In Touch: Kate Hudson is a succubus who destroys men’s souls


In Touch Weekly has a hilarious story abut Kate Hudson this week. This classic of tabloid journalism is called “Kate’s a Curse For Men”. In Touch runs down her past relationships with Lance Armstrong, Owen Wilson and Chris Robinson, as well as her current relationship with Alex Rodriguez. The point? Kate exhausts whichever guy she’s dating, and she basically destroys their souls. Plus, whenever she and a guy break up or maybe just get together, something really horrible happens. Oh my God, she’s a witch! Burn her, In Touch Weekly!

Some of the little photo pull-outs are funny – they’ve got some of the worst pictures of all of these men, with little snippets saying: “Alex Is Exhausted: ‘He’s burning the candle at both ends,’ says A-Rod’s friend. ‘He seems sluggish and tired’ since dating Kate.” And don’t forget this: “Owen Was Devasted: Owen Wilson reportedly slashed his wrists during a suicide attempt following their split.” The moral of this story is that Kate is a succubus, I think.

Kate Hudson and Alex Rodriguez stayed out until 2:30 on June 20, and then the next night they hit Blade Lounge.

“The chemistry between them was obvious,” a Blade Lounge club goes tells In Touch. “They looked amazing together”

But club-hopping probably wasn’t the greatest idea for the New York Yankees’ third baseman, whose doctor pulled him from a game two days before because of “fatigue” – even though he reserved 100 tickets for his family – according to the team’s general manager, Brian Cashman.

A buddy of A-Rod’s says: “He’s in the middle of baseball season, yet he’s trying to wine and dine Kate… the two don’t go together very well.”

According to a friend, Kate is known for commanding a man’s attention and getting him to bend to her whims – even it it’s not in his best interest. “Guys become addicted to her,” says the friend. But trouble follows after men date Kate.

In August 2007, Owen Wilson attempted suicide after their split. Two months after breaking up with Kate, cyclist Lance Armstrong was questioned about using performance-enhancing drugs (he tested clean). Kate’s ex-husband, rocker Chris Robinson broke up with his band and broke his hand after falling in love with her.

“I had never felt anything like that,” Chris admitted. “It kind of took me over.” Since their 2006 separation, the band is back together.

Can Alex escape another Kate-caused controversy? His friend claims that Yankees management have already warned him not to let his latest romance become a distraction.

[From In Touch Weekly, print edition, July 6 2009]

I don’t really hate Kate – actually, I find her mildly amusing. While I don’t really find her acting career all that interesting, I like that she doesn’t seem to follow the typical “I’m going to sit around and be a victim and get sympathy” route that so many female celebrities do. Kate’s been dumped several times, and she’s done the dumping several times. She always moves on and she never feels sorry for herself, which I really admire. As far as the whole “sucking the life out of a man’s soul” thing… well, most of those guys totally deserve it. Except for Owen. I really do think she messed him up big time, but it’s not all her fault. She’s not really a witch after all.

Here’s Alex Rodriguez and Kate Hudson making a dash to the car as they exit Casa Tua restaurant in Miami Beach on June 21st. Images thanks to BauerGriffinOnline.

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27 Responses to “In Touch: Kate Hudson is a succubus who destroys men’s souls”

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  1. plum says:

    jennifer aniston + kate hudson= same fight? find a good guy to marry with them?

  2. BlueSkies says:

    TOO much credit given to this bimbo. A product of Hollywood nepotism who will never stand out in her personal life and career because she doesn’t deserve to be where she is. Taking the place of someone else, thanks to Goldie Hawn.

  3. KateNonymous says:

    I’m not a Kate Hudson fan, but in all fairness, Lance Armstrong is ALWAYS being asked about using performance-enhancing drugs, and he always tests clean. He’s the most tested athlete in the world. I don’t see how we can chalk up that incident to Kate Hudson when it’s pretty much part of his routine.

  4. Praise St. Angie! says:

    not that I have any love for Kate Hudson, but why is she getting blamed for the man’s actions?

    Chris Robinson? Bands break up all the time, and also get back together all the time. I seriously doubt that she was responsible for the band breaking up.

    Armstrong? What KateNonymous said.

    Wilson? No ONE person is responsible for another trying to kill themselves. He was not a happy individual to begin with, obviously, and a break up (while not the cause of suicidal tendencies) can certainly add to one’s despair.

    and Rodriguez? he tied Reggie Jackson’s HR record last night, so I don’t think he’s hurting too badly.

    however, the decision lay with these men to make whatever commitment they made to Hudson, and to behave however they behaved with her. I don’t see how she can be held responsible for their behavior.

    the one thing I don’t like about her is her willingness to bring her many male friends into her son’s life so soon into her “relationships”.

  5. cara says:

    I like her much better with this hair color

  6. princess pee says:

    Praise… that’s how I feel, pretty much. I’ll even admit that I like her. Well, in interviews. Her movie roles have been pretty lame, but that can be said for a lot of young women in Hollywood.
    It’s ridiculous that in this day and age we are going to blame the woman for what her romantic partners do. Does InTouch think these guys are helpless, brainless puppies? It’s totally insulting to THEM to insinuate that they have no control over themselves, let along to her.

  7. nona says:

    Owen wilson cut himself because he ran out of cocaine, there was no other reason. But if you are all such helpless romantics and want to think it was because of an unrequited love, then go ahead

  8. Bob Lawblaw says:

    Owen was a coke fiend? I thought he was just a quirky pot head.

    coke is no joke, be smart, don’t start.

  9. Lem says:

    reserved 100 seats for his family?

    damn I come from a very very very large extended family and unless somebody is getting married or somebody died or if the beer’s free we be hard pressed to put 100 folks together. At $10 bucks a beer I might be able to only get 75 together.

  10. RobN says:

    Let’s not forget Adam Scott, the golfer. Had a little fling over the winter in Hawaii with Kate and hasn’t won a damn thing since.

  11. Cletus says:

    OMG, I totally got a ticket the other day after reading an article about Kate Hudson! Also my milk curdled and my bread didn’t rise! I really think it’s way past time to dust off Ye Olde Malleus Maleficarum and do some huntin.

    WHO’S WITH ME! If y’all don’t start gatherin’ farwood right now, you don’t love Jesus. OR Michael Jackson.

  12. I Choose Me says:

    ROTFLOL @Cletus.

  13. Eileen Yover says:

    Ok Cletus-that was f’in hilarious.

  14. Bob Lawblaw says:

    I’m with ya Cletus, I’m picking up sticks as I type. After reading this earlier, I went home for lunch, and my fucking grill ran out of propane. Dame you Kate, damn you to hell.

  15. drica says:

    she reminds me of her character in “how to lose a guy in ten days” when she fake that she was obsess with the guy

  16. KateNonymous says:

    Cletus, that is awesome.

  17. Maximus says:

    How did Kate mess Owen up, pray tell? The breakup prior to his suicide attempt was precipitated by his drug use and fooling around. In what universe is that her fault?

    Most ridiculous and sexist story eva!!!

  18. Kat says:

    She’s a shitty actress and a mediocre human being.

  19. j. ferber says:

    This is in the same vein as Jessica Simpson “jinxing” Tony Romo’s football game. And you’re hilarious, Cletus. My computer plug broke before reading about Kate, but maybe my computer had a premonition I would read about her. Scary stuff.

  20. Croweshead says:

    This is such a stupid, fucked up story. I’ve been a fan of the Crowes for 19 years and I say that Kate had nothing to do with the band breaking up. They just needed a break and Chris and Rich needed to be away from each other before they killed each other. I felt bad for Kate when the fucking media blamed her.
    Rich even said himself in an interview last year that it had absolutely nothing to do with her.
    Wow those In Touch jokers need to do more research and stop making up stupid sexist stories.

  21. RaraAvis says:

    I gotta say, I know someone who seems to have the same effect on men. Every man she’s with turns into a useless pile of crap after she’s with them. I can never decide if it’s her, or if she’s attracted to men that were on the verge of falling apart before she came along.

  22. Cletus says:

    I have a friend who makes heterosexual men into gays. We call her the Fairy Fairy. The last dude she turned came up with that monkier.

  23. santacruz says:

    No, she is no succubus, just needy.

  24. justathought says:

    Quite the contrary, AR may have the baseball season of his life with a girl like Kate! Think he needs a challenge on and off the field.

  25. the original kate says:

    considering alex boned madonna i give him no credit at all in the sex department,lance is a major douche who cheated on his wife with sheryl crow and owen wilson was probably clinically depressed before he met kate. stupid article.

  26. diddy says:

    why does the media always blame the women? have they stopped to think that this men fuck up their lives all on their own

  27. adamantia claus says:

    I honestly dont get her appeal.
    I mean she almost has a harelip and she’s an okay actress but I havent like her in anything in a long time. They overhyped her a few years ago and tried to shoehorn her into a Julia Roberts film opener label but she’s proved be less likeable than the less likeable Ms ROberts.
    Have you ever noticed just how MUCH COOLER Sandra Bullock is than just about any female actress out there? You can tell because when she’s on the red carpet she is always flat out funny and quick on her feet and you get the feeling that her costars really genuinely like her. And it comes across in her movies the same way.
    That I NEVER get that feeling from Hudson’s films says something about just likeability being very important if youre gonna be a rom-com star.