David and Victoria Beckham’s latest bizarre Armani ad


Apparently the people over at Armani have a funny idea of sexy. “Sexy” means giant spools of thick, twisty rope. It means shiny, shiny man hair. It means flat, dead, soulless eyes. Not ceiling eyes. Serial killer eyes. Ultimately, it means the Beckhams. Because what’s the only thing that’s sexier than giant, threatening curls of rope? Posh’s collarbone, naturally. Both of which can be used as a weapon, interestingly enough.

A month after David Beckham unveiled his last underwear campaign for Emporio Armani, the footballer is back in another new advert – but this time with his wife Victoria. Following on from their first more restrained joint ad in January, the celebrity couple give us an insight to their private life as they cuddle up in their undies.

In a bizarre new image, a lingerie-clad Victoria, with a Geisha-style knot in her hair, lies astride her body oil-covered husband on top of a giant rope. Exactly what the couple are doing with the rope is unclear, but perhaps it’s just as well we don’t find out. In solo shots for the Italian designer last month, the 34-year-old athlete posed provocatively with the same rope wrapped around his toned body and six pack.

As well as the rope’s return, it appears Victoria’s former 34DD bust is back too. Wearing little more than a black bra and knicker set, the former Spice Girl, 35, appears back to her busty best in the cleavage-heavy shots. Posh was reported to have undergone a breast reduction operation down to a 34B in May – the same month these latest shots were taken.

In another new shot for Armani’s new autumn/winter underwear collection, the couple lie beside each other in predatory semi-crouching positions as David hangs off a metal rail. Instead of her brunette bob, Victoria goes for the Cleopatra look with her plaited fake ponytail on the crowd of her head and her dramatic eye make-up. The new shots bring the couple closer than their previous ad, which shows Victoria sitting on the floor, while her husband lay on the bed.

[From the Daily Mail]

To be fair, I don’t think the Daily Mail has ever written a single article that discussed someone’s appearance in a positive light. Someone’s either too fat, or if they lose weight they’re anorexic, if they’re sporting more than a teeny, tiny baby bump they’re “heavily” pregnant. Let’s not forget their epic series of articles tearing apart female celebrities disgusting knees. If someone looks good, they’re criticized for airbrushing, and if they look bad, the Mail will pull in an expert surgeon to give advice on what they need to have done. It’s never-ending.

All that said, Posh and Becks look like the undead. Assuming the undead are very, very sexy of course. But no way would I want to see David Beckham in his underwear sporting zombie eyes. I don’t care how good he looks – he also looks like he wants to eat your soul. Do you really want that? David Beckham noshing on your soul? Sexy indeed.

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18 Responses to “David and Victoria Beckham’s latest bizarre Armani ad”

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  1. Anna says:

    If that’s a double D cup, then I’m the Queen of England, with a… umm… double M cup?

    All that is skillful lighting, airbrushing, body paint and a push-up bra.

    And I do believe that Hitler called, again, to ask for his hair back, again.

  2. Enonymous says:

    Nothing says S.E.X.Y like the two of them in funny, odd poses and stupid hairstyles.

  3. Ray says:

    I’d honestly let David eat whatever he wants. Like, are you serious?

  4. Aleksa says:

    I find it strange that when he posed alone, it was a fantastic thing, and now she´s in the picture, it´s suddenly something to critisize…I don´t like the photos, I don´t like him, and I don´t like her, either…but do I sense a double standard here??

  5. Miss Thang says:

    Seriously, someone at Armani is snickering under their breath. They can’t be serious.

  6. Lasherola says:

    It’s actually kinda boring.

  7. e-non says:

    pathetic narcissists. she always looks so greasy.

  8. BlueSkies says:

    makeup and light and photoshop any of us and maybe you’d see some intensity behind the eyes. They both have decent nosejobs, though. Look him up on cosmetic surgery site. Chin implant, too.

  9. BlueSkies says:

    We all know what she really looks like from the pap shots of her in airport. Still can’t erase the childlike rage in her eyes.

  10. BlueSkies says:

    3rd thumbnail dopey. Like Vogue mag shoot when I had 16 years old.

  11. ella james says:

    Has ***ANYONE*** EVER seen a photo of this woman smiling?!?

  12. ShutYourPieHole says:

    His fluffer did a terrible job. And I am not talking about Victoria. She was busy getting her hair fiberglassed for the photo shoot. Any reasonable fluffer could make that man look like a fire hydrant on Downing Street – so sad.

  13. Jag says:

    I hate his hair like that, but they both look yummy.

    And yes, there have been pictures of her smiling, and she laughed and smiled when on Jay Leno’s Tonight Show. She has a lovely smile and should show it more often.

  14. eternalcanadian says:

    lolz. 😛

  15. someone says:

    Im really sick of these two!

  16. WHAT says:

    i wouldnt even take a second glance at this if it were in a magazine. people in the fashion industry seems to thinks ads like this are artistic, or high-fashiony or something. They just look boring, vapid, creepy, and unappealing. And they’re ALL the same.

  17. lola says:

    This ad does not make me want to run out and buy some ugly armani black granny panties. Those undergarmets are supposed to be sexy?

  18. Annabelle says:

    Victoria is so pretty.