Charlize Theron: ‘I never wanted to get married,’ that’s ‘innately my truth’

WOTYTheronCover

Glamour Magazine has multiple covers and cover subjects for their 2019 Women of the Year issue. The 2018 Glamour WOTY are: Charlize Theron, Margaret Atwood, Megan Rapinoe, Yara Shahidi, Ava Duvernay, Greta Thunberg, Tory Burch and the women of The Refugee and Immigrant Center for Education and Legal Services (RAICES). Yay, that’s a pretty good list. Charlize Theron got one of the covers to promote Bombshell, the Roger Ailes-scandal movie where she plays Megyn Kelly. I didn’t know that Charlize produced the film too – she stepped in as producer about two weeks before the production because there were some last-minute shenanigans. You can read Charlize’s full profile here. Some highlights:

On playing Megyn Kelly in Bombshell: “I think I was scared of it. A lot of projects I’ve been involved in are not necessarily projects where everybody has gone, ‘Yeah, this is going to be great, you should do this!’ It tends to be projects where people are like, ‘I don’t know about this Monster movie. Really?’”

How she defines success: “Well it definitely doesn’t mean box office. If you’re going to do it, let it be on something that actually means something to you.”

Bombshell is her fifteenth outing as a producer: “I think there’s this conclusion that sometimes gets made, like, ‘It can’t possibly be a f–king actress that put this thing together.”

She never wants to get married: “I haven’t been in a relationship for a very long time. I never wanted to get married. Those are things that are not hard for me, because they’re innately my truth. I find people are somewhat perplexed by that, and also more with women, right?”

On her kids: “I so wish that I could be the woman that I am and do the job I do and still fully, fully protect my children from all of that, and it’s never going to happen,” she says. It hasn’t been the easiest ride, but she says she hopes her kids’ unique upbringing “will somehow inform them to be the characters and people they need to be.”

[From Glamour]

“I never wanted to get married. Those are things that are not hard for me, because they’re innately my truth.” I sometimes think about how she was with Stuart Townsend for so long and they seemed like real partners and then… it just ended. Then she was halfway engaged to Sean Penn, right? But she left him, ghosted him and we still don’t know what happened there. I guess my point is that Charlize probably was anti-marriage for as long as she can remember, and yes, I relate to that! And I relate to people being perplexed by it too. But Charlize has kids, so at least people are not like “so… you never want to get married AND you’re child-free? What’s the catch?” Which is what I get.

WOTY-6

Cover and photo courtesy of Miguel Reveriego for Glamour, sent from promotional Glamour email.

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58 Responses to “Charlize Theron: ‘I never wanted to get married,’ that’s ‘innately my truth’”

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  1. Lala11_7 says:

    I’m sure the horror of her parent’s marriage…solidified THAT for her…well, that’s what happened to me…anyway…

    • Heylee says:

      Whos a marriage for? I think she’s smart as hell to have known that marriage is not for her.

    • mint says:

      @Lala11_7: Totally the same. My sister as well.

    • Yup, Me says:

      Exactly. I had the same thought and I think there should be more room for women to discuss these things.

      I’ve never desired to live with my significant other. A few days of togetherness is the most I can stand at one time before I need time and space for myself. So, I’m married, but my husband and I maintain a LAT (living apart together) relationship. I love it.

      We have to live our lives for ourselves and according to what works best for our needs. That’s when they work.

      • Ariel says:

        Let’s hear it for LAT relationships! I love partnership, but am super into a relationship that doesn’t involve being roommates. I know it’s a privilege to have the resources to live separately, but it’s also a choice that people don’t always understand they get to make.

    • Rhys says:

      Um, I don’t believe that a terrible experiences of our parents define our views in life. Not every thing should be a blamed on some shit that happened in the past. Especially with marriage, it’s such a generational thing. In the past people got married because it was expected of you and also, because it was the best way to survive. Today – not so much. I adore Charlize for being so normal about this, as in she just does what feels right to her.

      • J. says:

        Didn’t her mother shoot and kill her father out of self defense? Seems crazy to think that wouldn’t color someone’s perspective.

    • Kristina says:

      My parents got married right out of high school and had a very turbulent, sad marriage (they were entirely far too mismatched, but got married before they matured to know that). my sister, brother and I still all married. And none of us are divorced, some as long as 20 years now. But all 3 of us did things differently- went to college first, dated around, thought carefully about what we wanted in a partner. My sister says she literally lives her marriage opposite of how my parents did things. She also modeled her family after our neighbors, who had a solid and happy life. Whatever works for you is what’s best, you
      Know? I’ve been married for 12 years to a good guy- but I am super comfortable alone and could just as easily be permanently single and happy.

  2. J. says:

    God, I love her.

    • mint says:

      I am so into her

    • Elisa says:

      +1 and I love her styling in these pics.

      • Some chick says:

        She’s gorgeous. I’m not super into the plastic coat, but she looks amazing. And I love her strength and knowing herself.

    • Jo says:

      Love this. My 20yr marriages is coming to a close, but I am holding out a little hope that once we have our own space, we can go on to have a LAT life! He’s more cut and dry about it, but I feel like it’s the day-to-day living together niggles that have been the straw. Two happy houses might make for one happier family 🙏🏻

  3. Valiantly Varnished says:

    Im 39 happily single AND childless. I feel this SO hard.

    • mint says:

      35 childfree and single.

    • Kate says:

      49, childfree, single. More than content. Whee!!!

    • melo says:

      Ditto. Just turned 46, single and child-free. Was it planned? Not really. But obviously it wasn’t a priority either.
      I think what I don’t like is that people make a ton of assumptions about why, how etc. Not every single, child-free person has the same reasons or experiences. We’re all incredibly beautiful and complex. My story is different from others who may be on what outwardly looks like a similar path. It’s the stories that are interesting…not the labels.

      • Valiantly Varnished says:

        @melo. SAME. I thought I would be married with at least one kid by age 30. But life had other plans. And there was a time I was sad about that but now I actually am pretty content and happy with where I’m at. I haven’t ruled out having kids or getting married but I have come to a point where I know I can and would be okay if neither happened. My happiness isn’t contingent on either and when I look at my friends who are married with kids…yeah I’m good right now. Lol.

    • Mabs A'Mabbin says:

      There’s a part of me that’s so jealous of you gals. I can’t quantify that part because it would involve some soul investigatory exercise which sounds painful lol.

    • Andrea says:

      38 and childfree, I thought I’d be married by now, but honestly, I haven’t found anyone suitable for marriage, even my 3 long term partners, ultimately did not fit the bill. I have found alot of women my age have settled so that they can have kids or say that they are married but are not happy with their partners. I find it very sad and vow to not do the same just to have someone around.

    • Janiejones says:

      48, dating and childless. I’m living my best life.

    • Dazed and Confused says:

      48, single, childless, not dating — couldn’t be more content. I also totally get her comment. People are baffled.

  4. Wilma says:

    Is she basically acting like Sean Penn never happened? *chuckles*

    • lucy2 says:

      Pretty much, and I can’t say I blame her! I’d try to forget that too.

    • Yup, Me says:

      I’ve been wondering if something happened with him and her kid(s)? Like they were spending a lot of time together and he got too comfortable and tried to discipline one of them. Purely speculation but, given her history, I could see that being a trigger for her ghosting him and acting like he never existed.

  5. Embee says:

    She said it so well and cleanly. I really have always identified with Charlize because her truth resonates with my reality. I’ve been married twice and it was deeply uncomfortable for me. My current flame of 5 years wants to get married and I’m just NOT interested. And there’s nothing wrong with him he’s fine. I don’t find pairing up to be that satisfying; rather, it is draining for me.

    • Skyblue says:

      I’m 52, single and childless and I still get the perplexed reactions. I was married once, a long time ago. Shrug. I’m deeply uncomfortable and awkward in relationships. I find them painful. On the flip side, I love my single life. No compromises, lots of friends and family. 100% self-partnered (thanks Emma Watson) and Quirkyalone (thanks Sasha Cagen)

      • Elisa says:

        ha, I always say “I’m in a happy relationship with myself”.
        and ITA with Embee, I found most of my exes draining as well at some point. :)

      • Jenn says:

        Alot of women that are single and childless say this is what they want. Because to say the opposite makes them feel like they couldnt find a relationship. Better to make it out to be your decision right lol

      • Elisa says:

        Jenn: I usually get that kind of comment from people in unhappy relationships hwo are unwilling to admit it. :)

  6. ME says:

    Good for her. Women get pressured all the time to get married and have kids…blah blah blah. Live your life how YOU want !

  7. SJR says:

    More people should truly learn to know themselves, their actual deeply felt needs/wants.
    I know I am not phrasing this well but, I honestly feel that way too many people marry and/or have kids when they feel they “should” instead of it being their own want/need.

    In my case, I was content living together. Things were fine overall. After 5 years, everyone and I mean Everyone, including co-workers would constantly badger “Why aren’t you getting married? When the wedding?, etc.” To the point that I started answering with “None of your bidness” and even more honestly “Things are fine, I don”t want to be married.”

    Sadly, we did marry. And I was correct in that he was a good boyfriend, lousy husband.
    That marriage brought me nothing but unhappiness and 20 years laters it is still my biggest regret in life. I applaud everyone who follows their own happiness and choices. More power to knowing yourself and staying true to your own needs.

    • Andrea says:

      I have so many friends in loveless marriages JUST so they could have kids and hit a certain age so it was now or never or they started to have a fear of being alone. I find it all terribly sad and depressing.

      • ME says:

        I think people (mostly women) get brainwashed by society to believe you MUST get married and have kids. We are given baby dolls as kids to prepare us and make us believe it’s what we are meant to do. I think it’s all b.s. Live your life how you want and f*ck what people say. I feel sorry for those who married, had kids, and are miserable because it wasn’t what they truly wanted but thought they had to do. It’s not fair to your spouse or your children. Why is there such a “fear” in being alone? You can have 10 kids and still end up in a nursing home all alone.

      • Andrea says:

        I know a few women who have remained with men because they “cannot be alone”. Thus, they put up with whatever because of it. One woman is 55 and has been this way since she was 17! Another friend is 39, remains with her husband because of their two kids because she doesn’t want them to be without a father if they split up. She talks about how she will find love once they are over 18. Not to mention the father has had alcohol issues, trolled for sex online when she was pregnant with child #2, and he asked her to abort the second child. I am sorely disappointed with my friends and wish they had the self esteem to know that they deserve better than THIS.

  8. Aims says:

    I feel like marriage is fading out. Women know what they want and they have the right to make the right choice for them. I never thought I’d be married either, but here I am. I strongly believe everyone should do what’s right for them.

    • Raina says:

      You know , I go back and forth regarding marriage because I’ve been divorced now for years. Untangling was a pain. Lol, no we untangled, not uncoupled. And sometimes I do miss something about the paper but I think it’s only because I was brought up that way. Parents married 40 plus years. To each their own I guess.
      The other thing is I don’t like being single. I like a partner and being in love. It’s just an important thing to me. I wish I enjoyed it but I don’t. I’m in a relationship currently but it’s fairly new.

    • GreenTurtle says:

      It’s interesting. I wonder how many people just want either to have a wedding or to be able to say they’re married to get everybody off their back, vice actually wanting to be in a legally binding marriage with their partner.

  9. Bettyrose says:

    I’ve always been suspect of marriage (not commitment, just marriage), and it’s weird that people care. When I was younger, I heard so many young men laugh about women trying to “trap” them or how men “always cheat” (wishful thinking not reality in both cases IMO), but then as a woman you say marriage doesn’t interest you and it’s like they want to convince you *all women want marriage*. Gee dudes, you’ve made it sound so great?

  10. MagdaMacaroon says:

    I’m with Charlize. I was partnered for nineteen years with a man, five with a woman, and now another five years with a man who feels like home to me. Still no interest in making it official. We’re both in our forties, mixed-race, professionals and very, very independent. We have five kids between us, maintain two separate households that are home-bases for all the kids, pets, etc, but allow a certain autonomy for us. So necessary! I really dig how Charlize honors her own groove, the unique energies of her children, and keeps it moving.

  11. Boodiba says:

    I’m 52 and childless & have never once been engaged, never mind married. When I was younger I thought I’d meet someone awesome in my 30s and get married, but I was a living by my own means artist in NYC, and I discovered that even men in their 30s only wanted women in their 20s there! And ya after a certain point just trying to date sanely I found myself hating men & took a break, which turned into a long-ass break. I had my own money to have fun & plenty of friends & found I didn’t miss the drama. Ten years basically celibate w/ a boy toy thrown in there once in a while to – I thought – “normalize” me.

    Now I’m in a new chapter but still no closer to marriage but judging what it does to relationships with the relative wisdom of an older age – no thanks.

  12. Blairski says:

    I got married at 46, we dated for 5 years before that. I still feel traumatized by my years of being single. Part of it was the continuous low-level anxiety (“Will I ever find a partner?”) because I actually DID want to be partnered, but most of it was the assumptions, the judgement, and the fact that NOTHING in our society is set up for single people. Opportunities for women have changed but society hasn’t caught up. Working in commercial real estate didn’t help – it was hard enough being a woman at a director level, much less a single woman, when all the men had wives to run their lives.

    I love Charlize and all of you women who are happily single (or living in unconventional set-ups) and I hope that society catches up, and soon.

    • Bettyrose says:

      Blairski,

      Being a woman partnered with a man doesn’t change the fact that one’s male colleagues have wives running their lives.

  13. Ally says:

    That hairdo makes her look like an acorn.

  14. Sidewithkids says:

    I don’t know what it is about her, I mean I think she’s a fantastic actress but I’ve always felt something being off about her even when she was w/ Stuart Townsend (which never seemed right to me). Not in a bad way but in a totally, “is she living her true self kinda way”? I guess what I’m trying to say is I wonder if she’s confused about her sexuality. This marriage comment doesn’t surprise me but I’m just wondering if we’re going to get, “I’m really into women and was just going through the motions w/ men”, comment very soon. I just get gay vibes from her and I get I’m a bit scared by that from her too.

  15. Alyse says:

    I think the fact is that owning a house or having kids (or a pet!) together is more of a commitment than marriage today, plus women generally don’t need a man for financial reasons (a big reason why marriage was so important to the majority of women until relatively recently/ like 50 years ago maybe? I don’t mean gold digging, I mean that we have so much more financial freedom and stability than our grandmothers had the option of) marriage just isn’t the big thing it used to be… it’s cool that people are becoming more and more accepting of people living the life they want. Whether it’s more traditional or less so.

    Also v telling that it’s men who tend to get remarried, not women when their spouse dies in old age … for many of those women they’ve never had so much freedom! (Once again, a generational thing…. as reasons for marriage have changed A LOT in the last 50/60 years…)

  16. Velvet Elvis says:

    That haircut has got to go.

  17. Jane wilson says:

    60, single (never married) and wouldn’t have it any other way.
    I was engaged 4 times, but never felt that compulsion to marry. I prefer my own company too much!
    Funnily enough, I’ve never been asked why I’m not/never have been married. My parents never made it an issue, so I never felt pressured or odd. I still date, flirt and enjoy the company of men, just never enough to sacrifice my own! I love the fact that so many other women are talking about the fact that they feel the same way!

  18. horseandhound says:

    I’ ve been single so far and I’m thirty. I used to love it, it was a choice. but now I changed and I feel ready to find a partner. I would like to marry. I see marriage as a wonderful thing. a commitment and a devotion. my parents have been married for over thirty years, they are very happy, always there for each other, respectful of each other, supporting each other’s dreams. it’s sad how many unhappy married people exist. but I know relationships can be wonderful so I’m open to that and won’t accept less than that. I’d rather be alone than settle, but I feel I’m going to find somebody who’s a good match for me and I’m looking forward to that.

  19. jenner says:

    She looks gorgeous. Anyone else with that haircut would look horrible, but it suits her.

    • horseandhound says:

      I think she looks terrible with that hair. she is still very beautiful, but the hair is horrendous.

  20. jbyrdku says:

    I get the same thing! Single, child free and okay with it. It’s like people can’t wrap their minds around it.

  21. Anonymous says:

    I have a wonderful, hilarious, intelligent, feminist husband, but I had my own place for six years before we got married, I loved living on my own and dammit, I still miss it all the time! If we could afford two separate homes, I’d have a LAT relationship in a heartbeat. I’ve started dropping hints to my 15-year-old daughter about alternatives to traditional marriage. She’s a strong-willed, independent young woman who’s social but also needs to be by herself regularly and enjoys her downtime. She talks about getting married and having kids, but I can see her struggling to live with someone full-time. I just want her to know that traditional marriage isn’t her only option.

  22. Doglas23 says:

    I remember when she was with Stuart Townsend, for a decade, she called him her husband at some awards show even though they weren’t legally married or had a contract. I don’t remember for sure if she didn’t make it official, because she did and “Angie & Brad” Clark saying she’ll only get married if everyone in the LGBTQ community can legally get married. I could be wrong, but she definitely had a reason why her and Stewart had’t hadn’t made their partnership into an official marriage. Not that there is anything wrong with that at all. I’m all for doing you and having the kind of partnership that works for you. As for Sean Penn, he is an ass! I think he didn’t want to deal with raising her adoptive child Jackson whom I recall he couldn’t handle and this was before she had adopted August & came out that Jackson feels that they are a girl not a boy. I think something went down with disagreeing with parenting style, plus he’s a user of people for career gain, has a wandering eye and has a history of ring verbal/physically abusive. I don’t thin Charlize could deal with him after wha she grew up with. No don’t know how Robin Wright stayed married to him after their kids were past the age of 18!