Justin Bieber’s scrawny dirtlip wants to fight Tom Cruise in the octagon, okay?

The UK Premiere of 'Mission: Impossible – Fallout' held at the BFI IMAX

Tom Cruise is a Scientologist wingnut who never sees his youngest child because his “church” doesn’t allow it. But today, I actually had a pang of sympathy for him. Tom Cruise is mostly just minding his own f–king business these days. So imagine you’re Tom Cruise, just minding your own business, and one day Justin Bieber tweets this:

Tom Cruise is 56 years old and by the looks of things, still in pretty good shape. Justin Bieber is 25 years old and maybe 100 lbs soaking wet. Can we not? Can we not live in a world where rando pop stars are like “I CHALLENGE TOM CRUISE TO A FIGHT!” And this: “Tom if you dont take this fight your scared and you will never live it down.” Toxic bro, toxic masculinity, just toxic. Stepping up to a man who is older than his father and then basically calling Tom a p-ssy ahead of time? Are we really doing this?

Speaking of toxic, Conor McGregor responded, bizarrely.

So here we are. In the year 2019, I actually have a pang of sympathy for Tom Cruise. And seriously, how badly is Justin Bieber’s rehabilitation going?

Justin Bieber returning to Hailey Baldwin's apartment

Photos courtesy of Backgrid, WENN.

You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.

39 Responses to “Justin Bieber’s scrawny dirtlip wants to fight Tom Cruise in the octagon, okay?”

Comments are Closed

We close comments on older posts to fight comment spam.

  1. Lucy2 says:

    What kind of nonsense is this?
    Perhaps a UFC fighter or boxer should make the same demands of Bieber.

  2. Michael says:

    Is Bieber on some sort of drug? How random is this? Also I would bet that old man Tom could still beat the brakes off this punk.

  3. Cowgirl27 says:

    Can Tom have the movie rights to the ass kicking?

  4. LouBear says:

    I reaaaaally don’t want to hear anything from McGregor right now. The stories coming out of Dublin about what happened to a young woman at his party before Christmas are genuinely distressing.

  5. Jane says:

    I’d love to hear what Dana White would have to say about this.

  6. StellainNH says:

    Bizarre. Do alleged Christians pick fights for no apparent reason. I don’t think much of either character but it just shows that Beiber is still nothing but a punk. Always was and always will be one.

  7. Eve says:

    This is so random…

    Anyway, here to voice one of my pet peeves: people who write “your” when they actually mean “you’re”. The lack of apostrophe where there MUST be one also makes me nervous.

    P.S.: Cruise will never have my sympathy. Even if he leaves that cult. The damage he’s already done by belonging, advertising, profiting and recruiting people to said cult is irreversible (in my opinion).

    • whatWHAT? says:

      “P.S.: Cruise will never have my sympathy. Even if he leaves that cult. The damage he’s already done by belonging, advertising, profiting and recruiting people to said cult is irreversible (in my opinion).”

      amen, my fellow CB-er.

    • jen says:

      Agreed. Cruise has done damage through this cult, though he himself is also damaged by this cult.

  8. OriginalLala says:

    I mean, according to Scientology, Tom Cruise can fly and has X-ray vision so this fight with Bieber should be a walk in the park for him!

    • Some chick says:


      But Biebs has GOD on his side!

      This ought to be good!!! God vs Xenu!!!

  9. The Crumpled Horn says:

    Cruise is a massive numpty and so is Bieber so they’re equals in that sense…

    • Pineapple says:

      A “massive numpty” … I enjoy this description so, so much. I know a massive numpty. XO

    • AnnaKist says:

      Well said, The Crumpled Horn. Numpties are as numpties do. Cruise is worse than Bieber, but Bieber is a massive plonker, so… Go for it.

  10. Mabs A'Mabbin says:

    Tis not very ‘godly’ of him… He sounds desperate. Lemme guess, it’s after midnight and everyone is brainstorming when this relevance nugget was thrown in the hat.

    In any case, Cruise, and everyone else on the planet, should never speak of this again. Oh how I wish crickets were actually achievable. But they’re not, so Tom should show up in a Bieber costume.

    • Lama Bean says:

      He sounds like he’s smoking weed with Conor McGregor and thought this was a good idea. SMH

      On a related note, Biebs has been out for a decade? Because he looks like he’s had a horribly hard life in those past 10 years. Geez. He looks like he’s been working in coal mines or North Korean style hard manual labor for his whole life. Hyperbole, but still…

    • Tiffany :) says:

      It is interesting how Bieber’s “Christianity” allows for this call to violence mixed with unprovoked insults.

  11. Fiji says:

    Psssst…. do you think someone should tell Bieber that Tom Cruise fights in movies…. which aren’t real?!?

  12. Franklymydear... says:

    Tom Cruise probably knew all about it… Grudge Match 2019 coming to an HBO near you for the low price of $199!!

  13. Starkiller says:

    “your scared”? I thought Canada’s education system was alleged to be far superior to ours?

  14. Mindy_dopple says:

    Tom Cruise would wipe the floor with Justin Bieber. TC is scary intense and has done all his own stunts… JB what are you thinking??

  15. Rebecca says:

    Is Bieber challenging Tom Cruise because he can’t think of any other famous person who is shorter than him? I feel like he’s doing this just so he can seem tall in his lifts (shoes) by comparison.

  16. BabaBlacksheep says:

    Is it wrong for me to want this to happen and to pray for mutually assured destruction?

  17. Originaltessa says:

    Wtf? Like, on any other occasion I’d love to see Tom Cruise get the smug slapped off his face, but in this one? Team Tom. Kick his punk ass old man!

  18. Karen2 says:

    So bizarre. Biebs actually believes TC does his own stunts. tbh Biebs is probably angling for a cameo in the next MI movie. I’m amazed his 20 something self actually knows who 50 something Cruise is. I love this crazy story. It came out of nowhere.

  19. jen says:

    I’m embarrassed for everyone involved in this mess.

    • Some chick says:

      I’m embarrassed for absolutely everyone who has ever been on the internet. As should we all be.

  20. Ann says:

    Mk Biebs… go ahead and get your ass kicked by Tom Cruise. If we’re doing vile, low-life celebrity boxing can Chris Brown vs Mike Tyson be next?

  21. Steph says:

    Have y’all seen Jared Padalecki’s response?! 😂😂

    • Incredulous says:

      Well, Jared is Jack Reacher height, so I’m cool with it. (In my head, Jack Reacher is played by Kevin Durand)

  22. Avalanche says:

    Orlando Bloom would be happy to take him up on it.

  23. kerwood says:

    I am no fan of Tom Cruise and I’m Canadian. But I hope this happens AND that Cruise kicks this little punk’s ass. Someone should have done it a long time ago. Too many people have told Bieber that he matters, when even HE knows it’s not true.