Amber Rose’s therapist told her: ‘You attract narcissistic sociopaths’

Kanye West and Amber Rose

I’ve just spent way too much time thinking about Amber Rose and the psychology of “who we attract” versus “who we choose.” Amber took part in Complex’s web series Open Late With Peter Rosenberg, and she made an interesting claim about something her therapist told her: that she attracts narcissistic sociopaths. Here’s my question: does she attract them or does she choose them? Or is it both?

On Complex magazine’s Web series “Open Late With Peter Rosenberg,” Amber Rose said, “I had to go see a therapist, and she was just like, ‘You attract narcissistic sociopaths.’ And I’m not mentioning no names. But a few of them have been that. Like, nah, you’re not gonna control my every move, you’re not gonna tell me what I need to wear, you’re not gonna tell me where I need to go or who to be friends with. I don’t have time for that s–t.”

She also told Rosenberg that when she sprang to fame, as West’s girlfriend back in 2008, the exposure didn’t exactly give her an A-list lifestyle.

“The first couple years, it was like, ‘You’re famous for dating that guy’ … But I didn’t get money from that — I got fame . .. When I walked outside, it was like, ‘Oh, s–t, that’s Amber Rose,’ but I was broke as f–k. I didn’t have any money and I didn’t have a bed and I didn’t have furniture.”

[From Page Six]

Obviously, most people are taking this as some kind of reference to Kanye West. Kanye does fit the profile of a controlling narcissistic sociopath, and he clearly thought that he had some kind of ownership over Amber. But what about some of Amber’s other partners? Was Wiz Khalifa a narcissistic sociopath? He always seemed so low-key. She also dated 21 Savage and Machine Gun Kelly, whom I know nothing about.

Going back the psychological dilemma, what do you think it is? Do those narcissists CHOOSE Amber, or does she choose them? I think she’s was pretty young when she first got with Kanye – she was in her early 20s – and while she was “street smart,” she might not have been relationship-smart. I could see how a narcissistic sociopath might have chosen her at that point because she was easier to manipulate and control. But everything past the Kanye relationship, I tend to believe that Amber is choosing to be with guys who aren’t right for her. Like, she does not have the best picker.

Kanye West and Amber Rose

Photos courtesy of WENN.

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32 Responses to “Amber Rose’s therapist told her: ‘You attract narcissistic sociopaths’”

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  1. Noodles says:

    I work as a therapist and I’m doing my masters degree in Clinical Psychology. I really do think people throw around words like psychopath and sociopath far too easily.

    From a distance I would say that there is something ‘up’ with Kanye but we can only speculate since none of us know more than what’s in the press. Even so, I would be extremely surprised if he was a sociopath.

    • marmalazed says:

      Yes, thank you.

    • lingli says:

      There does seem to be a real tendency towards armchair diagnoses of celebrities, particularly of narcissistic personality disorder, borderline personality disorder and sociopathy. To paraphrase The Princess Bride, I do not think those words mean what some folks think they mean!

      • hmmm says:

        There is, but it is also worth considering that these disorders are much, much, much more common among celebrities, or at least an offshoot of them is (acquired situational narcissism, etc). People who grew up in certain family dynamics often show codependent characteristics in adulthood, and do attract narcissists, etc. They also are worse at putting up boundaries against those sorts of folks.

  2. Rocky says:

    Her and kanye were so hot together. That’s all I got. Though I think a lot of the time we deliberately pick the wrong type of person because we don’t want long term even when we think we do

    • Josephine says:

      Totally agree. They seemed suited to each other. They smoldered in their pics together (the one above not so much, but lots of others), and he’s never looked as attractive and animated as when he was with her. He and Kim have never had any chemistry whatsoever.

    • JAC says:

      Yeah, off topic, but man does Kanye look great in these photos. He’s a very attractive man.

    • Eleonor says:

      I was going to write the same thing .

    • Original Jens says:

      Agree. I know I stuck around with a cheater (not even sure if I was the main or side girl), because I was so damaged from family stuff. I finally figured out I was staying because at least I knew he was a lying scumbag, I didn’t have to worry about whether or not I could trust him. But at some point, you gotta grow up and fix your s**t. I hope Amber’s there.

    • Chaine says:

      It’s hard to believe until you see these pictures that he used to be so handsome. And she’s still gorgeous but look at the her youthful facial structure! Absolutely stunning back then.

  3. me says:

    Wow that top pic. They were actually a very good looking couple. Also, how do we know that Amber herself isn’t a narcissistic sociopath?

  4. Nova says:

    If every guy you date is a narcissist sociopath maybe you should take a look at yourself first. Why do we talk about “pickers” as if they are a supernatural force imposed on women? Women do not have “bad pickers” , they pick “bad” men. (Not specifically in this case though. I don’t even know most of the guys she dated.)

  5. Whitecat says:

    It could be a bit of both. For a long time, i used to date a lot of narcissists and legit sociopaths (I am not throwing this term around because some of them seriously fit the profile of one). For a long time I thought I attracted them, but at some point I had to address the fact that I went for people like this because I had this ‘I want to save this man complex’. But I can also see guys like this preying on my insecurities. After much therapy, i got over it and I am thankfully with a wonderful and stable guy.

    So I think it’s a bit of both

  6. BlueSky says:

    A therapist friend also mentioned there are men that specifically target women with low self esteem and “daddy issues”. Not sure if this is the case here though…

  7. Bubble bee says:

    From my understanding of narcissists calling someone a narcissistic sociopath is a little redundant because narcissism is part of sociopathy and psychopathy already. Narcissists are not sociopathic or psychopathic by necessity though.

    Side note: the entertainment industry is full of narcissists so I imagine most people who choose to date within the industry are attracting narcissists

  8. Detriotgirl says:

    I believe her. I attract the same type of men for some reason, which is odd because I am fiercely independent and I don’t date that often. But I think Narcissists like that, because they see it as a challenge. So these type of men will chase after me, go to great lengths to get me committed, and then flip the script once I’m locked down. I can see a similar pattern with Amber. There are men out there who love putting women like her in her “place”. I honestly think sociopaths go out of their way to find strong women to break down. Just my two cents!

    • Steph says:

      Like I said in my comment, it doesn’t if you feel independent or whatever. I am too an independent woman but I realized that I attracted assholes because I didn’t love myself enough. I had some childhood “trauma” I need to work on. Sometimes we have to look at ourselves because most of the time the problem lies within us.

  9. Steph says:

    No one has a bad “picker”. Sadly the problem is within us and until we dont solve that problem(like going to a psychologist or heal ourselves), we’re going to keep falling for the same guys.

  10. BANANIE says:

    Sometimes I worry that people assume all therapists are equally qualified/suited to them. I think it’s possible it’s both that she attracts them and she picks them. We don’t know if her therapist said both, but going off what Amber said it seems her takeaway was that these men keep tracking her down.

    That kind of takes the agency away from her. If she plays a role in this destructive cycle, taking partial ownership could be the best thing for her.

    Idk. I’ve been in therapy awhile and had to change therapists due to insurance/moving, and I’ve definitely seen a difference. And they were all in the CBT category. I felt like some babied me and others inspired me to confront my issues more. But I’m not going to say what’s happening behind closed doors with her doctor.

  11. MSat says:

    I still have no idea what she does. What was her career before Kanye? It’s really interesting that her quote is focused on fame/money and not the actual relationship itself. Why should dating a famous person entitle her, or anyone, to an “A-list lifestyle”? She did nothing to earn it.

  12. Jenna says:

    Amber and Kanye looked like they had such great chemistry. He never looks as happy or handsome with Kim K. I believe they have the dullest relationship ever. That said, Amber is much better off without him! She’s gorgeous and I hope she finds a healthy relationship. She seems very sweet and deserves happiness.

  13. Natalie S says:

    Narcissists are attracted to people who improve their status and/or are empathetic and lack strong boundaries with the people they love. They do what makes them feel good and treat their partner like a resource rather than a person.

    A rule I follow is to tell someone no fairly early on about something small. If the person reacts with hostility or a guilt trip or pressures me or makes me feel uncomfortable, my guard is then up. I heard about this test years before I started doing it too, and I initially thought that was too much but it works. I’ve never been wrong about someone who can’t handle being told no without behaving inappropriately.

    • detritus says:

      Very much.
      Amber’s position as a hip hop girl (super hot and fit, famous) makes her a ‘trophy’ to a certain type of person. Even more since her wild child attitude means they get a second win if they can ‘tame’ her.

      “ a rule I follow is to tell someone no fairly early on about something small. If the person reacts with hostility or a guilt trip or pressures me or makes me feel uncomfortable, my guard is then up”

      This is a really good rule.

      • Natalie S says:

        That’s true. They like bringing chaos into another person’s life because one: they get to reroute that person’s action to be about the narcissist’s needs, and two: they actually get to watch the steady effect of their abuse and control on that person. They define their sense of self through gauging their effect on other people.

        That rule has never failed me. It seems like overkill at first but it always ends up being a good decision.

    • hmmm says:

      @Natalie, this is amazing and so helpful. Thank you.

    • Courtney says:

      Every word you’re saying is GOSPEL.

  14. GigiC says:

    I believe this because my therapist told me the same. Ish. He said a certain type of men seek out a woman simply to subdue her or make her submit. Except he didn’t use pronouns. My therapist said people like that seek others out as fuel.