Do you remember that movie Jennifer Garner was in which was about how adults and teenagers were disconnected because of social media? It was 2014’s Men, Women and Children, written and directed by Jason Reitman (Juno, Thank You For Smoking) and I’m not going to act like I watched it. I only vaguely remembered that it existed and that she’s already fielded questions about letting her children online. This is what she said about that at the time, which was eons ago in her children’s ages. At that time Violet was 8, Seraphina was 5 and Samuel 2.
I mean, we can’t keep in front of what our kids are learning or seeing or using, technology-wise. It’s happening before we can even…We’re all running to catch up, us stupid grown-ups! Thank goodness my kids are little enough that they’re far from having phones or iPads or anything.
My kid had an iPad at 8 but he was monitored and using specific apps. (He wasn’t watching those creepy YouTube videos of Elsa and Spiderman making out because they didn’t exist yet. Parents have even more to worry about now.) Anyway Garner was asked about her kids using social media now that Violet is 12. She said that they’re not on social media and that it puts a lot of pressure on kids when they’re vulnerable.
[Garner]… told Fox News she’s determined to keep her children offline.
“Oh my gosh, I don’t know,” said the “Peppermint” star. “My kids don’t have any social media yet. And I am terrified. I think it puts so, so much pressure on kids at an age when they’re really vulnerable anyway. You know, if anyone has any clues, let me know.”
“I am probably overprotective,” admitted the actress.
On her character in Peppermint
“I think you can’t ignore the power of, the depth of a mom’s feelings,” explained Garner. “And I think that you don’t have to be a mom to understand that.“We’re all human, so for anyone, we all play ‘The Joy of Motherhood,’ ‘The Beauty of Motherhood,’ but to dig into the terror and the fear and the rage of motherhood was a whole new place. And that was part of what was so fun about this…
“[My character is] a mom next door, just like anyone, but she absolutely gets pushed to extremes,” said Garner about North seeking justice.
She’s right and it’s smart of her to keep her kids away from social media, especially when there’s so much information available about her family. There are a lot of pitfalls to social media and it does put pressure on kids while adding a performative aspect to their social lives. I hope her children do have supervised access to the Internet and that they’re not “offline” as the lead-in says. The Internet helps kids connect and learn in ways we never imagined. We had the library and “Schoolhouse Rock.” Kids now have Khan Academy, Vsauce, Kurzgesagt and countless other teachers on demand. Plus they can share photos of their homework and work on it together. You can both protect your children from the bad parts of the internet while taking advantage of the best of it. I don’t expect Garner to express that kind of nuance in a quick interview, but it also doesn’t jibe with her “Oh my gosh, I’m overprotective” persona.
It was good of Garner to add the caveat that you don’t have to be a mom to understand her character. She’s said things to the contrary before.
She’s been trying to meme herself and it’s working.
photos credit: Backgrid and WENN
MySpace and Facebook were just coming out when I was in middle/high school. I wish I hadn’t spent so much time on them.
Instagram is rough. I’m 27 and see what others have accomplished and I even feel bad
In my house the kids dont have access to their own devices -they are 11 12 and 14. But the big thing for them is YouTube on our centrally located smart tv.. They watch it a lot and most of it is harmless (if utterly vapid imo) . But occasionally something will sneak through and give me a shock. It’s a tough job monitoring it all. Unless you have a total ban which some people may do but was too big of an ask in my house. I wonder what others here think about YouTube for the pre-tee and teen?
I am so glad my kids were little before social media and the internet really exploded. They played Webkinz on my computer for a short phase but that was about the extent of their internet usage.
But no matter how old they are, keeping screen time to a minimum is always a challenge. Sigh.
My God, I absolutely agree. It’s so difficult to control what will pop up on social media nowadays. No matter the age, people just became so toxic. I keep seeing so much racism and homophobia, sexism, and intolerance, it makes me really depressed.
And what a shock was to find my little nephew watching those spiderman/hulk/elsa/wonder woman videos on Youtube. There is no way to block it because isn’t full on p0rn, but I can’t believe YouTube hasn’t created better guidelines to stop it.
I agree that social media put pressure on kids and teens. Our children are faced with a constant pressure of social media we never knew as children. For them, social media is a different world than it is for us as adults. It is important for the kids and teens to have self-esteem and a clear knowledge for what is right and what is wrong in order to avoid cyber bullying. Also, it is important for them to feel safe at their home, trust their parents enough and feel free to speak with their mother or father about anything. .
Not just “racism and homophobia, sexism, and intolerance.” Lots of studies coming out about how teens and other kids are more likely to be depressed because of the “competitive” nature of social media. Girls are more likely to feel dissatisfied with their appearance thanks to IG and other platforms, which, unlike Zuckerberg would claim, is only about advertising and generating marketing dollars and selling info on your online behaviour, not connecting you with your long-lost relatives and old friends.
So do paparazzi, Jen.
Honestly, helping my kids interact with technology is the single scariest hardest part of parenting for me these days. I was born in 1976, so I’m pretty much the last generation to have a complete childhood without pervasive technology. Even my youngest sister (7yrs younger) had email and AIM chat and a Nintendo and cable from elementary school on. I had none of those things and got my first email address my freshman year of college.
I used to be a professor and have spent a lot of time reading research on technology and child development. None of it is good. The more I dig into it, the less I’m able to say with any honesty that it’s not all bad, that it’s how kids use it etc. It really does disrupt and damage the way our brains have worked for most of human history and we still don’t know what the larger impact will be. Even for adults, the effects of being tethered to our screens and of living our lives on social media are largely negative and often contribute to less satisfaction, less robust and happy relationships, shorter attention spans, less engagement with our kids and families…
All that is to say… I really don’t know how to handle social media in the coming years with my kids. My oldest is 9 and already there’s pressure from kids who have phones. My little one is only 4 months and who knows what it’ll be like when he’s a teenager.
I’ve erred on the side of very very very strict so far (zero screens period until age 4, no TV in the house until age 7, one tablet with parental restrictions that I keep and give out when he’s earned time by reading, playing outside, doing art, chores etc.). It’s getting much harder because the majority of kids in his class talk obsessively about video games.
Ironically, I work in tech with software developers and am immersed in tech all day. Mostly I wish I could get to a screen free life.
You should just worry about being a good parent and as for the classmates of your kid, those kids are not your concern. Just keep your kid away from that kind of influence by continuing to raise your kid the way you are right now. I am certain you’re doing the right thing.
I sell software to schools and i had a frank convo with some school teachers yesterday after a sales demo. I asked one of them – do you really want this for your classroom? Do you think technology/devices for students in the classroom to learn on are useful?
We are in a device driven world and they need these 21st century skills to survive in the work force and I can see where accessible student data helps teachers make informed decisions regarding instruction…As far as student learning, I’m not sure whether it helps or hurts them.
@lindy – I’m involved in research around tech, social media and kids. I know there is a 60 Minutes episode coming out this fall called Growing Up Digital – Alberta Education, Harvard Medical School and a few other prominent tech researchers are working on a multi-year study about the impact of tech on youth. Their preliminary findings are that 1 hour of screen time a day is a sweet spot. More than that can lead to feelings of depression, isolation, poor sleep, and fractured identity.
The most interesting aspect of the research to me so far is how the use of social media is impacting kids. They know there is a ‘purpose’ for each one, and know how to use them for the targeted audience. For example, on Instagram they should be artsy and show an art-related interest. Most kids rarely show their family in order to protect their loved ones from criticism, and their target audience isn’t their close friends, but the next circle out – their followers. On Snapchat, they need to keep up streaks. A lot of the streaks requires kids to login just before midnight, so kids are up late sneaking a post for their streak. On Facebook, they connect with family so they show family-appropriate stuff. So essentially, they engage in ‘marketing’ for the specific platform. But it is impacting their mental health because they have to be a certain version of themselves at a certain time. My kids are in their early teens, and we let them have Instagram, but their accounts are also on my phone so I get their notifications. My younger daughter gets too wrapped in keeping up with a fear of missing out, so we have her take 2 week-long breaks when she starts to need them so she can get grounded again. It is so tough, but I think so necessary to be as involved as you can. Neither has a phone, but they have ipods, so their access is limited to home, which helps.
A bunch of great, insight-filled posts, thanks, all four posters.
I think it’s odd kids have their own tablets, even if they’re only using certain apps. When it comes to this “connectedness” they should read. They should read books and if their parents subscribe to them maybe they can read suitable sections of the newspaper. I honestly believe that children read less when they spend more time on smart tablets.
I know times are changing and we can’t stop that, but we don’t need to bow down to it either. I see babies and toddlers with iPads in their hands. They’re not even paying attention to the world around them.
We were fine before this technology and honestly I think we’d be better off without it. As it stands, I personally think we should moderate it the best we can. Which I know is difficult.
Also, so odd to me that kids have their own smartphones… I was thrilled to get a flip phone at age 15 and texting was a nightmare on that thing. Texting on a smart phone would have been so much easier but I think that tech would have made my childhood harder, what with social media.
Kids today will never know how simple growing up was- and how simple it should be.
Ironic since social media is how she markets herself; she goes on talk shows yammering about her personal life, her entire persona is about being the best housewife on the planet, and has made it clear to the public that she is the savior of her husband. I am certain that if she stopped calling the paparazzi and stopped giving details of her personal life as Hollywood’s favorite housewife, I am sure the media wouldn’t cover her so much.
She’s no victim of social media or of the general media.
I understand that she don’t speak about herself but about her children. Of course she’s not a victim of social media as she is an adult woman, a professional actress and media is part of her life.
Then she needs to stop calling the paps when she’s with her kids. Her entire PR persona is Mommy and Savior of the Decade; I am certain that without it, her private life would in fact be perfectly private. Since her so called career is nothing particularly gripping or interesting, I am sure she would be able to have all the privacy she likes if she wanted. She keeps trying to make herself ‘happen’ and it’s galling that she has the nerve to preach about privacy and media intrusion when she is so obviously determined to be America’s Sweetheart at any cost.
I think all actors worldwide trying to make themselves “happen” and to sell their movies. It is their job.
She might be required to sell herself as an actress, but she should stop the BS wannabe Martha Stewart persona and start doing projects that will show her to be a good actress. Genuine actors and actresses put a good body of work together and otherwise stay out of the limelight.
Jen has fallen into the trap of making a public image/persona and then suddenly trying to be taken seriously as an actress. She is in the limelight, tipping off the press, blasting the press for intrusion, and basically trying to be as much of a victim as possible. She’s no different than any other declining celeb.
Corporatess, I totally agree with you about Garner calling the paps on her own kids. She’s about Jen Aniston level of interesting film work but never gets criticised for building a career on monotone acting.
Glad to see others beat me to it. She is so full of it. Miss Publicity team putting stories of her in Daily Mail EVERY DAY. Complete with pictures of her children.
Glad to be of service; she’s no innocent and if she didn’t call the paps all the time, she wouldn’t be covered at all. She would be no different than Denzel Washington’s wife and she wouldn’t be any different than Matt Damon’s wife. She got reams of good press due to her stunt of taking Affleck to rehab and she’s now going all holy about media coverage now that she’s actually interesting to the tabloids for once.
It’s a pretty easy fix. Don’t let your kids have social media accounts. At least not until they reach a certain age. This is not a knock against JG but there is a subset of people who seem to forget what parenting actually means. You don’t have to buy your kids a phone, iPad, or tablet. Your kids don’t have to have their own TV in their room. You don’t have to allow your kids unfettered access to social media. You can raise your kids and family how you want. You set the standards and guidelines for what is acceptable and what is not. Some parents act as though someone put a gun to their heads and forced them to do XYZ. They just don’t have backbone and are too desperate wanting their kids to like them.
Also speaking of toddlers playing with electronics – there was a great story in a The Atlantic recently about how distracted parenting harms children. And how parents are rarely fully present for their kids because they are distracted by social media.
I agree with you there and a lot of parents seem determined to be helpless and refuse to set up standards and guidelines.
That was a good post and as for Jen, no one says that she has to inform the press of her every single trip to church, various activities, and the food market.
While there is alot of negative social media, social media can also be positive. I can see why Jen is hesistant but unfortunately this is the way the world operates 24/7. Jen could slowly introduce her children ( age appropriate) to the fact that social media educates young people, creates a voice of reason in society, raises awareness about political environmental, or social causes, helps businesses, ( particularly small businesses) to compete, creates friendhips, helps to connect with long distance friends & family, etc. Just start there…
Kids will inevitably be introduced to social media whether it is through school or their peers, & it is better for the parent(s) to have discussed the positive & negative aspects of social media.
Well DUH! Thanks Jen, had no idea!!!
She keeps sounding like a teenager who just discovered the downside of social media for the first time, not a seasoned mother of three who has been a veteran of the Hollywood industry and had two serious relationships and one previous marriage, to say the least about dealing with her husband.
This ingenue fresh from the farm act gets old.
I’m in two ways about this. I feel like the rise in social media, or indeed the rise in the use of technology in children comes down to the fact that a lot of them aren’t allowed to spend as much time outside of the house anymore. I’m young, I’m not a mom, and this was the main reason why I spent as much time on the TV and the computer as I did. My parents were protective, and frankly, there’s only so much reading/studying/chores/etc that a child can do before they get bored and listless.
Times have changed obviously. I was a teenager when Facebook was huge and MySpace was on the wane. We didn’t have Twitter until high school and I didn’t get Instagram until university. I didn’t get Facebook until I was well into high school either. I didn’t grow up with smart phones or tablets, I didn’t get a regular cell phone until high school, and this was because my parents were a lot stricter than most others’. But I still spent an awful lot of time online, just on the computer, not on any particular social media (except MSN), but just idly browsing.
I’m not saying that you should hook your children up to Instagram or Twitter right from the get go. But if these things have taken over, it’s not only because of the general proliferation of technology in our lives. With teenagers especially, it’s also because there just aren’t a heck of a lot of physical spaces in this world for them to simply hang out like there used to be. Think about all of those endless hours so many people spent at the mall or the local park or just in the basement of their friend’s house doing nothing in particular. Those types of things don’t exist in the same way that it used to. Not to mention, parents often schedule the lives of their children down to the seconds in a day, to the point where children’s lives are structured to heck and back. A lot of the time, social media is one of those few things that exist outside of those parental structures. Is it a good thing? Clearly not. But it is what it is, and it exists for a reason.
There are going to be a lot of you who say, “Oh but that’s not true, my kid does goes to the park/hangs out at the mall/does this thing that you say they don’t do anymore!” Maybe. But the fact still remains that the scope of the physical world that we’re offering to the youth who are coming up is a very very narrow one, and we shouldn’t be surprised that they’re venturing off onto social media and creating a wider world for themselves than what’s provided. People already worried about this when I was growing up, and they’re still worrying about this now, but failing to provide a solution.