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All Doctor Who fans remember their first Doctor, and many have a particular attachment to that specific incarnation of the Time Lord. Chris Eccleston was mine. I started watching his season after David Tennant’s run had started. I love both of them, and while 10 might be my most favorite of the newer crew, I will always have a soft spot for Chris. So, I’m always happy to run across a piece of Chris news. This particular story is difficult, but important to share. In his upcoming autobiography, I Love the Bones of You, Chris writes about having both anorexia and body dysmorphia. (Note: Chris briefly discusses suicidal ideation.)
“Many times I’ve wanted to reveal that I’m a lifelong anorexic and dysmorphic,” he writes in his upcoming autobiography, I Love the Bones of You, according to CNN.
But [Eccleston], 55, says that he’s held back until now because of his circumstances: “I never have. I always thought of it as a filthy secret, because I’m northern, because I’m male and because I’m working class.”
Even at the height of his career as the beloved Time Lord in 2005, Eccleston writes that he was “very ill.”
“The illness is still there raging within me as the Doctor. People love the way I look in that series, but I was very ill,” he says in the book.
In 2015, the actor was diagnosed with clinical depression, according to The Guardian. The diagnosis came after he separated with his wife.
“I was in a state of extreme anxiety, convinced I was either going to die or I was going to kill myself,” Eccleston continues. “In my despair I reached for my phone and looked up a psychiatric hospital, I rang ahead, grabbed my bag and ran.”
Since then, he has been on antidepressants, and while the actor says that he hopes to eventually reduce his dosage, he’s been doing well on the medication.
Chris’s book is out Thursday, and I can’t wait to read it. Bravo to him for deciding that he needed and wanted help and then took the steps to get it. (That last piece is often hard.) I’m also grateful for his decision to share his story because it seems to me (though I could be wrong) that most of the people sharing their stories of living with anorexia and body dysmorphia tend to identify as women. But one in three people who has an eating disorder is male. Body dysmorphia affects 1.7%–2.4% of the general population, 1 in 50 people. In the United States, Body Dysmorphic Disorder occurs in about 2.5% of males, and in 2.2% of females.
One of Chris’ comments stuck out to me: He said that people repeatedly told him while he was filming Doctor Who (and was very ill) that he looked great. I had a similar experience years ago, though not because of the same illnesses, and it always struck me as so strange that everyone was telling me I looked great when I knew I’d lost more weight than I should have and felt like garbage most of the time. Obviously, if those people had known how ill Chris was, and that that was the reason for his appearance, they wouldn’t have told him that he looked great. It’s not often helpful, and indeed can be detrimental, to comment on someone’s appearance, even when you think you’re paying a compliment. There’s always something else you can say about someone’s thoughtful behavior or way of being that’s kind (and that will probably matter more)!
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Wow. I’ve been a fan of his since “Shallow Grave;” I had no idea he was dealing with this. So glad he’s getting the help he needs.
I’m shocked. I had no idea men really had this. He was my first “Doctor”, and he was/is so beautiful! How sad he couldn’t enjoy that properly because of this. 🙁
That always makes me sad, too, when I hear about successful people having problems that prevent them from enjoying their success.
Loved him for years and I was so sad to hear this.
This is heartbreaking.
I have always wondered why he left Doctor who, the timeline makes sense.
And he is right: men deal with anorexia too and we all should start a conversation on this. So brave to speak.
Please correct me if I’m wrong (not a big fan of Dr Who) but I think the production was quite chaotic as well and when things had settled down they had cast David Tennant. They filmed in Cardiff for most of the year, so he would have been living away from home, which can’t have helped.
I’ve heard the original set was chaotic too, 1979. I’ve also heard rumours about unprofessional/harassment on the part of other cast members (e.g., John Barrowman’s flashing ‘habit’) and Chris being rightfully uncomfortable with it.
I am not the biggest who whovian and in this 2018 interview he said he left.
https://www.telegraph.co.uk/tv/2018/03/12/christopher-eccleston-bbc-blacklisted-doctor/
I remember at the time he stated that he was leaving because he didn’t want to be typecast. Dr Who coming back was a big deal, and he obviosuly hadn’t said when he was chosen that he would only do one year.
Regarding the telegraph article, no, he didn’t give the BBC a hit: Dr Who was so hyped, it was bound to be a hit.
@Ariela: you know to me his struggles and the Doctor who timeline make sense: I don’t think at the time he could have said “sorry I am battling anorexia” he had to say something politically correct.
The typecast thing came from a statement the BBC put out without Chris’ knowledge and we’re forced to retract.
I know Chris a bit and know a lot of people who worked on DW (and DT was a neighbour of mine). By all accounts S1 was just utterly miserable and chaotic all round, one director bullied crew and extras and Chris tried to intervene but without support from the higher ups, plus Chris was really unwell and his dad was unwell. And he didn’t like the storylines and direction of the show. Just a combination of things probably.
@Megbot2000 wow, thank you for information! I never watched the show but remember it was such big news when it came out and when he left and all I remember is that statement, and wasn’t aware of if being retracted. Also, as @Eleonor mentioned above, this was probably another factor which he wasn’t able to mention at the time.
He was my first Dr. as well, and it bummed me out that he only did one season. It sounds like maybe these issues are why 🙁
I’m glad he’s getting help. Love, love, love him in the Leftovers.
Eccleston was my ‘first’ Doctor, but certainly not the best (for me). David Tennant ruined all other Doctors for me, no one who came before or after him could match up. I’ve seen Tennant perform on the West End, he is pure, manic energy. I could listen to him read out the phone book (sigh!)
My doctor was/is Tom Baker… I was early 20’s when it started airing here in the states. Loved him and actually met him Charming dude.
Thought Christopher was great, the relaunch of Dr Who was a success because of him. He has said he only did one season because of conflicts with the show runner. He believes that they wanted a much lighter, comedic Doctor, and that wasn’t him.
I didn’t notice as a child but looking back at the Tom Baker episodes, he was quite sexy.
My doctor was Tom Baker, too. Loved him.
Tom Baker forever! And I loved Sarah Jane.
Same! My mom had his I love you g scarf knitted for me as a gift way back.
I worked with Tom Baker several times doing voiceover work for ads. He was charming and completely bonkers. He was also a consummate professional who could rattle off what you needed in ten seconds.
Ahhhh Tom Baker! Did you see him in Strange? He was so good. I also remember seeing him cast as a villain and he was brilliant. Mind you I am old enough to remember Patrick Troughton. I was in primary school and Mum wouldn’t let us watch Dr. Who because it “could give you nightmares”. So we would sneak in to the lounge room and watch it while Mum was busy.
Like so many others, David Tennant is my great love as the Doctor, but Chris Eccleston was magnificent in re-introducing the Doctor after so many years’ absence. I believe his portrayal was a large part of why the new series took off, so thank you, Chris. I hope you are in a happier, healthier place now.
For me its David Tennant and then Peter Capaldi – the 2 recent Scotsmen. They are both amazing character actors.
I loved Christopher’s Dr but its sad we never really got a chance to see where he would have taken the character.
I wish they’d let David use his real accent, the way most other Doctors have. I recall when Rose said to Nine, “ You sound Northern,” he replied, “Every planet has a North.”
I *really* hate the way society reacts to weight or the lack of it, and I can’t stand that people feel the need to comment on anything weight-related, be it people like fat-shaming Maher, or people who complimented Eccleston.
(Former ballet dancer here, still rather too thin, can’t stand when people ask me if I’ve gained weight when I’m happy to have put on a pound or three)
Yes! We all need to stand up and reject the microfocus on weight – men, women, large, small, over, under. It’s hurtful to ALL of us.
I haven’t watch Dr. Who but I know Chris from The Leftovers. He was brilliant and especially touching with Carrie Coon in the series finale.
My heart goes out to him and I’m glad he’s in a better place mentally now. It’s been harrowing to see my son go through a similar disorder. His is kinda the opposite of anorexia, called muscle dysmorphic disorder or “bigorexia.” It’s really two sides of the same coin as far as the toll it can take on your mental health and quality of life and it’s extremely treatment resistant. He’s been battling it for more than a quarter of his life, sigh. Wishing Chris continued healing.
My doctor. I’ve enjoyed almost all of the others, but he’s mine. Such an incredible actor and he’s really brave to be putting this out there.
This is heartbreaking and kind of ties up why he left Doctor Who so quickly. I hope he’s in a better place.
One of my pet peeves is when people greet me and then immediately comment on my looks. “hey! You look so skinny! You look great!” When I had lost 30 pounds with an eating disorder everyone praised me, even people who knew how I achieved the results. Ah, Los Angeles in the 90s.
He is the only reason I finished The Leftovers. I really like his character, Matt. His episode in season 2 where he was in a Job-like biblical situation, the one that used a Regina Spektor song, is still as powerful as it was 4 years ago.
I loved his character too! Especially in that helicopter episode.
Anorexia is such a beast. And it’s not just about looking thin for society. It’s about stress, control, but then it ends up controlling you.
I spent a year courting it and then was lucky to get away from it. It’s haunting to remember that year, how sick I was and yet how alluring that time still is to me when I’m stressed and feel out of control.
I have family I’m married into that struggles with it for three generations. One woman is fighting for her life right now. She wants to be here for her daughter and for her grandchildren, she’s afraid she will lose her lifelong battle and she’s really not doing well. She’s not trying to look a certain way, but her mind is ill and it’s a daily fight with herself just to live. This illness breaks my heart. Men struggle with it too and it’s good to shine a light on that.
That’s so brave of him to speak about this. Hopefully, this will help more people, and specifically men, speak out about mental health issues. It’s important to destigmatize these issues.
While more women do speak about these specific illnesses (anorexia and body dysmorphia), I know one Internet-famous, self-described nerdy man who’s been open about his struggles with body dysmorphia. It’s Matthew Mercer, voice actor and dungeon master for the Critical Role web show.
Love Matt Mercer and his Between the Sheets is one of my favourites. Hopefully he and Chris talking about their experiences helps more men since it is something that’s not really discussed in the open.
If he’s doing well on the antidepressants then I hope he sticks with whatever is working. Why reduce the dosage unless there are intolerable side effects.
That jumped out at me and made me feel sad for him. The stigma is clearly still strong around psychiatric meds.
I adore Eccleston. He broke my heart in Jude.
I wish him well.
While my heart breaks for him, as I battle the same demons and understand him completely, I am also incredibly relieved to hear (another) famous person speak about it and using their platform! Visibility is key! Especially for men. If this make only the smallest difference in a young boys life, if even one guy seeks help because of Christopher…man, that’s something!
All the best to him.
You never know what someone is going through.
I’m glad he reached out for help and is doing better.
He doesn’t owe his story to anyone but I’m also glad he is speaking out. There is still so much stigma around ED and mental illness.
He took a lot of flack for not making an appearance for the 50th anniversary special. But I get why now. This must be a bad time for him to remember. I will always have a soft spot for him because he helped bring back my favorite show (since 8 years old). But it is good that he is in a better place with his mental health. And brave of him to try and help others by talking about it
I worked with Chris very briefly when his daughter was a baby (wonderful, incredible man), and met him several times after his divorce, and he obviously wasn’t in a great place then. I’m glad he’s found the strength to find help and he’s so brave to write this book. Bravo Chris.
I’m old enough to remember the first doctor (barely!) but I LOVED Eccleston as the reboot. He managed to bring Dr. Who into the 21st century. And he was sexy as hell.
Eccleston is such a good actor; I’ve enjoyed him in just about everything he’s done. I’ve wondered what happened to him after Dr. Who and why he left in the first place.
Good for him for having the courage to come out and talk about his illness. Anorexia is considered a ‘woman’s’ disease and most men suffer in silence. I hope Eccleston’s bravery encourages other men to come out. And I hope we’ll see him working again.
kudos to him for talking about this! i’ve struggled with anorexia and other eating disorders in the past, and apparently anorexia is one of the most–if not the most–deadly mental illnesses out there! it’s good to hear that he’s in a much better place–it takes a lot of work to get there!
My sister died of anorexia/bulimia/alcohol abuse. I can’t begin to tell you how devastating this disease is and even though it was many years ago I still feel the pain. She suffered from Borderline Personality Disorder, and addictive behaviours like eating disorders are often a part of it. Like other posters here have commented, it’s not about wanting to be thin, it’s about control. Trying to control the demons inside your head, trying to control some part of yourself or your life because you feel out of control. She wouldn’t get therapy even though the whole family encouraged her to see a psychiatrist or psychologist – you can’t force someone to do something they don’t want to. So she died a long, drawn out, horrible death. I wish him all the best and am grateful he’s spoken out on the topic. I agree that body-shaming is reprehensible, but when it’s a life or death situation, a light needs to be shone on it so that maybe those suffering from the disorder feel they can go public and get help.
Jaded, my heart goes out to you and your family. I am so sorry.
Good on him for having the strength to speak up. I’ve been a huge fan of his for years and last year was lucky enough to see him as Macbeth at the RSC in Stratford upon Avon. Up close he is a huge imposing personality, such a talent.
This reminds me of a story written by Elisa Donovan in which she recounts being onscreen in the “Clueless” days, eating barely more than a few grapes on a given day and being told, repeatedly, “You’re so thin, but you look great on camera.” I read that as maybe a twelve year old, and now I’m in my early 30s and remember it so specifically as a cautionary tale. I really dislike that people whom we enjoy so much (The Doctor and Amber [Ambular!] in this case) are many times so unhappy.
Bravo to him (both of them, really) for finding a way to seek help and for sharing on such a large stage. We’re glad you’re still here!
I just read Portia de Rossi’s autobiography about her anorexia disorder. She details the way her brain worked, and couldn’t see herself as skinny, just a certain number of pounds. She was thrilled when the costume people on Aly McBeal told her how good she looked and had to take in her outfits. She got herself through it, but, it sure takes a toll on your brain, every minute of every day. All she thought about was food, how little to eat, and how to wear it off.
Wow, he is so brave to open up like this. I know there are many men dealing with the same issues who will feel less alone as more men like Chris speak out. I am a fan of his from Shallow Grave, 28 Days Later and The Leftovers. I had no clue he also played Dr. Who. He is extremely talented.
I commend him for discussing this publicly. I’m also glad he was able to see that he had a problem and sought help for it. Without going into too many details, a friend of mine died (technically from cancer, but the doctors couldn’t treat her properly because her body was too weak from starving herself for years), so this is a sensitive subject for me. I also think the dysmorphia is real, and the person may truly, truly, believe they are not unhealthily thin. Again, kudos to him for speaking out.
Love him! But he always had sad eyes. Glad to hear he is doing better
How wonderful of him to speak out on this difficult topic that especially carries a stigma with men. He was a wonderful Doctor who reminds me a bit of my Doctor, Peter Capaldi.
Doctor Who is a special show. I have never loved a fictional character the way I love my Doctor, and I see many others on here echoing the same sentiment. Having a Doctor who is “yours” is something very emotional, as silly as that sounds. I imagine Eccleston is helping a lot of his fans out there by talking about this.
I love how you ended this piece Quimby. I love that you reminded all of us of the myriad of ways to compliment a person that have nothing to do with physical characteristics. Thank you