I’m still playing catch-up on various stories which came out during the Thanksgiving holiday. I wasn’t planning on writing about that viral story about “perineum sunning” which was everywhere over the holiday – I mean, clearly, the story is Peak 2019, but who cares? Well, Josh Brolin made me care. The background: for months, “wellness influencers” have been trying to make “perineum sunning” into a thing. It’s where sunbathing naked, on your back, spread eagle with your legs in the air, and allow some sun to shine on your a–hole. I’m shocked that this was not an article on Goop, but I’m sure she’s currently reading all about it and she will soon take credit for creating it (“I was sunning my a–hole in 1999, darling, I INVENTED IT,” Gwyneth will sneer at some waitress tomorrow). The stories about hole sunning went viral over the holiday. And so Josh Brolin tried it? Or is this all a joke? From his Instagram:
Tried this perineum sunning that I’ve been hearing about and my suggestion is DO NOT do it as long as I did. My pucker hole is crazy burned and I was going to spend the day shopping with my family and instead I’m icing and using aloe and burn creams because of the severity of the pain. I don’t know who the f–k thought of this stupid sh-t but f–k you nonetheless. Seriously. #blackholefriday #blackholesun #severeperineumburns #santamonicafiredepartment
For what it’s worth – and I can’t believe I’m defending these people – but the “wellness influencers” said that you should only sun your hole for a short time. If Josh Brolin isn’t joking – which, maybe?? – then it sounds like he was out there, spread eagle, for hours. I don’t know though – I’m brownish and I’ve only been sunburnt once in my life and it was because I was out in the sun for hours. How long does it take for white peeps to sunburn? Or are all a–holes the same? Anyway, here’s a PSA: don’t sun your hole. Don’t sunbathe spread eagle.
Photos courtesy of WENN.
I’m so white I’m practically transparent like a newborn fish. It takes me minutes to sunburn. Don’t know about my butt hole, though. Because I’m not an idiot, I’ve never tried to tan it. For an area that’s newer exposed to the sun, I assume it would take way less time than the rest of your body to burn.
Doesn’t Shailene Woodley do something similar?
I think I heard you’re supposed to expose it for 30 seconds, but that’s 30 seconds too long IMO.
Obviously a joke! Lololol
I’m just going to go with – he’s making a joke. Because, A) I don’t want people I’ve heard of be this stupid, B) I don’t think he’s (almost anyone else?) able to hold this position long enough to get this degree of sunburn, C) He doesn’t strike me as a guy who would go on long shopping sprees, especially on Black Friday.
It’s definitely TMI!
It’s taken 44 years and I can tell you that now I’ve heard it all!
This sounds relatively innocuous, though weird as hell. Love the Goop comment. But the point is, how would she make money off it? Some super special anal sun tan lotion? I’d love to see a pic of trump trying this. It would prevent him from committing crimes or lying or destroying the planet for at least 5 minutes! And basically, this position is pretty much how I’ve mentally envisioned him for the past four years. This post just revealed that to me. I could also see him tweeting like this.
He’s really a bit much.
Well, the saying “You can stick it where the sun don’t shine” has been rendered obsolete! Darn.
Ha!
LMFAO!!!!! Thank you for that!
This is so stupid. Is there nothing some people won’t do? I don’t feel sorry for him because he fell for the stupid advice “influencers” give.
I am a whiter shade of pale with red hair and blue eyes. In summer sun I will literally burn in under a minute.
I have to wear sunblock year round and avoid the sun.
Heh! At least he can laugh at himself in a public forum!
This is the best story I’ve ever seen on this website. I am DYING, it’s so funny 😀
I am pale, but I can generally go out in the sun for about two hours without being at risk of sunburning (although I’d be more careful if it was in a location closer to the equator than I live in).
That said, the tops of my feet almost never see the sun and will burn faster than that. So I’m pretty sure my bumhole would also scorch significantly more promptly.
5 minutes, Josh. Even the hippy-dippy new-agey woo-woo people say only do it for five minutes.