Last week, there was a weird Kate Hudson headline and it became something of a debate and discussion among the Mommy Mafia. Hudson was talking about her baby daughter Rani Rose, who is just three months old, and whether Hudson plans to raise Rani any differently than she’s raised her sons. As I said in that post, there was always a feeling that Kate desperately wanted a daughter and I was happy that it happened for her. I figured that after waiting all this time, she would go overboard with Rani and everything would be pink and lace and “girly.” But when asked about the differences between raising boys versus girls, Kate said: “[Having a daughter] doesn’t really change my approach, but there’s definitely a difference. I think you just raise your kids individually regardless — like a genderless [approach]. We still don’t know what she’s going to identify as.”
Many applauded Kate for not pushing gender stereotypes/norms onto her kids, and other people criticized her for… I don’t know, suggesting that there was a “genderless” approach to parenting, maybe. Anyway, Kate is here to clarify. She posted this on her Instagram:
“Dear all my friends, fans and others who read this, Recently someone asked me something along the lines of if having and raising a girl is different from boys. My response was simple. Not really. This whole click bait tactic of saying I’m raising my daughter to be ‘genderless’ is silly and frankly doesn’t even make sense.”
I feel like I’m going crazy because I didn’t see the controversy with her initial comments, nor do I see the controversy with her clarification. She never said that she was raising Rani to BE genderless. She was about the different approaches to parenting, and whether she’s going to reinvent the parenting wheel now that she finally has a daughter. Her point was that she’s basically raising all of her kids the same, in that they should be treated as individuals and not a collection of gendered stereotypes. Whatever – maybe I’m just not seeing the controversy here.
Photos courtesy of Instagram.
I think the issue here is that you’ve explained it better than Kate was capable of, Kaiser.
I mean, she literally said “like a genderless [approach].” which she could argue was her only sentiment- that she wasn’t raising her daughter drastically different than she raised her boys. BUT then she tacked on “We still don’t know what she’s going to identify as.” which truly did imply that she was raising her in a genderless manner because she didn’t want to push a gender identity on the baby.
I have no issue with people wanting to lessen the blow of gender norms and things of that nature. I think it’s great, honestly – I think gender reveals and the over sexualization of kids is ridiculous. I hate those people who call baby boys “little flirts” and “heart breakers”, and I can’t stand the toddlers and tiaras type of people. But with Kate, she made a statement that came off hipstery and ‘above it all’ in a way that wasn’t GENUINE. She’s been PUMPED for a girl. She wants the girly girl experience so badly – and then for her to walk it back with “wellllll we don’t know how she’ll identify” implying that she won’t be pushing the bows and frills came off insincere in this circumstance.
Now that being said, I’m sure a lot of the blowback was from the people who are like “GIRLS NEED BOWS. BOYS NEED BOWTIES” and that sort of thing. I think there were likely a lot of the more staunchly religious crowd that had their knickers in a knot. But for me – my criticism came from her seemingly trying to sound trendy and giving off mixed messages.
I forgot about the we don’t know what she’ll identify as part of the statement! I feel like she made those comments just to get some attention, and now she’s dragging it out by saying oh no everyone misinterpreted me and is being crazy. maybe that’s just me being cynical.
I don’t think you’re cynical at all. In fact that was my comment on the post about her initial comments. This all keeps her in the headlines when as an actor she hasn’t had a relevant project in years. No one really cares that much, but anything is a story online these days.
Of course I’m the one here posting…so I guess point to Kate Hudson on this round. 🤷♀️
I took it as ‘identify’ like who she is not what her gender is. Like, she meant it that they don’t know who she will turn out to be as she gets older (ie personality habits etc). I don’t read too much in to what she says because I don’t find her so bright.
I think it’s just that she wasn’t really being genderless. she did a whole gender reveal and dressed her daughter in pink and all that, which is perfectly fine the normal. so people were questioning whether she was really raising her genderless or just saying that she was to get attention. apparently she wasn’t saying that she was going to raise her without gender, she was just saying she’s not going to do things totally different now that there’s a girl.
People are just looking to criticize.
When/if I had kids I would follow a ‘genderless’ approach. I grew up doing anything regardless if it was a ‘boy’ or ‘girl’ thing.
Amen. If you’re not paying for diapers or changing them, let the parent, parent. This little person was born with every advantage, we don’t need to worry about Rani.
Kaiser, you’ve explained it much better than Kate did. I agree with Kate’s sentiment that parenting shouldn’t be different for boys and girls and I don’t like forcing strict gender norms on kids, but that’s different than genderless (she chose the wrong word).
thanks, maybe I missed my calling as the Kate Hudson-to-English translator
You should make an app for that, Kaiser.
She chose the word genderless intentionally. She underlined it as intentional by bringing up that she doesn’t know what gender the baby will identify as. That’s the only part that was weird.
This is why you don’t overshare information about your children or your parenting to millions of strangers, especially if you’re saying something just to seem hip. Just raise your kid how you see fit. I won’t know how you’re doing it unless you tell me.
Exactly…
I also take a somewhat genderless approach with my two children, as far as toys and activities presented to them.
Here’s where gender will come in to play the most: my son will be taught about respecting personal space, about how no means no, about consent etc. My daughter will be taught how to protect herself. That’s the sad reality.
I’m sure we will also teach my son how to protect himself and my daughter to respect other people’s bodies. But the main emphasis for my son will he that he must never be an aggressor, and the main emphasis for my daughter will be how to remain safe as best she can from aggressors.
So at some point, for our family, there will be a deviation there. But for now the fact that one is a boy and one is a girl doesn’t actually impact how we raise them or treat them, as little kids.
My thing is more not buying my daughter princess stuff. If she decides she wants it that’s a different matter, but I don’t want to start the”you are a princess” junk because she’s not and I find a lot of that problematic anyway.
I just want to say that I had so, so, so many mothers tell me that ‘oh you will love having a girl, it’s so much more special of a love than a son’, and vice versa. The thought of that didn’t compute to me. A baby is a baby to me. I ended up with a son and a daughter…and if I’m being 100% honest I don’t think one is more special than the other. I treat them the same and love and hug them both equally. I tell them both they are strong and make mommy proud. I still do not understand the same moms that tell me ‘see, isn’t having a boy/girl love so much more special?!’ And I always nicely say no.
I think the controversy is made up by people deliberately deciding that when she said she wanted to raise her genderless that meant not acknowledging she was a girl. I’ve had girls and a boy was conscious of not pushing dolls or trucks. All three kids had both to play with. My oldest is 17, Kate’s thinking is not new. Just the exterior freak out about being flexible about gender identity.
From a young age my parents were very explicit that I didn’t have to wear dresses, like pink, or play with dolls if I didn’t want to (I’m cisgendered female).
They even explained to me that other people might expect boys to do one thing and girls another but that wasn’t fair to anyone and every individual should decide for themselves what they liked.
At the same time my gender identity was assumed as female- they took that for granted. I think they would have had a hard time if I said that I was trans or non binary. They are first wave feminists, fine with L and G but not BTQ if that makes sense.
Personally, I think I would raise my kid to bend gender norms. I would take an open ended approach to gender identity- initially going with the sex identity but letting them know from an early age that some people feel like they want to be the opposite gender or no gender and that that is a fine choice.
I’m not convinced by the arguement that anything other than a genderless approach is harmful (like not using gender.pronouns until the kid chooses for themselves). I think gendered parenting is fine as long as the kids know they can change it if they want and their parents will love them regardless.
So her response will make sense when she posts past photos of her boys dressed up in ridicuous floral outfits with uncomfortable bows around their heads and treated as decorations?
Not raising the girl any differently – riiiiiiight.