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David Cross was on Conan’s TBS show to promote his standup special. He told a story about getting a couple’s colonic with his wife, Amber Tamblyn. I don’t like either of them after having followed some of the things they’ve said and done, which is why I found this funny. Amber thought that a couple’s colonic would be like a couple’s massage, which seems idiotic to me if she’s ever actually had a colonic. It is not something you want to do with your significant other. David and Amber found that out the hard way. He called it “traumatic” and “awful.”

She truly thought that we would be laying on these massage table beds, hand in hand looking each other in the eyes. In her defense, she did think it would be funny and she said that. ‘Oh you’ll get a bit out of it.’ It was an an awful, traumatic experience that I will never repeat.

How does an establishment even offer a “couple’s colonic?” Full disclosure, I’ve had a colonic. I was quite sick at the time and felt desperate. It was in some dude’s basement whom I doubt was licensed for anything. It was uncomfortable, I don’t think it did anything other than clean me out, and I would not do it again. Plus the colonic guy put me on a weird quacky “liver/gallbladder cleanse” that’s supposed to get rid of “gallstones” where you take oil and lemon juice. That also didn’t do anything other than make me uncomfortable.

On Conan’s channel on YouTube they have two other clips with David. One where he tells a weird story about enraging Mormons by tweeting about sacred underwear and another where he lets the audience feel his wiry beard. He wasn’t particularly funny in either, but it was cute when he let people feel his beard.

Here’s that interview but it’s kind of meh.

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