Connor Jessup on why he came out: he fell in love with Miles Heizer

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I know a lot of you are going to read the title to this post and go “who” but I just binged Locke and Key on Netflix last weekend and Connor plays the oldest (dreamy) son. He’s great on screen, he has presence. Plus the show is highly entertaining and well worth watching. He got his start on Falling Skies on TNT. Connor is 25 although he plays a teen, and so is Miles Heizer, whom I know from Parenthood and Love, Simon. They’re together, I just found out now and that makes me happy. I love when random actors I like from shows are together. I’m not blowing smoke, hearing about lowkey couples is one of my favorite things. Connor came out last year. In a new interview with Attitude Magazine he said that the fact that he fell in love with Miles was the reason he decided to write a post coming out.

“I’ll spare you the boring story of how we met because it’s truly unexciting, but I will say – not to get sappy – that the other factor that led to me deciding to come out, and I guess maybe one of the sparks at the beginning of the fuse, was that I fell in love”, Connor explains.

“When you’re happy, you want to be happy publicly, and it made me think about the whole construction of my life in a way that I had been avoiding.

“I probably wouldn’t have [come out] if that hadn’t happened.”

“The excuse was always that I was busy working and there was never the time to meet people — that’s all true to an extent, but also I think I was afraid”, he recalls.

“There’s still this phenomenon where you can be out like I was, but in my day-to-day life, I wasn’t doing anything that would make people think I was gay.

“I wasn’t in a relationship and I wasn’t looking to be because I was ignoring that part of me. I put myself on pause for a while.”

“So, I had relationships, but nothing like the one I’m in right now.

“This is my first time being in love.”

[From Attitude.co.uk]

This is a really sweet story. I also found it educational the way he explained the difference between being out but not necessarily being open about it in your daily life. That must be something many gay young people struggle with. I found Connor’s coming out post from last summer and it’s so deep! It really moved me. That’s below and I highly recommend you read it. I’ll be watching for him.

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I knew I was gay when I was thirteen, but I hid it for years. I folded it and slipped it under the rest of my emotional clutter. Not worth the hassle. No one will care anyway. If I can just keep making it smaller, smaller, smaller…. My shame took the form of a shrug, but it was shame. I’m a white, cis man from an upper-middle class liberal family. Acceptance was never a question. But still, suspended in all this privilege, I balked. It took me years. It’s ongoing. I’m saying this now because I have conspicuously not said it before. I’ve been out for years in my private life, but never quite publicly. I’ve played that tedious game. Most painfully, I’ve talked about the gay characters I’ve played from a neutral, almost anthropological distance, as if they were separate from me. These evasions are bizarre and embarrassing to me now, but at the time they were natural. Discretion was default, and it seemed benign. It would be presumptuous to assume anyone would care, yeah? And anyway, why should I have to say anything? What right do strangers have to the intimate details of my life? These and other background whispers––new, softer forms of the same voices from when I was thirteen, fourteen, fifteen…. Shame can come heavy and loud, but it can come quiet too; it can take cover behind comfort and convenience. But it’s always violent. For me, this discretion has become airless. I don’t want to censor––consciously or not––the ways I talk, sit, laugh, or dress, the stories I tell, the jokes I make, my points of reference and connection. I don’t want to be complicit, even peripherally, in the idea that being gay is a problem to be solved or hushed. I’m grateful to be gay. Queerness is a solution. It’s a promise against cliche and solipsism and blandness; it’s a tilted head and an open window. I value more everyday the people, movies, books, and music that open me to it. If you’re gay, bi, trans, two-spirit or questioning, if you’re confused, if you’re in pain or you feel you’re alone, if you aren’t or you don’t: You make the world more surprising and bearable. To all the queers, deviants, misfits, and lovers in my life: I love you. I love you. Happy Pride!

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18 Responses to “Connor Jessup on why he came out: he fell in love with Miles Heizer”

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  1. Léna says:

    Oh I know him from American Crime! I didn’t recognize him at first on the cover. Sweet story. Love can make us really confident and powerful

    • ravynrobyn says:

      @ LENA-oh, I LOVED him on American Crime!!
      He really reminded me of an oh-so-young Timothy Hutton “back in the day ” of ‘Taps’ and ESPECIALLY ‘Ordinary People’ in terms of his acting style and overall dreaminess 😋

      ETA-SWOOOOOOOOOON 💜💚💔💙-
      just read his posts-what a deep, tender, compassionate & intelligent young man! On 🤸‍♂️ cloud nine 🤸‍♂️ for both of them !

      • Léna says:

        I have no idea who Timothy Hutton is but I will definitely look up what you wrote!! Thanks

      • ravynrobyn says:

        @LENA-wow, I feel soooo old ha 😃 Tim hasn’t aged well at all (alcohol, smoking, whatevs) but if you have the time I’d so highly recommend seeing him at his very best in “Ordinary People” from 1980 (?). He won the Oscar for Best Supporting Actor (nominated in the wrong category due to his age, tbh-but I adored him so I didn’t care lol). His acting was a revelation to me, I grew up in an emotionally & physically abusive household and although his character “only” suffers emotional abuse after the tragic death of a family member-the way he looked, spoke, and moved mirrored EXACTLY how I felt about me/myself/I-I had never ever seen so raw of a portrayal on any screen before.

        I ended up seeing the movie IN THE THEATER 22-25 times (I think VCRs had just come out, lol) because if his character Conrad could end up believing in himself after what had happened…well, maybe I could too. Every damn time I saw OP I gained a little bit back of who ravynrobyn was.

        Also remembered my Tim was in first season of “American Crime” also-he was the downtrodden broken guy
        who was divorced from Felicity Huffman’s character & had to identify his son’s body in the morgue. What another incredibly painfully raw scene-he still definitely has IT 🥰😝

  2. Sass says:

    Awwww, this IS sweet. I didn’t know who he was even though he looked familiar, and when you said he was in Locke & Key it all clicked because I’ve seen the trailer and I have it on my watch list. Really happy for him and his cutie partner!

  3. Heat says:

    Omg I love this! He was great on Locke & Key, and I looove Miles from Parenthood. I think I follow Miles on insta, but now I’ve got to check!

  4. Stacy Dresden says:

    What an adorable couple. This actor seems to be an intelligent guy with perspective. Refreshing!

  5. Lucy says:

    I didn’t know him before today but this is so cool!!! Very happy for the two of them. Also, Connor vaguely resembles a younger Tom Hardy, right?

  6. FilmTurtle says:

    Ah, here we see Guy Star Editorial Cliche: Soaking Wet, Bathtub. Standard deviation from Soaking Wet, Backyard Pool and Soaking Wet, Ocean.

    Anyway, happy for him. That bit about being out privately, but not publicly, is common.

  7. Kebbie says:

    I loved Locke and Key, he was great in it. Happy for him!

  8. Yup, Me says:

    This was a great story to start the day. We’ve got Locke and Key on our list to watch one day soon.

    Is the gray bathtub water a reference to the storyline in some way?

  9. Rachel says:

    Miles was fantastic on Euphoria!

  10. CC says:

    And there goes his chance to be in any significant A projects. It sucks that the entertainment industry is this way, but this is what happens. I’m happy he chose happiness though.

  11. Barbiem says:

    One day society will get to the point sexual orientation wont have to be announced if your anything but heterosexual. Happy that people (celebrity or not) make these announcements I’m aware of the reasons behind it. But Sad we still need to do this.

  12. Mexicalidesi says:

    That instagram post was beautifully written. I liked him in Locke and Key, but reading that made me think he has enormous potential. This is one of those couples that looks confusingly alike, at least in photos.

  13. Prof Trelawney says:

    beautifully written, I hope he adds writing to his repertoire, his is a voice I’d love to hear more from…