The NY Times has a profile and interview with Ellen DeGeneres. Ellen has a standup show coming to Netflix on December 18 called Relatable. You can watch the trailer here, it looks cute and I laughed a few times. (Netflix is killing it with their original content. While I wonder how sustainable it is I do watch it constantly.) Ellen riffs on the fact that she’s considered too rich to understand how the rest of us live. She also tackles the rumors that she’s difficult to staff despite her sunny approachable persona. She gets into her dark period after being one of the first celebrities to come out as gay in the late 90s. Ellen is a trailblazer, she’s a workhorse and she’s been getting celebrities to open up for years. She’s not sure how much longer she can continue that. In the Times, Ellen reveals that her partner, Portia de Rossi, is trying to get her to leave the show after her contract ends in the middle of 2020. Her brother wants her to stay and she’s just not sure.
On rumors that she’s difficult: “it’s an outright lie”
DeGeneres said her wife also had a note about this interview. “Portia said: Just remember, the nicer they are, the more they are going to screw you,” DeGeneres said, smiling disarmingly.Unsure how to respond, I replied awkwardly: “That’s good advice.” Then I started feeling self-conscious and several minutes later, asked my least-nice question, about the tabloid stories featuring anonymous complaints that she isn’t always kind to those she works with. “That bugs me if someone is saying that because it’s an outright lie,” she said. “The first day I said: ‘The one thing I want is everyone here to be happy and proud of where they work, and if not, don’t work here.’ No one is going to raise their voice or not be grateful. That’s the rule to this day.”
Ellen is trying to decide whether to stay past 2020
DeGeneres recently took the option to extend her contract — until the summer of 2020 — although she had been close to declining. On the question of leaving, she changes her mind all the time. Her brother has been an advocate for staying on, making the case that in the age of Trump, the country needs her positive, unifying voice on television every day.“She gets mad when my brother tells me I can’t stop,” DeGeneres said, glancing over at de Rossi to see if she’s gone too far.
“I just think she’s such a brilliant actress and stand-up that it doesn’t have to be this talk show for her creativity,” de Rossi said. “There are other things she could tackle.”
It sounds like Ellen isn’t ready to leave and like this is Portia’s idea because she wants more time with her. Ellen gives the impression that she wants to be challenged professionally but keep her day job. As for the rumors that she’s difficult, it’s telling that she’s saying people have to be grateful and happy at her workplace. That comes across like she doesn’t tolerate dissent or being questioned. As a control freak I get it, but some of the best work comes from people who take initiative and ask for change. Maybe if they do it nicely Ellen doesn’t mind though.
Photos credit: WENN, Backgrid and Netflix Press
Oh yeah totally! And then ends it with “if not don’t be here”. I agree with your take. Her answer said it all. The rumors are true then.
I agree, that jumped out at me. Commanding people to be happy? That’s bizarre. And no words about a supportive environment. Red flags for sure. I don’t know.
Wow. It’s weird where my mind went with that statement until I read the comments regarding the article.
As a knee jerk reaction, I initially thought she meant that no one would be ungrateful or raise their voice IF a colleague raised their concerns. That it would be okay to do so.
I get it now.
Yup she didn’t really answer the question. Her answer is about her employees, not about her. My guess is either you do everything the right way (her way) or you’re out, so you better be happy. I mean sure if you fire everyone who’s unhappy you will only have happy employes, I guess.
“No one is going to raise their voice or not be grateful. That’s the rule to this day.” That’s chilling. Sounds like the only person who gets to raise a voice or not be grateful is Ellen herself. She grew up in the South, as did I, where “ungrateful” was transparent code for daring to disagree and dissent. I can’t begin to tell you the number of times I heard people of color, women, and anyone in a less-powerful position be accused of not being grateful whenever they challenged the status quo.
I never knew before reading the James Corden article a few minutes ago that DeGeneres was from the South. Now? I am reading her comments in the same way as you, for the same reason. I am also a southerner and you are so right about how it works down here. That stays with you too.
Oh I totally read her comment differently! I read “no one” to mean “no one in charge” is going to raise their voice or not be grateful. I work in a difficult environment where those in charge tend to bark out orders with no appreciation or gratitude so I assumed she meant that she intended for her workplace to be different and that superiors would ask nicely for things and appreciate everyone’s hard work. That said I’ve heard all the rumors too so maybe she hopes for one thing but doesn’t always deliver.
I hadn’t considered that possibility, and I hope it might be the case. I love it when I read persistent, decades-long rumors of some celebrities’ kind and generous behavior. But the durably consistent rumors I’ve read about Ellen for years now are very different, and I always wonder whether there’s some truth to them. I greatly admire toughness when it’s not shaded with meanness, pettiness, condescension, etc.
Kate, I just wrote the same thing! Maybe I’m too optimistic!
Lol.
Yes, like it or else, minions!!!! Bad answer Ellen.
100% read it this way…
The rumors are totally true. I wish I could name names but I know people on set and she’s not just “not nice” -she’s a monster.
We’re all ears, you can skip the names!
She is probably tough, as she has to be in order to be successful as long as she has. Screw everyone who calls women “difficult” for requiring competence.
It’s her show and if she wants to run it her way, so be it. That doesn’t make her difficult, that makes her the boss.
But there are stories about her being abusive, and we don’t know if those stories are true or not. Some bosses are abusive; being a woman doesn’t make it okay. One of the worst abusers I ever worked with was a woman. Insisting that having a vagina makes you immune from criticism hurts victims.
It reminds me of the Michelle Rodriguez article, where people were insisting her “bad rep” was because she’s outspoken and had probably because she’d turned down someone’s sexual advance, like she hadn’t gone to prison three times, been a serious alcoholic for years, and physically abused her girlfriend!
I know someone, not very well, but I am see them sometimes and they were a writer on the show a while back and even won an Emmy (with the other writers) for it. But they have alluded that it was not a good place to work. The forced happiness kind of says it all to me…like if someone’s not allowed to be unhappy then you’re trying to cover something up. They don’t discuss it directly or give details, maybe out of fear or maybe bc they just don’t want to spread gossip. But they’ve never had anything good to say about it.
Idk about her personal life or her as a person in general. Maybe you can be a difficult boss and fine to work with as a peer and fine personally?
@Meganbot Exactly where did I say having a vagina makes you immune from criticism? You know where? NO WHERE. Learn to read with your eyes and not your assumptions.
There’s been rumors for years. Sometimes when I watch her show, she has these moments that you can see she’s not the nicest person. And this is when she’s on camera, talking to celebrities. I get that being super upbeat and friendly might be draining all the time, but maybe that’s when you admit it’s time to hang it up. I’ve never really liked watching her show.
Agree – I don’t watch her show but when I have caught clips, I have always felt that she talks down to people in interviews. Laughing at them, not with them. During interactions with an average fan/person, I’ve always felt disdain radiating from her. I can see her being a great standup comic on that basis, you need a dark side.
You nailed it. There’s a whiff of mean-spiritedness about her at times, subtle but persistent.
Well put, CheckThat. Yes, that’s what I’ve observed, too.
You can definitely see it when she gets GREAT delight from people being made to looks stupid and helpless when she puts them up to her stupid stunts and game challenges…She appears to have a sadistic streak a mile wide. I can bet she’s a total bitch behind closed doors.
Yup. And it’s not just with celebrities – sometimes I find she could be leaning into demeaning territory with guests who weren’t famous at all (like sarste said) . It’s been a long time since I’ve watched her show though – so it’s certainly a long running rumor.
There’s a difference between a boss expecting a certain level of work and someone being a jerk about it. You want employees to come to you if they are feeling unhappy. You don’t want them doing a crap job because they’re miserable – but there needs to be a balance of welcoming fair criticism and expecting people to leave if they’re unhappy. Not every woman that’s called difficult is experiencing an unfair title – some people just ARE difficult.
Mean spirited is the word for sure. I haven’t liked Ellen for some time.
Portia’s advice is distorted thinking. It’s also setting up everyone for gaslighting by Portia and Ellen. “Nice? No, you’re mean.” That is f’d up. There is something wrong with both their mindsets but this is what gives world success in recent years. I’m waiting on that to be spotted more. These people are a creepy mess.
Give me real people any day over this nightmare.
Yeah. She used the word grateful. The rumors have been around for awhile now as well as her being very controlling with Portia. Given the personalities of comedians and Portia’s resting defeated face I have no issue believing this.
gosh, that was well-said about Portia. I’ve sometimes wondered if DeGeneres isn’t a bit of an emotional vampire.
Love your name so much haha.
Yeaahh, I agree about Portia so hard. There is a clip of Jennifer Aniston on Ellen’s show where she does a mock interview with Ellen and Portia and every time Portia answers a question Ellen goes on to correct her and keeps pressuring until she changes her original opinion. One of the questions was to name something about Ellen that annoys her and she came up with something and Ellen got visibly pissed off and kept grilling her and saying – You love it! You know you love it! until she had to backtrack. She was nervous and uncomfortable with the whole thing the whole time and kept answering super carefully as if she was expecting to get punished for giving the wrong answer.
On the other hand, it’s Portia so I don’t give a fuck – she publicly cheated on her fiancee Francesca Gregorini to hook up with Ellen and she deserves to regret that for the rest of her life.
Portia definitely lost that glow she had when they first married. I remember her from Ally McBeal and she was so stunning. Now I can’t put my finger on it but she looks different – it’s not age either.
I don’t think Ellen will give up the show. I assume she’s challenging to work with–like most high-level performers in showbiz. I don’t think anyone will ever know what hell she went through in order to stage a comeback after she came out and was shunned. To be on top now has got to mean more to her than it would to most people.
Celine Dion managed a highly public Vegas show and long public career and she’s not like this. There is no excuse for this.
Also, Oprah. Michelle Obama. Any number of successful women, and men, who are not scary controlling creepy like this.
If she runs a tight ship( she would have to in order to be this successful) and just wants things to run smoothly, I can see it ruffling some feathers. But that is the case in most well run workplaces and a good employer would also be fair and treat their employees well.
That said there have been too many blind items and rumours how Ellen can be very mean at times. I think the truth is somewhere in the middle
Sorry but I have no time for women are “difficult” rumours and whispers coming out of Hollywood. Even if true, after the past year and a half Hollywood has completely lost the benefit of the doubt.
Where does that leave victims of abuse where the abusers are female?
I work in the entertainment industry and was sexually harassed by a female director who had previously stalked one of her female cast members, and one of the worst bullies I ever worked for was also a woman. I was pressured to keep quiet about both in order to not undermine the sisterhood.
The rumors have been around for a long time so it’s hard to not believe them since they are so persistent. Obviously I think anyone is grateful to have a job anywhere but to not be able to raise your voice is synonymous to me to not be allowed to disagree. Rosie O’Donnell was once dubbed the “Queen of Nice” and we now know that’s not true at all. My aunt worked for her early in her career and always said Rosie was a piece of work.
Ellen’s show premiered when I was in high school and I definitely loved her back then since she was so funny, positive, and upbeat, all the things people like about the show. I haven’t watched a full episode though in years (I no longer have network TV anyways) and just watch Youtube clips. However to have to do that for 15 years… it can start to feel like an act and obviously Ellen is not bubbly and super personable all the time (if at all outside the show). I get why she wants to stop and do other things. I saw her interview on James Corden… there was a weird vibe and the commenters picked up on it but thinking maybe it felt weird for her to be interviewed on another show. She just looked really tired and over it, maybe all the promoting for the Netflix special.
I too am a control freak. I am so tired of hearing people complain about managers or bosses that are type As. If you don’t like it then leave. I also agree with the comment that the ones who push back should be listened to because that is where great ideas come from. It is a fine line. But in the end, they have choices. And one is to leave and the other to suck it up. I am sure Ellen can be difficult. Hell we all are. And she has a show with her name on it and i am sure she wanta things done a certain way. Hell, i would too.
As for her being controlling with Porcia and Porcia’s defeated face, maybe that is like resting bitch face.
There’s a difference between wanting to know how things are progressing in the workplace and being able to report to command how things are going in your division. But there’s also being an asshole micro-manager. I’d leave, screw that, I’m a grown woman and I don’t need to be bossed around by a “Type A Control Freak.” Life’s too short to put up with that.
That’s the thing talent usually does leave. Instead of evaluating why people are leaving “control freaks” double down on the take it or leave it attitude. That doesn’t inspire loyalty but anxiety. And no not everyone is difficult. You can be a commanding presence with a smooth running work environment without being controlling.
And frankly the thing about control freaks is that deep down they are deeply anxious and insecure and can’t trust others.
This is the way my manager is. A control freak that micromanages and who manages to find a mistake in a grain of sand. Even if I check my work 8, 10, 15 times, most of the time she manages to find something imperfect and point it out. Even if it’s the tiniest most non-important thing, she feels the need to point it out. I’m surprised if I manage to turn something in with no mistakes, such is my anxiety that I’ll get berated for making another stupid mistake. (And she isn’t just like this with just me, she nitpicks at and criticizes people we work is and is so amazed not everyone is as “efficient” as her). Some of her criticism is valid, but it’s the way it’s delivered that puts me off and she really makes me feel like an idiot. I’ve already started to look elsewhere for other opportunities which is too bad as she is smart and brilliant at what she does.
I’ve heard from a lot of sources that she is a nightmare to work for. She churns through staff and is generally a terrible boss.
I don’t think Portia pushes Ellen to do anything. It’s been pretty clear for years who’s top dog in that relationship.
And please, no new Ellen projects. She has pretty awful taste
‘Member “Mr. Wrong?” Classic cinema!
I don’t think that saying don’t raise your voice is the same thing as saying don’t disagrees I think she means – I hope she means – don’t be inappropriate or unprofessional. If people have to shout to get their point across, they’re either unfit professionally or unfortunately in a very toxic work environment.
Look I’m not going to get into too many details, but having know someone who has worked for her, there is a world of difference between being high maintenance and going out of your way to be an a**hole to your staff the point that person goes home and crys everyday.
How you treat the people who work under you, no matter how big or small their jobs are, say everything about you. You don’t have to be a dick to be successful.
WOW. I am so sorry about your friend! I once needed a year of cognitive behavioral therapy after getting out of a toxic workplace — I hope your friend is okay!!
I’m sort of split on it. I’ve heard rumors and all too, and no one is nice 100% of the time so I can believe those. On the other hand, she’s the head of a multi-million dollar empire, so she probably HAS to be tough and hard, and doesn’t have time for a lot of nonsense. As long as it’s not abusive, I can’t fault her for that, and I wonder how often the “niceness” of male CEOs is questioned.
That’s how I feel too. I don’t watch her show, but I’ve always kind of liked her and I’ll watch the special. When you have staff it’s difficult, some no matter how nice you are are always disgruntled and feel they should have more. I sometimes wondered if they’d be happy ever, even if they were paid and never had to come to work. People’s livelihood is also on the line if she leaves. I really appreciated that Conan worked to ensure people kept their jobs with his whole show’s transition a few years ago. All I got is that I loved that niceness throw down she had with Jimmy Kimmel, that was super funny.
A lot of people in the comments are saying essentially that questioning DeGeneres is sexist, because males in her position don’t get that kind of scrutiny and I agree to a point. But, I think everyone, male and female in high-power positions should be scrutinised – I think DeGeneres gives off a super dark vibe under her sunny persona. So I guess the criticism can be both sexist and accurate?
Ellen’s talk show persona has always reminded me a bit of the Pee Wee Herman character. There this implied naïveté, cloying ‘niceness’, and a dark underlying cruelty. It’s certainly a complex, rather creepy character.
This reminds me very much if the angry black women comments I always see. Why does a women have to difficult if she wants certain things? As long as you aren’t being harassed or threatened abd your workplace is tolerable everything else is gravy.
I once had a OK job I called it. Not a horrible place but not my passion I slogged thru till I could have enough money to work for myself. Now everyone can’t do that but I do think we have a complain complain society and that need to stop.
How do you know she’s not threatening or harassing?
I find it horrifying that abuse is downgraded to “difficult” anytime the abuser happens to have a vagina (wording intentional because transwomen don’t receive the same privilege).
Doesn’t she scare here guests as a bit? I’ve never seen her show but scaring people for laughs, or for any reason, shows a mean streak to me.
That is all I could think about reading the comments. Glad you brought it up.
I think she is a better stand up than talk show host.
I’ve been reading about Ellen for the last couple years on blind items and Reddit posts etc. I guess she isn’t outright “mean” but the consensus is that she’s high school girl mean. Which I guess is unless you fall in line then your okay but if you don’t then your dead meat. The only troubling thing I read was that she would adopt dogs and make/guilt her staffers into taking them when they didn’t have the means to.
I know it’s more rumour/conjecture, but doesn’t/hasn’t she compelled people to adopt animals when they’re perhaps not ready to do so?
One of my former colleagues worked on The Ellen Show. What she thought would be a dream job quickly became a nightmare. She ended up taking time off before finding a new position so she could mentally recover.
Nina, are you able to share any stories?
I’m too curious for my own good.
Also, yes I can tell myself that she tenses up or gets stressed on the show. It’s almost like her jaw tightens and her eyes lose all humor.
Maybe this is not her favorite platform. I don’t know how well I’d handle having to be cheery and diplomatic and entertaining every single day.
I’m sure she can be tough/abrasive/irritable.
I just wish more men in the same line of work would be called out for it moreso, too.
I think women, in general, are not able to get away with as much as men for a myriad of reasons.
Still, abusive behavior by any gender is obviously no good.
I’m somewhat in the industry and I’d love to have the opportunity some of these folks have. Maybe I wouldn’t be a saint, but I suspect I’d be fair and humble. I think fame/ great success at a young age is a culprit sometimes.
By young, I mean under 40.
Of all the people I personally know that have risen to the top of their field/industry, and that I still enjoy being around lol, they’re tough. At work, it’s about the company. And not one has a high turnover. There’s a female media mogul, male luxury homebuilder, a thirty-something guy who worked in the oil industry, invented this cap thingy for offshore drilling that saves oil seepage, is gazillionaire now with his own manufacturing site, real estate chick…. These people are way fun to hang with. Dinner and drinks, boating excursions, whatever. Their employees like em too. But they get shit done. At the end of the day, they’re the boss and their decisions, however derived, are inked and signed. Maybe Ellen is a busybody too, can’t sit still, fingers in everything, always listening to new ideas and formulating her own plans. Her business, her rules. Kinda like Oprah. She can be shrewd as well.
Sifting through the comments I have to say that it’s REALLY not that bad or big of a deal to call a cis thin white incredibly wealthy and influential woman difficult. Not the same thing as a difficult woman with none of the privilege.
Except most women with none of the privilege get called rude, ungrateful, lazy, etc. In my own experience, women don’t tend to be labelled “difficult” until they’ve achieved something that people didn’t like, or were envious of. But “Difficult” is particularly used for women in Hollywood, and is absolute poison to the less famous and influential. It’s usually coded and the connotations are often that she will call out sexism. There’s a lot of reasons to question a “difficult” label on a woman in Hollywood. (Also, certainly being bigger than size zero in Hollywood comes with a whole range of other put-downs and prejudice, but thin is a common requirement in the business.)
Saying that, being white, cis, incredibly wealthy and influential definitely reduces the impact of the word.
Honestly, I feel like the use of the word in the subheading is actually intentional, to confuse the issue. The question was about being “not nice”, and really, the rumours are about being horrible. Even “not nice” is completely minimizing and coding the rumours in a way that leans into them being sexist smears. It’s intentionally misleading. “Horrible” is not the same as “difficult”.
I still haven’t forgotten when she adopted a dog from a rescue group, gave it away despite being contractually obligated to return it to the group, and then made a big scene on her show crying about how the group took the dog back when they found out what she’d done.
Meh. Just own it. Men are allowed to be “difficult” bosses, but it’s just called being a hard worker or having high standards.
I’m a SAHM, but I’m starting a business soon. I will have no employees, but you better believe I have high standards and am a demanding boss, even if it’s just me. Successful people don’t achieve success by having a lackadaisical, devil may care attitude. I’m not going to succeed unless I’m tough and keep working hard day in and out.
I read her “be grateful” comments as telling staff to remember how privileged they are to be here. Not as her being a benevolent ruler, but as in, show biz is hard. We are all lucky to have this opportunity. There’ll be no yelling and disrespect and let’s remember that there are others who would kill for this job.
I have no trouble believing she is an exhausting boss to work for. I’m sure there are a lot of great things about her as a person otherwise, but I’ve had a few particular bad bosses and I can see it in her. Also, anyone who gets joy from randomly scaring the shit out of their employees is a sadist in my opinion. I hope people at least have the option of letting it be known if they would not ever be ok with having that done to them.
I don’t think her real persona is as nice and friendly as her act for the show. Much like Rosie before her. They are two very different people who had similar platforms. Rosie played games on her show and she gave gifts to audience members, long before that became Ellen’s thing.
Then reports came out about Rosie’s off-set behavior which she denied for a long time but a good portion of the complaints about her were true. So I would not be surprised if Ellen is similar.
In the beginning she seemed genuinely nice. Nowadays I don’t enjoy watching as much — too many glimmers of a mean streak peak through.
Love Ellen. Love her show when I have time to watch it, which isn’t much in the last few years. I’m rarely home at that time. I’ve been a fan of hers since The Ellen Show, huge fan of that show, and love Ellen and Portia. She is a woman who rose from the ashes of a once great career to eventually create another successful career in the entertainment industry. Rock on, Ellen.
Yeah it’s true I heard friends in LA talking about her one had worked on her show apparently very nasty. I was surprised as she seems so nice.
I saw Ellen do stand up at the Sanger theater in New Orleans around 15 years ago. This is when she was still with Anne Heche. New Orleans is not an affluent city, and the entire lesbian community paid their hard earned money to come out and see her. She took questions from the audience after her monologue. Some of the questions came from a place of ignorance and innocence, but they were far from rude. The questions were almost childlike. For example: “What was it like growing up lesbian in the South? What was it like to do a love scene with Sharon Stone?” Ellen responded to each question with thinly veiled contempt. Things got pretty heated when someone asked her, “Is it true you used to work at Acme Oyster House?” This was a little Urban Legend we had in New Orleans. I had heard it plenty of times. I am not sure how it started, but it felt like people wanted to claim her as a true native of the city. It wasn’t trashy gossip. When Ellen heard this, she shut it down. She started getting angry and interrogated the audience member a little … but not enough to make the papers. I remembered leaving the show feeling shocked and disappointed. Not only did I think she was hateful, I didn’t find her funny, and I felt like I had wasted my money. This was confirmed a month later when I saw she had a special on HBO. I watched some of it out of curiosity, and it was the exact same standup routine. No one will ever convince me that Ellen is “nice.” What she did for our city after Katrina … well, I guess it was good PR. It further cultivated the nice girl persona that’s made her rich.
I have never found her funny. She has an edge to her that shows up when she likes to frighten people or humiliate them or play practical jokes. And her humor is passive-aggressive. She’s an angry woman. All the other stuff like giving things away to needy people is to boost her ratings. I do think she is sincere about her love of animals, though.
This. Allllll day long.