T.I. is a rapper and reality show guy. I used to like him. I don’t anymore, for various reasons, the main one being that I now realize he’s a disgusting human being who is doing irreparable damage to his teenage daughter. T.I. was a guest on the “Ladies Like Us With Nizanin and Nadia” podcast and he spoke at length about his 18-year-old daughter Deyjah and her virginity. If that isn’t disgusting enough – a father discussing his daughter’s virginity on a podcast, for the love of God – what he actually SAID about his daughter and her virginity made me sick to my stomach. This is emotional abuse.
T.I. doesn’t want his 18-year-old Deyjah, to be sexually active, so he takes annual trips to the gynecologist with the teenager to check on her virginity status.
“I will say as of her 18th birthday, her hymen is still intact,” the rapper, 39, revealed on the Tuesday, November 5. “Not only have we had the conversation [about sex], we have yearly trips to the gynecologist to check her hymen.”
The Georgia native said that after celebrating Deyjah’s birthday every year, he leaves a sticky note on her bedroom door, reading, “Gyno. Tomorrow. 9:30.” And even though doctors can’t share the teenager’s information without her consent, the “Whatever You Like” rapper has Deyjah sign a waiver.
“[When they] say, ‘Well, I just want you to know that there are other ways besides sex that the hymen can be broken, like bike riding, athletics, horseback riding, and just other forms of athletic physical activity,’ I say, ‘Look doc, she don’t ride no horses, she don’t ride no bike, she don’t play no sports. Just check the hymen please and give me back my results expeditiously,’” T.I. said.
His 15-year-old son, King, is sexually active, and while the former reality star didn’t want his son to have sex “before it’s time,” he admitted, “I definitely feel different about a boy than about a girl. That’s just the God’s honest truth. I don’t think there’s any father out there who’ll tell you any different.” He believes his daughter will thank him “in hindsight for … not allowing [her] to damage [herself] as much as” she could have, he told the podcast hosts.
Imagine being taken to the gynecologist by your father as a teenage girl, and the conversation isn’t about reproductive health or how your body is beautiful and your own and you get to make your decisions. Imagine your father only giving a sh-t about… your hymen. Imagine how warping, misogynistic and abusive that is. And T.I. just talked about it like it was nothing. He admitted his disgusting views and his horrific abusive behavior like he was proud of it. Poor Deyjah.
Photos courtesy of WENN.
this is so infuriating and absolutely disgusting, and I feel awful for his daughter because now every single person who knows her knows she has to go through this humiliating ordeal. absolutely vile.
also I didn’t see in another article I read that his 15-year-old son is sexually active and he is fine with that and now I want to punch him in the face a million and one times.
I read this yesterday and now I just plain hate TI.
I’ll hold him for you while you punch him.
When I read that I thought that he better be okay with his son if he’s gay then, because he should definitely understand if other parents don’t want their daughters having intercourse with his son. But if course he won’t be, because he’s a garbage can fire of a human being, apparently.
He’s a disgusting excuse for a father. And whomever this gyn is should be investigated immediately by the state medical board. In fact, I think I’ll notify the board myself.
I’m hoping that any obgyn who takes care of his daughter sees how abusive this is and juat tells him she’s “intact” for the sake of the girl’s safety. Any man who does this to his kid would definitely punish her in some awful way for being sexually active.
The doctor can’t tell him. He said that, read more carefully. Doctor patient confidentiality. He said he has his daughter sign something, probably promising to tell him or to remain a virgin.
@Lua, no what his daughter has to sign is a consent form so that her MD can disclose medical information to her dad… I really, really hope that the MD doesn’t actually check and simply tells TI what he wants to hear. It’s not like he’ll go double-check himself and I highly doubt he’d know what the hymen looks like anyway (if it’s so hard for many to spot a clitoris, imagine the hymen!)
I also hope the MD slips the daughter BC and give her a real sex talk because lord knows she won’t get it from her parents
I totally agree that the Doctor is likely telling T.I. that her hymen is intact just to play along with the charade, as a means of harm reduction. But this is abusive paternal behavior. Any MD would be in serious ethical trouble for this, possibly even to the point of violating mandatory reporting laws.
It’s not just disgusting, it’s mentally sick. Any man who obsesses over his daughter’s vagina THAT MUCH has “issues” that he needs to address in therapy. It’s like the men who want to take the place of a suitor, and accompany their daughters to dances, give them e̶n̶g̶a̶g̶e̶m̶e̶n̶t̶ “promise” rings, etc. It’s sick.
I can only hope the daughter is strong enough to survive this abuse. I don’t only consider it “emotional” abuse, but it’s sexual abuse too, by proxy. Sick, sick, sick.
Lua you are mistaken. He has his daughter sign a release that the doctor can tell him the results.
indeed. disgusting, violating, invasive, intrusive, humiliating. he treats her like she was his property and not a person.
NO NO NO NO
this is abuse – sorry. This is so abusive, so toxic.
Exactly and he is setting his daughter up to accept a lifetime of abuse from romantic partners too, as her boundaries and personal autonomy will be nil.
It’s also criminal. This doctor need to lose his license. A doctor is a mandatory reporter of abuse both physical & emotional. The “she don’t ride horses or bikes & give me the results” is clearly an example of emotional abuse bordering on infliction of harm. This is invasive & against the law in ALL states. I’ve never been a fan but loathe is the word I feel for him & great sorrow for her
Yeah, but nothing will happen. He’s wealthy. If anything happens, it will be because he is an easier target than all of the abusive wealthy white men who surely do this stuff. He’s admitted it. How many young women are enduring this now? When someone admits something like this proudly, and with God’s approval, it’s happening in waaaay more households than people know.
“Give me MY results…”
Omg read, people! Stop coming for the doctor. He says in the interview the doctor can’t tell him so he makes her sign a pact. Which is worse, really 🙄
No Lua. ” And even though doctors can’t share the teenager’s information without her consent, the “Whatever You Like” rapper has Deyjah sign a waiver.”
She signs a waiver so that the MD can disclose information to a 3rd party aka her dad. But I sincerely hope he’s lying to him and not checking. Virginity is not a medical or biological status, it’s a social construct.
Definitely abuse. Haven’t been able to stop thinking about it since yesterday. He says with absolute certainty that she doesn’t ride bikes or play sports. Is she locked up somewhere??
I didn’t play team sports at 18, but I rode bikes, ran with friends, jumped into pickup games of ultimate frisbee or volley ball…how can he know for certain she doesn’t do those things? What kind of lock down is she under?? I’m so worried for this girl.
Not only that, now that she is 18 she is now a legal adult. She needs to pack her bags and get away from them as far away as possible. It sickens me even more that his 15 yo son is sexually active and he is proud of that fact. T.I. is one twisted, demented, abusive monster. I feel so bad for her.
What the f….
Doesn’t he know the hymen can be broken by horse riding, bike riding and other form of exercise?
I am scared to think what he would to do her if it comes out she lost her virginity.
If you read the post it says he does know that but since she doesn’t do any of those activities he thinks he’s still justified. Disgusting
The subtext is clearly that he doesn’t allow her to do those things. This girl is a prisoner.
Omg, that’s so disgusting. Just another example of the double standards imposed on females.
I hope she told him to f*ck right off. Mysoginistic, abusive piece of sh*t.
I read this yesterday and couldn’t wait to see the CB comments about this disgusting man.
So, she isn’t allowed to use tampons.
The hymen usually has an opening big enough to comfortably use a tampon and for menstural blood to come out. I’m sure TI doesnt know that. Hes a disgusting man.
This can be true, but isn’t always. Some women are born without a hymen. Some girls’ hymens are so thin, they tear during infancy, from nothing but normal movement. Some so sturdy they are still intact even after sex.
Not sure who else needs to hear it in 2019 but…There is NO medical way to prove virginity. None. Nada. Zero. Zilch.
https://www.teenvogue.com/story/facts-about-hymen-and-virginity
The “intact hymen” being “proof” of “purity” is a myth. Plain and simple.
What T.I., and whoever this quack doctor is, are doing is abuse, plain and simple. He should be investigated by CPS, and the doctor should lose their license.
I don’t think it’s a doctor thing, S. I’d bet the doctor is rolling his eyes and lying so the poor girl doesn’t get in any sort of trouble.
@broodytrudy Oh, it very much IS a doctor thing. A doctor can not perform medically unnecessary and invasive exams, and that this one does so is sexual abuse, whether the patient “agrees” to the medically unnecessary exam or not. No one can “consent” to a crime/illegal procedure.
Doctors are very much bound by laws and regulations to maintain board certification. Agreeing to perform such an exam violates both laws and regulations.
But really, it might not be. We’re not getting the whole medical story here. It sounds like he’s taking her to multiple doctors, “they say”. He can call and make an appointment for his daughter and force her to go. But that doesn’t mean he is getting the whole story from the doc. We don’t know if he’s in the room when she/he does the exam, or if the doc is being responsible and talking to her when her dad is gone and agreeing to say something different. The doctor I’m sure could make a call to CPS and say they’re worried, but CPS won’t remove her for that. We have literally no information about what the doctor is or isn’t doing, we’re just hearing T.I. be a giant POS.
I broke mine w/ a tampon. Scared me TO DEATH. (I wasn’t sexually active, and I had no idea what all that fresh blood was — fortunately, my mom was home at the time.)
I’m sorry but this is very disturbing, and creepy!
It really is. I have never understood father’s obsession over their daughters virginity. It’s so disturbing and gross. This is so disturbing and upsetting. I feel so badly for this young women who is being subjected to this abuse. She’s 18, this is her body and what she does is nobodies business but her own.
Mothers get super creepy weird about their adult sons, too, even though there’s no hymen to have “checked.” With mothers it isn’t generally about protecting virginity or purity in the way you see it with unhealthy dad/daughter dynamics, but these kinds of moms get super emotionally manipulative, needy, and clingy when their sons start separating from the nest and becoming adults. Cross-gender parent relationships can go super unhealthy in a number of ways, and it’s always inappropriate and brushing a line of sexual/romantic jealousy instead of parental attachment.
@AIMS
Their obsession with their daughters virginity is evidence that they’re aware of their (mens) privilege, but changing their behavior means they can’t uphold their privilege in society or control women’s bodies, so oppressing AND putting the responsibility on the oppressed is way easier. Or simply put: They’re trash.
The fact that he treats his son differently is more evidence that he would rather have his daughter carry the burden of mens trash behavior than to have his son lose his privilege of being trashy and getting away with it.
This is sexual abuse too. The doctor doing this needs to be looked at by a medical review board. This is rape by proxy. Men like this are disgusting and should not be fathers. T.I. openly hates women and is pure trash. Throw the whole man away.
Yup, in America the recomendations semi-recently changed, gynos aren’t really used until 21 – unless there’s an issue. Pedestrians are used, which is odd to me looking back because i went to my GP at 16, but she tells me i was her youngest patient and she won’t take anyone that young anymore.
So, why is this doctor doing a medically unnecessary exam?? Did he/she do it every year?? Like even before age turned 18 as a minor?
I hope his/her license is seriously reviewed and revoked
Really? That seems… not right. No girl should be forced to see a gyno but here it’s perfectly normal to get checked out once your period arrives. Like… Ladies, we need to take care of ourselves.
And this dude belongs in a volcano. Piece of garbage.
In my country you don’t go to the gyno when periods start (unless something strange is happening), but you’re advised to show up when you become sexually active, regardless of age.
If you don’t have a regular gyno and show up at the emergency gyno for morning after pills, they schedule you with one right away. (Free healthcare, yo!)
On topic, a part of me hopes his daughter actually is having sex and the gyno just tells him what she instructs them. Wishful thinking?
We don’t know the doctor is doing the exam though. All we know is that TI is carting his kid to the doctor, and that the doctor is miraculously telling TI precisely what he wants to hear.
@Emmy, there are no reasons to go see a gyno once your periods start if they are within the normal range (of course if you faint from pain, bleed for weeks, etc. that’s another story), it is an unnecessary exam. Even once you’re sexually active, most of the classic stuff: STIs, smear, exam of the vulva, etc can be done by a GP, there’s no need to go see a specialist for that. My nurse does those exams and the MD in only involved if there’s something abnormal.
@Arpeggi – I started seeing a gyno at age 16 and never had a GP do those exams until insurance forced me to in my 40’s. GP’s don’t have the experience that gynos do, so I prefer the specialist. (I had 2 GP’s tell me to wait a year until my next mammogram when a lump was found in my breast, even though my mother died from breast cancer. They were horrible.)
As for this article, she’s 18, so why is she still letting her father control her? I hope that she has people around her to help save her from his abuse.
@Arpeggi: Bit late on this but I guess it differs from country to country. If my sis had seen one as a teenager, she wouldn’t have lost an ovary. I also see a dentist twice a year. Check-ups exist for a reason. If a teenager is uncomfortable with it, she shouldn’t be pressured to go but a GP is really not the right Doc to check on your reproductive system. At least not here. Nurses don’t perform any exams either.
Yes. It’s physical, sexual abuse performed by proxy. It’s physically and mentally abusive.
Why on earth would you give this monster any publicity at all???
I think CB is giving us room to vent about a story that exploded across the internet yesterday.
I think publicly shaming him for publicly abusing & shaming his daughter is fair. If we ignored this, as a society, or didn’t have a reaction, I’d be very worried. This is not just publicity for him, this is societal discourse about how this crap needs to stop (and still occurs). I hope the next father or doctor thinks again before participating in something like this.
I don’t consider this publicity. I consider it “informing the public.” I don’t listen to T.I.’s music and haven’t really even had him on my radar since the early 00’s (I’m old). I only knew vaguely who he is/what he does for a living, so I think it’s a good thing the general public knows what kind of sicko he is.
When we talk about Harvey Weinstein’s abuses, rapes, and assaults, we aren’t giving him publicity. We’re exposing what he is.
Just read on Twitter that he said later in the interview that he congratulated his son on his sexual activities.
Ouch-thump-ouch-thump-ouch-thump….(banging head against a wall).
*Hold my purse*
Question: Does Tiny take you to the doctor to check for STDs because you have a problem with sticking your d@@k inanything that moves.
This guy has always been a POS. I put him in the same category with Steve Harvey and DL Hugley: black men who see women as nothing more than property, there to prop them and service them in every way.
I feel sorry for his daughter. She probably was too afraid to say no to him. He has no problem with his sons being sexually active. Who does he think his sons are having sex with?
Also, is he afraid his daughter is going to end up with a POS like him??
And f@ck all these women defending this sh@t
Really is DL Hughly problematic too?
He cheated on his wife and has a baby with his side piece.
One of his friend’s sexually assaulted his daughter and he chose to side with his friend.
He’s gross and disgusting. He made fun of Terry Crews for not fighting back when that guy groped him at a party.
Bluesky,
Cheating is such a part of celebrity culture that I tend to figure we never know the whole story. Consent is where I draw the line. When a man is accused of assault or indicates lack of respect for a woman’s bodily autonomy…that speaks volumes
I held your purse while you talked & am kindly handing it back so you can use it to smack him upside the head.
What. The. Hell.
This is abuse, plain and simple.
If he isn’t given absolute hell for this there is no justice in the world.
Gross. Peak patriarchal entitlement. “Purity” being the measure of female value & wholeness has consequences. Guys growing up to have his kind of mentality is one of those natural consequences of hearing girls and women being degraded, dismissed, & victim blamed by both sexes. It’s everywhere.
Whether he’s lying for attention or actually has put his daughter through this abuse, this is exploitative, objectifying, sexist, & dangerous on so many levels, for Deyjah and others. Virginity tests (in this and other countries) along with the risks that come with them are a real problem that he shouldn’t be trivializing. This article is pretty long, but VERY IMPORTANT because it really goes into the issues and experiences girls have been facing with virginity tests and hymenoplasty. I really hope this link works…
https://www.marieclaire.com/health-fitness/a29488743/virginity-testing-america-doctors/
Human beings are not property. We don’t gain or lose worth the more we’re seen or touched. Both sexes need to be taught that. And girls and women also need to be empowered to see this for what it is. Misogyny kills.
So well said and thanks for the link. I will definitely make time to read it today.
Excellent article.
‘ “Purity” being the measure of female value…” ‘
Only for “his” women, though. The same is not accorded to the sexual partners of his son, as they are fair game for his randy offspring, whom he congratulates on his sexual exploits with the daughters of other fathers. He’s utterly despicable, and I feel so sorry for his daughters.
This is disgusting
Considering she doesn’t need a gyno until 21, him taking her to a doctor for an unnecessary and invasive “medical” test, and pressuring her to sign a waiver to release information to him … it’s abuse. Physical as well as emotional.
God I hope the gyno was like “yeah this is medically not necessary, so just sit here for 5 minutes, while I play candy crush and I won’t check anything and we’ll tell him what he wants to hear.”
Absolutely! I can’t believe what some doctors will do for money.
Actually, where I am it’s encouraged to begin gyno checks around 16 for the girl to get to know that everything is functioning ok, NOT to have someone’s father determine ‘virginity’. It’s a simple check up for one’s health.
Where I am from, girls are encouraged to see a gyno when they start considering getting sexually active to talk about contraception. Our universal healthcare covers the pill and other hormonal contraception for girls/women under the age of 22, but you have to talk to a gyno first to get a prescription for anything (and being able to get all that information is a good thing anyway), so most girls definitely see gynos well before their 21st birthday.
I don’t know any ti songs so I’m guessing he’s never made money off me. But from here forward I will be vigilant that not one dime goes from me as consumer to him.
He’s a monster. Child protective services should be involved.
Frankly he’s probably doing more damage to his sons than his poor daughter. Foul. Gross.
So gross, wonder what her Mom has to say?
I was just wondering the same thing. Where is her mother in all this? Does she actually condone this, or is he a controlling, abusive asshole with her too? I fear we may already know the answer to that, though. Ugh…what a garbage person he’s turned out to be.
His wife Tiny is an absolute door mat… He publicly cheats on her and she just takes it.
I would blow a gasket if my husband even had that thought. I would also start questioning sexual abuse because, it is not normal.
My son turned 18 last December, and had to sign whatever HIPPA waiver to grant access for me at his doctor’s office.
From just about toddler age, my son’s pediatrician asked the (age appropriate) health questions of my son, not of me-which I appreciated. Not only did they teach my son that he was in charge of his health, but I thought they were doing a good job at figuring out what were the healthy/less healthy habits in our lifestyle. Kids will tell the truth: “I don’t eat vegetables.”
So how is this happening with T. I. and his daughter? Does her doctor not care enough to have a private conversation with her to let her know she doesn’t have to sign that waiver? That she’s an adult in charge of her own body and health. SMH.
Maybe now, they will.
She’s an adult. The provider who is acquiescing to performing this should be reported. You can’t justify a procedure on an I’m-my-own-guardian-adult because their dad wants you to. Also? Fuck this guy.
It goes deeper than that. This is just one aspect of the abuse he’s disclosed. A doctor can tell her she doesn’t have to sign a waiver, but she grew up with that guy controlling (apparently) every aspect of her life. What do you think is going to happen to her if she doesn’t sign that waiver? She *knows* what’s going to happen to her if she doesn’t sign that waiver. Odds are she’s been threatened over it. And from the comments I’ve seen about her mom, it sounds like she doesn’t have anyone in her corner and probably feels like she has zero options.
I can’t help but think of those doctors who perform the “Husband Stitch” after a woman gives birth. Gah- I can really go on a tangent about stupid, ignorant, misogynistic men.
That’s what I was thinking. This is right up there with female genital mutilation. It may not be physical damage, but the thinking is exactly the same and the mental effects on that poor girl have to be horrendous.
Don’t get me started on that, either. A friend told me she made the “obligatory request” of the doctor as they stitched her up after the birth of her baby. I was stunned that there was an other obligatory request besides “please tell me that me and my baby are healthy”.
I also couldn’t believe that in the minutes after giving birth she was thinking of her husband’s sexual satisfaction and that such a strong smart woman had clearly been informed of the concept (god knows by who) but had not done any research into what the possible consequences might be for her. Apparently the doctor laughed and joked about it so who knows what exactly was performed on her. I wish the doctor had shut down the conversation and explained that they will be doing what is required for the sake of her health only – and perhaps repeated it for enquiring husbands who may or may not have been present.
As for the original topic here, I am beyond repulsed and horrified for this poor young woman. As a grown woman who has had children I still shudder and slightly panic at the thought of any internal exam. I could not imagine going through this unnecessarily at a young age and the added indignity of it being forced on me by anyone, let alone my father. I do wonder if he is embellishing a little bit for what he thinks is good humour but that’s another level of disturbance I won’t touch on.
Even if the doctor is a decent practitioner/human being and only pretends to do the exam, that still isn’t cutting it for me. I would hope a doctor would say we won’t be performing any unnecessary procedures, unless there is a symptom to investigate we will leave everything alone.
I frankly don’t have enough time to speak to everything wrong with this.
This is so fucking gross and wrong on so many levels. And honestly – fuck his wife and anybody else in that family not defending this young woman’s right to privacy and control of her own body. That shit would have been a deal breaker for me as soon as he vocalized the idea.
Textbook sexist hypocrisy – his 15 year old son gets to do whatever he wants because of course, boys are different. What is he going to do if he finds out she did have sex with someone? Publicly shame her? Have one of her brothers throw acid on her or kill her for bringing shame on her family? Because all the garbage coming out of his mouth sounds a lot like the horror stories coming out of other countries where that actually does happen. Will she be allowed to divorce an abusive or unfaithful husband or is it just her duty to take it as a wife?
I’m hoping she’s a good student with a plan for life because I’m guessing these visits are accompanied by the warning that if he doesn’t like what he hears, then he’s throwing her out or disowning her.
I had the same thoughts about him threatening to cut off money if she doesn’t comply. The money ain’t worth it. I would go get a job and move the hell out of I were this poor girl.
I thought same. He must be threatening her financially, or worse…
I read in the Guardian that she has liked some of the comments on twitter condemning her father’s actions.
Growing up with parents who were very religious ‘christians’ coupled that with living in the middle east with strict laws for women, my parents always threatened to disowned me or ship me to a far off place if I entertained boys whilst being in high school and then university, police my clothes (but funnily enough they were more lax with my younger siblings) so I had issues with wearing tank tops, shorts, sleeveless tops because my dad would say it’s too slutty.
I got disowned when my parents learned that I had a boyfriend, I was in my second year of university and it was the Christmas holidays, my relatives from my mother’s side told my parents about it as we were in living in different countries and they just cut me off until I broke the relationship.
I am still constantly unlearning the effects of their parenting of me and we barely have any contact now particularly when I got pregnant out of wedlock and I refuse to wed just for the sake of it. I don’t want to expose my son to that toxic behaviour.
Nothing has the power to screw you up more than your parents. You sound strong and successful, gingersnaps. Congrats on your son, he’s lucky to have you.
The hardest thing is realizing your family isn’t good for you. It sounds like they have their interests at heart and not yours. Good for you for being strong enough to break that toxic cycle for your son.
I’m sorry you went through that. Lady D and Kebbie are right- the fact that you’re putting in the effort to unlearn that toxicity and be better for your son is amazing.
I really hope she has a good head on her shoulders to see through the brainwashing she’s probably been subject to for years and leave asap. I’m also hoping she has the financial means to, which is probably the main issue here.
Where is the mother? This would happen to my daughter over by dead body and I mean it literally. More likely, his dead body.
This is so horrific.
His daughter was liking tweets that called this abuse and invasive so I’d say it’s clear where her feelings are.
What is the point of a pelvic exam on someone who hasn’t been sexually active?!
My only hope is that her doctor is doing her a solid and lying about the results to protect her. Surely T.I isn’t in the room when the exam is performed?? Because if so that makes this abuse even more disgusting.
Hopefully if she didn’t know already, the public reaction shows her how wrong this all is. Maybe seeing everyone on her side will give her the courage to not sign those waivers and tell him to F off.
Who? I don’t even know who this guy is however he is a pig and deserves the career backlash that he’s going to get. If he has a career at all. Also, tiny penis alert.
but it’s perfectly ok for dad to appear in music videos with scantily clad women, while rapping about not wanting no mediocre bi3ch…
“Bring ME back MY results.” This is so disgusting on so many levels. He’s a POS. I find it so interesting that men are so invested in making sure their daughters aren’t treated the same way THEY themselves continue to treat other women.
THIS!!!🙌🙌🙌🙌
It is because they think of women as property. He probably sees his daughter as his property and he won’t have her “damaged” (I think he actually used that word). Other women are not his property and thus he doesn’t care. This is the patriarchal mindset in a nutshell.
He’s a POS-end of.
Holy God. Way to teach his daughter that her body does not belong to her. It belongs to MEN. First her father and then her husband. Despicable. I can’t believe her mother allows this abuse.
I listened to about three minutes of the podcast and my skin was crawling so painfully that I couldn’t continue.
I hope that he gets no end to backlash for this. I hope that he is relentlessly shamed and I hope that his idiot wife gets the same. What kind of woman allows this? Yes, probably an abused one, but even so.
I hope that he is never, EVER allowed to live this down. … TI? Oh, yeah, the creep who abused his own daughter and was so stupid that he bragged about it on a podcast. …
Gross. Misogynistic. Of course, he owns the vaginas in his family, but the dicks in his are free to roam indiscriminately. Ugh.
TI is just a garbage person- the Mother is too. Feel bad for the daughter.
“Imagine being taken to the gynecologist by your father as a teenage girl, and the conversation isn’t about reproductive health or how your body is beautiful and your own and you get to make your decisions. Imagine your father only giving a sh-t about… your hymen. Imagine how warping, misogynistic and abusive that is.”
And then imagine everyone on the internet knowing about it!!! How long does he intend to keep up his Hymen Watch? Until she’s 21? Engaged? Married? Wtf.
How about taking your daughter to the gynecologist for every reason except her hyman. He’s proud that his 15 year old son is sexually active. Toxic masculinity.
The doctor who is participating in this should have their license revoked. This is sexual abuse, pure and simple. A coerced unnecessary examination, followed by a coerced release of the results to this POS excuse for a Father. Besides abusive, he’s also obviously stupid, because that’s not how hymen’s work. He also says that his wife’s vagina is half his. Sorry Obama, there are still a lot of people who deserve to be cancelled. I’m sure this is incredibly triggering to a lot of women.
“Sorry Obama, there are still a lot of people who deserve to be cancelled.”
I cackled!
I love President Obama and I get what he was trying to say, but no one is rushing to judgment here. This is someone clearly mired in misogyny and this kind of patriarchal abuse is intolerable.
Not necessarily, I think it depends on how the doctor chooses to deal with it. If the doctor in question deal with the poor girl as they would a normal patient while they’re alone in the examination room, answering all of the girls questions and concerns, then once it’s over, tell her father her hymen’s intact regardless of whether or not it’s true, I would think would be perfectly fine.
Though I’m not a doctor, in my own role as a health care provider I’ve told small lies to the patient’s families before to protect my patient’s privacy if that’s what my patient wanted. In those cases, we usually tell patients that it’s obviously generally encouraged to communicate as much medical information they’re willing to share with their loved ones so they can be aware of your wishes should the patient be unable to express them for any reason, but they certainly have a right to refuse to disclose that information for whatever reason and we would not go against their decisions. Legally speaking, a parent of a child mentally capable of making their own decisions have no right to their child’s medical information when it’s against the child’s will. The consent form he had his daughter sign was pretty blatantly done under coercion. Also, the information he wants is not even medically significant to her care, since sexually active women may still have an intact hymen. From what I read into the doctor’s attempt to dissuade him from pursuing this, I’m not sure this physician is as complicit as it might first appear.
Granted, I live in Canada, where we’re not as blatantly held hostage by religious fanatics, so take my words with an understanding of my POV.
What kind of Doctor is doing yearly, unnecessary pelvic exams on a teenager at the demand of her Father? It’s unethical.
Came here to say the same thing. This is disgusting and abusive.
The WHO has stated that virginity testing, “…has no scientific merit or clinical indication,” and, “is a violation of the victim’s human rights and is associated with both immediate and long-term consequences that are detrimental to her physical, psychological and social well-being.”
https://www.who.int/reproductivehealth/publications/eliminating-virginity-testing-interagency-statement/en/
Since this came out, women have been sharing similar abusive experiences with how they were treated over this issue.
If someone forced her to wear a burka he would probably act all offended- but this is the same thing and maybe someone should tell him he is not a Taliban and not in ISIS.
I love that on her twitter, it shows her liking comments AGAINST what her father did. Like she KNOWS he was fucked up. I feel bad for her…
This breaks my heart to hear. I actually know Deyjah. She’s a sweet, kind girl who is likely horrified by all of this being public. It’s not healthy for her at all that this is happening, and I’m extremely pissed at T.I. for using her to show the world his misogyny. I’m glad to see all of the sympathy for her on this board, because it sucks that so much of the discussion is about him. Being the child of a celebrity really sucks. I can say that w/o violating confidences. The child never asked for the attention and publicity, and the child has to answer to all of the garbage that the parent does in the name of publicity. That includes bullying, both in person and over social media. People claiming to want to be your friend just so they can meet famous relative. Famous parent prioritizing their own career over you and missing milestones in your life. That this is happening to Deyjah is just vile. She doesn’t deserve this at all. I don’t know what T.I was trying to achieve here, but this is an act of selfishness and cruelty on his part toward a vulnerable human being who he has failed in countless ways. It’s a gut punch.
I really hope she is okay. This is HIS fuck up. I can totally understand her feeling embarrassment about it, but I hope she can talk herself out of that. HE should be ashamed and HE should carry the burden of that. Not her.
Give her a big hug from me when next you see her.
It’s true that he SHOULD carry the burden, but she’s the one who ends up carrying it ,too. She has 1 good relative in her life, and unfortunately it’s neither mom nor dad. Both of them are terrible. (Tiny isn’t mom). But this relative is amazing, and takes really good care of her.
Sadly, who knows if she’ll be okay. I came from a family where a big deal was made about me being a virgin. I would say more so by my mother, but also by my creepy stepfather. Suffice it to say, I did remain a virgin until marriage, but I actually regret it. I feel like I missed out, and I don’t like how “virgin” became such a part of my identity. It was part of an overall mentality of feeling like I had to be perfect in every way growing up in a household with personality disordered and abusive parents. The fact is, being a virgin doesn’t make you a better person than nonvirgins are. I’ve known some virgins who were pretty bad people but who could use their virginity to say they were good Christians.
Finally, TI. said that no one wants to have sex with virgins because they’re not viewed as fun, which is absolutely false in my opinion. I never met a guy who wasn’t interested in having sex with me because I was a virgin. Pretty much every guy I was involved with romantically would have happily “devirginized” me, so his logic that keeping his daughter a virgin so guys think she’s no fun makes no sense. I also consider his intense interest in her sexuality covert sexual abuse, and I think you’ll find this is the case in most families where the parents are overinvested in their children remaining virgins.
The Fuller Project (linked to in the marie claire article) is trying to draw attention to stories like this. People have the option of sharing anonymously or not through emailing sophia@fullerproject.org
@lanne If you can, tell that there are people all over the world who support her. My heart is broken for her. To be betrayed like this, BY HER FATHER is one thing, but for him to publicly brag about his abuse compounds that betrayal beyond measure.
A father is supposed to be the one man a woman can count on. I lost my father when I was a child and would give ANYTHING to have my daddy back, if only for a few minutes.
Please give her our love.
I would say, where is the mother and why isn’t she stepping in? But then I remember she’s the one who had the color of her eyes surgically changed so…yeah.
Has no doctor ever commented on this? Patient confidentiality extends to minors as well, at least at this age and since it’s no crucial medical matter.
Aside from what this whole mess says about him as a person, he has simply no right to know.
He coerces her into signing confidentiality waivers
Dear God…you’re kidding me
So many things to say about this disgusting, abusive a-hole. I have a young teen daughter who just went on her first “date” and we had not talked about dating rules (don’t worry, none of ‘em are “keep your hymen intact.”) When her dad and I talked about it, we were on the same page, but he said he had no rules about dating as a kid even though his sisters did! Such bullshit! Raise your boys and girls with the same rules at the very least.
I’m a health care practitioner who provides reproductive health care to teenagers as a component of their well visits. I would absolutely refuse to perform a medically-unnecessary exam and I would absolutely refuse to provide this man with information on the “status” of his daughter’s hymen. His daughter’s healthcare providers should not be enabling this man or participating in this. He is a garbage human.
What’s your reaction to the hope some have here that the doctor is not doing the exam and lying to the father about having performed it, with the daughter’s consent? Could that be plausible, within professional constraints? We want to believe the doctor has her back, but is that a pipe dream?
That would be a very difficult approach. The doctor may have agreed to claim he/she had performed the exam and “these were the findings” at the woman’s request, particularly if there were concerns for her safety. It would be of questionable ethics. However, if the doctor knew that TI would continue taking her to different drs until he found one who would do what he wanted, the dr may have made a judgment call that the lie was necessary to protect the daughter. From his comment on “they’ve told me that’s not how this works,” he’s gotten pushback before and likely dr shopped. It’s definitely a gray situation, ethically, and would depend on that particular drs judgment about being willing to lie. Now if the dr performed a totally unnecessary genital exam at the father’s request, that’s indefensible. The consent that she signed was consent of disclosure. For him to be dictating the exams and medical care, he would need to have a power of attorney and would have had to establish that she is not competent to make medical decisions.
If this situation walked into my exam room, it would have been a hard no with some serious education and counseling provided. His comments make me suspect they’ve encountered that multiple times before.
I am not a health care provider, but I imagine that any healthcare provider worth their salt would feel very very hesitant about openly lying in this way unless the situation was extreme enough to call for it. There are other methods of dealing with abusive situations that don’t involve lying to their patients’ relatives. Most of them are centered on defending a patient’s autonomy (keeping family out of the hospital room if requested to, etc.) I expect that anyone who knew what the colour of the sky was would have already told TI that that’s not how virginity works, that’s not how ANY of that stuff works, and they were promptly turned down as TI doctor shopped to find someone else. So whoever this doctor is is just a piece of shit.
I’m sure he doctor shopped til he found some old misogynistic man or some religious nut to perform the exam
OMFG. I hope this jag and his wife lose custody. This is disgusting.
She’s 18
I was sick at home yesterday and watched the Talk for the first time. They discussed this. They started off with “oh hell no” but then it shattered into “well, i’m friends with TI, he’s a nice guy” and “maybe this is just for his reality show.” 🤮
Also, I’m SURE it’s been said above….BUT A TORN HYMEN DOESN’T EVEN NECESSARILY INDICATE SEXUAL ACTIVITY. 🤬
I hope & pray this girl’s gyno is an ally.
Oh. My. God. I can’t believe what I just read. I hope attorneys are lining up. What a disgusting, vile, pile of garbage. I’m shivering with anger!
This story disgusts me, but I like to think Deyjah is a strong enough young woman to direct her private doctor to tell her idiot father whatever he wants to hear. It seems from his account that he’s not in there, and he clearly doesn’t know his way around the anatomy if he’s subscribing to this antiquated idea of hymens and virginity. I’m trying so hard not to rant, but can you imagine raising a daughter for 18 years only to deny her any sexual maturity, independence, basic personal privacy because it makes YOU feel icky? Bleep that bleep.
And maybe, somewhere, I might have a slightly larger iota of sympathy for Iggy Azalea… she sucks in her own right, but I can only imagine what she went through under his tutelage.
Boy a lot of people here didn’t grow up in abusive households, and it shows. Deyjah has grown up in this house and even though she is 18, is probably still financially controlled by her father. That means she has had to learn to do whatever she can to survive. We don’t know if the doctor(s) is performing these exams. All we know is that TI takes her to the doc and the doc tells TI what he wants to hear.
Y’all report the doc to whatever board you like, but the only person that’s going to hurt is Deyjah as the doc will either admit they were lying to TI, which means TI will take her to another doc who might not be willing to cooperate with Deyjah’s wishes. Or admit they were doing the exams.
This girl is in an abuse situation but no govt entity is going to help her. I’m sure she’s saving up to gtfo or playing along to avoid getting kicked out.
THIS. 100%. Sounds like you and I had a similar upbringing. It does sound as if Deyjah is just trying to get through, keep her head down and get the hell out when she can.
I wish people would stop with the “I’d get a job and move away”. SHE’S 18. It ain’t that easy and let’s put the shame and blame were it belongs- on T.I.
She’s liking posts that say this is wrong and abuse. She’s not hiding. She’s against it loudly.
She is very likely hiding a lot of stuff from her parents, which is normal for kids that age, but goes into overdrive when it comes to overprotective, abusive parents.
Deyjah needs a copy of Jessica Valenti’s The Purity Myth. She needs to read it and GTFO. And never talk to this a–hole father of hers again.
I hope all this being public shows Deyjah this is not normal, which she has probably been conditioned to think it is. I hope she sees the abuse and runs.
I think TI is the one who needs a copy of it. But I think dude is too ignorant to read it anyway.
I keep trying to come up with a witty or intelligent comment but this just makes me so mad that I can’t. Speechless.
Same. If I could insert gif’s here it would be like WWE wrestlers destroying things.
I went to school in the Bible Belt decades ago. Many fathers demanded their daughters “stay pure” and protect the mythical hymen.
So my high school girlfriends ended up having unprotected anal and oral sex. They said it didn’t count as “sex,” so they didn’t need to use protection. It was wildly unsafe. We still joke that the backdoor is “the loopHOLE” to purity. It’s so toxic and results in very dangerous choices.
This is abuse. I know because my mother, at my father’s insistence, did this to me when I was 15. I did not know at the time why I had an exam but found out well into adulthood. Given all the other abuse I put up with from those two POS in my lifetime, par for the course, but this one made me feel especially violated.
I’m so sorry. How f–king awful and such a betrayal of trust by a parent.
What the effing eff???????? This is NOT ok. Loathsome asshole.
This is sick and almost seems like a form of sexual abuse. I used to love T.I.’s music but I just deleted him off my Spotify. My dad had to take me as a teen to the gyno once and it was soooo uncomfortable for him. Mom was sick and couldn’t take me. He waited in the car in the parking lot and asked one question when I came out. “Everything healthy?” “Yeah, Dad.” Literally the only talk we had about it. That’s a NORMAL father’s reaction. He didn’t get up in my business, sure as HELL didn’t ask about my hymen, and had my mom look at my paperwork simply to make sure I was healthy and didn’t need to fill any prescription or follow any instructions. He’s never asked about my virginity. Only thing he ever asked about my sex life was “You know how to stay safe, right?” After 18, the only time he took me to the doctor was when I needed surgery and had to have a ride home. T.I. needs to be charged with some kind of crime for this. This can’t be legal. The doctor should lose his license. I signed a paper once that allows my husband to know my medical history because I have lupus and there’s always a chance something could happen where I can’t speak for myself. I signed the paper in front of my doctor and when my husband wasn’t around, he double checked with me that signing that form was my choice. Obviously that poor girl’s doctor didn’t do that.
There is so much wrong with this.
If he has such a great relationship with his daughter, he could, you know, talk to her about why he feels remaining a virgin is important and trust her when she says she’s a virgin. Not subject her to invasive annual checks.
He could also let her know there are many things about her that are awesome and not cause her to place her self esteem and value in her virginity because one day she will lose it. Then what? Is she worthless?
Ok where is her mother and is she really ok with this?
I’m guessing the Gyno is female since no male can see or be near his daughter. Does the female Gyno think this is ok?
This dude said “virgins are no fun and too much work” so he thinks guys will stay away from his daughter yet has no problem with his son (who is YOUNGER than his daughter) to engage in sexual activity.
What would happen if the doc said the hymen was broken? Would he disown his daughter? That poor girl has everyone knowing her business and probably goes a long with it because he probably threatens to kick her out or not pay for college if she doesn’t obey. F*cking disgusting. How can anyone think this is ok? If you’re going to be that strict with your daughter, you better do the same with your damn sons.
How is it that it’s nearly 2020 and men like this still exist? How? It’s the US, not Saudi Arabia. What this creep is doing is completely unacceptable.Everything he said was so disgusting and dumb I just can’t believe it.
Christians can be just as bad as Muslims or Jews or any other religious group if they take their believes too far. No need to look down on Saudi Arabia when you have Evangelicals and other hypocrites in the USA.
Well at least in the US this kind of behavior is openly despised by most of the people. All nutty religions are idiotic but I’d say the Saudis are there on top of the list with the worst women’s and gay rights. So yeah I really do look down on them.
A lot of women’s rights issues in the Middle East came out of revolutions sparked by foreign intervention that led to instability and civil turmoil. Don’t get too f*cking smug about the state of American women’s rights. Democracies fall all the time and societies follow regressively. States are continuously chipping away at Roe v Wade and consent rights, the UN is condemning our maternal care and mortality in certain ethnic groups, and we’ve got an alleged rapist in the White House and Supreme Court. American women still make less money, have fewer medical consent rights, have less recourse against sexual assault, are the largest victims of human trafficking, child marriage (which is legal in most states), and forced sterilization, and have significantly lower economic and political representation across the board. The current administration is targeting trans and gay rights. The only reason we have the ability to look down is because the bar is really that low, and don’t ever get it in your head it isn’t possible to fall further.
Wow, Veronica, you said just what I was trying to say, I completely agree with you, so where was I smug? I guess I should have added the word “still” before “openly” and you would have understood my point.
I’m horrified of our country slipping backwards. But thanks for the lecture anyway.
🤢🤮 Beyond gross and inappropriate. There are no words.
Breathtaking cruelty from a parent.
F— this guy.
I broke my hymen doing the splits when I was in junior high. I am sure glad I didn’t have an abusive fanatical father to deal with, I doubt I would have been able to explain that away.
That’s not even how the hymen works most of the time is the thing. You can’t really “break it.” It can tear if the vagina is stretched or penetrated when it’s not in an aroused and relaxed state, but it doesn’t cover the opening of the vaginal canal. (THAT would require surgery to repair.) It doesn’t “permanently break” after having sex the first time. Some women bleed because they aren’t properly prepared or the men are too rough. That’s it. The hymen never goes away, although there are some women who aren’t even born with one or for whom it isn’t very visible. It heals if it tears. If you look at the hymen of a virgin woman versus one who has had children, there’s often no visible physical difference. That’s how stupid and evil “virginity checks” are. They literally serve no purpose and reveal nothing.
Age of consent in Georgia is 16. So his 15 year old son is breaking the law (or is it him breaking the law for allowing his child to have sex before consent age? Not sure how that works), but again with the double standards. It’s disgusting, infuriating, just ugh.
Also she could literally fall on something and have her hymen break. He’s an ignorant POS to top it all off
I think technically the person who has sex with him would be breaking the law, as it would count as child sexual abuse. It’s called statutory rape.
However, there are exceptions in some countries/states to make sure that minors can engage in sexual activities with people who are close to them in age.
I looked it up and it says there is no such exception in Georgia, although the punishment seems to be lighter if the person who would have sex with him is not older than 19 and less than 4 years older than him.
So yeah, basically T.I. is allowing people to statutory rape his son. I don’t know if there is a punishment for that. Telling the world about a 15-year-old boy having sex is gross af though, even though I personally believe that teens should be able to explore their sexuality, but jfc, let them do it in private and tell them how to do it safely and teach them how to identify abusers!
This is just awful and so so abusive!!! Not only can a hymen be torn the aforementioned ways but also using tampons! So is she not allowed to use those too?! I feel for his poor daughter….
I’m pretty sure my blood is boiling in my veins right now! Are you serious? Not only has he been embarrassing her at home but now he decided to embarrass her to the whole world. Worse yet, how many parents (including Moms) are going to think this is a good idea and try to force this cruel act on their young girls?
Craziness everywhere I look these days.
Absolutely abhorrent and loathsome. I’ve long suspected that T.I. is a misogynistic, homophobic POS. This just confirms it. I hope he never recovers from this, or that he is forced to seriously reevaluate his archaic perceptions of how he values a woman based on her “purity.” There’s no place for this kind of behavior in 2019. NONE.
Too much information.
No, it’s absolutely fantastic he shared this with the world so now we know he’s a piece of s***!
Staying quiet only protects the abuser.
I’m sure his daughter wishes he hadn’t shared this. Doubly intrusive.
I am absolutely nauseated.
Absolutely abhorrent. She’s 18 of consenting age, it’s none of his business. What an absolute pig
I’m so sorry for her. Bad enough to have it happen, and now the WHOLE WORLD knows.
I hope she knows how wrong this is, and as soon as possible goes out on her own and makes a life for herself. With a good therapist.
This has been grossing me out all day.
What misogynistic slime he is.
The double standard with the younger son is shocking too.
The girl has been victimized.
I hate that this crap is still being perpetuated in this day and age. I hope the backlash is enough to change a few things.
… Actually, I was thinking about it & just remembered about how both Britney Spears & Jessica Simpson’s “virginity” status was made very public- in fact touted- when they were both just starting out. There was the whole thing about how Justin Timberlake went on Barbara Walters to disclose that he had had sex with Britney and that her/ her management’s claims re: her virginity (ew) were thereafter false. … LIke that’s any of the public’s damn business, or Barbara Walters,’ and f£** him for going to dish about a chick’s sexual status on television. Just disgusting. I remember that the opening sequence of that dumb Newlyweds show with Jessica Simpson and Nick Lacey was literally a clip of their wedding in which the pastor made it known during the CEREMONY that she had waited etc. etc.
Like… women’s bodies don’t belong to anyone but themselves, F* all these disgusting pastors, fathers, boyfriends & their slut-shaming ways who think they get to control/ announce/ involve themselves like this. A woman’s sexual status doesn’t belong to anyone but herself. This is 2019, FFS.
Totally agree and good call back to the early 2000s. The Jessica Simpson thing was so gross, virginity was part of her brand as developed by her creepy father/manager/minister all-in-one Joe Simpson who loved to crow about her purity. I too remember the wedding scene where the pastor said Jessica can stand proud in front of you all wearing a white dress because she saved herself for marriage.
Then of course after divorcing Nick she went in a different direction and the next time she got married she already had two children with the groom.
It led her to marry too young and end up divorced. So congrats Joe, your daughter was a virgin on one of her wedding days, and she’s got an expensive divorce under her belt. Staying in the closet for 50 years didn’t work out for him either. Religion can be so toxic.
Virginity in this case just becomes another sexual fetish. It’s disgusting.
@Kebbie, that happens all the time with this whole enforced virginity thing. People jump the gun to get married so quickly because they want to have sex.
THIS IS ABUSE! Absolutely horrific. I hope she’s in therapy and can talk in confidence to someone about her life, and father.
What a piece of shit.
And f*ck that gynecologist for playing along with that. That’s not how the hymen works, and that’s not acceptable information to be told to a guardian parent. Some people should not have medical licenses, my God.
Omg I just vomited in my mouth. I’m not quick to cancel people but this dude needs to be cancelled hard and fast and have the door welded shut
My jaw is literally wide open after reading this. Like, I don’t think I can physically close it. What a horrific excuse for a person TI is. Imagine being a kid and knowing that the day after your birthday, you will be subject to a gynecological exam that exists only to please your father. I can’t. I just honestly can’t. The damage being done to her and her view of sexuality. As a doctor, I don’t know that I would be so willing to give him “his” results.
I looked this asshat up on wikipedia and I’m surprised there wasn’t more outcry when this happened: In October 2015, T.I. received backlash when he was speaking on 2016 presidential candidate Hillary Clinton: “Not to be sexist but, I can’t vote for the leader of the free world to be a woman. Just because, every other position that exists, I think a woman could do well. But the president? It’s kinda like, I just know that women make rash decisions emotionally…” and so on.
Sure, because Trump totally looks like someone who’s Always thinking rationally, right?
This guy might as well join the Taliban. He’d fit right in.
Disgusting. Child abuse.
THIS IS INCESTUOUS. IT’S DISGUSTING. IT’S AN OUTRAGE. He doesn’t own her body!!!!!!!! Her hymen is not his business!!!!!! Stop insisting on knowing the status of your daughter’s vagina! You’ve now taught her to FEAR a lack of virginity! This sickens me. I am distraught for this girl. I hope she escapes his tyranny and reads comments someday that help her know that we see this as the abuse it is of his access to information about her body. And it’s also sick to reveal that his fifteen year old boy is sexually active. Does he now feel pressure to maintain that activity to live up to the impression the world has? This man is SICK AND TOXIC.
I want to add that the ob/gyn he takes his young daughter to is –unsurprisingly–male, which I seriously doubt is her choice, and if not, is another form of abuse: “So we’ll go and sit down and the doctor will come and talk and the doctor’s maintaining a high level of professionalism,” he added. “He’s like, ‘You know sir, I have to, in order to share information’…” .
I just doubt a young 16 year old (when she first went) would, by choice, choose an adult male–physician or not–to look at her genitals. I think it would be traumatizing. It was for me when I had my first visit with a male ob/gyn…just a personal choice, but I would never do it again. It felt like a violation to have an adult male looking at my genitals. In any case I doubt it was her choice who her doctor was.
Before this story broke yesterday I had completely forgotten that he was the dude in Blurred Lines rapping about tearing an ass in two.
Which makes this story even more disgusting than it already is. I hope his daughter runs far away from him. And why is her mom allowing that to happen? And I hope for the daughter’s sake that this doctor really doesn’t actually check anything and just tells T.I. whatever he wants to hear. And if he actually does the checking I hope he will never be allowed to practice again.
This really has got to be the most vile sh*t I have read recently.
I hope when he is an old man living in whatever is the equivalent of a nursing home for rich disillusion people, his daughter gets him to a doctor to cut off his balls.
As a father, the idea of my baby girl being sexually active is very uncomfortable to me and she’s in her early 20s, but that’s just because I will probably always see her as my little munchkin. It’s also none of my damned business. I can’t believe this tool spoke about her private business publicly, not to mention what he actually puts her through to get that information. I hope this girl gets some freedom and counseling soon. Usually what the public sees is just the tip of the iceberg.
For the record, I think this douchebag’s double standard is appalling.
What a revolting PIG!! And then for him to brag about it publicly? Beyond disgusting. His daughter must feel so humiliated. And although it may be a big stretch….I can’t help but wonder if he entertains inappropriate thoughts about his daughter? His behavior is almost like that of an insanely jealous boyfriend or husband. Her “purity” status is none of his f*cking business.
No gynecologist I ever went to would have agreed to this. There is such a thing as mandatory reporting, and a father coercing his daughter to waive her medical privacy so he can assure said father that she is a vaginal “virgin” qualifies.
How has this not been investigated as abuse?
Holy F! My father was born in1929 and he was so open minded compared to this dude. What a loser. Run girl. You’re an adult now. Get Out.
Maybe he should concentrate on setting a good example to his children by not cheating on his wife left and right instead of doing creepy and abusive things like this to an adult young woman. And who is this OBGYN that is not educating this POS and allowing this behavior to go on? That poor girl has all her business out in the open. Her parents should be ashamed and so should the people who support this archaic act. It’s the 21st century and we are still dealing with this ish???!!
This is diabolically abusive and I can’t believe it’s legal.
One day, out of the blue, my mother told me about how her uncle tried to sexually assault her. He told he wanted to check to see if she was still a virgin. She told me she cried and fought and begged him to stop. She didn’t say what happened and I couldn’t bear to ask. My mother was a woman in her 60s and I could still feel how traumatized she was.
On behalf of my mother and the millions of other women who have been sexually abused, I will pray for this young women. I hope she gets the support she needs to run away from her father. And I hope that the authorities take action to put this monster and that doctor behind bars, where they belong.
I broke my hymen at age 11 riding my bike. I thought it was my period, but alas.
Parenthetically, on a Facebook article on this very topic, lots of women were discussing the various ways the hymen can be broken (and how some women’s hymen never breaks, and how some are born without hymens, etc.), and SO MANY dudes came in to correct us. Yikes.
Men have such a vested interest in being wrong about women, all of the time, don’t they?
OMG he needs to see a therapist and that poor girl probably will too. The implication that he owns her hymen is ….. disturbing.
This is ridiculous and so infuriating, but the fact of the matter is that this young lady is likely hiding so much sh-t from her parents, it’s bonkers. This is precisely what happens when you raise your children like this. They lie, the dissemble, they hide things, and they are never, ever, ever honest with you, not when they are young and under your roof, and not when they grow up and are 50.
So my entirely unsubstantiated hunch is that she’s likely already had sexual experiences with people and she’s just flat out lying to him. I knew a lot of girls raised with strict parents growing up. I was one such girl myself, although my parents were remarkably lenient about certain things vs others. All of us lied through our teeth to protect ourselves. This is likely the case here. She’s probably been alone with boys and decided on doing whatever she wanted to do (or decided not to, as might also be the case), and she’s not telling him. And I’m sincerely hoping that she has the capacity to educate herself and make the choices she wants to make for herself and her body.
Also, people need to not be surprised about how a doctor could possibly be okay with these types of things. Doctors give in to and collude with abusive parents all the time. Same with therapists. A lot of parents specifically find health professionals through their own circles, which means they’re finding people who likely have the same attitude as they do about these types of things. I’ve seen a lot of instances where fundy Christian parents find fundy Christian doctors who absolutely buy into this sh-t about women’s sexuality and reproductive health. There was a horrific story I read about FGM that happened to a woman who, as a teenager, had been caught masturbating, and her mother hauled her to a church approved doctor who then proceeded to mutilate her body. This happened in the 90s. In America. Doctors and health professionals being d-ckheads is nothing knew. These people know they’re in a position of unquestioned authority and they abuse it all the time.
Look, I can’t say from the outside what actually went on in that exam room once PedoDad left, but I’m a family medicine doctor that does gyn all day long for teens and adult women. I can tell you that no reasonable doctor would even do a pelvic exam on 1. A teen who’s never been sexually active- Nope. Not happening. 2. A sexually active teen with zero pelvic complaints- they don’t need one. 3. Any age if the only purpose is to satisfy some creepy overbearing patient.
I’ve had parents insist their kid sign a consent to release information to them, but IDGAF. Once I’m alone with the teen, I explain they actually *do* have confidentiality with me if they wish it. The only time I break confidentiality is concern for suicide, homicide, or being informed of a crime (think “my 13 yr old sister is dating a 25 yr old guy”). Consent given under duress is not true consent. Sadly this comes up repeatedly around sexual health and mental health. Those kids still get their privacy from me. And I *wish* I could say no parent has ever come in asking for a hymen check on their teen. It was a mom, and she frankly has brought her poor kid in for this at least twice several years apart. The first time I flat out said no and GTFO. A few years later, it was almost the same situation this sneezy dad employed- making the kid sign a consent in front of her. Got the teen alone and asked what they wanted. We do NO pelvic exam. In this case, with this parent, I was comfortable telling them I didn’t do the exam, but if I know the poor kid is gonna get abused and harangued- and possibly doctor-shopped until parents get what they want- I’d lie to their faces so the kid could have some privacy. We are there as the child’s advocate, not the parents. I’ve gotten teens therapists, mental health treatment, birth control- you name it without parents knowledge because I was meeting the teen’s medical needs, not the parents “wants.”
So while I was disgusted reading this- I also bet dollars to donuts that poor girl has probably never had to have any kind of pelvic exam and the doc is just blowing off her creepy dad to give her some space. Hell, she may be getting her birth control for the year at that visit!
I don’t know what’s worse. The fact he puts his daughter through this yearly. Or the fact he felt the need to publicly share this. Boycott this guy please.
A man controlling a girl/woman’s body, how original.
And this just proves to me that he knows men are trash and takes no responsibility for it, in stead he makes his daughter responsible for trash male behavior.
Well done, sir. Now go lay in the middle of a highway.