Brooke Burke Charvet on whether you should date before you are officially divorced

Global Gift Foundation USA Women's Empowerment Luncheon And Speaker Panel In Support Of The Eva Longoria Foundation
I’m reporting on Brooke Burke Charvet again because her essay on getting divorced from her husband of seven years, David Charvet, really touched me. She’s a good writer and has an open and emotionally vulnerable perspective on divorce. I covered that last month and this was my favorite line she wrote “It took me a long time to differentiate between giving up and letting go.” That’s poignant and describes so many circumstances.

Brooke was a guest on Steve Harvey’s talk show, on a panel of three women that included Tamar Braxton and Julissa Bermudez. Steve brought up the issue of Jada Pinkett Smith admitting that she dated Will Smith before he was officially divorced and asked if this was ever an option. They all said that it depends, basically.

Would you date someone before they were officially divorced?
JB: They should be separated I think first. It’s a process, [divorce] takes a while. It depends how long they’ve been separated.

TB: I disagree with that. That’s still my husband. I feel like when you file for divorce and you’re living in different places. Yes it’s cool to date other people but not just separated. We [are] taking a break.

BC: It really depends because getting divorced can take a long time. People can have filed for divorce and it can take years, and a lot of people separate with the intention of never getting back together but there are other legal complications.

I’m more concerned about the emotional separation and the emotional divorce than the legal document requiring a signature.

[From video of the Steve Harvey Show via E! Online]

After that Steve said he was an expert at divorce. (He is, he’s also a serial cheater who royally screwed his first wife.) Tamar said that some guys end up in a “cheaper to keep her” situation and string the other woman along, which is definitely true. A lot of men claim to be separated when they’re still with their wives. We’ve seen this with celebrity women getting bamboozled by married men whose wives end up talking to the press. I’m thinking of Paula Patton and Mel B recently and I’m sure there are more. It’s messy and soul-sucking to get drawn in by charismatic men who are bullsh-tters and liars. If a guy claims his wife doesn’t understand him and/or is constantly complaining about how crazy an ex is, that’s a red flag regardless of their status. (I’ve actually had this happen on a first date.)

There’s also the stereotype of women relishing freedom after a separation and men going out and getting another girlfriend as soon as possible. Steve said this, that “I’m going to get over you with another you. Men don’t have to go nowhere up in the mountains and find theyself after we break up.” Steve always has jumpoffs and sidepieces so it’s not like he waits until after a breakup.

I like Brooke’s answer, that it really depends on the situation. You also have to trust your instincts and throughly vet someone. It’s hard to date and to trust people in your 40s. It takes work and when you do find someone you can vacillate between being too naive and waiting for the other shoe to drop. You have to keep perspective.

Here’s the video:

'Paddington 2' - Premiere at the Regency Village Theatre

Global Gift Foundation USA Women's Empowerment Luncheon And Speaker Panel In Support Of The Eva Longoria Foundation

Brooke Burke-Charvet Out For Dinner With Friends.

I included a bunch of photos because Brooke is working it and I’m rooting for her. Credit: WENN

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14 Responses to “Brooke Burke Charvet on whether you should date before you are officially divorced”

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  1. CairinaCat says:

    Well it took almost 3 years to be officially divorced from my abusive X, to be finished in court with a divorce decree.

    So yeah, I started dating. He had ruined and held up my life enough.
    I asked the judge in court if it was ok, he said it was fine.
    And when my X protested that I shouldn’t be able too the judge told him I could have 8 boyfriend’s and there wasn’t anything my X could do or say about it.
    The judge was tired of his shit at that point too.

    • Astrid says:

      Yep, I was in the same boat.

    • KanyesBlondeHair says:

      I left my abusive husband last January. It took a while, but I’m now at a place where I feel ready to date. We’re still married and it’s been rough for me financially (he stole my savings and ruined my great credit), so that’s the only reason why we’re still on paper. He’ll never pay for a divorce and tried to do pop ups in my new neighborhood, which is just…. ugh. But after a year and a half, I’m happy to meet new people and really feel emotionally ready for it, I’m not busting into tears after coming home from dates anymore lol

      • Rachel in August says:

        I’m so sorry for you. How are partners allowed to DO such things? Steal your savings?? OMG. :’(

      • KanyesBlondeHair says:

        It was horrible. But for a long time I was the one with great credit, most things were in my name, I had bank accounts and we operated on my bank account since he didn’t have one. He got one at my insistence because it made me uncomfortable, but he still knew my debit codes. So when I finally had enough of the humiliation, I asked him to leave and had my family back me up. He later physically wrestled my wallet and phone out of my hands and just went to the atm. I called chase to try to stop it and close the cards, but it was too late. It was my fault for sharing my code. Mind you, he called the cops on me when I left and took my belongings. Yup. Just my things. I was investigated for breaking and entering and so much other BS before proving with receipts that not only can i not break into my own home with my name on the lease, but that I legit only took my stuff.

        Honestly tho, I’m so much happier and lighter and I will GLADLY date other very nice men who have shown interest. I didn’t think dating could really be fun, which was partly why I stayed. That man and all his crap is staying in the past!

  2. LW says:

    I listened to Jada’s red table talk (if that’s where this quote is coming from) and I didn’t hear her say she dated him before he was divorced (maybe she did date him before it was official, I don’t know). When she said “I should have fell back…” I took it like she was trying to be really involved with Jayden and will’s ex from the get-go and she realizes now that maybe she should have hung back a little and not been so involved at the beginning. Maybe I understood her wrong, but that’s how I took it. She also mentioned she thought that old relationship was “done”. And I took that to mean she thought it’s over once you’re broken up, but she realized because they had a son it wasn’t really over, they would still need to interact.

  3. mela says:

    wait til your divorced, why triangulate some innocent person in your f-ed up marriage? selfish

    • CairinaCat says:

      As I said up thread, it took 3 years to be officially divorced.
      I don’t see why I would have to put my life on hold for that long after finially excaping from 11 years with an abusive X.

      I did however get legally separated right away.

    • Tiffany :) says:

      What is truly selfish is that some spouses use the signing of divorce documents as leverage over the spouse that wants a divorce. Divorce proceedings can be used to manipulate and punish the other party. If a marriage is done, it is done, regardless of paperwork.

    • Janetdr says:

      A legal separation frees you to date. I didn’t pursue a divorce from my cheating husband because that would have cut me off from health insurance and I was a stay at home mom at the time. I did get a separation which easily turned into a divorce. I was much too heart broken to date, but did after a year or so.
      It’s true you could decide to reconcile, but there was no way in our case.

  4. savu says:

    When I met my significant other, he and his wife were married. It was very clear he was unhappy but we were just friends. Six months after they separated (were living apart, divorce papers not filed yet bc they wanted to see what they could agree on without the court’s help first) we started dating. Let me tell you, daaaaaamn that did NOT help. She got so vindictive toward him dating again, especially someone 18 years younger. She threatened to make up lies about us and release them (we’re in TV and have a morality clause, so we could basically be fired just for looking bad). He got royally screwed in that divorce just to make it stop and prevent her from ruining our careers. It was awful.

    There’s that side of the coin too. While they were fully separated and negotiating divorce terms, I don’t know what was going on in her head. Maybe it didn’t feel real yet? While I think it was morally okay for us to get together, our relationship ended up hurting him so badly in the divorce because of her. Had I known that, I would’ve waited. But of course, hindsight is 20/20.

  5. Renee says:

    Some divorces take years. People shouldn’t be expected to sit home alone. If you’re officially separated and living in different homes then it’s fine to date.

  6. cake says:

    I agree with Brooke, there is no way I would agree coming from both sides with Tamar–
    who wants to keep a husband who in on the “its cheaper to keep her” plan. husband changes his mind because it will cost too much so he’ll stick around. yeah right.

  7. Queen says:

    Where I live, you have to be separated from your spouse for at least 2 years before you’re allowed to file for divorce. Which would mean not dating anyone for 2 years. When I separated from my husband, I had wanted to do it for such a long time that emotionally I was ready to start dating after a few months. 2 years would have been awful so I totally agree that it depends on the situation