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Kandi Burruss is on Real Housewives of Atlanta and she was on Celebrity Big Brother this season. She was a guest on Busy Tonight and I just have to say again how much I enjoy Busy’s show. Once you get used to the format she really grows on you. Kandi, 42, talked about the fact that she’s pursuing surrogacy after unsuccessful IVF. She’s been open on RHOA about what she and her husband, Todd Tucker, have been going through. They have a three year-old son together, Ace, and Kandi’s pregnancy with him was difficult. Todd has a 22 year-old daughter, Kaela, and Kandi has a 16 year-old daughter, Riley, from previous relationships. (Update: an earlier version of this story incorrectly said that Kaela was Kandi’s daughter.) Kandi told Busy about talking to Andy Cohen, her boss at Bravo (she didn’t call him that) about the fact that she was going to pursue surrogacy. I don’t know how far Kandi is in that process but she announced in November that she’d found a surrogate. Kandi got choked up and cried when she revealed Andy’s advice to her. At that time Kandi didn’t know that Andy had a surrogate too as he hadn’t announced he was expecting a baby. He welcomed son Benjamin Allen in February.
I had made a comment. I said something like, ‘I guess I’m gonna have a baby mama,’ and he said to me, ‘Don’t you ever say that because you are the mother and to say she’s your baby’s mom is taking away from you.’
That’s a beautiful gift she can give you to carry your child but it’s your baby
It made me feel better. At the time he told me that I didn’t know that he was doing it too.And then when he announced it, he hit me up immediately and said, ‘Now you see why I felt so strongly.’
I’m such a crier
I’m such a crier and I hate it. I hate crying in front of anybody.Oh my god I love it
I’m crying every other episode.I appreciate your sharing your emotions with us
After that they had a Q&A with anonymous sex questions and it was racy and weird at the same time, which is on brand for Busy. This kind of touched me. A lot of people like to rag on celebrities for hiring surrogates as it’s not something most of us can relate to, but imagine the process she had to go through to get to this point. It must have taken courage to make that decision and to go public with it. Look at the criticism that Gabrielle Union got just for showing photos with her baby in bed after she was born. Gabrielle also discussed about how hard it was to opt for surrogacy. Many couples have fertility problems and I can’t imagine the heartbreak and trouble they must go through. Also, for all you can say about Andy Cohen, he does seem supportive and approachable to the women who work for/with him.
Here’s that video and you can see the other parts of Kandi’s interview here and here.
photos credit: Getty and via Instagram
I don’t really like the phrase more so because I’ve often read it used in relation to some dude who gets lots of women pregnant and they’re all his “baby mamas”. But I agree with this. Gestational carrier sounds pretentious but it’s true.
To each their own, and honestly not judging another human’s personal choice (but trying to understand, I guess?…but as someone whose never wanted children, I can’t quite get my head around why people want multiple biological children, when it isn’t working for their bodies.
Really interested to hear from someone whose been through this – because as I said I just can’t relate to the heartache, cost, and apparent emotional weight of going the IVF/surrogacy route, when there are so many kiddos that need homes…
Adoption laws in many countries are archaic and almost impossible to negotiate. Sometimes adopting can be just as harrowing as IVF.
I’ve actually handled adoption as a lawyer and mostly, it is a very costly and time consuming (and sometimes heatbreaking) process. Age, money, partnership status, location, biological parent choices all impact how adoptions go. It does not matter if it’s domestic or international. I also have the luxury of having 2 kids, one via IVF, and I’ve contemplated your question, myself. I wanted my own kid grown in my own body because that’s what felt right. It felt instinctual. We are, after all, animals. Think of all that some animals do to procreate. It’s a reproductive choice just like any other (just like yours not to have children). Might I add (not just for your benefit) that the constant need to bring up adoption whenever someone mentions IVF is exhausting for someone like me. We almost never mention adoption when people show up pregnant “the old fashioned way.” Further (and this isn’t directed at you because you really seem to have no ill-intent), I never hear anyone caring about adoptable kids until they hear about someone spending time and money on IVF. Where is all the care and concern about all those homeless children before Reproductive Technology is mentioned? Here’s where the care and concern should be directed-the adoption system is broken in this and many countries. Laws vary by state and there is an enormous host of problems, many long term. You need only google to read up on it. I live in a state where insurance covers IVF so it was actually a much easier process than adoption. I had my son within 1 year of the start of IVF. I would have likely still been in limbo (and older, of course) had I been waiting on a potential adoption.
@Marigold thanks for your thoughtful response
I follow this girl from my hometown who is in the process of adopting and honestly the process seems just as emotionally tolling. She had to fill out mounds of paperwork and pay a lot of money and then kept waiting and waiting for a birth mom to pick her and her husband. They have like the “picture perfect” life too and it took a while for them to be chosen. They even had a mom pick them and then at the last minute change their mind. Lots of kids are in need but the challenges of actually adopting seem really difficult.
Adoption costs 40k where as IVF costs about 8k, for starters adopting a child is astronomically expensive. Second, by the time many kids have done time rotting in foster care and become adoptable they are older and its harder to bond with an older child and at that cost it may be their only experience with a child so they would prefer a baby, who again very often sits in the system and misses their window.
There is less stigma around other solutions so women no longer feel obligated to carry a child to term, birth control availability has also lowered teen birth rates. There are around 100,000 adoptable children in the states at any given time and around 50,000 to 75,000 adoptions done a year that aren’t inter family or international.
There are a lot of kids in foster care, but their aren’t a lot of kids up for adoption. That mixed with the absolutely insane price tag and the fact that the foster system stays claws in until a child may have emotional or behavioral problems many people who are good people are just not equipped to deal with.
Also, lots of kids up for adoption have Developmental issues or seizure disorders from opiate exposure. Those things require life long care and there isn’t much financial help to cover that post adoption.
Adoption is really the hardest way to go about having a child as well as the most costly. Not to mention certain races and sexualities are completely locked out in some areas.
Our adoption system is broken and its unfortunate, but its a common misconception that we have droves of babies waiting to be adopted.
IVF specialists in my city cost about 20k! Adoption is expensive too but there’s ways around it. I know a family who adopted 2 little girls after fostering them. It did not cost 10k, not even close.
“Older kids are harder to bind with”— what a BS cop-out. What, do they stop being your kid as soon as they turn 18? You have the rest of your life to bond with that kid. How pathetic that someone would use that as an excuse for not wanting a child when their own biological kid may grow up to dislike them. Disgusting.
Celebitchy, Kaela is Todd’s daughter from a previous relationship, not Kandi’s.
OK I will fix that thanks for pointing it out nicely!
Kaela is actually only her husband’s daughter.
“weird and racy”
that’s kandi’s brand too!!
but seriously, she was one of the best houseguests in the celebrity big brother house this season. she stayed level-headed, fair, kind and still had strategy – while others were melting down into fits of paranoia and cruelty.
that’s what i meant one time in a thread about andy cohen and his shows – a good number of the women in them are truly gems, once you get past the surface.
A person that loves a child, cares for a child, and raises a child IS the parent, end of story. 🙂
Dont get me wrong and it’s great she’s a mom with a career but ..seriously .. shes about the money ..constantly doing shows and travelling yet wants another baby ? Who’s taking care of her son while she was on big brother ?ok the dad may be there but isn’t he busy with their restaurant and his own life? Being a parent takes time and commitment
Um. I work full-time, and my husband owns a business and, needless to say, works full-time and then some. I have always worked, and went back to work about three months after the births of both of my kids. It’s ridiculous to “what about the CHILDREN???” in a situation like this.
She has the means to take a step back (if she wants to) when a new baby comes, and also to hire help for things like laundry, cooking, cleaning, etc. that most families have to take care of themselves. And if she, like many, many, many working parents nationwide, uses a carefully chosen childcare provider when needed, her children will be JUST FINE. When my oldest was little I managed a restaurant and my husband traveled for work, and we worked together to schedule child-care if we had an unavoidable overlap.
If u read my post properly … You can work and create a balance being a parent but I’m talking lifestyle ..she tours and seems to be doing a lot. Don’t have a kid just to have one .. she does have the means seeing her mansion and money but does she have the time to be a mom. ..so good for u and ur career and kids but I’m referring to people who’s careers demand them be away for long periods and hours so yea what about the children ?!
No need to shame working mothers – her work is doing shows and traveling.
We have two toddlers and I would LOVE to adopt but we don’t have the funds. As in, we don’t have 50k minimum but often more sitting around. Sad. I would love to add more love to our family too.