I haven’t been covering the latest details in the domestic violence case against Hayden Panettiere’s boyfriend, Brian Hickerson, because it’s just too sad. In May Hayden’s boyfriend was arrested for felony domestic violence after an abusive incident involving Hayden. Brian was charged and ordered to stay away from Hayden, which he allegedly did not do as there were follow-up stories that friends and family were worried about her. Brian is facing up to four years in prison if convicted, and the details revealed during the hearing for the protection order were disturbing. The prosecutor revealed that the police report claimed Brian hit Hayden on the face late one night when they were drunk, followed her upstairs after she went to bed on then choked her. Police saw bruising on Hayden’s eyelids, marks on her neck and bruising and a bite mark on her arms. According to the Police report, Hayden described Brian’s attack, and said he had abused her the day before when they were in Puerto Rico. It just sounds awful. I hope he gets the book thrown at him.
In this latest story in People, a source urges Hayden to leave Brian.
As Hickerson faces a felony charge in connection with an alleged domestic violence incident, a source says Panettiere’s loved ones “are begging her to straighten up and move ahead.”
“It is totally out of control and she has to get over this guy,” the source says.
“Her friends and family have been worried about her for quite a while, and things seem to have gotten worse,” the source adds. “She needs to do some soul-searching. For whatever reason, she continues this relationship, but it has done nothing but take her down lower. It’s a sad situation.”
“Hayden needs to surround herself with different types of people and get a hand on both her personal and professional life,” the source says. “It’s hard to imagine things getting any worse, but they could.”
Kaya has apparently been living in Ukraine with Klitschko, 43, ever since their breakup, although the actress posted a photo from vacation with her little girl in February.
“Her life is in flux with her daughter living away, and she has other issues weighing on her mind,” the source says.
“Hayden is a wonderful and talented girl who was so happy with her family,” the insider says. “I hope she can wade through whatever has gone wrong and get her life back together.”
Panettiere could not be reached for comment. Hickerson’s lawyer did not immediately respond to PEOPLE’s request for comment.
These quotes lack a basic understanding of abusive relationships, the cycle of abuse and coercive control. It’s not a matter of her doing “soul searching,” or needing to “get over” Brian, Hayden may be legitimately afraid for her life if she leaves. She needs to escape and have support in order to do that. Whoever is giving these quotes to People sounds like they’re blaming Hayden for being a victim. Also I still maintain that Hayden deserves so much credit for letting her daughter stay with Wladimir’s family. She knows she’s not in a good situation for Kaya.
photos credit: Backgrid, WENN and Getty
Wow. This is so sad and so public. I wonder if it being in the media will help her leave ?
Chokers are the most likely to eventually be murderers. Please leave him.
Yep, exactly what I came to say. Your chances of being murdered by your partner after they choke you once are insanely high. It’s so awful. I really, really hope she gets out of this relationship. NOBODY deserves abuse.
And seriously, she got her daughter out and she deserves a ton of credit for that. I hope that she can see that she doesn’t deserve this treatment and can safely get out.
What did she get her daughter out of? She met this guy afterward I thought.
I assumed it was the dad that got their daughter out of this and she didn’t fight it for obvious reasons.
Truly, yes, get help. Get to the root.
People need to remember that an abused woman is most in danger right after she leaves her abuser. That is when he is most likely to kill her and/or the children. She may be staying because she is afraid of this – that he will kill her in a rage if/when she leaves.
Wow I had no idea about the choking thing. Wish I had known/been taught that as a young girl. They should really add (if they haven’t) classes like healthy relationships, human trafficking, consent and others to sex Ed.
Ugh those quotes, though! They are really blaming the victim but they also seem to be inferring something else. Does anyone else feel like the subtext is that maybe she has a drinking problem as well? I don’t know…..all I know is that “do some soul-searching” and “get a handle on your life” should probably be directed to the abuser and not the abused.
I hope she gets the help she needs.
Yeah I hate the tone of this so called friend.
I really suspect these recent reports of her drinking to excess with this guy are signs that the abuse has been goin on for a lot longer than we think. Drinking away her problems.
Even once she leaves, she will need some help with her drinking. Many victims suffering from post traumatic stress from abuse self medicate with drugs or alcohol.
I know very little about Hayden, but what I’ve read is that she suffered from postpartum depression after she had her child. She has said in interviews that she overcame postpartum. But I’ve read that she continued to struggle with depression and has resorted to drinking as a way to cope. And that’s why her ex-husband now has the kid. If these stories are true, I can see how that could lead her into having a relationship with a destructive and abusive person. However she got into this dangerous relationship, I hope she can get the help she needs to get out of it.
Yes, the quotes by these so called friends or family members are bothersome at best. They act like she just needs to get over him and everything will be fine. That is the problem with getting out of abusive relationships, your judgment is clouded and you are paralyzed by fear. It has nothing to do with “soul searching”. Ugh….
I do agree that there are other issues at play here with Hayden (mental health & alcoholism perhaps).
I read that she’s abusing substance as well.
I read that she’s abusing substance as well.
If she’s smart enough to know her situation is not good for her daughter, then I’m assuming Hayden knows her situation is also not good for HERSELF. She wasn’t afraid to call the cops on this p.o.s so I don’t think this situation is being reported correctly. Are these “stories” even true? How do we know she’s still with him?
wow. I’m sure she knows this is bad but there is a reason tat statistically speaking, it takes women 7 beatings before they leave. Abusers are master manipulators, especially when there is a court case and jail time at stake. I would not be surprised if he is trying to get access or is secretly contacting her to #1 continue to have control over his victim and #2 to influence her to drop charges or stop cooperating with the court. This is VERY typical of abusers.
Who are you to judge her? This guy needs to be in JAIL.
I commend Hayden for her moment of bravery and calling the cops. Even if she has gone back to him at this time, it’s a huge step in the right direction that she gathered the strength to call the cops on him finally. This isn’t the first time he has beat her.
How am I judging her? I just said we don’t know that what’s being reported is even the truth. How do we know she has any communication with him at all? How do we know she hasn’t left him already? How on earth do you know how many times he’s abused her???? It could have been 10. Who knows. The fact is she KNOWS it’s a bad situation and that’s why her daughter isn’t with her. Those “quotes” reported may be fake…how do we know her family/friends actually said those things?
You think she wasn’t “afraid” to call the cops? She was probably terrified to call the cops, for lots of reasons! She was afraid for her physical safety, afraid for her life and probably afraid that calling the cops would make him enraged. This isn’t so black and white.
Also, Abuse escalates. If the abuser choked you out and punched you in the face on the first date, you probably wouldn’t date him in the first place. This is felony abuse and the fact he choked means he is also now more likely to murder her in the future. I’d bet money this wasn’t the first time.
The fact she knows its a bad situation is irrelevant to the abuse. We cannot blame the victim, even if she stays, even if she understands she doesn’t deserve the abuse. Why is it all on her to stop the abuse? This guy should STOP beating women and hopefully the DA puts him where he belongs- in jail.
@ Stacey
I am not blaming Hayden at all. Her situation is sad. I just think none of us know the truth here as lots of fake stories get reported with fake “sources”. She may already be away from him and have zero communication with him. We don’t know. Many women who are abused are very afraid to call the cops and therefore never do. Hayden was able to make that call, which is a great thing. It shows she wants him punished and knows what he is doing is wrong. Yes, I think she is afraid of her boyfriend, but I do believe she had enough in her to know it was time to call the cops. She wasn’t afraid to call the cops because her life may have been at stake. Once again, we don’t really know the whole story. Let’s just hope she’s safe wherever she is. Who said it was all on her to stop the abuse? Obviously she’s the victim in all this. You’re reading too much into my comment. I give up. Have a nice day.
@Me the dead give away is that this story is even in the media…and not the tabloids, it is in People. If she was away from him the source (my guess is it is family, not friends) would have no reason to put this story out there. Or it would be in Star or the Sun or some rag like that.
My guess is she is still making excuses for him. Just like if you search you will find she made excuses for her father when he was arrested for hitting her mother. This is a pattern of behaviour coming out.
As for the circumstances that led to her giving up custody of her daughter. My guess is that’s a lot more complicated than her simply knowing she was in a bad place.
I don’t think she called the cops her self. The article I read said that a neighbor called the cops because of screaming. When the cop showed up, the boyfriend at first denied that anyone else was there.
Idk what is up w some of these comments. You’re not blaming her. You’re just saying we don’t know the real situation, this is a tabloid story, how do we know she’s even with him? I don’t think you said anything wrong imo. I think maybe some are reading too much into your comment, stuff that you weren’t thinking. I think it probably is true, they wouldn’t write articles about abuse without having solid proof. Otherwise, they would be sued by him for I think it is called slander.
Choices are important live or die? Move on at least she doesn’t have custody of her daughter, she is safe with her ex husband.
The attitude of this so called friend is not helpful…She has to “just get over this guy.” says her friend.
Exiting an abusive intimate relationship is a lot more complicated than just “get over the guy.” This is not a normal break up. She will need to unwind from this terror of a relationship, she may even have PTSD after this.
I recently exited an abusive relationship where I made more money than him and we didnt live together. I had a few well intended but ignorant friends over the years that would, out of frustration, tell me how stupid I was for staying with him and tell me to just dump him after I took the brave step to confide in them about the abuse I was enduring. On an intellectual level, you understand this but by the time the effects of the abuse start to leak into and poison the rest of your life – you need professional help to leave. Especially if you have friends who think this is something you just can wake up and walk away from one day and “get over it.” That just is going to induce shame and embarrassment in Hayden and she will either shut down and stop talking to her friends and this will keep her bonded with the abuser. Survivors often lie to everyone in their life about the abuse. Its so important to keep lines of communication open with the victim if you can handle it. Victims need someone to talk to you without judgement or else they stay bonded to the abuser by the trauma and secrets. Shame grows in silence.
She needs a good trauma therapist and domestic violence counseling. She needs every professional resource she can get her hands on so she knows, this isn’t her fault at all and help guide her to the decision to leave. People get drunk with their boyfriend all the time every weekend all over the world and they don’t get hit or choked by their boyfriend. She doesn’t deserve this.
She needs a support system of friends /family who won’t judge her or get frustrated with her while she works through this.
Man so true. I was in an abusive relationship that ended about 20 years ago. I recently got together with a “friend” from the time who dumped me because I didn’t leave. This woman proceeded to shame me in front of strangers for not leaving (I was 23 and scared). Needless to say I will not be seeing this “friend” again. If anything you should applaud someone who got out and thrived not shame them. (Which I most certainly have).
The cycle of abuse is horrible, but the way people treat victims when they share is in some ways worse. I’ve had people tell me “I thought you were better than that”… “You seem so normal”… And so I went back into my cave of fear. I didn’t tell my best friends until at least a decade after it was over, because I wouldn’t have been able to take it if they left me too.
During the relationship I drank A LOT and was pretty messed up. Only in time and distance do I see how bad it really was.
I hope she gets out ok.
What a terrible friend! I’m glad that you were able to get out of the abusive relationship and move on.
I’m sorry you had such an unsupportive “friend”. Hopefully someday she will grow enough to understand your situation, but I’m glad you are away from that friend, and more importantly the abusive relationship.
Laura J – everything you said. It’s well documented that traumatized survivors of abuse and those being actively abused experience intense emotional reactions to memories of abuse. In fact, when we are triggered by a sound, an image or whatever, we don’t experience memories of our abuse like regular memories. They are gut wrenching physical reactions to the trigger and many turn to alcohol or drugs to stop the physical and emotional imprints of trauma from abusive relationships. It can truly feel unbearable. I was a crazy trainwreck through out my abusive relationship and it hurts when people wrote me off as a “drama queen” too, when really I was such a traumatized mess from the physical abuse happening behind closed doors. I felt ostracized and my abuser took advantage of this.
I see my old self in those drunk trainwreck photos of Hayden. That is not a party girl, that is a girl drinking her pain away.
The cave of year you described is real and that is where you become vulnerable to abuse. The abuser wants you cut off from your friends, the abuse festers in that cave of fear where you have no support system in place to validate you.
This is so upsetting. I hate men like this guy so much. I hope he gets serious prison time and stays the hell away from her and all women.
I hope Wlad doesnt take her back.
I always rooted for them as a couple. I feel like it’s a bold move for this guy to beat on Wladimir Klitschko’s baby mama. That seems like… not a bright move.
I hate the part where the friend says “she was so happy with her family”. Umm we know that this is not true and domestic violence has been part of her life since she was a little girl. I do really feel very sorry for her. Its tough to break a multi-generational cycle of abuse. The best thing she has done is let her daughter live with her father and grandmother in a stable household. One of my friends said since she had a child, her life has been upside down. I feel like once she had a child, all the memories of her childhood flooded back and she realized she has been abused (physically and sexually) her whole life by people who should have protected her. Poor thing probably thinks this guy is what she deserves which is not true.
+100, well said. Very intuitive and empathetic.
This makes me so sad. When I was trying to leave my abusive ex, I remember being terrified of what could happen to me. We were living together in a city where I had no family or support. The tone of this piece is so upsetting to me. There’s a chance that she is trying to get out but hasn’t found a way to do so safely yet. And I totally agree with CB that she made the right (and very difficult) decision as a mother to let Kaya live with her father and his family in Ukraine. At least she is safe. Abusers often go after pets and vulnerable family members of their victims.
God, this is depressing. I’m always thinking good thoughts for Hayden. I hope she finds a way to safety soon.
So glad to hear you got out. The tone upset me too. Having a support system is so important, you must be a real bad ass to get out of an abusive relationship with no close friends/family support near by. High five sister.
I don’t think she saw her daughter in February. I think she posted an old pic because people were commenting that she abandoned her daughter. She hasn’t even been with this guy a year and left her fiancee and daughter for him. Hopefully she sees the light and is able to leave.
That’s terrifying. The biting is also disturbing. I hope this POS boyfriend goes gets the max sentence and that gives Hayden a chance to leave. I also agree that she must really love her Little girl to willingly give up custody to her ex. I like her and hope she will be ok.
I’m very sad and worried for her. I hope she is able to get away and get the help she needs, and that he goes to jail.
I am so, so sad for her. I’ve liked her since I was a kid watching her in movies like Ice Princess, and I adored her work on Nashville. It’s terribly sad to see where her life has taken her. I don’t understand, if it’s KNOWN that he’s breaching the order to stay away from her, why isn’t anything being done about it? Can’t they throw him in jail already?! I know that’s maybe a really dumb question on my part, but I guess I’m lucky enough that I don’t have any experience with a situation like this, so I just don’t get it.
Also Celebitchy, I just really want to thank you for your kindness and empathy in the way you talk about crediting Hayden with letting her daughter live with her father not in an effort to abandon her, but to do what’s best for her. That kindness is NOT the attitude I’ve seen most places, and I’m just really grateful to see it said on this site whenever the subject is addressed. I wish more people shared that kindness.
Her family must not be getting through to her is why I’m assuming they’re making these comments to the press?
And yes it does sound like whatever publicist manager etc wrote these statements is disregarding the truth of her home life growing up which is suspicious and leads to why they don’t seem to have empathy for Hayden as a victim here and instead seem to blaming her, abusers tend to do that
I too was raised in an abusive environment and you are taught that it’s normal, your brain on a deeper level doesn’t recognize healthy relationships as love
Wasn’t she the kid on Ally McBeal a long time ago? Child stars seem to have such a hard time (and more often than not come from unstable families/ stage parents/ druggie parents etc). I remember reading about Brad Renfro’s upbringing and how used he was by the Hollywood system and how vulnerable he was because his family had no clue, and how tragic it was when he passed away so young :/ I wish the people behind Ally McBeal etc would man up and take some responsibility at some point for hiring these young kids and putting them in the spotlight so young.
Yeah, she started acting when she was 5; my mind went there, too.
People with childhood PTSD get revictimized over and over. They never had the opportunity to learn the healthy coping skills “normal” children learned and, in seeking out “rescuers,” end up trusting predators instead—because, to them, that’s what a caregiver still “looks like.” Even if you do learn emotional regulation and healthier coping skills, you still have sensory-processing disorders, health issues… it’s a real shit deal.
My good friend’s boyfriend spent 7 months in jail for beating her up and she still went back to him. Like Celeste on Big Little Lies, she seems to get off on the possession and control. I worry about her safety.
You think she gets off on being beat and thats why she went back?!
Cycle of violence – please, look it up. Your friend is probably back in the pursuit/honeymoon stage where the abuser is manipulating the victim back into their life. She loves him and probably wants to believe his lies and claims of change.
oh my god, this thread is depressing me. I give up.
Abusers can be extremely persuasive and manipulative with their victims. It’s not all violence – the abuser will at times be a charming mate and a doting father. If people don’t know about the abuse, they will tell the victim what a great guy her abuser is. I worked with clients from battered women’s shelters for years. I’ve heard every excuse an abuser ever told. And I worked at a child protection agency too – same excuses from people who beat their kids. But it’s all still the same. It’s hard to watch.
Thank God her daughter is out of the situation.
Celeste is a fictional character. She has a maladaptive kink that helped her cope with, and survive, violence. That character’s experience should not be presumed to be the norm.
If you mean to say that your friend seems “addicted” to the *cycle of abuse*, that is something else entirely. It’s called “trauma bonding,” and it is a biochemical response to the cycle of reward and punishment. It isn’t “thriving on drama”; it’s an addiction to the sense of relief one feels when the abuse stops. It is functionally no different from substance addiction.
And absolutely anyone can be addicted. I remember reading a New Yorker article about how loyal and adoring Gordon Ramsay’s staff are—because, despite the verbal abuse, they LIVE for that one rare compliment tossed their direction. It is the same exact thing.
My friend literally told me she doesn’t think another man could turn her on or be as passionate as him despite the violence. She also said that she loves the drama of it all; she said the words point blank to me.
I also want to add child protection services are involved currently and she has been investigated several times for remaining with him(she has two small children). She openly admitted she lies to her domestic violence counselor because she can’t imagine not loving him or being with him.
She wouldn’t be the first woman to lie to a domestic violence advocate – that is nothing new, I have done it as well to investigators and advocates- and cover for her abusive spouse, again they are extremely manipulative and will promise you the world to get you back. And of course she loves him, they are in a relationship and have children – its natural to love him and feel conflicted about leaving him. It’s not natural for him to beat her. She sounds trauma bonded to him and is going to need therapy to get out mentally and physically. She may need a safety plan. Can she survive financially without him?
The fact there are kids involved probably make it that much harder for her to leave. She might be scared to share custody with him, at least if they are together – she can keep an eye on her kids.
Have some compassion instead of judging something you have never and hopefully never do experience.
She abandoned her daughter. She went off and acts like she has no child. She got herself into this awful situation with this man, but her daughter is at least in a stable family. Not with this dysfunctional mess of a woman who clearly doesn’t want to be a mother. I give her ZERO credit for ABANDONING her own child in favor of acting like some college drop out with no responsibilities.
@Bea, you are a profoundly ignorant, victim-blaming a**hole.
I suspect there is more to the story than her just abandoning her child, considering what we now know about Hayden being in a dangerously abusive relationship.
Her erratic behavior screams of post traumatic stress from abuse and self medicating with drugs/alcohol to me. She strikes me as someone going through a dark and painful time which is nothing like a care free college student. I don’t think she is having any fun right now.
I hope she can heal and be a part of her daughters life again.
I agree Penelop. There’s a lot going on here, most of which we probably don’t know about. Instead of attacking her for it, let’s all just hope she gets safe and gets help.
Bea, from what I remember, Hayden also went through pretty severe PPD after her daughter was born. Add that to an abusive situation, and substance abuse, and it’s a terrible combination. She hasn’t been well in quite some time.
Your comment is such ignorant, victim blaming trash in general, but if we go by your own logic, why should a “dysfunctional mess of a woman” who “clearly doesn’t want to be a mother” be given crap for allowing her child to live with a more stable family?
Do you feel this way about teenagers or women who give their babies up for adoption because they feel like dysfunctional messes and/or have no desire to be a mother?
If you truly believe she’s just a horrible messed up person with zero maternal instincts who can’t function on a level higher than teenager/college party girl, then wouldn’t it be a good thing that she’s letting her daughter live with the more stable parent?
Wow, Bea. I’m not sure if you have a personal history with having witnessed something like this, but my heart goes out to you if you did. Sadly, I think HP’s daughter will probably feel the same way when she’s older. I know I sure did (but I was fortunate to be adopted by wonderful people).
The one thing she has that is likely absent from many abuse victim’s lives is her own money, and it’s probably a lot. She can afford lawyers, and security, and to up and move to wherever she likes. I hope she takes advantage of these assets. He’s disgusting and needs to be gone.
I hate how they always blame her for not having custody of her daughter. And yeah, as if it were that easy to leave an abusive relationship… for sure, she needs help but the people running to People are not the ones she needs.
If she had retained custody of her daughter, and she were in this situation, people would be saying that she’s a bad mother, she’s keeping her child away from a father who can look after her, what a nasty bitch, etc. etc. etc.
Women don’t get a great deal of compassion or empathy at all. They have to fulfill a very narrow set of expectations in order to warrant both of those things. It’s really depressing tbh.
“Women don’t get a great deal of compassion or empathy at all. They have to fulfill a very narrow set of expectations in order to warrant both of those things. It’s really depressing tbh.” This is so true.
I don’t think the quotes are really about the relationship. They seem to be addressing other issues in Hayden’s life, ie substance abuse and/or mental abuse. There is an emphasis on the relationship “adding” to her issues and so forth.
Hayden is a former child star to very dysfunctional stage parents (think the Lohans), if half the stories are true then it explains a lot plus she really struggled with postpartum depression after her daughter was born.
To a certain extent, she may also think it’s a bit normal. Her father was arrested for domestic violence so I don’t think her family will be much help in terms of getting her out. She probably will be more defensive to her parents trying to help.
Poor woman. I wish her strength, good health, safety and support for her future.
Feminism is supposed to be a sisterhood helping each other towards our dreams and future happiness.
Victim blaming is total BS.
Walk a mile in her shoes before you start tearing someone down.
Life is a tough bitch most of the time just making ends meet for basic needs.
No one should be living in fear in their own homes, domestic violence must stop for every member of society, spouses, children, elderly. Extended jail time for abusers.
Even if she were trying to get it together or whatever is happening, I would personally be nervous if my kid was being raised in a different fycking COUNTRY by my ex’s mother in Russia and I couldn’t get there fast enough if something were to happen.
And I’m Russian born. Wouldn’t recommend being raised there if possible. Not to mention paternal grandma is doing all the work.
You wanna work on things? Great. Do it here. Get meds if need be. Counseling. Supervised visits if you have to. Whatever it takes.
Look, most people have issues. Many have abusive relationships they’ve gone through on top of various forms of depression.
Not all travel around the world and go to Hawaii.
This ain’t victim shaming.
This is straight up abandonment without making any effort to see her kid regularly just by technicality.
And, then, yes. In that case, her kid IS better off …if her mother is capable of doing that. Then ok.
In a twisted way she probably still loves him. And remember, she was a child actor as well. Obviously shes going to have some issues. Girl needs to get some decent therapy and maybe some meds to help. There is so much help out there, she just has to want it.