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This story is from Star Magazine, which is why I put a question mark in the title. I get it, I’m skeptical of this story too but I wanted to talk about it. (We used to have a subscription to Star, but canceled it a couple of years ago. This was in the seat pocket when I was flying, like someone left it there for me!) A little while ago I covered an interview from Kate Beckinsale in which she said “more people would do well married if they didn’t have to live in the same house,” that it was hard to live with someone and that women often put aside their own needs to try to please everyone else. This rang true to me and a lot of you could relate. You also had stories about sleeping separately from your partners, and how this improved your relationships. According to Star, Sandra Bullock and her partner of four years, Bryan Randall, sleep in separate bedrooms and this works well for them. Here’s their report:
For Sandra Bullock and Bryan Randall, absence makes the heart grow fonder. “Getting a full night’s rest is very important for Sandra, so separate sleeping arrangements have been a must for her in every relationship,” a source reveals. “It’s her standard operating procedure.” [Sandra], 55, “is usually in bed by nine o’clock and up before dawn,” says the pal, while [Bryan], 52, “doesn’t hit the sack until after midnight.” To keep their connection, the pair make time for “dinner and weekly date nights.” Though their unconventional arrangement might raise some eyebrows, Sandy needs her space: “She tends to snore and wouldn’t want to annoy him!”
[From Star Magazine, print edition, December 30, 2019]
I was reviewing our past coverage of Sandra and Bryan and we’ve heard about potential engagements for them so many times. I’m surprised they’re not engaged or married yet, but given Sandra’s last marriage to that awful excuse for a human being, Jesse James, that’s understandable. I also go to bed around nine and get up at the crack, so my schedule mirrors Sandra’s and I need my beauty rest. As for the fact that they sleep separately, whatever works. I can see how snoring and different schedules would lead people to want to sleep separately. It’s so stressful when you can’t get a good night’s sleep as your entire day gets thrown off.
As an aside, I wonder if and when Sandra will join social media. If she did Instagram, it would be like when Jennifer Aniston finally got on. She would get so many followers immediately and gain a huge platform. The next time she’s in a film I’ll bet we’ll see her on there. The last time she had anything to promote it was Bird Box and that was over a year ago.
photos credit: Getty and Backgrid
Whatever works for them.
Sleeping separately doesn’t mean you’re not sleeping together!
I mean I think it’s wonderful & should be WAY more common & destigmatized for spouses to have their own space, bed (I think of intense snorers), but I mean…it’s been kind of an open secret for a Long time in the industry that SB is into women. And has always been. Just like Céline.
I’ve joked that my husband and I should have a separate bunkbed setup for nights when one of us is either sick, or can’t sleep. Every time I tried to fall asleep last night (and I just started some CBD for sleep/pain so I was SO cozy) my husband would either twitch in his sleep, or haul on the blanket (and we have a king duvet on a queen bed so it’s not like there’s a lack of covers) and wake me back up. A bunkbed would have been perfect for this hahah.
You could try separate covers at least!
Sleeping separately is the best thing I’ve ever done for my relationship. When I tell people, they are usually jealous. Everyone needs proper sleep, and not sharing a bed can really help with that. We still have plenty of togetherness and intimacy before or after getting a good nights rest.
It makes complete sense for a lot of people but it’s still seen as being very ‘different’ and people generally have an issue with different. I’m currently single but if I ever were in a relationship again, separate beds would be a must. I hate sleeping next to anyone, including my kids who I love more than anything in the world.
No joke. I feel like we’re weird and people will question our relationship, but sleeping separately is freedom..to watch obscure Welsh dramas late at night…to read my Kindle at 3am …. to sleep an extra 30 minutes when he’s already up tinkering on the computer…to snuggle all night with my pup.
Same for us! And I LOVE having all kinds of space and closet/display areas for whatever I choose! I get the master (sans it’s own bathroom tho) and he gets the small bedroom but he also gets his own private office/studio room as well. I think he got the better deal but I need a huge bedroom for my decor, and all my stuff. I have a vanity and do all kinds of my beauty treatments in there, etc…
She’s 55 not 35, a lot of people start having trouble sleeping etc I really hate how the mag called it unconventional. Of course, this is a tabloid and they need their clicks. But seriously, it’s so much more common than we’d think and has no reflection of the level of intimacy.
You hit the nail on the head Hannah. Sleep issues including insomnia or aches are so so prevalent in your 50s and I think the lark or owl instincts get stronger with age too. No surprise at all that Sandra is doing what works for her or even both of them.
Too bad there is still a stigma around this. Is has worked for us over 15 years now. I read an interesting article recently by a woman who moved into a smaller space with her husband and it ended their marriage. So e people just need their own space and if you have the luxury of separate bedrooms you get this every day.
Yeah I don’t get the stigma either. I bet people started sharing beds when they were poor and had no other choice. Most wealthy people had separate bedrooms and still do.
People act like there is a lack of intimacy if a couple has separate bedrooms but IMO, there is nothing romantic about listening to your partner snore and fart all night long. Not sexy.
Chillywilly: I still say if it’s good enough for nobility it’s good enuf’ for us!
Separate bedrooms sounds great to me. I bet more people would do it if they were less afraid of being judged
I’m definitely a fan, too…..when I was very young and had long term boyfriends, I would want to cuddle with them a lot, but I remember always being somewhat uncomfortable and never sleeping that well. When you have other issues like him snoring or moving around too much at night, it’s really bad. Today, I say that you can still have a great sex life but sleeping alone you can get the real sleep you need. If you feel like sleeping in the same bed, that’s great, too. Whatever works for each couple is fine. There should be no hard and fast rule and sleeping apart should not mean the honeymoon is over.
Separate bedrooms is not unconventional. Married couples have been doing it for years. I’ve only half joked with my hubby of 35 years that if we ever buy another house, it’s going to be a duplex. He can have one side and I’ll have the other side, and I don’t have to deal with his stuff and he won’t have to deal with mine. And if he’s really nice to me, I’ll even knock a door in the wall, so he doesn’t have to go outside to get to my side. Plus, he always complains that I steal the blankets in my sleep. Problem solved.
I laughed about “duplex”! 🙂
Men’s higher body temperature makes for a great heat source in chilly climes, though! (;
And I’m always freezing. But I’ve gone to a hotpad in a separate bed since getting blankets stolen, shoved to the edge in a king sized bed, AND bombarded w/snores so loud, I hear them through earplugs!
I’m the hot one and my husband is the cold one. So it’s physically nice for him to snuggle up to me, but not physically nice for me. He also hogs the bedding, even if we have separate covers, he gets up a lot at night, and I snore. We always slept apart if one of us has been sick, but since our schedules had been so drastically different while I was in nursing school we learned we both sleep better in seperate rooms. I can keep the room at 72, him at 78, he going to bed at 3am or me snoring doesn’t disrupt each other’s sleep now. If we feel like cuddling before bed, we might fall asleep in the same bed for a few hours and intimacy is not a problem. At first I felt a little embarrassed about sleeping apart bc it’s “unusual” but for our individual health it really is important to get good/restorative sleep and I’m grateful to be able to do it and that it works for us.
Separate beds or bedrooms doesn’t mean one has to always stick to them… It’s just more options – and can be shared whenever you want. That’s the beauty of it!
I’ve been considering this and I feel like this article is a sign…..
Go for it! Best decision ever!
😴
My friends and I joke that the ideal setup, if we ever were to recommit at this point in our lives, would be a duplex with pass through doors and MAYBE a shared common space or two. We like having companionship and all, but also like our own stuff/taste and controlling the remote.
I wouldnt have it any other way. There is always snuggle time, and sexy time too if that’s what you’re still doing after years 😉
On another note, anyone else think that isnt Sandra in the first photo?! Looks like a teenager.
My partner’s cousin and her husband sleep in different bedrooms because he snores so bad and it works for them. They can do it as they have a lovely home with several extra good size bedrooms. I remember my Amah and Angkong (Gran/Grandpa) too also slept in separate rooms when they were still alive, they went on to have eight children.
When I moved in with my domestic partner man I was 41 and he was 57, and we had both been single a long time. Separate bedrooms were a must. And it works like a charm. Most nights we hang out together, sometimes we have sleepovers. And occasionally i’ll tell him i’m in a crap mood, I don’t want to take it out on him, and we do our own thing.
Big fan of this arrangement for my relationship.
Big fan of you doing whatever works for you in your healthy relationship.
Good relationships are a wonderful thing.
My husband and I sleep in the same bed. However, he works nights and only goes to bed at about 4-5am. So essentially we get to sleep on our own in the bed. We both sleep so much better on our own. The odd week he is off work and on a daytime schedule, neither one of us sleeps as well. Sleep is not the same as sexy time or cuddle time. We still have lots of that! Lol.
My parents slept in separate bedrooms for years due to my dad’s terrible snoring and sleep apnea. Even after he got a CPAP, it was an older model and kind of loud, so it would keep my mom awake. They do so much better when they each get proper sleep. Better for their relationship too.
Same bed here but I have my own super soft queen sized blanket that is MINE!!! I wrap myself in it then put the other blankets on top. I hate being cold. My partner will be restless and roll and take alllll the covers, instantly waking me. I’m be freezing and mad. Problem solved. We also have a noise maker because he can be a loud sleeper. I also have my Momma Super Ears, so the noise maker helps me stay asleep now that we are out of the baby phase.
Same setup! Mind size bed, but our own blankets. We also have a noise machine and he uses a CPAP. I guess it also helps I’m deaf in my left ear, I sleep with it down and works out great!
Anyone who deals with snoring knows this is a great idea!
Absolutely! My husband is a horrible snorer so we don’t sleep together because of that. I also have to get up at 6 a.m. every morning for work so I need all of the peaceful sleep that I can get. He’ll crawl into bed with me early in the morning on our days off so we still get our snuggle time.
I sleep in the guest bedroom because my husband – who’s kind and considerate by day – becomes a bully in his sleep: stealing all the covers, kicking and thrashing, edging closer and closer until I’m huddled at the edge of a king sized bed, AND snoring incredibly loudly. But I definitely feel judged when people find out; I always want to mention: we certainly “get together” happily; it’s just for sleep!” We do still have a very passionate relationship, but family has acted like we must be cold toward each other, so I am embarrassed if people find out, silly I know. I just want some sleep!
Let HIM have the guest ! 😉
My husband and I have slept separately for our entire marriage! Many, many reasons- he snores like a freight train, he likes a warm room and tons of blankets, I like a cold room and a sheet, I need a ton of pillows, etc. A good night’s sleep is essential for my mental health. We always have a snuggle session before bed, so we maintain the good parts of sharing a bed, just not the bad ones!
The best marital arrangement to me was Goops. Before her husband sold his house he was with her 4 days at her house and 3 days at his. Makes sense to me for couples getting married and both owning houses to keep them both (when, like the two of them, they can afford it) .
I don’t think it’s as unconventional as the publication wants us to believe in order to inflate the story. Having separate anything in a marriage is not only smart it’s hassle-free therapy.
I’d have separate kitchens if I could!
Sleep separately due to my snoring and my desire to sleep with my fur babies. Definitely improved sexy time and we all get a good nights sleep. Then on vacation when we sleep in the same bed (usually king sized) it’s lots of fun.
I wish I had my own room!! My husbands snoring wakes me up every single night, sometimes multiple. He refuses to do anything about it because he swears its not so bad, so I get to hit him if he wakes me up lol
The assisted living where my parents are had to do a major renovation because they discovered that prospective residents moving in all wanted two bedrooms and it had been built in the 90s with all one bedroom apartments. So this is far more common than people think.
When my aunt and uncle built their retirement dream house, they renovated an old one. Left the upstairs bedrooms for their children and grandchildren and built a master suite on the ground floor. It has two bedrooms, with a sitting room and a bathroom in between. Gorgeous. However, despite being in their early 70s, they did not make the house ADA accessible, and my aunt has had cancer treatments which has had her in a wheelchair. Such a beautiful house, but she cannot access the bathrooms. I am amazed that the architect went along with it. It really should be standard on the ground floor of any home. I try to be generous, but her stubbornness has ruined so many family events that I find it difficult.
I am sure Sandra will make sure her houses are accessible.
This is the first relationship I’ve been in where sleeping together is kind of awesome. We have the same basic sleep patterns and it’s great. But my other relationships, including my first marriage to my late husband required separate sleeping arrangements a lot of the time.
We have twin beds pushed together which mitigates the bed bouncing around when we change positions. Most of the time that works but when one of us is having a restless night or snoring too loud or the cat is getting whacko and going after our feet one of us will move to the spare bedroom. No biggie. I suffer some bad bouts of insomnia from time to time and often get up in the middle of the night to read too. It’s a courtesy to your bed-mate.
See? This. It’s about respectful courtesy. It’s loving–not unloving–to accommodate each other. People get so judgy about other people’s bedrooms.
I snore. My husband sleeps like the dead and doesn’t care, but if he did? We’d be getting creative to deal with it…and separate bedrooms would be on the table if that fixed the problem. There are probably a lot of reasons people might choose separate beds/bedrooms, and very few of them would be, “I just don’t like ’em enough to sleep together.” I mean, otherwise, they wouldn’t be together.
My hubby would love for us to have separate quarters. I snore pretty bad now that I gained a few kilos so the poor thing can’t sleep well. Pretty impossible living in NYC where the rents are sky high for 2 beds…. so the living room it is for now 😉
I am on nights and my husband is on days, so we rarely share a bed for sleeping these days. But when we do, we bought a beautiful king size bed! It’s big enough we don’t wake each other rolling around, and I don’t feel like I’m sleeping on a hill because he weighs more then I do. Whatever works, works.
I have my own bedroom and I wont give it up for ANYTHING.
I know two couples that sleep separately. In one couple, it’s snoring. In the other couple, it’s opposite work and sleep schedules. Both of these couples are totally happy with the arrangement, and it has nothing to do with how often they “visit” each other at night. It’s not a lack of intimacy. It’s preference and problem-solving.
A very good friend of mine has a husband who snores (so badly I think he should probably get checked for apnea). He’s a total d-bag about it and laid a heavy guilt trip on her for asking him to deal with it. He won’t go to the doctor. He won’t wait until she’s asleep to go to bed. When the subject of separate bedrooms comes up, he acts like she’s filing for divorce. It’s emotionally manipulative and selfish…and she ends up sleeping on the sofa most of the time.
I think a couple with enough love and respect for one another to actually SOLVE the issue is a good thing. Separate beds and/or bedrooms (which was the norm for many cultures for many centuries) has never stopped marriages from being happy or–fruitful, as it were.
Good for them if it makes ’em happy.
My partner and I sleep in separate beds because of his snoring. It’s the best thing we’ve ever done. He hates it though, as he sees it as a sleight on our relationship, but Jesus Christ on a cracker, I lose so much sleep when we share the same bed. Also, he’s a night owl and will stay up to past midnight watching movies, whereas I like to be in bed by 10pm. I have to be up at 6am everyday, and he doesn’t so, there’s that. It works though, so to each their own.
Me and my boyfriend, Idris Elba, sleep in separate bedrooms too. We don’t fight ever. I don’t see the problem here. Seriously though, I know a couple who sleeps in separate beds (like in a hotel, two single size beds) because the husband is such a chronic farter. It’s the hubby that got embarrassed. The wife just laughs it off.