Queen Elizabeth II is not “above” a petty beef. She didn’t care for Margaret Thatcher. She was irritated by Camilla Parker Bowles for years. I bet she’s had a few choice words for Thomas Markle and Samantha Grant too. But who knew that all this time, the Queen’s greatest enemy might be a small Scottish pony? The Queen LOVES horses. She loves all animals, but there’s a special place in her heart for dogs and horses. Dogs and horses respect their queen as well. Except for Cruachan IV, an anti-monarchist, Scottish separatist pony who sh-ts in the Queen’s general direction.
As she starts her summer vacation at Balmoral, her castle in the Scottish Highlands, Queen Elizabeth II still had a job to do: inspecting the Royal Regiment of Scotland. She walked slowly by the troops in a sky blue suit, carefully eyeing each soldier. Then, came its mascot: a pony named Cruachan IV. In apparent greeting, he delivered a pile of manure.
“Here we are again,” she reportedly said to the Shetland pony, appearing to hold her nose.
Queen Elizabeth adores horses. She breeds them, rides them, and cheers them on with vigor at the Royal Ascot. But Cruachan IV is another story. We don’t want to say a horse “disrespects” Queen Elizabeth. Because, after all, he’s a horse—he doesn’t know that the woman standing before him is the longest-reigning monarch of a powerful country, or that she’s one of the most famous people in the world. But still, he’s not exactly on his best behavior.
Last July, when Queen Elizabeth walked past him at Stirling Castle, he tried to take a big chomp out of her bouquet of posies. “Go away!” she scolded. Later that summer, they met again. At first, everything seemed to be okay. The Queen walked by him, and he just stood there. But once she turned his back, he let out a big neigh. The Daily Mail reports that in 2014 he “rolled his top lip back as the Queen approached him.”
I started laughing at “Here we are again” and I haven’t stopped laughing since. Even now, I have tears streaming down my face at the Queen’s dry retort to Cruachan IV dropping a monstrous dump just feet away from her pristine blue coat. I think the “we” is what makes it so witty, like the Queen knows that she and Cruachan IV are locked in a bitter, sh-tty dance that will destroy them both. This feud is Shakespearean. Incidentally, this is the same republican separatist pony who tried to take a bite out of Prince Harry earlier this year, when Harry took Meghan up to Scotland for her first trip. I’m shocked that the pony didn’t take a dump on the ginger one too.
In any case, do you think Cruachan IV has some kind of political agenda? Or is he just all about that PONY LYFE and he knows no one can touch him, not even Her Maj?
Photos courtesy of Getty.