Pregnant Chloe Sevigny references the ‘ban’ on fathers in delivery rooms

One group of people I have a crazy amount of sympathy for in these troubled times? Pregnant ladies. How are you doing, preggos? Because the world is collapsing and there you are, carrying the next generation. The coronavirus pandemic is causing chaos in practically every hospital in America (if not every hospital in the world). But many pregnant ladies still want to give birth in a hospital. While hospitals’ maternity wards are still open for business, hospitals also are trying to limit the non-essential people and the people who are not currently ill or in need of medical attention. So the “solution” some states and counties and hospitals have been trying out: limiting the number of people in delivery rooms. Possibly limiting that number down to “the woman in labor, a doctor and a nurse.” Yes, a few New York hospitals are trying to ban fathers, partners/wives and doulas from the delivery rooms. Yeah, it suuuucks. This is a terrible rule-change. I understand the medical rationale and I understand that we’re in a pandemic and all of that. But… banning a woman’s partner/spouse from the delivery room is inhumane. It really is.

Chloe Sevigny is expecting her first child with her partner Sinisa Mackovic. She posted a message to all of the other pregnant ladies out there in New York this week: ” #pregnantincoronatime… I hope all expecting families are finding some calm. Today’s news in NY was very distressing for all.” She looks like she’s due soon-ish. I bet New York will absolutely still be in a quarantine when she gives birth. All of these pregnant women… lord, I feel so sorry for you. I hope that hospitals allow your partners to be there with you.

Pregnant Chloe Sevigny and boyfriend Sinisa Mackovic are all smiles shopping for baby clothes in NYC

Pregnant Chloe Sevigny and boyfriend Sinisa Mackovic are all smiles shopping for baby clothes in NYC

Photos courtesy of Backgrid and Instagram.

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100 Responses to “Pregnant Chloe Sevigny references the ‘ban’ on fathers in delivery rooms”

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  1. Charfromdarock says:

    My sil is due next week. They were screened before entering the hospital for her last wellness check, which is a good thing.

    There’s already a restriction to one visitor but they were warned that it’s a ever changing situation and he may not be allowed in the hospital.

    • Jensies says:

      Same for my cousin, due next week. I’ve volunteered to get out of work and watch their kiddo, as her 70 yr old mom can’t do it anymore because of shelter in place. It’s all a mess.

      My SIL is packing up and leaving NYC for Connecticut to give birth there because of the new hospital rules. She’s had such a hard time even getting pregnant and no way is she giving birth without her husband. This all puts people in such a hard situation.

      • Pixelated says:

        My sister moved from NYC to her friend’s house in the UP of Michigan last week. Her OB told her to leave ASAP. She’s due in early May. I can’t even imagine how difficult this is for all the pregnant women. Stay strong, ladies!

  2. PPBaggins says:

    Gonna be a huge surge of home births.

    • Valiantly Varnished says:

      I agree. And it’s a decent alternative if you’re a low risk pregnancy.

      • Ellie says:

        I dunno. If something goes wrong and paramedics are then called to tend to you, and potentially ICU or ED doctors are having to address your situation, that’s not ideal… If something starts to go wrong in hospital, the O&G would be able to handle a lot of it before bringing someone else into the situation

  3. Stephanie says:

    I’m due in August so hopefully we will be well beyond that but I have so many friends expecting in the next few weeks that my heart breaks for. Not only is a support person needed during delivery but also for those days post partum in the hospital when you have no energy and are waking at all hours to care for the newborn. So many hospitals no longer have nurseries and the baby is expected to be in your recovery room at all times. What will csection mamas be expected to do by themselves? We will directly see a spike in PPD and PPA if we take away this vital support from mothers. The WHO and NY state health says it is vital to have a support person for the mother, why can’t these hospitals just state that the support person must remain in the room at all times and not venture into common areas?

    • Jennifer Brunsting says:

      I don’t think a lot of people who haven’t given birth recently understand how rooming in works. This could result in mental health issues and also physical safety issues. The US already has high maternal mortality rates for a developed country. I’m worried for myself but more so for women of color who already have worse outcomes.

    • Alice says:

      Yes, good point. It isn’t just support during labour that a partner is needed. We haven’t had nurseries in our hospitals for several years and babies room in with you 100% of the time unless they are in the NICU. I had c-sections and my husband stayed with me both times. There was no way I would have been able to care for my babies those first 2 days without his help. I can’t imagine having to call a nurse to pass me the baby for every feed, change, snuggle. They are overworked and understaffed as it is (love to all the nurses out there!). I hope this is way past us by August and you have a safe and calm delivery!

  4. Kaitx says:

    I’m 20 weeks pregnant and hopeful that this will all be over, or at least that the worst will be behind us, by August when I’m due. My doctors appointments have moved to every 6-8 weeks until my 3rd trimester and my 20 week appointment with my doctor today will be over the phone. I can’t imagine what women who are due now or within the next few weeks/months are going though.

  5. Astrid says:

    I birthed 4 babies, I found my husband kind of useless in the labor room. I think it sounds romantic to have your partner with you to share the joy of bringing a child into the world. Reality is a bit different, in my opinion.

    • Aims says:

      I birthed 3 and my husband was sitting on the sofa reading a magazine in the birthing room, freaked out with our first. Which was fine, because I didn’t want to be touched or did I need a cheerleader. But I still laugh at him, because I could tell he didn’t what to do so he stayed quite.

    • Erinn says:

      I’m not a mother, but to me, I’d want my husband there as emotional support for a scary situation. It’s not about being useful so much as having an advocate there for you for all the what-ifs. I’ve never considered it a romantic idealized thing – but a comfort and safety thing.

    • Elle says:

      For me it was the opposite. I had a cesarean, not by appointment, but because I had to after a long labor. Skin to skin contact is proved beneficial for the immune system of the newborns so the hospital that I gave birth recommends it (and I think all hospitals where I live). So while they were stitching me together (do you say it like that? Sorry I am trilignual and not fluent at any language), my husband was next door without his shirt letting our newborn rest on his chest. So he was important.
      I understand though that now the circumstances are dramatically different and the hospitals’ policy have to take into account the public health.

    • K-M says:

      I wouldn’t have done well at all either of my births if I didn’t have my husband present. Both were complicated and high risk, and very stressful (both for very different reasons that were not connected). To have to go through that alone would have been awful for myself and for my partner. For my second it was so high risk there was a chance that both me and the baby may not survive. I am not alone in not experiencing a “normal” birth so my heart really goes out to these women.

    • Yup, Me says:

      I’ve only birthed one child and my husband was an amazing support. My MIL, a labor and delivery nurse of 30 years and a member of my support team, said he was better than many 3 and 4 time fathers. (I guess she was talking about men like your husbands). Just because your husband was just taking up space and contributed nothing during your deliveries doesn’t mean that is true for others.

      • AES says:

        Some women don’t need cheerleaders or people touching them. What is just “taking up space” for you is exactly what other women need. Your response is quite sanctimonious. Get over yourself. And of course your MIL is going to say her son is the best thing since sliced bread.

      • Ellie says:

        AES I think you’ve entirely misread this comment…

    • Lua says:

      That’s terrible. My husband was my rock. He talked me through my contractions. When the were coming and when they were finishing by watching the monitor. Held my hand. Wiped my forehead. Gave me ice chips. Encouraged me. He made sure to support me the whole time. Thanks to that support I was able to stick to my birth plan and deliver naturally when I started to doubt I would make it. I would have straight up had a home birth if he couldn’t be present. Which I am strictly against. It’s their baby too, and for many the first time and only time they’ll experience this. it’s wrong to not let them in.

      • Cidee says:

        @Lua – What is so “terrible” about it? Like Astrid, I think for many it sounds great but ends up not being quite so wonderful. The type of birthing experience you enjoyed would have made me anxious. I personally didn’t want a cheerleader or anyone touching me. And to say it’s “wrong to not let them in”…..you know we’re in the middle of the greatest health crisis of our time, right? No one is blocking partners from the delivery room for fun. They are trying to save lives.

    • Marigold says:

      My husband was extremely helpful. He advocated for me after they gave me a narcotic that made me so fuzzy I couldn’t object to things when the delivery started to go wonky. When they paraded in 10-12 male OB/GYN’s who didn’t even introduce themselves to witness my forceps delivery (crowd of strangers staring at my spread-eagled junk while I was exhausted from 16 hours of labor), he sat on the bed and leaned over in front of my to obscure them from my view and help me breathe through the anxiety. He changed all the diapers and cuddled her when she cried more than I did that day…because I was just exhausted.

      Husbands are not universally useless in the delivery room. It depends on the husband, and it depends on what the laboring woman wants.

      As for the virus, I’d want as few people as possible touching a laboring woman right now. The risk of infection is so high, for both mom and baby. I think most dads will understand that right now. The people who went to school for 30 years and gave up their youth to learn how to protect patients best are the ones who should make these decisions.

      I just hope they apply that vigilance equally to women of color who are laboring.

  6. Happy_fat_mama says:

    In their panic, many people are coming down hardest on the youngest members of society, and their parents. There’s a difference between being safe and moralistic prohibitions.

    I think this kind of heavy handed response is happening, because there is a lack of strong leadership. Hospitals and households have to fend for themselves in dire situations.

    Hang in there pregnant ladies! I believe in you! You have the power of creation on your side!

  7. Megan H says:

    I’m due in 5 weeks.. at what is predicted to be the height of the virus here. My husband was not allowed into the office for my ultrasound yesterday. I”m probably going to be having a repeat c-section and I’m petrified of my husband not being allowed with me.

    • JanetDR says:

      I’m sorry Megan H. Best wishes to you and your family.

    • Maggie May says:

      I’m due in 4 weeks – UK based so it is different but my husband was already told he couldn’t come in for the 36 week scan on Monday (which I am totally in support of, keeping those areas locked down are as much for our benefit as anyone else’s) but am terrified this might be extended over the coming weeks to include birth partners in delivery rooms, which is the case in Germany where my friend just gave birth. I think it is inhumane and I totally see the huge mental health impact this will have – especially first time mothers who are about to go through something HUGE and dare I say traumatic on their own with only strangers around them and no friendly face/support in the following days either. It’s brutal. I think I’d feel like a handmaid. Sending much love and positivity to all preggos!

  8. Jennifer Brunsting says:

    I am 30 weeks pregnant and terrified. I had a really terrible hospital experience with my first and am worried about the health and safety of me and my baby if I don’t have an advocate. The baby friendly rooming in policies do not help and husbands pull a lot of weight. It’s not like the 60s when there were nurseries. Who is going to make sure I don’t drop the baby when I’m in narcotic pain meds? Who is going to make sure I don’t fall asleep on the baby after hours of labor. Who is going to help me go to the bathroom or call for help if I have a seizure? The nurses are overworked and have too many patients to take good care of everyone. If you’re thinking about getting pregnant ladies, I’d wait this out first.

    • Pale Gray says:

      I’m not sure what State you’re in, but I’d reach out to your hospital about your concerns. I did, and they have told me they are slower than usual since people are not coming in for minor things anymore. I live in a State with over a thousand cases, too. They also are not letting sick people come in unless there is a medical emergency for them to be there, meaning 99% of people with COVID-19, the flu or a cold are not at the hospital, they are self quarantining. I have another friend who works in a different hospital then the one I’ll be delivering at, and he said they are SLOW too and there are way less patients since this outbreak. Meaning the staff is not overrun and they will be able to take care of you.

      My doctor told me yesterday that COVID-19 has less than a 1% mortality rate for people with no underlying health conditions under the age of 60. People with underlying health conditions who are older have a 16% mortality rate. She is obviously concerned, but not to the point where she thinks I’ll be unsafe coming in to deliver. They have lots of precautions in place.

      • Stephanie says:

        I live in NJ right outside NYC and I promise you are hospitals are completely overrun and staff is stretched thin. It might not be that way everywhere yet but for some of this, this is a very valid concern.

      • Pale Gray says:

        @Stephanie, I am aware that hospitals in every State are under different conditions, that is why I recommended the poster talk to people who work at her hospital. Where I am at, they do not admit you to the hospital unless there is a medical emergency. They are screening every person who comes in. People are being told to stay home if they are sick, even if they test positive, unless their condition is severe and most are not severe enough to warrant a hospital visit (my Doctor told me this yesterday at the hospital). I was the only person in the midwife delivery section and I live in a large metro area. I was worried just like the poster and now I feel a lot more relieved.

  9. Eeeeeeetrain says:

    I discussed this with my husband last night and was looking at it through my ‘mom’ lens of having to go through childbirth alone. But as he mentioned, seeing our son be born was the ‘greatest moment of his life’ and so my heart goes out to dad’s who will be robbed of that, too. It’s really sad.

  10. Neishiegirl says:

    I’m 3rd trimester and this has been the hardest part of the whole pandemic so far, even more so than taking my entire 4.5 year old in-person business online in 3 days. To me, birthing without my husband, who is pretty much the most important person on my list, feels impossible. I met with my OB and he said if things stay this way or get worse, he wouldn’t want to be anywhere near the hospital. He advised me to set up a couple of consults with birth centers and midwives and gather some additional options in the next few weeks while we wait and see if this calms down, or ramps up.

    It’s unsettling, to say the least.

  11. Pale Gray says:

    I’m due in three weeks in a State that has been severely impacted due to COVID-19 and you know what? I’m not that nervous. I’ve been in constant communication with nurses at my hospital and they have all said the same thing, that the hospital is actually SLOWER than usual during this outbreak because people are not coming in for minor things anymore, like a twisted ankle or migraine. They’ve also have postponed elective surgeries. There are way less people than what you’d normally expect at a huge, top rated hospital. With that being said, they are shorthanded on PPE, but they didn’t seem concerned either.

    They have limited all expecting moms to only one guest, which will most likely be your spouse. With that being said, if they do not allow any guests by the time I am due, they do have in-house doulas on hand to support you.

    I know I should be panicked, but one day I can tell my son about the craziness he was born into and it makes him that much more special to me.

  12. emmy says:

    Is this even helpful? Do epidemiologists support this or would this not even make a difference? Because chances are that if the partner has the virus, so does the woman giving birth. Maybe there’s another reason. I don’t want to be a mom so the idea of childbirth freaks me out anyway but doing it without the father there? HOW is that helping anyone?

    • Emily says:

      The reason being in cities like NYC the hospitals are being close to over-run with COVID patients and are almost out of medical supplies. As cruel as it sounds, the birthing partner being in the room is considered a non-essential person at this point and NOT a priority. That person does not need medical attention, the focus is on the birthing mother. The birthing partner is another person who could spread the transmission of COVID amongst medical personnel and that’s a huge risk. I know this isn’t what expectant mothers want to hear but the focus at this point is not on your comfort at having your partner present. It’s on the safety of everyone involved and your birthing partner, as harsh as it may sound, poses more risk being in the hospital with you.

      • Cidee says:

        THANK YOU!!!! Many of you are making it seem as if hospitals are banning partners/spouses just because they feel like it. While I’m certain it is disappointing and even stressful, the hospitals in hard-hit cities have much bigger fish to fry.

      • blacktoypoodle says:

        Emily
        Thank you, thank you, thank you for stating this.

        If and when I and my colleagues get sick there will be no one to take care of the patients when they arrive, or extremely short staffed. You won’t get “normal” or “standard” care in that case or you will be told to stay home unless an emergency/as long as possible. Your labor will be triaged. Protocols have already started.

        People expect us to be open and fully functioning but we are not machines.
        We have A LOT of anxiety going to work everyday because we are exposed to everyone, yet we have to put on a ‘brave face’ when you walk in the door.

        WE DON’T HAVE the option of “shelter in place” and we don’t even have enough protective equipment. We don’t get a mask unless “justifiable cause” and they are distributed/signed out by management on an individual basis.
        We are developing PTSD and we know a proportion of us are going to get sick.

        You want US to take care of YOU, but you must take care of us.

        Will you take care of me?

        Signed,
        OB RN at a Major Metropolitan Hospital
        30 years experience

  13. Bunny says:

    Unfortunately, having your husband in the room doubles the number of people your doctor has to be exposed to for (up to) several hours… and that’s just for starters.

    If the husband gets faint (it happens), he’ll need care they can’t afford to give him.

    Even if he’s healthy, he’ll need a mask and gown they can’t afford to spare.

    There are no good answers here. None.

    • Megan H says:

      I was unconscious for more than 12 hours. I puked all over myself for two hours. I peed the bed because i wasn’t allowed out of bed without two people helping and a nurse couldn’t get to me in time even though I’d called for help 4 times. This was all without having to actually care for a newborn because my son was in the NICU.

      What if my daughter has to be in the room with me? Who is going to care for her?

  14. Gigi says:

    I am due in early May with my first and this is scary. Not in the USA though and at the moment my partner is allowed in. I have just started feeling anxious about having the labor start while my partner is at work and having to make the decision when is the time to go to the hospital on my own. I know I can call the L&D beforehand and I will but this is all new to me and scary. I feel for everyone having to go through this alone.

  15. Catherine says:

    I’m due in 19 days, via a surrogate, who lives in another state. Moving there tomorrow. It’s my first and will be my only child. Can’t lie, having a baby during the Great Pandemic of 2020 – is stressful. I’m terrified I will get it and won’t be able to take care of my baby. I’m doing it on my own. I almost wish I already had the virus and recovered from it. My fiends and family can’t come, which is fine – have come to terms with all of the ancillary issues, just terrified I will get sick, that there will be a run on formula (which is happening) etc etc.

    But! They can’t keep me out of delivery room!! Unthinkable. It’s all really hard and scary, frankly.

  16. betsyd says:

    I’m in CT and due in less than 3 weeks, and it looks like baby girl is coming sooner than later. It’s definitely scary. This is my second and I feel that the doctors and nurses actually give the most support – the reason I’d like my husband there is for him – so he can be present when his daughter is welcomed into the world. His support job with my first labor was holding my leg…

    My hospital has a plan for L&D during this time and I while I am still very scared for my family (me, my husband, my 3 year old, my soon to be newborn, my parents, my in-laws) in this fluid and volatile situation I trust my doctors and the protocol they have enacted to keep us – and themselves – safe during this time of uncertainty.

    Good luck to my fellow preggos!

  17. Sam the Pink says:

    You are totally correct, Kaiser. It is inhumane. One of the fundamental rights of pregnancy recognized by multiple medical and governmental groups is the right to have who you wish (or exclude who you wish) from the birth space.

    For me, my husband was not a great help, but I didn’t expect him to be. But for me, excluding my doula/CS practitioner (Christian Science Practitioner) would have been really harmful. She was my absolute rock for all my births, and I do not believe I could have done it as well if I did not have her (it also would worry me that if she had not been there, my rights may not have been as respected). If I had been told this, I would probably have birthed at home (something I did not want to do).

    I do think this will lead to a surge of home births or other changes. I see both sides, but ultimately, I do not believe the virus can justify wholesale violations of human, religious and cultural rights. I wish they’d try to find some kind of middle ground that would protect the workers (like screening people before they enter), or other measures short of this. Because this is just really cruel. That’s the only word I can think of.

    • minx says:

      I understand what you’re saying, but a virus doesn’t care about religious and cultural rights.

      • Sam the Pink says:

        But a virus doesn’t stop those things, either. Maybe this is my libertarian streak showing, but fundamental human rights exist whether we like them or not. And no, a virus is not grounds for trampling them (now, I am not talking Evangeline Lilly “My freedum to take my kids to camp” rights, I am talking about our fundamental bodily autonomy and rights of self). And freedom in birth is one that goes right to the core. All major medical authorities, including the WHO, recognize the right of a pregnant woman/person to birth in a setting where they have access to appropriate support people – and by support, they define that as appropriate physical, emotional, spiritual/religious and cultural support. Look it up. Taking those things away is a human rights violation. This is not my opinion, it’s the opinion of authorities beyond that.

        I do not think we should sacrifice fundamental rights on the alter of safety. Because once you do, it’s very hard to go back. I am all for encouraging people to do the right thing, and doing as much as possible as far as the government can. But when you are getting to matters of basic physical autonomy, which birth is included in, there has to be a point where we stop. And subjecting people who are in the most intense moments of their lives to this, well, it’s a bridge too far.

      • minx says:

        All I can think is: Do I want to die, or my loved ones to die, or any human being to die on a ventilator, kept away from family, dying alone? I don’t, so I will take any precaution to avoid that.

      • Sam the Pink says:

        I’m sorry, but this bothers me. You are basically trying to use guilt as a weapon. “Well, I don’t want people to die!” Which of course implies those of us arguing against this measure are okay with people dying. Which is pretty frankly BS.

        Forcing women to birth alone or in isolation (and yes, it is alone – having impersonal doctors and nurses does not fill the need for supportive care) is cruel. It’s a violation of our recognized human right to comprehensive care in birth and our need for support and connection in profound moments. You also discount the role this support provides in helping women in labor advocate for themselves and avoid procedures they don’t want.

        There’s very little I hate more than the “guilt” method. You are basically implying that any women who actually demands that her right to to support is basically a selfish witch who doesn’t really give a crap about anybody but herself.

      • minx says:

        You are putting words in my mouth. Your replies all over this thread are aggressive and hostile to anyone who doesn’t agree with you.

      • Sam the Pink says:

        I’m not hostile, I’m making my point. A lot of people seem to be suggesting that women have it easy and if this is the worst that happens to you, you should be downright grateful for it. I’m somebody who has given birth multiple times, and I’m somebody who would have probably really suffered if I did not have access to a stable, strong support person (largely because I’m a person with a mental illness). Support care during birth, for most women, is not optional – if it was, it would not be recognized as one of the fundamental rights of labor and birth.

        And your post sets up a false dichotomy – all you say “I don’t want people to die, so I’m for precautions.” But denying women access to support is not “taking precautions.” It’s a cruel denial of necessary care. You pit the wellbeing of people against women seeking what is fundamentally their right to have. THAT’s the issue with your statement.

      • minx says:

        No. And I’ve given birth multiple times, as well. I’m also not persuaded by lengthy replies that try to bulldoze people into submission.

      • Ellie says:

        @Sam the Pink
        “but fundamental human rights exist whether we like them or not”

        I am reading the book called Sapiens (HIGHLY RECOMMEND) and it goes into how this is an imaginary construct that humans have decided to believe in. Very interesting!! Not trying to start any argument, your comment just reminded me of the book. Totally worth a read!

  18. Valiantly Varnished says:

    I feel so sorry for anyone pregnant and due soon right now.

  19. Dillunn says:

    I’m 33 weeks into a high-risk pregnancy due to life-threatening complications with my first. Currently my hospital’s policy is one visitor (partner) in Labor & Delivery for the duration of the mother’s stay. I’m primarily worried about how burdened the hospital system will be in 6-7 weeks and whether blood shortages will get worse, in addition to the risks posed and adjustments that must be made if I contact coronavirus. It really drives me crazy when I see people not taking this seriously.

  20. Casey says:

    inhumane???!? c’mon, cool it a bit. For generations women did just fine without men in the birthing room. its only the last generation or so that the partner has been there. nobody will die because their partner isn’t allowed in the room. sure, let your kid or the medical professionals potentially catch a virus, beacuse it’s ‘inhumane’ to not have your partner there. if that’s the worst thing that happens to someone during this, then they’re getting off easy.

    • Sam the Pink says:

      You ever given birth? If not, then have several seats, because you don’t know jack. Birth is intense, and yes, most women want people there to support them (some women birth alone, but not many). And it’s not about just the father – the ban applies to all support people. There are multiple cultures in the world where birth is a family affair – parents, grandparents, siblings, etc. may be present to help. Lots of women want their own mothers in the room, because – shock – it can help to have the support of a woman who has been through it. Some women belong to a religion where a clergy/spiritual support person is generally required. And guess what? It’s all valid.

      I am sympathetic to healthcare workers seeking to minimize exposure, but I also believe on some level, they have a job that submits to a certain level of risk. It’s like cops or firefighters – they accept part of the job involves physical risk to themselves, and that is a function of the job. Work in a hospital, there comes with it a risk of exposure to illness. Nobody is arguing that precautions cannot be taken. However, I suggest you educate yourself a bit on the fundamental rights in birth, which include, yes, the right to the support people of one’s choice. I’ve done it enough to tell you that yes, support is necessary in birth.

      And I thought you’d be smarter then to pull the “we did it for generations.” We also died in droves because we birthed without appropriate support. Does that make that part okay? Since you know, we did it for generations.

      • Tanya says:

        I’ve given birth 3 times in NYC, 3 different hospitals. Every single time, there was at least one man causing drama on the floor who didn’t need to be there. My husband is great, but I can do it without him.

        NYC doctors are living apart from their families so as not to spread the disease. They’ve been reusing masks all week. I’ve been having relatives ship stuff from China in order to donate before they run out. They can’t spare proper masks for anyone right now.

      • Sam the Pink says:

        This is not about you. If you could do it without, fine. But there’s women who can’t (or need, if not their partner, a support like a doula). You are not the end all be all of this.

      • Casey says:

        yeah, beacuse having doctors and nurses with you means you’re doing without support. nobody is being denied medical care, just NON-ESSENTIAL people in the room. your child did not consent to being exposed to something even if you think medical professionals do. you’re acting like pregnant women will be thrown in a room on their own to birth which is ludicrous. all medical support will be there, just not a spouse or partner. ooooh no the horror.

      • Casey says:

        you ARE literally arguing not to take precautions. not having non-essential people in the birthing room is a precaution, one you claim shouldn’t happen but that you’re not against precautions. pick a side

      • Sam the Pink says:

        No, you are not reading what I’m saying. Medical staff provide PHYSICAL care to birthing women. But women in labor need care beyond that. Birth is, for a lot of us, the most intense moments of our lives – physically, but also emotionally, mentally, etc. Do you not believe that requires care as well? The medical staff aren’t trained to provide that kind of care, nor should they be – they have their own things to do. That is why access to non-medical support is regarded as (take note) a FUNDAMENTAL right in childbirth, It’s not negotiable, its not optional. Even ACOG, that bastion of progressiveness, regards access to a support person as a basic right of a birthing woman. I don’t get why that is so hard to understand. Taking away support people takes away a birthing woman’s right to full care.

    • betsyd says:

      Agreed! Inhumane is quite a label. I am 37+ weeks pregnant with my second child.

      Allowing family and friends in L&D is a “human right?”

      Healthcare workers are suffering right now with limited PPE and working long hours to also protecting their own health and that of their families. Its about maintaining safety for all – the birthing mother, her baby, her husband, her doula, her nurses, her doctors, other patients on the L&D floor.

      I dearly want my husband to be with me while i’m in labor – I’ve already mourned the labor experience I expected to have and will not have because of the pandemic. if i’m told he cannot be there because it is a health hazard we will respect that.

      Patients with COVID 19 are dying alone. In my state end of life/hospice patients (non covid) are only allowed 1 visitor. Pediatric patients (non covid) can only have 1 visitor. L&D is still allowed 1 visitor (not one at a time, one total, not to be changed). It’s a time to have some perspective.

    • Sophie says:

      Everyone is acting like the no partners thing is a mere inconvenience. There are a greater risk of complications and negative outcomes when a laboring woman is denied the support she needs. A nurse is not a replacement (though l&d nurses are AMAZING). They frequently have more than one patient to care for while on shift, and don’t know the laboring mother well. I gave birth last week after a high risk pregnancy and I would’ve been deeply traumatized if I had had to go it alone. Halfway through my 5 day hospital stay, the hospital implemented a bunch of new rules to minimize Covid spread. My care and my baby’s care immediately suffered. Multiple mistakes were made in medication distribution, communication, not to mention each of us was released without the other by mistake more than once. Even with my husband there I thought I was going to have a nervous breakdown. I have connections at the hospital and had to use every single one of them to get our problems ironed out. These mothers are going to get lower quality care without anyone to support them when they need it most, and they and their babies will suffer the consequences of this.

  21. Wamamax3 says:

    My husband is active duty military. I’ve had 3 babies, at 3 different hospitals, and was fortunate enough to have my husband there for each one (for our second, we had to schedule an induction to make sure it happened before he was sent overseas, he then missed our son’s entire first year of life).
    I have countless friends whose husbands have been deployed when they gave birth, and because we (mil spouses) often live far from “home” and family, they had to pick a friend or fly someone in to be there in the delivery room. I guess my point is varied: we all are subject to dealing with unexpected and unwanted circumstances in the delivery room, but at least we still had the freedom to have who we wanted there.

    I, too, have spent a lot of time thinking about people that are giving birth soon, and how much stress and uncertainty there must be surrounding not only the labor and delivery, but the state of the world happening outside the delivery room. I have a couple friends due soon and it’s so hard to not really even be able to offer to help with childcare for when they go into labor.

  22. Emily says:

    I have a friend due in a few weeks and she is set to give birth at Walter Reed Medical Center (she is former military, her husband is still in the military and they live right outside of DC). She’s had a difficult pregnancy and has hated being pregnant and I know she would definitely want her husband to be present. At this point she is going in to see her obstetrician every week and her husband is not allowed to attend the appointments with her. She doesn’t yet know if her husband will be allowed in the delivery room and I feel terrible for her because I know he’s been a great support to her during her challenging pregnancy. However if she has to give birth without him present, that’s how it’ll have to play out unless she chooses to give birth at home (which knowing her is not going to happen).

    I live near NYC, the biggest outbreak in the US by far, and I don’t live too far from New Rochelle, the suburb that was the first outbreak in the area in Westchester County (where new cases have slowed supposedly). I know Chloe is probably terrified but I am not surprised they are having to ban birthing partners from the delivery room. If you’ve seen the videos of hospitals in Madrid, Spain (they just extended the quarantine in Spain by two weeks because of how bad it is), you basically have people on oxygen lying on pallets in the waiting areas and hallways of hospitals that are completely over-run with COVID patients. And quite frankly I do not think NYC is far behind from that happening, Cuomo has been honest about how bad this is going to get. And unfortunately, that means birthing partners are not high priority right now because they do not require medical attention themselves AND that’s another person at risk of transmitting COVID to medical personnel. They’re depleting their resources and their energy to save patients and they don’t need to deal with more risks than necessary (ie presence of a birthing partner). It’s unfortunate things have to play out like this but to call it inhumane is a stretch. This pandemic is a sucky situation for EVERYONE and we must adjust to it… including giving birth alone. It’s awful and I hate to think of all the scared mothers in this situation. But I don’t think it can be helped at this point.

  23. Rapunzel says:

    I’ll tell you what’s inhumane. My uncle had a heart attack two weeks ago (flatlined in the ER) and was put on a ventilator/dialysis (heart attack due to him suffering kidney failure and his already weak heart couldn’t handle it). His wife and child were barred from seeing him after two-three days due to lockdown, while he was still touch and go. They were told that if he died, they would simply be informed by phone. He stayed, recovered, and is now in a rehab facility. They still can’t visit him. But if he takes a turn and passes, they can’t be with him. That’s inhumane.

    A woman not having her husband around for the small time she’s giving birth who is then allowed to leave with her baby and start a new family is not being treated inhumanely. Perspective, people.

    Y’all realize that many folks will have/have had loved ones catch COVOD-19 that will be alone at death, and probably have bodies cremated so their loved ones can’t bury them. There’s a lot worse things going on.

    Women need to be grateful if the only thing theyvhave to suffer in this crisis is giving birth alone. It could be a lot worse.

    Not trying to minimize this for pregnant women, just asking for perspective and less ridiculous language. Inhumane is not accurate. Period.

    • Casey says:

      EXACTLY.
      there’s a lot that’s inhumane in the world. being given medical care during labor and getting a child at the end of it really isnt’

    • Cidee says:

      THIS!!!!! This thread is shockingly tone-deaf And entitled. Lots of inhumanity in the world right now. Keeping a NON-ESSENTIAL (because that’s what they are) person out of delivery isn’t “inhumane” in the big scheme of things.

  24. Lk says:

    I’m due in 15 days. I’m terrified about going to the hospital but at this point having a home birth is not happening. I understand many people have to be at the hospital alone right now and if my husband can’t be in the room I understand. This doesn’t make it any less heart breaking. He won’t be able to see the birth and I can see it being traumatic giving birth alone. So to the people saying it’s fine, no it’s not. I’m still a patient too. Complications can happen and birth is stressful. So please unless you have given birth alone or at all save it. Also if you’ve had to give birth alone any helpful comments would be helpful.

    • Casey says:

      and during any potential complications, what exactly will your husband do? you won’t be alone, you’ll have nurses and doctors with you.

    • Fran says:

      I’m due in 2 days with my second, as of today the hospital I plan to give birth at still allows the partner to be present during the delivery. They did say that this policy could change at any moment so I’ve tried my best to mentally prepare for that scenario. Yesterday, my partner wore the shirt he wore when our daughter was born and it’s in my hospital bag now. I’ll wear it in the delivery room this time around so if he can’t be with me, I’ll have it to provide comfort.

  25. Lk says:

    My husband was a huge support during my first labor. I was terrified and anxious. Having a familiar face there got me through it. Plus I already said if he can’t be there I understand. I trust medical professionals and anything that helps them I’m there to support. I’m just saying it still is terrifying.

  26. Cat says:

    I’m 37 weeks pregnant as of today. My daughter was born at 37 weeks, 2 days, so that means that if history repeats itself, I’d be giving birth on Friday, while my entire country is on lockdown and my mom, who will stay with out daughter eventually, is still in quarantine with my sister and niece who flew in from Madrid. I saw my obgyn yesterday, luckily all of my vital signals and my son’s are great. The hospital where I’ll give birth has banned visitors, and my husband will be with as planned. If everything goes well, we should be out of the hospital in 24 hours. This a very tough moment, obviously, and I’d rather not give birth in these circumstances. But we have our back up plans, family who can help us, our health and good healthcare, and I’m very glad and thankful because of that.

  27. Dillunn says:

    I am amazed at some of the callousness some of these comments are displaying. Under NON-pandemic circumstances, the US maternal mortality (let alone maternal morbidity) rates are MUCH higher than its post-industrialised peers. Women are in labor for hours, then spend two days postpartum in the hospital (3 if Csection). Nurses just check on you periodically even when you are in labor—it’s often not until you are actively pushing that you see a doctor. So not having a support person means a woman is alone MOST of the time during their stay. Not only is support necessary for the emotional and mental health of the mother, but we KNOW people fall through the cracks, issues are missed, action isn’t taken soon enough even in the BEST of times. Women need that support person to advocate for them if needed, and those support people give them the care that nurses and doctors aren’t meant to do. This is how pandemics lead to avoidable deaths.

    • Rapunzel says:

      Dillunn- everything you say about the horrors of pregnancy is true, especially about how these pandemics lead to avoidable deaths.

      But it’s not callous to point out that this is not the worse possible thing that could happen to a woman. It’s not callous to say that using a word like inhumane is exaggerating things.

      Perspective: you are lucky to have a hospital and nurses. Period. You are lucky to have a doctor. Period. And you are lucky that the hospital is taking precautions during a pandemic to protect you, your spouse and your child. Period.

      The privilege is astounding that anyone could consider it inhumane that pregnant women are receiving treatment in a medical facility, just because they don’t have company.

      Some people need to grow up. Yes, it sucks. Of course it does. And no, it’s not ideal. And possibly, it will cause problems for pregnant women. But at times like this, it’s important to remember what we have, not what we don’t.

      Pregnant ladies: I feel for you, but really, you should be more worried about your chosen hospital having to turn you away due to lack of room, or your doctor getting sick. Or your doctor getting you/your baby sick. There are a lot worse scenarios you might have to face than no hubby in the delivery room. Count yourself lucky if you avoid those worse scenarios.

      • SomeChick says:

        It’s not just “company” tho. It’s advocacy. It can be very difficult for a patient to self-advocate in the hospital. Especially if painkillers are involved. And newborns need more or less constant tending. The nurses don’t have time for that. They have too much to do as it is.

    • MissM says:

      My friend is a labor and delivery nurse. The reason why the morality rate is higher here than most countries is because we actually try to save babies and mothers that most countries would refuse. My friend recently had a patient from the UK who was extremely high risk and she made the trip across the ocean because she was told by British doctors that she needed to terminate the pregnancy and none would treat her due to the condition she had. She delivered at 25 weeks- she made it further than any British doctor expected. Unfortunately her baby ultimately didn’t make it and is now part of that infant morality statistic but it’s not accurate to say that our infant morality rates are high because we have poor medical care. Its because of cases like that woman who are helped to the best of the doctors abilities but they can’t perform a miracle.

  28. Lk says:

    I have already thought of all those scenarios. I’m just saying it sucks. Especially people saying nurses and doctors are support. They are not. I don’t think of them as support for anyone else in the hospital.

  29. Lk says:

    We’re talking about the article written above. I could go on and on about what may happen in the upcoming weeks/months. Saying it’s inhumane for other patients to be without family but for pregnant women it’s not doesn’t make sense. There’s always a risk with giving birth. It sucks for everyone at the hospital at this time being with out family/support.

  30. Sarah says:

    I just found out yesterday that I’m pregnant and honestly, I’m terrified.

    • David says:

      @Sarah
      Congratulations! You got this shit and what a story to one day tell.

      • Sarah says:

        @David Thank you! When I was joking about the quarantine baby boom, I wasn’t expecting to be a part of it lol.

    • Joanna says:

      Aww, congratulations! You’ve got 9 months before baby’s birth, I think we will definitely have a better handle on this pandemic by then. 🙂

      • Sarah says:

        @Joanna Thank you! If we can make it through the first trimester, I think we will be okay. I’m hoping by November, things will be better.

  31. David says:

    Nurses and doctors with poor bedside manner are a blessing and a curse. Sometimes those sensitivity courses they take don’t ever set in. I have found that L&D practitioners are a bit better sometimes.
    Anyone grossed out that her kid will probably call Terry Richardson ‘uncle Terry’? Ew.

    • Marigold says:

      I’ve been in the hospital a few times in my life, all over the world, and the bedside manner has been astonishingly good. In Japan, in Ireland, and in several states of the US, I’ve had various emergent and non-emergency care. Severe food poisoning when I was in my 20′s and living alone, a flu that reached hospitalization levels in late 20′s, procedure to rule out endometriosis in mid-30′s, spine surgery at 40, and 5-days of inpatient care for perforated bowel at 43. All of these were characterized by professional and KIND medical staff.

      Labor and delivery was a nightmare. They were cruel in their callousness–utterly cruel. Dismissive, hostile, and constantly annoyed with me because of the complications that arose. I was made to feel the entire time–as I nearly bled out on the delivery bed–that I was inconveniencing people. One nurse forced me physically to sit down on the bed because she didn’t like that I was laboring on all fours over a ball for several hours. I begged her not to make me sit, but she did–forcefully by grabbing my shoulders and pushing me to a seated position–and it tore my sphincter muscle. No apology. When I screamed from the pain, she looked like she wanted to punch me. They brought in a cadre of male doctors after 5 hours of pushing with no progress to observe my forceps delivery without telling me they were doing one and without telling me that doctors would be watching. None of said cadre introduced themselves, smiled, or looked reassuring. They took piles and piles of blood-soaked laundry out of the room without telling me anything, and when I asked questions, the nurses had looks of disgust on their faces. Some snapped at me. Others ignored me, which sent me into panic. I’ve never been so humiliated, frightened, and–later–angry in all my life. It took the OB more than 4 hours to stitch me up, and I never peed normally again. I was 28 and in good health, and these people literally broke my body and treated me like I was a filthy annoyance they had to endure rather than a patient. My husband, who is quiet and very calm wanted to sue afterward…and he’s not like that at all. We didn’t because I wanted nothing to do with any of it; I just wanted to move on and forget the entire experience.

      I vowed to NEVER give birth in a hospital again for the rest of my life. The experience was literally traumatic, and I had anxiety around any nurse or doctor for a long time after that. Maternity care providers were the worst I ever encountered, and though my experience is both singular and anecdotal…I’ve seen a lot of women give similar stories.

      I have the highest respect for medical professionals. They’ve been good to me my entire life, and I am grateful to those who are called to healthcare. But women and mothers are especially despised and disregarded, so no…maternity staff are not better than their peers in other areas of medicine. They’re so, SO much worse.

      • Joanna says:

        Wow, it’s so awful you had to go through that! What a nightmare

      • David says:

        @Marigold
        I said sometimes I have seen better bedside manner. I am so sorry for your trauma and insensitive ‘care’. Is it that hard to explain things?! Thank you for sharing your story because it is all too familiar.
        They also seem to despise the elderly. I’ve heard them say and do some truly terrible things.
        My father had a personal care home and we moved there when I was 9. I grew up with old people and took care of them even before living with them. Dad was a home nurse. I’ll never forget the day I turned in a fellow hospital employee for mistreating Miss Dot at the hospital. She was my family and I’ll be damned if you hurt them.
        With all of that said, I’m still extremely grateful people go into the field from transport to admissions.

      • David says:

        I couldn’t edit the post to say I meant it’s nuts not to explain things to a patient, especially why she needed you to sit down.

  32. Lk says:

    I completely agree with you, David. Especially about Uncle Terry.

    • David says:

      @LK
      I can’t get past that. I mean all I can see is her with Vincent Gallo. They’ll probably all live in the same walk up in LES and have a commune they liken to the next generation of Harmony Korine and Larry Clark movies a la Kids, Bully, and Gummo.
      But to stay on topic, for health, it seems the right choice is to only allow ‘essential’ parties in the delivery room. And I would advise no one to ever think a doctor or nurse will provide any support whatsoever. That will have to be found another way. It is a shame but also necessary.

      • Lk says:

        @David

        Bahahaha it’s the only future for them. I’d also like to think they’d have a common haircut- maybe a bowl cut?

        Thanks for the laugh!

        Once again I’m on the same page as you. I’m willing to do whatever needs to be done to help doctors/healthcare workers which also helps other patients. Everyone needs to do their parts even if it’s simple compliance.

      • David says:

        Thank YOU for understanding my highly distasteful humor! That bowl cut idea is right on and I think Brad Renfro is thanking us now! Gosh I really miss the 90s.
        We all have to comply. I do meals on wheels and not giving my senior friends hugs is rough but we make it work. I’ve been sitting on the other side of the door or outside the window and making small talk, whatever works.
        My best friend has cervical cancer and is having a radical hysterectomy in 2 weeks. It’s all a damn mess.

      • Lk says:

        I’m sorry to hear about your friend! My mom just finished all her cancer surgeries and we’ve been keeping a distance. It is a mess and that’s why it’s so nice to see compassion in the world.

      • David says:

        I thank you for the compassion as well. Hope your mama is feeling ok in such a scary time. It’s got to be even more stressful now. Not being around each other is especially tough right now and in her circumstance. That hurts my heart for y’all.
        I think I latched onto your posts because I understand your stance. It was like a Where’s Waldo in the trenches of stubborn ideals.
        Please no one take offense. I haven’t given birth but I’ve been in situations where I can’t be around dying/sick/scared loved ones. That’s a pain that lives forever.
        Also been in LDOR’s around some asshole docs and nurses with a terrified woman giving birth. I don’t wish any of this on anyone. Even Chloe or Terry, however gross people may be.

      • David says:

        Oh my. I just read more comments and see you are due very soon. Please reach out on here whenever it feels necessary. I’ll always check in on most posts. Obviously not just me but anyone listening I hope can be a support. I’m not sorry for you because you need endless love, hope, strength, and courage. I’m sending all of mine to you and your family is cemented in all of my thoughts. Sending all the good things that can be sent via kindness and the internet. That definitely makes no sense in a comment section.

  33. Dillunn says:

    Rapunzel— ok. So I find your characterisation— that womens’ concerns around giving birth without a support person is privileged, because it’s in a hospital with doctors, nurses, etc.— is at the very least uncharitable. I think a little more empathy is warranted. Of COURSE pregnant women are also concerned about the doctor getting them or their baby sick, or the hospital being so overburdened they turn them away. As someone who will give birth during this outbreak, I’ve played out all of these scenarios in my head. No one is saying not having a support person is THE worst thing that can happen to a laboring mother. What I was arguing is that there are public health considerations for NOT banning support people, in addition to banning them. And this article is specifically about that, so obviously you’re going to get pregnant women focusing on this one specific aspect of childbirth during corona. Don’t worry, pregnant women are anxious about a lot of things right now, just like everyone else.

    • Rapunzel says:

      Dillunn- I’m not disagreeing with you that there are other public health concerns re: pregnant women lacking an emotional support. But yes, it’s a privileged worry. There are pregnant women who won’t/can’t even get medical care. You are privileged if you have a doctor/nurse. End of story and it’s not bitchy to remind people of that.

  34. Gobo says:

    It’s awful, but it’s a damn sight more responsible than increasing doctor and nurse exposure. They could end up passing Covid 19 on to every new born they help bring into the world. Unhappy mothers are better than dead newborn babies. That’s not inhumane, it’s a hard but logical medical decision.

  35. ESC says:

    I gave birth ( in Canada) five days ago. There was changes to support person/visitor policy right up until I went in. I was told two days before my induction that my partner would be allowed in for labour and delivery ( assuming they screened negative for COVID) but would be required to leave 1 hour after delivery. Generally, where I am, you spend an additional 24 hours in a post partum unit. The hospital back pedaled a bit and allowed partners to stay provided you had a private room post partum ( which are an additional cost and not always available) and they cannot leave the room ( for food, coffee, anything). I was lucky to have my partner there but was prepared for him not to be. It’s very stressful time to have a newborn/be pregnant but I do appreciate the precautions they took.