Nicole Kidman’s secret to a successful 12-year marriage? ‘We don’t text’

53rd Annual Academy Of Country Music Awards - Arrivals

Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban have been married for 12 years. It seems like a really long time, especially in Hollywood, and especially because I’ve never thought of them as, like, #CoupleGoals. Don’t get me wrong, they seem to have their marriage figured out, but from the outside looking in, they’ve always seemed like such a weird couple. The his-and-hers Botox, the his-and-hers bad hair, etc. But still, Nicole has the keys to a good marriage. She chatted with Parade in what seemed like a paid advertisement for her Neutrogena contract, and she ended up revealing the key to marriage success: never text your husband. That sounds unreasonable.

Her secrets to looking flawless: “I love to stay fit. I meditate. The older you get, you have to take better care of yourself and eat better. Before I used to be able to have a bad week and now it’s like I can have a couple of bad days and then I have to get back on track. And I enjoy running. I enjoy doing things that are active. I’m a girl that loves to be outside and I love being in nature… There can be so much stress and I try to just breathe. And that’s why I meditate. I try not to be on the phone and texting. I’m a terrible texter. And I try to not be really prompt with returning texts because then you get used to that kind of person.

She makes people wait a while before texting back: “Yes. So that I can go, “I’m putting it down.” I’m really responsible as a person so I have to just go, “No. It’s OK not to be completely available all of the time.” And that’s a really big lesson for someone who wants to be responsible.

She never texts with Keith: “We don’t text. Yep. We call. And that’s 12 years of marriage. We have our 12-year wedding anniversary [on June 25] and we’ve never texted. That is so not our relationship, which is interesting right? We call. We’ve done this since the very beginning. The reason it started at the beginning was because I didn’t know how to text [laughs] and it just kind of worked for us. So now we don’t. We just do voice to voice or skin to skin, as we always say. We talk all the time and we FaceTime but we just don’t text because I feel like texting can be misrepresentative at times. And I’ve had the thing where I reread texts and I’m like, “What does that mean?” and then read it to somebody and go “Can you interpret that?” I don’t want that between my lover and I.

[From Parade]

I’m not a big texter either, just because I prefer to have a bigger space to explain myself, which is why I’m still a major emailer. I also prefer talking to someone on the phone rather than texting, but I suspect that’s a generational thing (I’m Xennial!). I think that’s probably Nicole’s thing too – it’s a generational thing more than some giant “marriage secret.” She spent most of her life not having a clue about texting, so why would she start caring about now that she’s 51 years old? Also, I will never get tired of Nicole calling Keith her “lover.” She’s such a goober.

The 24th Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards

Photos courtesy of WENN.

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43 Responses to “Nicole Kidman’s secret to a successful 12-year marriage? ‘We don’t text’”

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  1. Astrid says:

    I used to really like her but she seems to be drifting into a different sphere the last few years.

  2. Jillian says:

    I wish she would go red hair. The blonde is eh

    My friend gave up texting for Lent so she wouldn’t always call if she needed to say anything. It was kind of nice

  3. Mabs A'Mabbin says:

    I’m still with my husband for close to 25 years because I DO text. Sometimes it’s love notes. Other times… It’s gleeful nagging without having to look at his face. Perfection.

    • Snazzy says:

      RIGHT? Me too! I find texting helps us 🙂

    • trillian says:

      Exactly. I am annoyed by people who call. That means I have to be available. With a text I can read it when it’s convenient.

      • Wren says:

        Yes yes yes. Phone calls are urgent, you have to drop what you’re doing, and give them your full attention. Texts are much more relaxed and you respond to them on your own time, not somebody else’s.

      • Mabs A'Mabbin says:

        Omg I can’t stand the phone. Always hated it, especially before tech advances when you had to answer being ‘on’ all the time. As a cynic with a resting bitch face, my phone voice isn’t sweet or nice lol. My friends think it’s funny, which is amusing, but I still hate the phone. I set up a message when they call that joyfully tells them to txt me. 🙂

      • Josephine says:

        I agree, I hate the phone, but I think she means that they always make sure they are available to each other, hence the calls. I think that’s kinda sweet.

      • KiddV says:

        I hate talking on the phone, I’m bored to death with chit chat. My family knows to text me if they need to get ahold of me. I also don’t need to see my husband’s face and read his emotion just to find out what he wants for dinner.

    • Wren says:

      Yup. I love texting my husband when we’re not together. It’s a nice way to stay in touch without needing to truly interrupt what we’re doing to have a full-on conversation. It’s great for little mundane things too like “hey I was too busy to do X plz do it when you get home”. And also, we know that if one of us is calling, it’s IMPORTANT and pick up the damn phone or call back immediately, there is an emergency. A text? Might be important but not time sensitive and not an emergency.

      • Killjoy says:

        It makes me think they just never deal with mundane day to day things in their marriage?? Even rich celebs need to RSVP to things, make sure someone (even if it’s an assistant) is there to get a delivery, pick up the kids from school, etc. And yeah, if you are texters, phone calls mean something urgent is going on. If my partner calls me, unless I’m in a meeting, I pick up the damn phone. In fact, if one of us has a non-urgent reason to chat at length, we text first to say “hey, nothing urgent, but do you have time for a call right now?”

        But truly the only thing that strikes me as “off” about what Kidman says is that she worries about a text being misconstrued. I’ve been with my partner for 7 years. We know each other well enough that deciphering texts is not reading tea leaves, and couldn’t possibly cause drama. I get that dating or new relationships are different, but it’s weird to think texting your partner would be misconstrued, unless there is A LOT of drama in the relationship already. But if Kidman isn’t a texter, I guess she wouldn’t know this.

        I’m so glad to have devoted this much brain space to something other than “OMG our democracy is f*cked” today.

    • wildflower says:

      Yes! And nothing is better than getting a sweet or sexy text in the middle of the day from my husband, and I love to send those to him, too. You can’t always be available to talk and those texts make my day.

    • Finny says:

      Same here. Married 26 years. My husband works out of state during the week only home on weekends. Whoever gets up first in the morning sends a GM love text and I text to get in touch with him if I need too. I don’t know his hourly schedule and texts he can answer in meetings, calls he can’t. In the evening he calls and we talk about the day. It keeps us connected. 😁

    • Rebecca says:

      23 years in November and we text also.

  4. Louisa says:

    Texting is the greatest thing to ever happen to introverts like me.

    • S says:

      ^^This and also for people who are just busy. I get unnaturally enraged when there’s something I have to do that requires me to actually make a phone call. Finding the time to do that, during the correct hours, with no kids screaming and interrupting me, where I’m not already doing 40 other things? Give me an online form, an email or a text and I’ll be back to you in under an hour in most circumstances; require a phone call from me and prepare to wait on my to-do list for weeks, and/or attempt to talk to me with two kids yelling for different things in the background, while the dog barks and I attempt to sign for a package.

    • Wren says:

      ME TOO. Texting is THE BEST. I’m not put on the spot, I can take a minute (or however long) to compose my thoughts before responding, and I can go back and re-read to make sure I’m getting it right. You have a record of the conversation too so you can easily pick up where you left off even if you’re doing a million other things. I’m a visual person, so I don’t remember things I hear nearly as well and am much more likely to screw it up listening to a message. I’m slightly deaf too so talking on the phone presents some challenges for me because people mumble all the freaking time and there’s only so many times you can ask them to repeat themselves. Turning the volume up only goes so far when people don’t enunciate. In person I can lip read and use contextual cues, but over the phone it takes quite a bit of concentration to properly understand.

      So YES to texting!!!!!

  5. Tina says:

    hahahahahaha – she’s such a goober – that made me laugh. Thanks, those laughs come few and far between these days it seems.

  6. Philo says:

    LOL – some of that does crack me up too.
    I can tell you what happened here. They have regular sex and still want each other. That’s it. There is no big secret here. She had a first marriage where that was… well… let’s just say it wasn’t all it could be. And they continue to be hot for each other therefore they stay together.
    I’m not saying that this is what has to be the case for everyone – for some people sex might not be the end all and be all of what makes a relationship tick for them. But for many it is.

    • Una says:

      I agree. There is a saying like ” If the sex is good, it is 10% of the relationship; if it is bad, it is 90%” or something like that. I sorta hate to admit this but if I am not sexually satisfied I turn into a bitch. Stuff that wouldn’t normally bother me become the focal point of my relationship. Great sex does not solve problems but it definitely helps.

  7. S says:

    Weird because I’ve been married for 15 and it’s probably our main form of communication, sometimes when we’re sitting on opposite ends of the couch (kidding/not kidding) It’s a great way to make dirty jokes without traumatizing the children, plus, nothing keeps a marriage stronger than being able to text your husband in the kitchen, ‘Honey, please bring me more wine.’

    Oh and, ROTFLOL that Nicole’s face looks like that because of, “meditation.” Sure, sis. Good one. Just once I’d love an actress, especially one in her 50s, to be like, “Sure I barely eat, exercise for hours daily and have great genes, but it’s all that combined with a crap-ton of plastic surgery that has let me defy time and nature so completely. I mean, duh. Do you know how much pressure there is on me to look 20 years younger than my actual age? It’s unreal.” Occasional flat out truth would be so refreshing.

  8. naan says:

    Eh I dunno. I’m 49 and have always been an early adapter and tech junkie. I couldn’t live without text or Snapchat. So if someone wants to roll last century own it, but it ain’t generational. Some people still listen to their favorite bands from high school or have the same hair. And some don’t.

  9. tealily says:

    My husband and I message back and forth all day, but I must say that I LOVE talking to him on the phone. We really only do it when one of us is out of town at this point, but it always reminds me of the early days of our relationship, before we lived together. He’s a great conversationalist and I forget that in person sometimes.

  10. lucy2 says:

    “And I try to not be really prompt with returning texts because then you get used to that kind of person.”
    So much this. For most people I will respond right away, but I have a few friends that I will see the message and wait a while to respond, otherwise I get roped into texting back and forth forever about nothing. It bothers me that some people expect an immediate response no matter what.

    • S says:

      See, I read that as being a manipulative and self-involved—talking about the performative delay. I mean, sometimes I respond to texts right away. Sometimes it takes a while. That’s kind of the beauty of texting; you can get to it whenever its convenient for YOU. If you just don’t WANT to text with someone, instead of playing weird little mind games, maybe just say “gotta go” or, you know, nothing? It’s a few characters on a phone screen, not a summons, you’re not required to respond.

      • lucy2 says:

        “That’s kind of the beauty of texting; you can get to it whenever its convenient for YOU.”
        That’s what I like about it too, which is why I choose delaying to certain people. It’s not about being manipulative, but about knowing that engaging with them right away will be a distraction, especially if I’m at work, or really busy with something.
        Most of the time the “gotta go” works, but I’ve noticed that some guys in the dating pool do not get it. One texted repeatedly, then called, and then switched phones to call so I wouldn’t recognize his number (he forgot he told me where he worked and my phone identified it). Another I’d say “busy at work today, talk later” and I’d get the “I guess you don’t want to talk to me today” kind of pity party crap. Needless to say, both were no-gos.

  11. Beth says:

    I can’t imagine not texting. At the very beginning of a relationship, you don’t always have something to say during every phone call, so instead of “um, uh….how about the weather? ” texting gives you time to think of a reply. Been happy with my bf for 2 years and I love his sweet messages throughout the day. Not everyone can chit-chat for hours while working, but he can text between his meetings, and he writes novel length texts, so it’s not like he’s putting no thought into the messages either.

    • Jess says:

      Are you in your 20’s? I say that because I work with a lot of younger women in their early 20’s and they legit panic at having to make phone calls to patients. They freely admit they do not know how to talk on the phone and it freaks them out😂 I end up doing the calls usually! I think it’s cute, it’s a skill you have to practice to be more comfortable with it. I remember when I was in high school you’d have to set a time for someone to call you so the line wouldn’t be tied up, “mom it’s 7 o’clock and Brian is supposed to call so get off the phone NOW”, I’d also make a list of topics I could bring up in case there was an awkward lull in the conversation. I miss those days.

  12. IMUCU says:

    I don’t typically text right away unless it’s something that requires an immediate response. I have an auto-reply app that tells people I will get back to them later or tells them to call my home to try to reach me if it is an emergency. It acts like an answering machine for texting. I don’t like being tethered to my cell all day and often leave it laying around without looking at it for hours. I do wish I could text my husband reminders, pics, or little thinking-of-you messages from time to time, but he refuses to give up his bar phone from 2002 that only makes phone calls (no pics or texts). So we call each other instead, but sometimes I feel like a quick text would be easier or more practical in some situations. He just doesn’t want to be fixated on a phone like he sees so many other people are and does not want anyone else to think he is reachable at any moment. He’s a late Gen X and I’m a Xennial.

  13. momoffour says:

    Hmm is she a real person? I text my husband all the time over logistics- who needs to pick up whom and get what and when are you arriving home and who is making dinner. Sheesh. I guess she has servants for that crap. No one is suggesting you have deep talks over texts but she sounds very spoiled here.

  14. Jess says:

    I agree with her on a few things, I cannot stand being available to everyone 24/7. I miss the mystery days of the 90’s when you had to call and leave a voicemail, or not, no caller id or record of your call either! My mom drives me crazy, she’ll call first and leave a message if I’m at work and can’t answer, then the texting starts, it gets more panicky within 10 minutes if I don’t respond, “you ok!?!?”, then she’ll send a Facebook message or email, lol. I’m thinking Jesus I’m at work with patients!! Buuuut, my thought process is similar I just don’t act on them when my daughter doesn’t respond, but I do picture her dead in a ditch if it’s been 10 minutes with no reply. I tell my husband all the time we need to stop texting throughout the day, by the time we get home and talk face to face I already know how his day has been and what’s he’s been up to. I’m big on writing actual notes and reminders, I want my future family to be able to look through a dusty old box of letters and notes to see how we interacted, not plug in a phone and read all of our texts from years gone by😉

  15. minx says:

    Sounds like she’s happy and after her marriage to Cruise (ugh) that’s nice to hear. I just wish she would work WITH her natural beauty. She looks so brittle and dry.

  16. VeronicaLodge says:

    My boyfriend texts me every morning with “good morning beautiful”, (he leaves for work at 5 am). There is something sweet and reassuring about those little texts throughout the day.

  17. Léna says:

    I feel like I’ve heard that story three times already, ah!

  18. Moon says:

    I’m a millennial and I agree with Nicole – if I have something important to say I leave it for face to face or a phone call. I never text unless it’s to ask about basic chores and stuff. Texting leaves too much room for misinterpretation.

  19. Shelley says:

    I love texting. I can’t stand talking on the phone. If she doesn’t eh. Good for her. But it’s a silly rule in my mind.

  20. paranormalgirl says:

    My husband and I text all the time.

  21. ryscot says:

    Botox keeps the family together!!!

  22. Belle Epoch says:

    Am I the only person who thinks there is LESS to this marriage than the hype? And that Keith looks like JK Rowling? Never in eleventy hundred years could I refer to that wax figure as “my lover.” He looks like a mortician did his makeup. OK, I’m mean and superficial, but you gotta admit the guy looks weird.

    • mamabear says:

      Not to mention his ridiculous haircut!!! Used to like him until he became a wax figure like his wife!