When I read the headline on Jada Pinkett Smith talking about Willow cutting herself, I felt so sorry for Willow. That sounds awful, but more than that Willow values her privacy. We know that she chose to step back from fame after the success of “Whip My Hair” because her family has talked about it. I assumed Jada was violating Willow’s privacy yet again, but it turns out that Willow, 17, opened up earlier this year about cutting herself, at age ten, when she was trying to cope with the pressures of fame. Willow told that story on her mother’s Facebook show, Red Table Talk, on an episode about loss which aired in the first season. Jada and her mom are promoting the second season, airing now, and Jada made these comments in a podcast interview with her mother.
Pinkett Smith — who was accompanied by her mother Adrienne Banfield-Jones — revealed she and Willow, 17, had “talked” about the moment after the teenager admitted on Red Table Talk she had been self-harming after achieving success with her 2010 single “Whip My Hair.”
“I wanted to make sure she was okay,” Pinkett Smith said. “We went through what happened and in the moment I realized as a mother you also have to give your children space to deal with their own shadow.”
“There’s lots of things that my mother didn’t know about me that she’s just finding out about me,” she added. “Our kids don’t want to burden us.”
“I focused more on how she got herself out versus what got her there,” she said. “I was most proud about that she could share it in the way she did, which let me know she had come through in a major way that she could put it on the table like that.”
“I wanted to focus on what [it was] that got her through,” the actress explained. “I really talked to her about her powering side [sic] of her journey and give her all the praise in the world for that part instead of focusing on, ‘Why didn’t you tell me?’”
This episode isn’t available to download yet so I couldn’t confirm that Jada is saying that the first time Willow told her that she used to cut herself was seven years later, while they were taping their show. Jada words it like that, which makes me question why they still aired it. Jada’s quotes here are a bunch of platitudes and I’m still mad for Willow that she’s talking about it. However Willow turns 18 next week (on Halloween!) and it was her decision to make this public at least. She’s not a child anymore and her parents did respect her choice not to pursue a singing career. It sounds like it was hard fought.
photos credit: WENN
WTF is up with the Smiths these days?
I could stare at Willow all day. She’s striking.
She looks just like a cat to me. In the best way. Striking, indeed.
Willow is BEAUTIFUL, truly. Jada’s hitting the fillers! Or hoarding chestnuts in her cheeks for the long winter ahead.
I feel like we’re missing some context here, namely whether they knew when it was happening. Bc if this was their response at the time, GOOD GOD. Their “children are small adults” parenting philosophy is just cuckoo to me. But I’ll reserve judgment until I can see it for myself.
That’s the first thing coming to me: WHERE WERE JADA & WILL *DURING* THAT TIME??? How would you NOT see cuts on your child? Or see the pain in their face/demeanor/depression?? Even “adults” can see things in other “adults”, and here, you’re talking about a TEN YEAR OLD CHILD who doesn’t have those “hiding” skills (if you can call it that) that an adult might have. WHO was taking care of those children? Hell, who was LIVING with those kids at the time??
Not sure if this was their response at the time either but I cut in late middle school/early high school and my parents didn’t notice or if they did don’t do or say a thing about it which I highly doubt happened. I was very good at hiding things and back then big, baggy, over sized clothes were in so I guess I had that advantage. My mom and I have never had a good relationship though so I don’t think she paid close attention. When I have lamented about my lack of brows due to 90s era over plucking she claims she had no idea that I was doing it and if she did she would’ve taken the tweezers. Um, how do you not notice that my eyebrows which are on my FACE went from bushy to straight thin lines overnight? Because she didn’t pay attention but I also think kids are a lot better at hiding things then adults think.
It seems like they didn’t know at the time. I don’t have a problem with what.Jada is saying but I do have a problem with the Smiths putting their kids in the spotlight at such vulnerable ages. It is tough enough to be an adolescent without the pressures of fame! Obviously it was too much for little Willow to handle, hence the cutting. Very sad. Oh and these two are totally Xenu. Don’t know why they try to hide it.
They’re ex-Xenu, and never were very far in, according to Tony Ortega (Underground Bunker) and others in the know. They divested from the school years ago at this point.
Xenu wishes they were Xenites! Fortunately, they are not. Just regular degular garden variety Hollywood weirdos.
“WHERE WERE JADA & WILL *DURING* THAT TIME???”
Mom was crying for 45 days straight while Dad was landscaping the pool.
Yeah Jada like someone said in a previous posts always tries to sound deeper than necessary to the point it becomes tedious listening to her..
Is this Smith barrage possibly them preparing the public for the eventual announcement of the fact that they are actually, legally divorced? To save face for them always saying in the past that “divorce is not an option” and to avoid the melee of major couples divorcing in Hollywood?
I watched that episode during the first season where Willow admitted to the cutting, and Jada was definitely caught off guard and said that she didn’t know. She was hearing it for the first time. Willow said that only one other person knew about it, her best friend.
What a forked up parental situation. I am so sad for these kids.
Many people engage in cutting without their parents knowing or finding out. I give the Smiths credit for not hiding this issue since their daughter gave her permission to discuss it. I am getting pretty exhausted with Will and Jada somewhat manufacturing marital drama for the sake of their show at this point, though. They are both accomplished actors and I wish they would stick with acting.
Why does Jada act like she’s just babysitting her kids and dropping some helpful hints on how they can raise themselves?
+1
Jada was successful in school but grew up in a tough environment and survived using her wits. And it sounds like her mother had to work hard so she may have been unsupervised. She doesn’t understand that her environment forced her to be tough and thinks her children can end up like her if left to their own devices.
But her children are different in personality than her and are growing up the privileged children of two rich parents. Her children are much, much, more fragile than she is. Different environment different people.
+1
I get the impression that Jada and Will didn’t do enough parenting-wise.
If you put a ten year old child out there with some massive hit you can practically guarantee that there will be trouble psychologically unless you put up protection and guards. The pressure didn’t come from nowhere and it was predictable. Why didn’t they put up defenses and guards and … ?
“I focused more on how she got herself out versus what got her there,” she said. (Jada said)
So is she saying Willow was all alone, cutting herself at age 10, and with no outside help, she cured herself? And Jada is not even curious about why she did it in the first place?
As a parent of a former cutter, it is VITAL that you learn what “got the child there.” That’s how you learn what the triggers are and only then can you learn how to deal with them as they arise AND how to avoid them in the future. And I’m referring to both the child and parent learning about the behavior as it is a family issue. It breaks my heart to think of any child going through such intense emotions all alone, confused, and scared.
My daughter has just started scratching herself. She’s 11 and has always been an anxious child. She is talking to me about the self harm but can’t quite explain why she’s doing it. I have made a doctor’s appt already.
What helped your kiddo? I’m considering rx drugs to help her manage but am concerned about these strong drugs.
I just want to help her. Where do I start?
Take her to a Psychiatrist who specializes in diagnosing affect disorders. That covers anxiety and depression but also OCD and bipolar which can include self harm.
I have a history of cutting and both my son’s have a history of it.
My youngest son (13) still self harms. Scratching, hitting himself, some actual cutting.
Cutting can be a part of sucidal ideation ( dangerous)
Or it is a way to handle internal pain.
Like you have so much psychic pain inside yourself that it releases and relieves the internal pain when you have some physical pain to see visually and to feel.
One thing Psychiatrists will suggest is a rubber band on the wrist and you snap it instead of cutting. You still have an action you can take and you get the pain release but without doing damage.
There is usually a circular thought process that goes with cutting, which includes saying mean things to yourself or going over and over what someone else said, or what you think they think of you.
OCD and bipolar are anxiety based affect disorders which commonly include the above as symptoms, so I strongly suggest you find a good diagnosing shrink that knows affect disorders.
Medication such as Prozac and welbutrin work really well for the thoughts and self harm.
Please be very careful with over the counter stuff such as St. John’s wort
If she has any kind of underlying thing like OCD or childhood onset bipolar it will take it to a whole other level of nightmare bad.
Have her tested for deficiency in iron, her thyroid, vitamin’s D and B and C, magnesium
All those things contribute to problems that can cause anxiety, depression, cutting
So getting a good B complex, extra C and D and a good multiple vitamins with higher zinc and magnesium can help.
Also people with affect disorders tend to become more easily deficient in the above so either way get her tested as well as diagnosed
They usually treat cutting and the underlying cause with a combo of talk therapy, behavior mod, cognitive therapy and medication.
I’m going through this right now with my youngest son. He’s diagnosed bipolar, OCD, anxiety disorders, depression, ADD, panic disorder. All in the affect family
Do try the rubber band, it helped my son before the medication helped. I knew about it from it working for me. I have a lot of the same issues as my kids. It needs to be tight enough to sting to take the place of the cutting and scratching.
The great thing is you know she has a problem and you are getting her early help! That is incredibly important.
If you need to talk ever my email is shellyalauritsen@gmail.com
And I’m so glad I copied my comment before I posted, because the book I wrote poofed
Cairinacat,
Thank you for your thoughtful comment! Really, I have tears in my eyes bc you took the time to help a stranger. Everything you said is so helpful. I do think she is hurting so much and I just want to help her.
I love the rubber band idea, bc it is something we can start today.
Thanks again. I’m getting her the help she needs, but hearing from parents who have been through this is beneficial. I have your email and may take you up on that offer to talk more.
Both Will and Jada had rough childhoods (Jada was a drug dealer in Bmore, her mom struggled with serious drug addiction issues, Will said his dad punched his mom and abused her emotionally).
Until the Smiths healed those childhood wounds, nothing their children were going through was ever going to seem *that bad* to them.
So, I can see that the reaction of Will and Jada might have been (if Willow told them at the time) -you have 2 parents who love each other, wealth, vacations, food, your own career and money-what could you possibly be unhappy about? And then Will and Jada were also going through their own depression, marriage woes it sounds like when I watched the episodes.
I tend to think a kid self-harms because they don’t have a sense someone really hears them and cares about their feelings, no matter how big or small. And no knock on Jada and Will – it can be hard to give the emotional support to kids you didn’t get as a kid yourself, add marriage issues on top of that – and I think that is how mental health can be influenced.
In the episode they seem to acknowledge wealth and accomplishment is an easy way to seem like a good parent or partner, but what everyone in their family needed was to know they are being heard and valued enough to be their own person.
Really? I know plenty of parents who had bad childhoods & somehow managed to be responsible, caring parents. Why are you making excuses for them? Ridiculous psycho-babble. Yes, Willow self harmed b/c she had 2 parents who neglected her.
Or you could, you know, parent your children instead of letting them raise themselves.
I have FEELINGS. My parents found out I was cutting when I was 14, I had started at 13. They did nothing except make me promise to stop. No therapy. No help. I then went through ten more years of hell before finally getting myself diagnosed with an anxiety disorder and starting treatment.
I always have to wonder what my life would have been like if I had gotten the help I needed when I first cried out for help as a teenager. I was neglected in this way. My parents didn’t do the work, they didn’t help me. All they would have had to do is get my ass to a therapist. So yeah this makes me feel like Jada didn’t do enough. Cutting is a sign of deep difficulty, it’s not normal. I was cutting because the onset of my anxiety disorder was STRONG and horrible and it made me feel better. Promising to stop didn’t make the anxiety go away. I just moved on to dealing with it in other horribly unhealthy ways and it derailed me for many years.
I’m not taking parenting advice from this woman.
Poor kid didn’t stand a chance with these wackos. From homeschooling to a Scientology school, it’s easy to see why she acted out the way she did.
I think Willow must have fought tooth and nails to be out of the career their parents wanted for her. I do not like Jada as a parent at all.
It seems everything mus turn around her.
I didn’t realize that was Jada. What did she do to her face??
I watched that episode of her show, seeing her reaction I could tell Jada was honest when she said she didn’t know Willow was self-harming herself.. and please, stop judging her parents. It happens, no parents knows what’s going on with in children/teenagers’ mind 24/7.
Willow talked previously how that time (fame and all) was really hard for her, I’m sure her parents knew to a degree but couldn’t imagine she would do that.