John Mayer gave Jessica Simpson a crappy birthday too

Of all the celebrities who play the victim, Jessica Simpson is one of the rare ones I actually feel sorry for. Since Tony Romo dumped her the night before her 29th birthday, and then went on to hookup with a cougar on Jessica’s birthday, we’ve been regaled with several stories designed to make us feel some sympathy for Jessica. Sympathy… or pity? Ordinarily, I just have sympathy for Jessica. My thought process has always been: “Well, it’s not like she’s totally helpless, she’s got some semblance of a career, lots of guys want to date her, she seems sweet, she’s got stuff going for her.” Lately, though, I’ve been feeling outright pity for Jess. And this latest story just adds to it. Apparently, when Jess was with Mayer, he gave her horrible birthday present too. Since Mayer was on tour, he sent Jessica a copy of his concert for her “present”. Oh, but it gets worse:

John Mayer could be the most narcissistic celebrity ever.

An insider said, “Several years ago when he was dating Jessica Simpson, he couldn’t go to her birthday party because he was on tour. So the night of her birthday she had dinner with [hairdresser] Ken Paves and a few friends. Everyone thought John would forget her birthday, but then a gift arrived from him — it was a DVD of him in concert. Jessica spent the rest of the night watching the DVD on a loop, ‘being with him.’ It was so sad.”

A rep for Mayer declined to comment.

[From Page Six]

Dude, whatever happened to sending a girl flowers? Or maybe a nice piece of jewelry? And why did Jessica have to sit around watching the damn DVD? Poor Jessica. She loves so much and so tragically.

As the tabloids try to make some noise about a possible Jessica Simpson-Nick Lachey reunion, I tend to think a John Mayer-Jessica reunion is much more likely. Even though I’m not sure if John was texting Jessica while she was still Tony, I suspect he is now. Not that he seems to still love her or anything, but I could see how he’d like an ego boost from Jessica’s overshare again. And John Mayer seems like the kind of guy who preys on girls who have just been devastated by another guy. I give a Mayer-Simpson revivial 2 to 1 odds.

John Mayer and Jessica Simpson are shown out at Adelaide airport in South Australia on 4/2/07. Credit: INCO/Fame Pictures


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20 Responses to “John Mayer gave Jessica Simpson a crappy birthday too”

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  1. gg says:

    He is one guy whose hair I think looks better longer like this. Somehow, he seems more skeevy with the short hair. He’s a guitarist – grow it hon. Look like one.

  2. RobN says:

    They left out the part of the story where he dedicates a song to her because he can’t be with her on her birthday. It’s actually kind of cute when you tell the whole story, certainly less douchy.

  3. mel says:

    Nick – yes, John – no!

  4. Wench. says:


    I hate this odd psuedo-formal loafer-y things. Last year I couldn’t go into a club without a man wearing a pair on his feet here in England. Urgh, they made me cringe.

  5. Nev says:

    I don’t feel sorry for her at all. Her and papa try to pick men they think would give her a career boast. Jessica is dumb enough to do what papa say. However it seems these are not the best men for her. John Mayer seems like a lowlife cheater if he was texting her. Tony must have read a very nasty message to be that mad at her.

  6. smith says:

    One of the weeklies had this HEADLINE:

    “Jennifer Aniston and Jessica Simpson – Love’s Lost Little Girls Link in Lesbian Liasion.”

    Oh, wait …maybe I’m making that up. Or perhaps I’m PSY-chic …

  7. Wow says:

    Smith, I was just about to write something similiar concerning Jenn A & Jess. S. They are definitely trying to make it sound as if they are spinsters or something, when in reality they are just women who are single and dating – as are a lot of us.

  8. the original kate says:

    i’m not a jessica simpson fan but she always seems so unhappy lately. i think she needs to stop dating for awhile and concentrate on herself and her career. i went through a stage in my 20s (most of my friends have, actually) where i dated loser after loser and finally i placed a year long moratorium on dating. i didn’t accept or initiate any dates, and i just hung out with friends, went back to school to finish my degree, etc. i think it’s very healthy to step back and spend time alone. so go it alone, jess!

  9. pu says:

    i don’t feel bad for her. she has the life. attractive, rich, family,fame, carreer… she picks out the looser and douches to date(maybe her dad does but that makes it worse) she should work on herself, worry about guys later

  10. PJ says:

    I like her look then. She’s prettier without all the makeup and the auburn hair color looks really nice.

    Mayer seems to have learned a lot since his Jessica days, as he made a big deal out of Jennifer Aniston’s 40th birthday, and even took her on a vacation.

  11. QB says:

    Nick is single again , they could go back to the Newlyweds glory days.

  12. boomchakaboom says:

    Argh! Methinks J.Simp is under the impression that she doesn’t have to bother with developing the hard stuff, like self-esteem, cause boobs grow quicker, take less effort, and get boyfriends, ya’ll! Dimwit. She’s a little too old to be this pathetically ‘usable’.

    I don’t think old Papa Joe taught this girl one thing that will actually help her in life.

  13. Bonnie says:

    wtf do girls see in this douche bag? He’s is certifiably nasty.

  14. anastasiabeaverhausen says:

    Nah, I don’t feel sorry for her.

  15. Snoopchew says:

    What I am stumped about is this. She gave Romo a $100K speed boat for his birthday and he dumped her for her birthday.
    If she stops payment on the boat, will they repossess it? And if they do and he is out on high seas…how will be get back??

  16. j. ferber says:

    Snoopchew, I, too, wonder about that boat. Shouldn’t that Romo schmuck give it back to Jessica? How in the world can he justify keeping it? He dumped her on the day before her birthday! No, that’s not a crime (though it should be at least a misdemeanor), but it’s extremely cruel and, yes, cheap. Maybe he wanted to spare himself a $100,000 price tag for her gift. Maybe that prompted his crappy timing. And making out with another woman on her birthday? Don’t even get me started. . .

  17. boomchakaboom says:

    Call me insensitive, I guess, but whatever Romo did on J.Simp’s birthday is completely his business. I don’t feel he was required to spend her B-day in seclusion or look mopey over it. They broke up – it’s happened to all of us. If she gave him a $100,000 boat for his B-day, that was just plain stupid on her part. Was he required to reciprocate in same? No wonder he cut out. J.Simp is all about publicity, glitz and glamour, Romo is all about low key and football. She should have paid heed to his lifestyle if she really wanted to spend her life with him. Besides, the Barbie & Ken b-day theme was enough, in my opinion, to justify his dumping her immediately. I mean, who the hell would want to subject themselves to that kind of nonsense, AND be potographed participating in such a ridiculous event? If they were about 12 years old, maybe, but Romo & J.Simp are adults – or so I’ve heard.

  18. Snoopchew says:

    Hey Boom:
    All I can say is she could cut her losses if the boat is not fully paid for. Have it repossessed and leave his “blooming arse” at sea!

  19. Snoopchew says:

    And Boom:
    Yes, you are an insensitive “arsehole”!

  20. boomchakaboom says:

    Snoop: Dude. There are now tears in my beer. I may have to sprawl on the chaise lounge for a bit and fan myself or something. Perhaps a hit of smelling salts to jolt me back to gentility. Maybe I’ll make myself a killer gown out of the drawing room drapes. Should be fun.

    As for the boat, most definitely should be returned by Romo. I believe Miss Manners would concur. If Romo’s too big a dolt to return it himself then “other” actions can be taken, if you catch my drift and I think you do.