for this little slice of meat.

  11. Deanne says:

    He’s such a woman hating, abusive POS. It’s great timing that he’s not in love with acting anymore, because no one cares about ever seeing his ugly mug on screen again, so it’s a win, win for everyone.

  12. Chef Grace says:

    A steaming pile of sub human excrement.
    And he is a big pile of shit too.

  13. Jay says:

    From the man who tied Madonna to a chair and tortured her. Yeah I really think he has something valuable to say about Me Too. Garbage!

  14. HK9 says:

    He has no soul and is an intellectual midget. Next case!!

  15. Kitten says:

    I hate this beef jerky-looking turd.

  16. teehee says:

    Look who’s talking.

  17. Jules says:

    Can I just say that “it was written by a craggy white man with an unearned sense of intellectual superiority and a well-thumbed thesaurus” is definitely the best thing I’ll read all week?

  18. pwal says:

    Not to defend him, but maybe the reason why he’s taking this tack because his father was blackmailed back in the day.

    • Lorelei says:

      His father was blackmailed? I need to know more about this! How did I not know this?

      I will still watch Fast Times at Ridgemont High, though- I won’t let the fact that he is a flaming asshole ruin that movie for me!

  19. mannori says:

    One of the chapters in his book is called “Big C*ck”. No joke.
    His much younger sexually positive girlfriend in the book (because there’s zero doubt at this point that this is poor autobiography of sorts) signs a message directed to him as “Yours, Annie. My love and vagina (on your team)” No joke.
    if you go to writer Anna Mazzola’s twitter ( at anna_mazz ) she couldn’t help to post some screenshots of this crap, for your amusement.
    Also here some more: https://www.pedestrian.tv/news/sean-penn-debut-novel-is-completely-shitful/

    • Lorelei says:

      @Mannori: thank you for this! :)

      I’m not even on Twitter but I’m going to go find this!

    • Lyka says:

      World, please visit @mannori’s link. There is a passage that includes the term “minimal ass-piss” and it is as well-suited a nickname for this man as I’ve ever heard.

      • mannori says:

        minimal ass-piss sounds perfect as this jerk’s nickname, I think I’m going to start using it when referring to him!

        I never thought I’d find myself wishing so bad that the work of an artist (artist here used very very loosely) to be pirated ASAP, because nobody should have to pay not one penny for the trash he’s trying to sell. I’m sure he got paid a good chunk already but I hope this fails so much that the publishers will have to pay from their own pockets for the mistake of giving this asshole a chance. I’ve never wished so much someone’s failure. And I don’t consider myself a hater by any means.

    • mannori says:

      You’re welcome Lorelei!

      The way he depicts women in his book leave no doubt about his sexism, misogyny and just pure and simple hatred for women. Proof also of this the way he keeps badmouthing and throwing shade to Robin Wright, the mother of his kids. I have no doubt that being this his autobiography, the women in the book will correspond to the women in his real life, so I can’t wait when someone with the stomach to read this crap all the way to the end will start making the comparisons and tracing the metaphors with the famous women he dated/married.

    • AMA1977 says:

      Thank you for the link. I am crying, I’m laughing so hard. What an idiot old Minimal Ass-Piss is!!

  20. Veronica says:

    Guys, I read a section of his book on an article, and I just…I honestly just can’t right now. I’ve always considered myself a decent-to-good writer, but this man makes me look like Dickens.

  21. Flatsy says:

    Sean Penn likes “Brave Warrior Women” (so…Joan of Arc? Xena? Wonder Woman?) but when it comes to actual real women who don’t do exactly what he says (like his ex-wife) or who complain about being abused, he’s got a problem. That’s called misogyny.

  22. Mabs A'Mabbin says:

    That reminded me of the “Booked on Phonics” skits from, what was it, “In Living Color?” That’s all I’ll say because it’s really toddlerese in itself coupled with vomitous mass.

  23. Spring says:

    I looked at the Amazon product page for this review, mostly to see which authors & celebrities provided ass-kissing blurbs for this narcissist. Salmon Rushdie did not disappoint. However, I don’t know what to make of Sarah Silverman’s blurb: “Before I started reading, I glanced over the table of contents. The first chapter is called ‘Seeking Homeostasis in Inherent Hypocrisy.’ I rolled my eyes and said aloud to no one, ‘fuuuck you.’ Then, I read it, and it turns out it’s a goddamned novel for the ages. A straight-up masterwork, more relevant to this very moment than anything I’ve seen. Tom Robbins, Mark Twain, E.E. Cummings and Billy Bragg all just came in Chuck Bukowski’s pants. Whether it’s your cuppa tea is something I cannot know. But sweet Jesus it was mine.” (Sarah Silverman)

    That sounds like some serious Sean-Penn mockery there, though I can’t know for certain. Clearly it doesn’t matter to someone for whom any publicity fuels some attention, money-grabbing, and further self-entitlement. Pen’s up there with Donald Trump, misogynistic birds of a feather.

  24. SM says:

    As a lot of white middle aged men also are instructing children to sit down and take the bullets coming their way in silence, I will be proud as a woman to stend with childern or being called one. It is quite funny how all these men disregard any opposition, different opinion or anything that disrupts their day and their agenda as childish. Booboo, cry me a river Sean.

    • Aren says:

      “a lot of white middle aged men also are instructing children to sit down and take the bullets coming their way in silence”
      That’s an amazing way to put it. If I ever use it on a public forum, I’ll say it’s yours.

  25. Anna says:

    When you are a guy with literally no idea about what women are, and no self-awareness of that ignorance…he should just zip it.

  26. Insomniac says:

    Ohhh, this pisses me off. I’ve been querying literary agents for the past year with no success, but Sean Penn gets this shitpile published? (Yeah. I know. He’s famous and I’m not. Life is unfair. Film at 11.)

    • Pajala says:

      Insomniac, my first career was in book publishing and though it may sound counterintuitive, new writers need new agents. Most longer-term agents won’t consider new writers, regardless of their talent. The industry expects and applauds a new writer-new agent combo.

  27. Jaded says:

    What a self-indulgent piece of crap – I’m talking Penn, not the book. The book is a smutty, adolescent, overweening mass of vile hyperbole. Gad what a loathsome turd he is.

  28. Pandy says:

    Saw a few minutes of his Colbert interview. Of course he’s so far up his own @ss , all he sees is brown … but that wasn’t my take away. His hair! Very carefully colored to show only a few greys around his side burns. And you can see how much it is receding and how he’s grown the top to make it messy and tousled to hide how much it has receded. Between that and his heavy eye bags, jowls, boiled ham complexion. Yikes. The vanity it takes to style this hair. Somebody is afraid to age.

  29. Izzy says:

    Sean Penn is a human dumpster fire. (No offense to garbage dumpsters. Or fires.)

  30. Aren says:

    It seems he feels threatened, appears to be in full panic mode.

  31. AnotherDirtyMartini says:

    Oh Sean, you’re the toddler.