Gwyneth Paltrow wonders if men also like crystals, jade eggs & pseudoscience

I largely believe that Gwyneth Paltrow’s GOOP is a shell game, a con, an overhyped fake business selling fake science. Gwyneth has both tapped into the “wellness industry” and rebranded wellness with her own Goop-stink. Her target audience is herself: gullible rich white women who truly believe stickers can cure cancer and that jade eggs are perhaps the secret cure to lady-parts drama. But by no means do I believe that only women are gullible or susceptible to these kinds of cons. Men can be just as gullible. Which is why Gwyneth is including them too. Last week, Gwyneth and her team launched Goop Men, which is still accessible within the Goop site framework. You can see Goop Men here. There’s an article about gadgets, men love that sh-t. There’s an article about low testosterone and one about how to talk to your dude-friends about trash-talking which crosses the line. BRUH. Gwyneth announced the new division this way on Instagram:

In honor of our @goopmen launch, I want to shout out some of the most special men in my life (we also named our inaugural G. Label Men’s after them). @bradfalchuk @rstrauss16 @danldees @tleness @miguel_tied @tonywoods7 #jakepaltrow. Follow @goopmen and sign up for the newsletter at goop.com.

From now on, we will have a Men tab on our site as well as a monthly newsletter devoted to you—from health to travel to an occasional circadian-rhythm-supporting lightbulb. We’re kicking it off with a special newsletter edited by our great friends and goopfellas podcast cohosts, chef Seamus Mullen and functional medicine practitioner Dr. Will Cole. We’re also launching G. Label Men—a collection of quality classic knits made in Italy.

So ask yourself: Are you crystal-curious? And even if you’re not—are you, simply, curious? About the world, how to fit into it, what it means to live in 2019. We all get a little lost. We all wrestle our own shifting paradigms. We all want to grow and be present in our lives. Guidance from a clinical nutritionist, a psychotherapist, an intuitive, even a travel guide to the best adventure escapes can be an awfully welcome thing when you’re searching for some grounding. goop doesn’t claim to have all the answers, but we’re pretty committed to looking for them. Besides, men can make cookies with avocados instead of butter, too. Let’s not put people in boxes.

So click on stuff, read stuff—f–k it, go on a cleanse. You deserve it.

And most of all, welcome to goop.

Love,
GP

[From Gwyneth’s Instagram]

Who is this for? Is this for hipsters? Gay men? Straight men – Spencer Pratt – who like crystals? Dudes who happen to be gurus, shamans and healers? I don’t know. It will be interesting to see. As I said, men can be just as gullible as women, but I tend to think that most men will see Gwyneth Paltrow trying to sell them sh-t and walk away. Now, if she got someone like Keanu Reeves or Steph Curry to talk about juice cleanses and crystals and jade eggs, maybe dudes would listen to Keanu or Steph. But mostly, I think this Goop Men thing will be a minor detour and nothing much will come of it.

Gwyneth Paltrow signs copies of her new book 'The Clean Plate'

Photos courtesy of WENN.

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32 Responses to “Gwyneth Paltrow wonders if men also like crystals, jade eggs & pseudoscience”

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  1. Erinn says:

    Hilariously I was listening to the Jason Ellis show the other day and they were cutting her a lot of slack. Basically like “If you want to shove jade up your bits, sure. Go for it!” They were kind of like “well… what’s the endgame?” and kind of just settled on Goop being Goop – and if the market supports it why not. That said – I don’t think any of them were aware of the dangerous advice the woman has been given – just the shoving crystals up your who-ha or butt parts. They see her as harmless for the most part.

    There are plenty of men who are big on the pseudoscience train, so I’m sure she could find a market there.

  2. Incredulous says:

    Go away and stay away woman.

    • Annaloo. says:

      Amen. Repackaging old health solutions that didn’t work then, and still do not work now… It’s for people who have money to throw away. And as for relationship advice.. go fix your relationships with Winona or Madge, Gwynnie. Then I’ll listen to whatever you have to say about polarity or conscious anything. It’s not conciousness if you’ve just got a new age quack justifying why people don’t like you, public and private.

  3. The Crumpled Horn says:

    Goopy Gwynnie has become my new guilty pleasure!

    It used be Leann Rimes but since she’s fallen off the radar Gwynnie has taken her place.

    Seriously…vag steaming, jade egg insertion, intimacy coaches – you can’t make this stuff up. Gold.

  4. Agnes says:

    STFU, Goop! Just stop. NOW!!! Just spend some time conditioning your hair.

    I can’t deal with pseudoscience bs. (It IS harmful, as it pushes some people to forego actual treatment for themselves and their children, and pushes people into paranoid, conspiratorial, fuzzy thinking.)

  5. Snowslow says:

    I just love this sentence and will never get tired of it: “is this for hipsters? Gay men? Straight men – Spencer Pratt –?” GENIUS.

  6. Amaria says:

    I think there’s enough male audience for Goop Men – I have a family members and acquaintances like this myself. Grown, straight men who love all sorts of quackery, all that antivax, antiscience bull***t. One of them actually believes in that magic stone stuff. And in mermaid conspiracy theory – that scientists have been covering up the existence of MERMAIDS. So yeah, guys are gullible as hell.

    • Snowslow says:

      Where are you hiding those guys and what is that mermaid theory 🤯 and ohhh my brain.

    • Aephra says:

      I agree. There were articles awhile back, maybe last fall, that talked about the crossover between preppers and Alex Jones conspiracy fans, and the types of pseudoscience Goop shills. I think the marketing for Goop Men will target the spouses of Gwyneth’s target female market, but they might make a lot of sales from a crowd that they aren’t directly marketing to.

  7. Alexandria says:

    Men can vote against abortion rights and believe in flat Earth, so yeah why not.

  8. Seraphina says:

    I can’t believe she is still relevant. So over rated.

  9. Mabs A'Mabbin says:

    They’re only getting one tab? I daresay that might be a strategic trick for alluring all men along the hormonal sliding scale lol.

  10. mycomment says:

    insufferable… that’s the only way i can think to describe her. she must be exhausting to be around.

  11. Nanea says:

    Every single of her pseudo-scientific “cures” should come with a warning sign – not scientifically proven, and every object that her site peddles that is not, let’s say, a “quality classic knit made in Italy”, should come with the warning sign – beware of esoteric quackery.
    Her functional medicine practitioner is not a medical doctor from any kind of real, accredited university, he’s a chiropractor.

  12. christo says:

    She always elicits an involuntary eye-roll for me. There are so many articles from reputable scientific sources that debunk so much of the new age, hocus-pocus that she offers up on her Goop website. It bugs me when a supposedly intelligent woman peddles garbage to the masses under the banner of some secret, ancient miracle. Jade eggs, vaginal steaming…ugh…she literally claimed that shoving a rose quartz egg up your vagina increased estrogen production. And get this…to recharge the “energy” and estrogen-giving properties…you should leave the egg outside to soak up the moonlight during a full moon.

    Not only is all of this rather stupid and outlandish, but, more importantly, it isn’t safe. Just think of this…a woman whose only talent has been acting, karaoke, and a meager attempt at singing is somehow legitimized for her sage advice on where to insert foreign objects into your body for quasi-medical/spiritual reasons.

    • BeanieBean says:

      Recharge by letting it soak up moonlight? I am speechless. Without speech.

      • MarcelMarcel says:

        Cleansing crystals of stagnant and/or negative end is a popular activity among crystal lovers. However anyone who genuinely cares about crystals knows that jade is porous. Therefore jade is literally one of the worst crystals you can stick up your vagina.

        I’ve strengthened my pelvic floor with kegel excercises. Yoni eggs etc… can help with that expect you can use silicone ones which are super easy to sterilise.
        Gwyneth Paltrow is vapid and manages to miscommunicate about a lot of healing practices. It’s a part of why she frustrates me! She distorts so many valuable concepts because she doesn’t value rigorous testing & critical thinking.

    • Natalia says:

      I don’t think it’s hyperbole to say that most of this Goop crap is straight out witchcraft.

  13. KinChicago says:

    Alternative health products may be gooey but at least they treat.

    My experience has been this: As a female, my health concerns are either dismissed or ignored by medical professionals.
    Many times I find myself repeating myself and being forced to take uneccessary tests, at my expense, because the provider is that profoundly incompetent.
    For example, I was having an extremely heavy period. The doctor demanded a pregnancy test. I told the doctor I was having my period and had not had sex. Doctor demanded the pregnancy test. Then doctor called me and told me I had to come in to take another pregnancy test because there was blood in the sample.
    There are moments I wish I could fire the morons, tell them to go fuck themselves and would save so much money for all of healthcare if the incompetent, unprofessional, expensive and utterly useless moron had listened to me and read the chart. I left a review for the facility but doubt it resolves anything. I got a big bill, a shit ton of tests not needed and no help whatsoever. Frankly, Goop might be snake oil but it is likely cheaper and acknowledges there is a problem- which is more than most medicine.

    • KL says:

      Just because crap doctors are out there, and a real problem, does not mean the entire history of medical knowledge and practice can be replaced with sparkly placebos. Which is exactly what Goop peddles — and they DON’T treat anything, that’s the issue. (Well, they treat the terrible burden of having cash to burn.)

  14. Nacho_friend says:

    Let’s not forget about Tom Brady and his pliability method, the TB12. I guess resistance bands is harmless compared to Goop’s goop

  15. KL says:

    I’m willing to bet this will take off. There’s a certain degree of credulousness in the general population, and while the far right is shilling testosterone cream and brain powder the market for more hippy-dippy dudes (who are also concerned about low testosterone, apparently!) is largely neglected. And, weirdly enough, I feel like “wellness” is seen like the domain of women, still, so being Goop-adjacent allows the low-key misogyny of “I’m not COMMITTED to this like women are, I haven’t lost perspective… but I like [insert product here].” (Because many of those hippy-dippy dudes love their low-key misogyny, in my experience.)

  16. Ann says:

    Ummmm…. isn’t a “functional medicine practitioner” just a doctor? Like we really need to put a new-wave spin on MD? Ol’ Goopy sure does have a way with words.

    • Izzy says:

      In theory, it sounds like integrative medicine, but many do not have MDs. I have met several of both, and every functional medicine doctor that I have met is a quack and a charlatan. They embrace treatments with absolutely no basis in science or history (unlike, say, acupuncture, which has been used for centuries). I had my own treatment experience with a functional neurologist. First he ordered so many tests that, had I gone through with them, it would have cost me thousands. Without even seeing my blood work, at my initial consultation, he diagnosed me with B12 deficiency and inflammation, and prescribed a restricted diet that, once I did some basic research using peer-reviewed sources, I learned was almost completely deficient in B12. So he diagnosed me as deficient, put me on a diet deficient in that same nutrient, and then told me I would need to start having B12 injections. At his office, of course. WEEKLY. For at least a year.

  17. HELEN says:

    one of the things that upsets me most and that i find among the most immoral/unethical of actions, is when individuals/corporations/religious entities exploit human despair/pain/suffering for financial profit.

    my mom is going through hard times and got scammed by a so-called seer/preacher who she has let drain her finances. for a supposed man of god to do that??!!

    anyway, goop is mostly scamming rich white ladies, but she undoubtedly gets the occasional non-rich/non-white person she scams. so, still hopes she faces all kinds of terrible (and deserved) consequences.

  18. Who ARE These People? says:

    Health Canada pulled some Goop products off the shelves due to unsupported claims/questionable ingredients, something like that. Ha ha.

  19. JanetFerber says:

    The first pic is what she actually looks like sans make-up. She looks exactly her age, not a month less. I know it’s petty to be happy about that, but I am.

  20. MuttonChop says:

    I know goop is a polarizing mess but I’m forever grateful that it gives Jean Godfrey-June a platform. I’ve loved her for an eternity and think she gives valid and useful beauty advice. I hate that it makes me a frequent goop visitor but ignore everything else and just head straight to Ask Jean!