The news came out yesterday morning: Robert Mueller was finally going to speak on-camera. Political peeps were in a tizzy. What would he say? Would he stand up there and read all of the heavily redacted parts from his report? Would he call Donald Trump an orange fascist turd? Would he finally reveal his thoughts on Game of Thrones’ final season? Would he laugh and scream “GOTCHA! NO ONE IS COMING TO SAVE US”? As it turns out, Ol’ Bobby just came out to reiterate the thing that everybody already knew: that Donald Trump is not an innocent man, but that Mueller felt like DOJ guidelines precluded him from indicting a sitting president. Here’s the video:
These were the quotes people clung to:
In his first public remarks on the case since his investigation concluded, Mueller said that if his office “had confidence that the president clearly did not commit a crime, we would have said so,” and noted that the Constitution “requires a process other than the criminal justice system to formally accuse a sitting president of wrongdoing.”
But if Mueller was trying to suggest that Democrats could initiate impeachment proceedings, he also seemed to dash any hopes they might have had that he would be their star witness, ready and willing to detail new and unflattering information his office had uncovered about Trump.
The special counsel — who noted he was closing up shop and formally resigning from the Justice Department — said that he hoped the news conference would be his last public comments and that if he were compelled to testify before Congress, he would not speak beyond what he wrote in his 448-page report.
Any sane person who read even passing coverage of the Mueller Report understood this already – Mueller and his team had a mountain of evidence against Donald Trump and if Trump had just been a bankrupt real estate guy with shady Russian backers, Mueller would have indicted the crap out of him. But because America is a snake eating its own tail, barfing up its tail and then eating the barf, that means Mueller can’t charge Trump because Trump is a sitting president. Trump is a sitting president because he did a sh-tload of crimes to become president, crimes he cannot be charged with because he’s president. And the snake barfs up his tail and eats the barf.
Obviously, there were a million “BREAKING NEWS” headlines for this super-obvious announcement, but I’m just left feeling so… blah. I hate this. I hate everything about this. Bob Mueller played it too safe. He will probably never have to answer questions like “why didn’t you indict Don Jr?” Or “why wasn’t Ivanka deposed?” Or “wasn’t that whole ‘you can’t indict a sitting president’ just more of a loose DOJ guideline and not really a codified federal law?” Some Democrats in Congress are screaming “IMPEACH” and Nancy Pelosi is like “meh” and Trump is like “bring on the impeachment” because he thinks his base of triggered white snowflakes will ride to his defense if Democrats begin impeachment proceedings.
I said weeks ago that I was disappointed in Mueller’s childlike faith in “the system.” Mueller behaved as if he believed that any day now, Mitch McConnell will come to Jesus and realize that he’s bending over backwards for an ignorant fascist. No one in the GOP is coming to Jesus. They will not save us. And Mueller abdicated responsibility by punting to Congress and expecting Congress to impeach.
Photos courtesy of Avalon Red.