On Saturday at 1:15 pm EST Pete Davidson posted a disturbing message to Instagram that read like a suicide note. It read, in part “I really don’t want to be on this earth anymore,” and “I don’t know how much longer I can last.” This came about a half hour after he posted support for Kanye West, after Kanye took offense at a vague mild joke Pete’s ex Ariana Grande made about Kanye’s beef with Drake. Kanye claimed Ariana was somehow mocking mental illness, she was not, but she apologized anyway. (The background and related posts are here.) It was clear Pete was aware of that exchange as he responded directly to it. It’s unknown how much it influenced his next post, but given the timeline it seemed related. Pete’s last message, which had so many people worried for his safety, was up for about 45 minutes before he deleted his entire Instagram.
Many people reached out to Pete. We heard that his friend Machine Gun Kelly was on his way to see him (they were later spotted together) and Jon Cryer broke the news at 2:20 that Pete was at NBC studios for his job at Saturday Night Live. It was a huge relief to people, including fans and including Ariana, who tweeted that she was there for him. She wrote “I’m downstairs and I’m not going anywhere. I know u have everyone u need and that’s not me, but I’m here too.” Outlets are reporting that Ariana wasn’t let up to see Pete at his job though.
Pete Davidson refused to see Ariana Grande when she rushed to 30 Rock to comfort him over the weekend … TMZ has learned.
Sources connected to Pete and NBC tell us, Pete alerted his security to hold his ex-fiancee at bay when she arrived at the building. We’re told Pete knew Ariana was on her way, because she was calling friends after he posted what looked like a suicide note. Ariana told friends she was rushing over to NBC, and they dropped a dime on her and gave Pete the heads-up.
On SNL on Saturday night Pete introduced Miley Cyrus’s act and didn’t do any live skits, although a pre-taped skit with him aired. If there had to be last minute adjustments made you probably couldn’t tell, all the reviews I saw said it was one of the best SNLs in years. (That may be due to host Matt Damon though. Dude may be obtuse but he can act.)
I learned a lot by reading comments on the last post from readers with borderline personality disorder. (Pete has been open for years about his diagnosis.) He knew it wasn’t good for him to see Ariana, that’s his prerogative and he made that call for his mental health. He had people around him for support, including his close friends and coworkers. For those who say Pete’s post was attention seeking or a way to get Ariana back, that’s unfair. He was in pain, he made it known and got help. That’s what people should do. We want people to reach out and get help when they need it. Ariana tried to help, she just said she was there and when she wasn’t wanted she stepped back. I think she handled that well, although she wasn’t obligated to show up she wanted to be there and she wasn’t insistent on seeing him. It’s sad for everyone and I hope Pete is ok and that he can get to a better place soon. So many people can relate to what he’s going through.
photos credit: WENN and NBC/SNL
I love her new song, but honestly I think she’s been kinda negligent of his feelings. If my ex put out a boppy song right after our engagement I’d be mad too. She also got mad at him for sharing his feelings in the media, but she shared much more. Chalk it up to youth.
Yes, yes, yes. Although, I’m the same age range as them and I would never in a million years think that was okay. Chalk it up to insensitivity maybe?
Well, she did lick all those donuts… there’s some insensitivity already there, even though she has grown up quite a bit.
She did right to go there just in case she could help. She made it clear that she knew he might not need her and didn’t make a fuss when he didn’t want to see her. His post was very concerning and she knows him well enough to know that.
Yes, my bad. Not youth, just insensitivity. I think her career is her priority above all else, which in some ways I admire, but not when it hurts others.
This all just shows me how old I am. Why is she sending a personal plea to the world instead of just to him? It’s so weird how these private dramas now need to happen on social media for the sake of image.
That’s what I don’t get either. This should be private, not for the whole world. And if he’s blocked her personally so she can’t send him a message, either leave him alone, or contact a friend or something who can pass on a supportive message.
It’s not just celebrities though, someone I know from high school got into a fight with her daughter because apparently she slept with the daugher’s boyfriend, and it was all public on FACEBOOK!!! People were commenting like, “um, you guys know everyone can see this, right?”
He supposedly blocked her number and blocked her on Instagram. Not sure why she tweeted it, maybe to stave off the people who would inevitably blame her for his concerning message.
I’m guessing she probably can’t call or text him at the moment. She broke his heart. He probs blocked her number.
I guess I’m more cynical. I see it as a means of absolution. She had a lot of fingers (unfairly) pointed at her after Mac Miller’s death, and putting her support out there in the ether is a public way of aligning herself with being on the right side of things.
If she was in the 30 Rock lobby, a staff member would have told Pete, she didn’t need to tweet it to let him know. That was for the public.
I spend a lot of time with teenagers because I’m a teacher. There is no privacy for them in the way that anyone over 30 understands “privacy.” We used to joke “pics or it didn’t happen” but that’s not a joke to them. Life is not worth living if they are not living it publicly. If Pete and Ariana’s drama didn’t play out on Insta, how would they know if they even existed at all?
I know Ariana stans are hardcore, but in my opinion, she’s a narcissistic infant.
he was more than happy to use her to promote all his stuff when they were together tho. i mean – writing love and heartbreak songs is her job. she’s an artist. was adele not supposed to write her albums b/c of her ex’s feelings? what about every other song ever written?
how did he use her to promote his stuff?
Well making jokes is his job. So you can’t say he used her for publicity and she didn’t and then chalk her actions up to her job, that’s hypocritical. Fact is she dated a lesser known person, they were both very public about it. Just because he’s not as well known doesn’t mean he’s the user and callous one. It seems like someone who is lesser known is called a user wether they are openly sharing stuff or if they are low key. I mean Joe Alwyn refuses to talk about his relationship and he’s user and pete’s a user because he was in an mutually oversharing relationship. It’s like they are damned if they do and damned if they don’t. Reality is if you’re as big a star as Ari or Taylor most guys won’t be as successful and the besides stars of that caliber often have a type A personality and might be more attracted to someone with a different personality.
I’m so confused how people keep saying the song is disrespectful – have you heard it or read the lyrics? It’s a song about how’s grateful for her past relationships and how she’s focusing on herself.
Yes, I don’t think either of them has been saying or singing terrible things about each other.
No one wants to actually listen or think. They have to display their internalized misogyny by finding a way to blame her for his lifelong mental health struggles.
In my opinion the video was pretty callous. There’s that scene when she’s flipping through her Mean Girls burn book and Pete gets “sry I dipped” and Big Sean gets “could still get it.” That is cold. Now everyone knows he was the dumped party and he has to sit there thinking about how she maybe is more attracted to Big Sean than him. And that song blew up so that’s like, eeeeeeveryone knows.
Not only does the song not disrespect him or her other exes in any way, but she was considerate enough to talk to each ex about it- including Pete- in advance. That doesn’t sound insensitive to me.
I think she’s one of those people who think they’re protected under the umbrella of “feminism” and so she thinks everyone will rally for her and the cause any time she tweets. I’d say sorry for but I’m not even gonna apologize — take a seat, Ariana. You can’t victimize then try to be the victim for relevance.
She’s not ‘victimizing’ anyone. If that’s really what you think then maybe you can’t handle listening to music or dating at all yet. Fucking Christ, no wonder why male entitlement is such a problem- there are women who enable it by telling men they’re victims if a woman rejects them or focuses on taking care of herself.
When I saw those headlines in the news, I thought, is Pete obligated to see her or something? If you’re having suicidal thoughts, do you have to see your ex because she is famous? Glad she stopped by to check on him but he’s not a monster for refusing her.
Really glad Pete is ok.
Pete interjected himself in her conversation with stupid kanye to get her attention.
Then when she tries to see him he turns her away.
Classic pathetic man.
@kittycat I mean one could say that Ariana interjected herself into the Kanye and Drake conversation. She also mentioned him in Thank you, next. It’s kind of onesided for her to have the ability to call attention to their relationship and mention him but he can’t.
Plus he needs to do what’s right for him and if that means blocking her from his life more power to him. I’m glad she wanted to check up on him and make sure he was ok but they distance from each other. And her stans need to leave him alone.
I don’t think he’s pathetic but it is true that he was baiting her by posting that note saying he was “disgusted”. When his followers werent disgusted it obviously pushed him over the edge. He wants people to be as angry with her as he is.
I also doubt she really thought she was gonna see him, it was a ‘just in case’ type of thing. I hope she doesn’t do it again.
Her being famous is irrelevant. They lived with each other, loved each other, and were planning to get married. That’s why she was there. And that’s probably why he isn’t ready to see her right now.
I also think that Mac Miller’s death would impact her need to reach out and do whatever she can.
Sources connected to Pete are telling the world that she came to see him and he turned her away. Yeah I’m thinking they both enjoy attention but in this case it’s his game.
His sources are the source of half these damn headlines, every week it’s something new. We coulda moved on by now but noooo, we have to hear all of the new and dynamic ways he is “moving on” and can’t stand her.
Please tell me how this is different from the Cardi and Offset incident, Ariana behaved just like Offset.
She did not. She showed up and left. She did not saunter out onto a stage in the middle of a Pete sketch with chocolates and flowers and ask for his forgiveness in public.
Cardi was happily headlining a concert and Offset interrupted her gig and tried to pressure her into returning to a relationship in which he had repeatedly cheated on her.
Pete posted a note on social media that made a lot of people concerned that he was suicidal and would self harm and Ariana showed up to offer support, should he need it, but didn’t demand to see him and respected his decision not to.
It’s very different. If you think those two things are the same, I don’t know what to tell you.
Didn’t he block her, he obviously doesn’t want her around.
@Loopy, he may not want her around but he did (even if it was unintentionally) kind of pull her back into his situation by:
1.) Publicly joining a conversation she was having with someone else on social media, where she was inaccurately being portrayed as bullying people for having mental health issues (even though she has mental health issues herself), and
2.) Revealing in that conversation that he was struggling with suicidal thoughts.
If you still care about someone, they’re not a danger to you, and they’re publicly revealing that they’re feeling suicidal, you’re probably going to try to reach out to them in some way even if you know they don’t want you around. Wouldn’t most people? I know I would.
I think it is different. because in this case, she is concerned about his mental health. She’s not trying to get him back.
he threatened to kill himself. if she didn’t show up – she would get shade for being heartless. she is in a no win situation. ignore him and she’s cold. engage him and she’s insensitive.
Also, she showed up because she thought he was suicidal, not because she wanted him to take her back or anything.
She did not. She offered her support. He turned it away, as is his right.
I don’t think Ariana has any ill intentions and I think shes actually a nice person who’s had a hell of hard time – but I didn’t love the wording of some of her posts, which, to me, came off as dismissive, flippant and passive aggressive.
Many years ago, I had a partner who would say things like ‘I just want you to be happy. Why can’t you just snap out of it. My god’ and some of her posts were difficult to process. Clearly she was uncomfortable with them, too since she deleted them.
Having said that, its not her job to mollycoddle Pete…but maybe, given his circumstances and illness, she could just….say nothing? OR at least not do so publicly?
If said or did nothing, or only did it privately then everybody would critcise her for that. People blame her for Mac Miller’s death, they were blaming her for Pete’s depression too. No matter what she did, she was going to get flamed for it, so she was in a no win situation. I agree that she should remove herself from the situation, but it can be very hard to turn your back and say nothing when somebody you care about is hurting.
Her posts were rightfully flippant because Kanye was manipulatively pretending that she was bullying him for being mentally ill. He was using his mental illness as a shield from (accurate, mild, lighthearted) criticism of his very public behavior. But, some people could have easily- and probably already did- misinterpret Ariana’s posts as throwing shade at Pete and his mental health issues. That’s probably the reason why she deleted them.
I don’t think she is a nice person but she has dealt with a lot of trauma over the past couple of years and would likely be better off spending less time on social media and more time with friends and family and a good therapist.
+1. They both have C-PTSD—which I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy—and the fact that they never put their smartphones down isn’t helping. They both need DBT, stat. My heart goes out to them.
I think it was tacky/harmful for Ariana to put out that silly song so soon after their breakup. I think he loves her and it really hurt him that she was profiting over their breakup.
If a guy had done what she did, imagine the outrage.
I personally don’t like her behavior. She seems small-minded and petty.
The same Pete that used ariana in his snl jokes.
They both used each other.
I don’t think its on the same scale though. Pete and Ariana had been so public about their relationship – and it had been the subject of bits on SNL before – that if he had said nothing it would have looked worse on him. Plus the SNL joke was self-deprecating. It was also something that exists in a time and place, like it can be accessed online but her song is everywhere – especially when it first dropped it was all over social media, on the radio, played in public spaces. She can easily escape from his joke, her song was a much bigger thing.
Eh, to me, when Pete made jokes after the breakup, people were like “What do you expect? He’s a comedian.” so to this I would just say, “What do expect? she’s a singer.”
This is out of control ridiculous. He was talking about their breakup a week later on stage, and then on SNL promo. I don’t think that’s a bad thing, but why is it such a horrible thing that she uses it in her work, too? Because it’s massively successful?
I wish he would take some time off to heal., whatever that entails. You’d never expect someone with broken ribs, pneumonia or other physical illness to just “push through” the pain and come to work. Those recovering from a mental break should be given the same consideration.
I agree but I also think it depends on how serious the break/illness is. Staying home from work can be very isolating and work may help his self-esteem and self-worth. Having to go in to a place where you’re valued and needed can also be therapeutic. Something tells me that SNL would give him time off if he wanted it.
I just saw a headline (haven’t read the article yet) that Lorne Michaels is sending Pete to get help. I think that’s what he needs right now, time away out of the spotlight and off social media to focus only in his health and getting well.
i agree. he needs to get off social media (and drugs) and maybe focus on some serious, in patient treatment.
she is obligated to be on social media right now – she is promoting an album and a tour and these days entertainers are typically contractually obliged to use their social media as a marketing tool.
the thing that is stunning is that AG and pete were ignoring each other on social media but somehow kanye – who is the biggest publicity vampire on earth – found a way to manipulate both of them into this mess. she did not originally engage pete davidson on social media until he threatened to kill himself – which – frankly – was exploited by kanye west.
i’m very interested in this story b/c it really hits a nerve for me bc it get major flashbacks to a relationship i had in my early 20’s. i know from experience that
AG is in a horrible position and i can’t imagine having it magnified on the world’s stage through twitter.
Hope that’s true, he needs help and a support system, so I hope people are there for him now.
Ariana does need to promote her work on SM, but she doesn’t need to use her personal life to do so. If she wants to comment on this, all she needs to say is their relationship ended but she supports him and wishes him well, and she’s there if he needs her. The End.
All the yes!!!!!
She really seems to attract drama and perpetuate drama. If I was her friend/sister, I’d be telling her she needs to take some time to re-evaluate her relationships.
THIS. Even if he blocked her, she didn’t need to say of this on Twitter. Famous people have numerous ways of getting messages to famous people. Also, unless I am missing something, she didn’t exactly make a joke about Kanye and Drake’s beef (again, on Twitter, she plugged her and Miley’s new music).
I just hope Pete is okay. I’ve been a sufferer of bpd for years, and it’s hard to describe but my therapist put it one way and it was “feelings earthquake” everything feels like the worst thing that ever happened, it’s hard to see through it or past it, its absolute hopelessness. I’m glad hes getting the support hes getting, its good to get outside perspectives and have people there to rationalize you out.
I think Ari has good intentions but I think the best thing for her to do right now is silent support. She needs to back off so that the scrutiny of her and him can start to die down. If he needs her, he will reach out.
Cidy, thank you for sharing. I’m very well acquainted with depression and anxiety but not so much with bpd, so this is helpful. I hope you are well. Wishing you strength and peace.
Yes, thank you for that description. I’m going to keep that description in my back pocket for when I see my preteen daughter start to spiral down – I don’t think she has bpd, but she does tend to get stuck in a spiral and not be able to get out of it. I’ve never known how to describe it before and I think that’s perfect.
I wish you the best.
You know… that really rings true to me. I’ve never been diagnosed with BPD, though I’ve had some depression following highschool- but I do tend to at least somewhat understand the ‘feelings earthquake’ aspect. There’s times where I’ve been so utterly gutted feeling by something that’s minor in the scheme of things and I’ve absolutely felt that it was the worst possible thing in the world and that it can’t possibly get better -and the fear of abandonment is there too. It was such an encompassing feeling and I’ve felt so out of control at times. I’m going to guess that it ties into me being just generally neurotic and anxious – so I can only imagine how much worse it must be for someone diagnosed with BPD.
I think her intentions probably are good as well. But I think there’s probably an (understandable) self preservation thing kicking in. I don’t think she could handle it if she had two exes die in a row like that. I mean, really, who would be able to handle that well. But I think she feels a certain amount of responsibility in that way. I also hate how many comments there are about him just using her, or being pathetic. I think it’s incredibly harmful, harsh, and unwarranted. It’s not a case of a horrible douchebag guy just trying to control a woman – it’s someone who’s deeply hurting and struggling with their own wellness.
I have had 2 exes commit suicide. So during my last break up my ex threatened to kill himself. I sat awake with him at 3am calming him down, and then the next day very firmly told him that trying to manipulate me that was absolutely monstrous and PTSD-triggering. So I get it. I’m more on Pete’s side but I get the knee jerk reaction on her part.
thanks for sharing your experience. It helps give a better perspective. I agree, Ariana should just lay low on all things Pete. I think that’s the fastest way for them to both move forward.
Not really a fan of either of them but I hate seeing people hurt like they are. Ariana has been through a lot and Pete is dealing with a lot mentally. I hope they both get the support they need in private.
@Cidy – soso true. I know exactly what you mean and it can be very hard to describe it to non-BPD people. I was also diagnosed with BPD, and whenever I am in a crisis mood, it’s like a tsunami of emotions that is extremely distressing and overwhelming and it feels like it will never end… its those times where I feel extremely suicidal and start either self harming or feel like I will put myself in danger because I want the pain to ‘end’. I feel for Pete and I hope e has good people around him to support him. Hugs to you too!!
Unfortunately, I think BPD is such a misunderstood disorder because the ‘outwards’ manifestation of it don’t reflect how we feel on the inside. Yesterday I was disheartened to see many people call Pete manipulative, while in fact he was in an extreme crisis moment and expressed it very outwardly.
And I agree the best thing for Ariana to do is just lay low and express support in a private way. The media scrutiny and the stans will NOT help.
Hasn’t she done enough already? 🙄
She probably has some guilt left over about the whole Mac Miller situation which was in no way her fault. Think about it he probably reached out to her or posted things and she just ignored him as she probably should have. But then he died and you know she probably felt fortunate. She doesn’t want another ex to die even though that is not on her.
@Franny This! Imagine if Pete really had killed himself like his Instagram post suggested and she didn’t publicly do anything to help. She would get dragged but more than that she would feel so guilty after losing Mac. But lesson learned, leave Pete alone. He is no longer her concern.
Can we stop blaming Ariana for Pete’s “break down”? I think he weaponized his illness to garner sympathy, as this has happened to me as well. The guy talked about suicide so I could be there for him but was fine after I showed support. Then as soon as I moved on…it kept going.
If Pete is truly ill, get him help, stat. But don’t blame the ex or spouse for the meltdown. It would be sad if he had gone through with it, and worse if Ari was blamed.
Thank you! I believe Pete’s suicidal thoughts were completely real- I don’t think he was fabricating that at all to get Ariana’s attention/get back at her. But I do think the way she’s getting demonized and blamed implicitly and explicitly for both Pete’s struggles and for 41-year-old Kanye’s issues when she has mental health issues herself is no less problematic or toxic than dismissing Pete’s cry for help as ‘attention-whoring’.
I agree. Social media is not the place to seek for help, it’s the place to seek for validation and once he got Ariana all worked up he moved on.
He needs therapy of course, but that’s not Ariana’s responsibility.
This! He made a public suicidal statement on the internet, basically blaming everyone for his state of mind. Classic BPD manuever. He alludes to Ariana, and then ducks and hides when she tries to run to his side. This is all so passive-aggressive. He needs help, and I hope he gets it. But put down your f-ing phone for chrissakes.
I am glad Pete has friends to come to his side. But this whole incident is scary not just for Pete’s wellbeing, but also for the wellbeing of the people that love him.
My mom has borderline, Ive said before on here that it’s been hell. She once sat up at night telling me all about how she wanted to kill herself. I was about 20 years old. I cried and begged and told her I’d take on all her problems, all her responsibilities. I stayed in her room until she was asleep and spent the rest of the night not sleeping but having panic attacks.
The next morning she was totally fine and she thought it was such a funny thing, how ragged and exhausted and upset I looked and was. She literally laughed at me.
This disorder makes people act in ways that feel absolutely soulless to those that love them. I know people with BPD suffer. The people that love them (or are born to them) suffer greatly as well.
I’m so sorry about what you’ve been through. It sounds like you have both suffered a tremendous amount. For what it’s worth, you sound like an incredibly supportive, compassionate and wonderful daughter. She is lucky to have you.
Thank you Bananie. If you asked my mom, she would tell you my sisters and I are all disappointments who mistreat her. She can not handle boundaries, and with many years of therapy I now know that boundaries are the only way to maintain any relationship with a person with Borderline (who refuses treatment I should say).
She will never understand that certain subjects are off limits and that I limit our time together so that I CAN maintain a relationship with her. These people can be emotional terrorists who will always tell you about how you let them down. It is just a lifelong trial. I’ve come close to cutting her off many times but I can’t do it.
I have found that calling the police for a welfare check when someone threatens suscide is just the best option. If it is a legitimate threat they can help facilitate help. If it is someone being manipulative… well they know trying to manipulate me in that way will result in a police interaction. I had an ex who did this when we broke up. I did not cave and go over, but the police were called. He reverted to other ways of manipulating after that, but no threats of killing himself. In the moment a third party is better at judging if someone is a danger.
Is she on twitter 24/7?
At her age — probably yes… on both Twitter and Instagram. 🙂
She probably is alerted to posts by certain people. Either Pete is one of them or a friend saw it and alerted her.
A few years ago I really did not like this girl. She seemed to go through a spoiled brat phase. But, I think she’s either got a really good heart or she’s an amazing actress and manipulator. I’m 40 so I don’t understand the whole idea of playing out your relationship drama on social media, but for their generation it seems normal. I think she truly cares about him, and she tried her best. She went to him to make sure he was ok, and when he didn’t want to see her she respected his wishes.
I have been in a relationship with someone I suspect had bpd. I am not a doctor, I don’t know his clinical diagnosis, but every single person who knew him agreed he was seriously unwell. I have also been the mentally ill one as I had very bad situational depression in a turbulent and abusive relationship. It is hard to navigate the waters of mental illness from the inside and from the outside. A relationship does not cause one to suddenly become mentally ill, but it can exacerbate the symptoms and bring up some seriously disturbed thoughts. Break ups are hard. Break ups with raging mental illness are excruciatingly hard and sometimes life or death. Sometimes when you love someone you still have to walk away for your sake or for theirs. It doesn’t mean you stop caring. It doesn’t mean you stop loving.
I wish them both the best, and I hope they each find what they need. I suspect that doesn’t mean being together for them. But I hope they can still support one another. And I hope they can get some peace and some self imposed privacy to work through it.
Pete has blocked her on social media and she doesn’t have his phone number, so even though she has good intentions, she really should just let him be. He has friends and family to support him, but he has made it clear (and verbalized) that she is not good for his mental health right now. They both have been through a lot and I hope 2019 brings them peace.
It’s probably best for both of them that others intervened, but Christ do I feel for her. It cannot be easy dealing with one ex dying of overdose and getting blamed for it and dealing with the guilt of a mentally unstable one after.
Honestly a lot of this drama could be avoided if they both avoided social media. I understand the pull, I get it’s hard especially if you are famous. It’s a way for fans to connect with you but let’s be real, all of us on social media are a bit narcissists and enjoy when people like our posts and comment. It gives us instant gratification and it’s hard to pass up. When you have thousands commenting/liking every day, there’s even more of an addiction to post and talk about your life. But if they weren’t on social media, their “fans” wouldn’t have direct access to them or DM them and wouldn’t be bullying/bashing them and they might be processing and healing from this break up then being forced to revisit it every single day.
I’m happy to blame this all on Kanye’s tweets…. (another one who shouldn’t be allowed on social media). It is just so harmful to mental health.
At this point Ariana should just completely disengage from him forever. No matter what he does or says just ignore it. Pete is sick but that is not Ariana’s fault and it is no longer her concern. Hopefully he will pull through but I don’t think she should have anymore more do with him. Don’t tweet, don’t text, sing, allude to him in any way. I think she should jus act like he does not exist period.
As much as I’m happy for his life, it’s hard for me to empathize. I had a guy (not boyfriend, but we had a few dates and he wanted it to go on) who would send me pics from the hospital due to suicide attempts, and all I could feel was hate , which made me feel like a horrible person. I know it’s not the same situation, but I just can’t not relate.
A great deal of finger-pointing and wagging at AG in these comments. Really dispiriting. I guess that’s backlash for you. Mental problems or not, PD is a typical millennial male – all ego and “look at me.” If you know you need help, please go and get it rather than airing it out on social media.
We can’t say for sure whether Davidson was seeking attention or having legit suicidal thoughts. That’s what makes Borderline Personality Disorder such a nightmare to be around. I’d take a bipolar or schizophrenic over a borderline any day of the week. They are master manipulators and if every single thing isn’t about them 24 hours a day they flip out and threaten to kill themselves. There’s no medication for that, BTW.
I used to work at a group home for adults with mental illnesses and the borderlines were always stirring up the worst kinds of shit with the other residents. And yes, they threatened suicide at least once a week. Every time the cops or EMT showed up at the house, it was because of one of them.
I think Ari is incredibly immature and I believe Pete is as well. However, I worry about his well-being. I fear that he will not get the help he so obviously needs and we will lose him to his mental illness.
And it pisses me off that she tweeted that she was there for him at the studio, etc. That solidified the fact that I think she’s an a-hole and doesn’t truly understand his issues.
How does that make her the asshole? Was she supposed to not react and just let the chips fall where they may after someone she cares about announced on social media that he was suicidal? Or was she supposed to silently allow the world to THINK that was what she did so people could further demonize her and blame her for ‘destroying’ another man? What’s the best way for female public figures to handle an ex revealing the fact that he’s suicidal on Instagram?
I think it’s unfair to put this whole thing on her. He’s dealt with mental health issues for a long time before dating her. One thing that bothers me the most about this whole thing is that while we’re discussing the importance of both kanye and Pete’s mental health issues, everyone doesn’t care that she has mental health issues as well. As usual, it’s the job of the women to nurture and apologize. I’m not putting any of this on Pete, this is more directed at everyone who’s yelling at her for trying to check on him and I’m not exactly sure, for dropping his name in an inoffensive song? What could she have done about his post? There was no right answer because mental health issues are complex.
It just all has a slight metallic aftertaste of sexism. Neither AG or Pete were in a good situation. Feel bad for both of them. Both of them used their relationship experience for their work and both seem fine with it.
Kanye is the worst though. He was bickering with someone for attention as always and decided to throw it in AGs face the minute she pointed out that kanye was being kanye. I know weeks feel like years now a days, but he was saying some pretty offensive stuff about slavery not too long ago. Kanye thinks kanye is the only one who has mental health issues and uses it constantly as an excuse for being an a-hole. It’s not fair to those who already suffer from stigmas associated with mental health issues.
I think she’s an asshole because she needs to let him be. I do not for one second think his issues are on her or her fault. I do think that she doesn’t truly understand the depth of his mental illness and that she should have just left him alone. Period.
Ariana isn’t responsible for Pete’s well-being, feelings, mental health, etc.
But I don’t think she’s helping things either. With the song, showing up to 30 Rock — any of it. She’s young and she’s been through a lot. But she needs to leave Pete alone.
i just came here to say thanks, cb, for giving pete a little grace here. reading some of the comments on the initial post (and this one) is really hard as someone who also suffers from mental health issues, and as someone who has displayed…. *similar* behaviors. as someone who’s been in pete’s shoes, it’s so complex and hard to explain where this comes from, but immediately dismissing this situation as manipulative or nefarious in any way is so unfair to the people involved. none of us really know what’s going on, and it feels… icky to comment on a situation like this, intentionally negative or not.
There is nothing “unfair” about labeling manipulative behavior manipulative. Allow me to suggest that you check out some forums for survivors of borderline abuse (r/raisedbyborderlines is a great place to start). Pete deserves amazing help for his mental health issues. However, there is no excuse for emotional abuse, which can be just as damaging as physical abuse.
Pete does deserve help and I hope he gets it.
As mentioned upthread, he inserted himself into the Rantye/Ari thing. That was unneccessary. He may have blocked her on social media but he’s clearly keeping tabs on her (not healthy for him, IMO). His suicide threat should be taken seriously (I’m grateful the NYPD performed a wellness check) but it should also be recognised for what it is, which is classic BPD behaviors. BPD can be highly manipulative if they are not getting good treatment. He absolutely manipulated Ari with his threat and she came running to him. I’m sure she cares about him, and I will NOT tolerate criticism of her putting it out there publicly that she was there for him as she’s already been bullied for Mac’s death so I can imagine how people would blame her if Pete were to harm himself. Then when she came running, he got the ‘validation’ he needed. he then slammed the door shut in her face after causing absolute chaos.
They both need to stay far away from each other. I hope Ari realizes she is not responsible for Pete’s feelings and actions. I hope Pete gets the treatment he clearly needs. And I hope Rantye learns to STFU and stop weaponising his mental health issues.
I don’t think any of it was for publicity or trying to get attention. I think he was seriously hurting and it hurt her too. Good for him knowing and putting up his boundaries and good for her to show up even being public enemy #1 to him. There is a lot of pain centered around these two between mental illness and throwing in a recent death on Ariana’s side.
Publically posting a suicidal note on the internet, blaming others, is not showing good boundaries.
Also, Borderlines LIVE for attention. It’s the motivator for everything they do. Attention and controlling people around them.
I remember when Pete said he could be in a healthy relationships while having borderline… I just shook my head. Maybe it’s possible, but not for an immature 25-year-old famous guy. It’s just not.
For anyone to say or imply that thank u, next is disrespectful is appalling. The idea that a woman cannot write a song or move forward with her career, express herself, etc. is gross. Especially considering the song is about how grateful she is for her exes and how she has learned to be happy with herself.
Honestly how dare anyone try to take that from her. Their relationship was public in every way, that just doesn’t stop. He had no issue making a joke about it on SNL both during and after the engagement.
Kanye manipulated the conversation, shockingly. Pete inserted himself. He can be strugglingly and wrong at the same time. The two things are not mutually exclusive.
Give the girl a break. She is struggling too. She experienced a terrorist attack, her ex bf who she was close with for YEARS died of addiction, and she broke off an engagement with a man who is dealing with a lot as well.
For anyone to sit here and critique her the way they are or call her out is nasty. Shame on you.
“Pete inserted himself. He can be strugglingly and wrong at the same time. The two things are not mutually exclusive.”
Perfectly put.
Thank you Holly. I’m shaking my head at some of these replies. Does no one listens to lyrics anymore?
I haven’t watched SNL since the 70’s and I don’t listen to pop music. So I’m commenting from afar, I guess.
First, the criticism of AG for dropping a record after they broke up is invalid. If people refused to go to work for months every time they had a bad break-up, they’d be fired. I’m sure AG had a contract and that record was planned for awhile. Also, what she said in her tweet about being there if he needed her was the right thing. The only thing that was wrong about it was that it was done over social media.
As to PD, that was a stunt. He has BPD. I’m sure he has a therapist. That’s who he should have called if he was suicidal. By tweeting, he made sure all eyes were on him and got him all the love and attention. And I don’t think showing up to work on a comedy is what suicidal people do. He made suicidal threats and I’m not sure why he wasn’t put on a psych hold until he was properly evaluated.
I hope they both move on with their lives but they need to leave the drama off social media.
I’m not an Ariana stan but I’m repulsed by some of these comments trying to blame her for Pete’s behavior.
Look, I KNOW Pete’s pain is real. I’m certain that it was so wrenching in the moment that he felt compelled to express it on social media. I’ll go so far as to say I bet he was NOT trying to manipulate her. He just felt so much pain in that moment he had to express it right then on instagram. That fits with what I know about bpd. But don’t forget, a key aspect of this personality disorder is that sufferers blow up tiny things into epic overreactions. Or they process events in an emotionally skewed way and THEN react to this distorted event. I think that’s exactly what is going on here.
Ariana’s song is not hurtful or disrespectful. It’s actually very grateful to her exes.
Ariana did not mock people with mental illness when she made the snarky tweet about Kanye. Pete was simply wrong.
Ariana’s last boyfriend just died of a freakin’ drug overdose (and people were blaming her). Of course she’s going to be concerned when the next one posts what looks like a suicide note on instagram.
People feel so badly for Pete that they are looking for a villain to blame.
Ariana isn’t the villain here. Pete’s personality disorder is.
I think what she did wrong was post on social media that she was at his place and not leaving as a sign of support.
That’s great that she wanted to be supportive but I feel that it did not need to be posted on Twitter. Actions speak for themselves, if she needed wanted to be there fine.. however the rest of the world did not need to know her actions.
He looks so sad in that picture! I hope he gets the help he needs and can get away from everything for a little bit.
They both need to get put on time out from social media. You shouldn’t air your dirty laundry on it like this and you certainly should not be addressing your mentally ill and suicidal ex boyfriend on social media. How irresponsible of her.
I think her writing the song is not the same as him making a few lines of a joke once on a tv show. If its true that she dumped him, how insensitive to dump your fiancee and write a song about how thankful you are for things not working out when you know he is mentally ill and suicidal? She’s evil
Ridiculous. First of all, he was not suicidal at the time the song was done, as far as we know. Second, if you’re going to start labelling people as ‘evil’ just for writing songs about their exes (that doesn’t even diss him in any way, AND that she previewed with each of her exes beforehand) you’re going to have to condemn basically everybody in the music industry. They all do it. What songs are you going to #cancel now if this is your new stance?
She really didn’t have much of a choice but to address him after he said what he said in her and Kanye’s conversation. Intentionally or not, the way he did it got her involved.
I don’t know, i feel like what Pete is doing is very manipulative. First by twisting her post and making him and Kanye appear like a victim to it, basically passively blaming her, So she has to apologize.
And then with the suicidal post. I understand he probably is suicidal to a degree, but i am also willing to believe it also has to do with his BPD. And the fact that she went running to him, and he ignored her and shut her out (after basically inviting her —and the rest of the world—to care) is so toxic. He knows how the world reacted when her ex died, and blamed her for it, i think he used that trauma to make her feel guilty and responsible for his wellbeing.
Hope she explores this situation with her therapist, ‘cause someone needs to help her understand that giving him that kind of attention is harmful to her. Hopefully she can free herself from feeling responsible for him and his actions.
and i’m sorry, i hear he’s suffering and all that, but that doesn’t excuse his highly manipulative behaviour. I also don’t like how he’s playing up the victim narrative making her seem like the bad guy. It’s a very Taylor move and it’s awful.
God, the drama! Both are exhausting.
I’m seriously disgusted with all the comments saying Pete is being manipulative and begging for Ariana’s attention. It doesn’t seem like he wants attention from her, he has blocked her and has asked her to stop reaching out to him. Has anybody thought that he responded to the Kanye thing the way he did because he was already spiraling and the “suicide note” had nothing to do with Grande? The man is asking for help, I’ll be the first to tell you that is an extremely difficult thing to do when you already feel like the world is against you. I worry about Pete, I’m glad he has people around him that care about him. But man, reading some of these comments would just make you feel a hundred times worse when you’re already struggling to find a reason to live.
Feel free to be disgusted. I would love for you to see the trauma that being raised by an emotionally manipulative abusive borderline has caused me. It has taken me 35 years to even begin to unwind the mindfuck that she inflicted upon me. I will not feel ashamed for pointing people in the direction of professional help rather than encouraging them to feed the attention black hole that is borderline. It’s commendable that Pete did the work to get a borderline diagnosis; now it’s time for him to do the work to stop weaponizing his personality disorder against everyone who has hurt his feelings.
I’m sorry you went through that but I’m going to go ahead and guess that person was not Pete. Just because two people have the same diagnosis does not mean they are exactly the same, and it certainly doesnt mean nobody with the diagnosis can ever have a genuine feeling without being manipulative. This is a very disturbing way of looking at mental health and nobody should ever be written off as their diagnosis.
Perhaps do a little research on borderlines. Attention-seeking and controlling people through manipulation are two major hallmarks of the disease. Two people may not present the same way but these are two major symptoms of this mental illness. Everything they do is based on two criteria: “Will this get me attention?” and “How can i control this person to get the reaction I want?”
https://www.helpguide.org/articles/mental-disorders/borderline-personality-disorder.htm
A public suicide note making sure everyone knows “you told them so,” then strolling into work like nothing happened is classic bpd. I have no doubt that Pete is in pain. It’s his weaponizing the pain that’s the issue. With his resources, he needs to get a mental health team in place and use them. He’s quite clearly not adequately addressing his health needs, as is his responsibility as an adult.
No question he needs help, that’s clear. I’m just not going to judge the way he chose to ask for it, I’m just glad he did instead of the alternative.
It was a good SNL episode. I think Alec filled in for Pete in at least one sketch. One thing I am worried about is that Pete is going to screw up his career with all this drama. I’m not fully Team Ariana like most are here. I think she used Pete and I think her new single was bad timing. Imagine getting dumped by your fiance and a couple weeks later they have a hit single that you have to listen to every day? Now imagine you suffer from depression on top of that. Ick. She could have waited a few months.
Poor Pete. I have borderline as well and when I was getting divorced, I took it REALLY hard. People with BPD have, shall I say, abandonment issues and need constant reminders of being needed and loved by ppl, so breaking up is tough.
1. Pete’s Dad died rescuing people during the 9/11 attacks when he was 7.
2. Ariana didn’t go through the shock and grief of Mac Miller’s death alone: Pete was there by her side.
3. Pete suffers from Crohn’s disease, which takes a tremendous toll on mental and emotional health, as well as physical health.
To me, these three stressors added to his BPD and the breakup with someone he seems to have loved, are huge. I wish him the best, which maybe isn’t this life in the glaring spotlight. He could contribute much to the world in another, far more genuine, less debilitating career.