Jonathan Van Ness’ DIY haircutting tips: don’t do it, it’s 3 inches tops


In the Gossip With Celebitchy podcast coming out this Monday, Kaiser and I talk about her urge to cut her hair. She put off going to the hairdresser before all this and now her (natural, long, wash and air dry, I’m jealous can you tell?) hair has grown a bit and has split ends. Spoiler – she’s considering cutting it, which she did when she was young and usually screwed up. Don’t do it Kaiser! I have long layered blonde hair and luckily I’ve been box dyeing it for about two years, which I am absolutely keeping up in quarantine. There is no way I would try to cut it myself. More people are seeing me in video chats than I typically socialized with in any given week, although of course it’s not the same. Queer Eye’s hair expert, Johnathan Van Ness, was on Fallon’s at-home show to promote his new children’s book. (Sidenote: Fallon is doing wonderfully from home. I think his wife is behind most of it, and it’s the perfect mix of open, vulnerable, and family-friendly.) Fallon asked for self-isolating haircutting tips and Johnathan didn’t mince words.

What is the advice for people who want to cut their hair?
The most important advice is just to not do it. Just don’t do it. The average human head grows between a quarter of an inch and half an inch of hair a month. Worse case scenario this is going to give you like 2, 3 inches of hair. Try a new look. Maybe you need a shag. Maybe you need a little bit of length. Save your haircuts. You don’t want to mess up your hair so bad you’re growing your hair out after the quarantine.

[From The Tonight Show via YouTube]

This is what I’m saying! Also I have seen so many friends dye their hair wild colors at this time. Hecate did a dark blue that looks really cool and I saw that Jennifer Love Hewitt just did a nice pink shade. Not everyone I know is getting good results and keep in mind if you screw your hair up now there’s no one to fix it! Once I dyed my eyebrows before a big date, ended up looking like Groucho Marx, and had to run crying to my colorist (he’s a Trump supporter, which is why I now dye at home). He gave me some powder to take it out.

So don’t cut your hair please! Just wait it out. I know this is a superficial topic, but a lot of us are thinking abou it. I also worry about people who need dental work, surgery and other procedures at this point.

Here’s Jonathan’s interview. It’s worth watching for his super cute calico cat, who sits on his lap, and the sweet way he talks about his cats. Jonathan has so many cute videos of his cats on his Instagram channel! He does their voices in different accents as they sit in the little TV cat scratching box and read the news. It’s adorable. He has four cats.

Here’s one the CATV Mews segments! It is absolutely worth watching.

And he officiated a wedding online!

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44 Responses to “Jonathan Van Ness’ DIY haircutting tips: don’t do it, it’s 3 inches tops”

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  1. Lightpurple says:

    I have no urge whatsoever to cut my hair, which is currently an above shoulder bob,. It’s the color I can’t deal with but I’m not going to experiment with coloring it myself.

    But worse that hat, I miss my threader. I have hairs sprouting all over the place. Yes, I know i can wax myself but I hate dealing with that and my threading appointments last about five minutes, she gets everything, and she’s a lovely person whose business I want to support.
    Arrgghh!

    • Zapp Brannigan says:

      I am going to sit my hairy self beside you Lighpurple, my eyebrows (well eyebrow at this point) are starting to scare the local children :-(

  2. Erinn says:

    DO IT KAISER. Be a rebel. I literally ordered a pair of hair dressing shears online today because I’m just done. My hair was at my butt before the virus, and the ends are RAGGED because I put a cut off for so long. Just make sure you’re not hacking your hair up with dull scissors and cut less than you actually want to cut!

    I’m 100% only encouraging this to validate MY choices btw (so don’t take me TOO seriously here) lol. But really, box dye isn’t great for your hair either (albeit better than it used to be) but if someone is getting salon dye jobs done, a little trim with good shears isn’t going to do as much damage as mixing in a box dye when you don’t normally use one.

    • Kaiser says:

      I think I will, but I need to order good hair-cutting scissors too

      • Erinn says:

        I’m much more afraid of whatever my husband plans to do to his hair than I am cutting an inch or two of mine because I just have SO MUCH HAIR.

      • Spicecake38 says:

        Anastasia Beverley Hills,around 20 bucks at Nordstrom-highly rated.

      • Some chick says:

        Cutting hair is all about the angle. That’s it. Focus on the angle and don’t chop off too much at once. Sharp scissors help. But how you align them makes the most difference.

        I say, go for it! Hair is a renewable resource!

        ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

    • Mabs A'Mabbin says:

      I’m with you Erinn. Just do it! And I too am encouraging for validation lol. I’ve attacked my locks with shears AND a razor blade. Now that my hair’s thinned out from incredibly thick hair (menopause), I’m much more careful, but I still just dive in. When I had a ton of hair, it was cathartic doing it myself, and I couldn’t really mess up…too much hair!

    • Astrid says:

      Lots of good youtube videos available to trim and shape hair. People online are so clever.

    • Ali says:

      We cut our son’s bangs with regular scissors and sent the video to his grandmother. She said those are definitely not hair cutting scissors it sounded like hedge clippers 😂

  3. Janey says:

    I have a pixie I decided to grow out before all this started, I’m concerned about getting a mullet but more concerned I may have to cut my husband’s hair. I am also checking my eyebrows on a daily basis.

    • Mac says:

      My husband asked me if would be comfortable cutting his hair. If he’s comfortable, I’m comfortable, but I don’t guarantee results.

    • Ang says:

      I just cut my partners hair last night for the first time! He’s very particular so I was worried he’d be upset with it but it turned out great! I ordered a trimmer and shears the other day.

    • Jensies says:

      @Ang I just cut my husband’s hair last night too! Not too bad, forgiving myself for not having an expert hand when using a beard trimmer lol.

      My mom suggested he cut my long, layered hair to thank me and he and I both started laughing hysterically. No thank you. I’ll just wait this out.

    • Melissa says:

      Have you heard of the Tinkle Trimmer? It’s like a razor blade wrapped in a longtail comb. I used that to maintain my pixie. There are some good tutorials on YouTube for it.

  4. Spicecake38 says:

    I am going to order some hair cutting scissors.It’s my husband’s hair that is looking super shaggy. I had success cutting it once,so I’m going to try again.I will just basically trim the back straight and shave his neck,and cut around his ears and snip the top at an angled point .Worst case scenario he’ll wear a hat. I was considering having my daughter try my ends but she said no,and now I’m glad.I have long wavy hair so now it’s taking on its own life form and I’m hating it…
    I think I’ll order hot rollers-they work for me as a way to get volume and disguise the ugly.We shall see.
    Anyway it’s not the most important now staying healthy is number one so I guess in a few weeks/months I’ll be happy to see my currently out of work stylist so busy-we are learning how many people we truly depend on aren’t we-

  5. fishface says:

    I colour and highlight my own hair – and leave the cutting to the experts. But I did have a go at the ends the other day. Previous (bad) experiences have taught me to cut very small sections of hair at a time – and just take off the damaged bits. Takes forever but that way any disasters are hard to see. And I use very sharp embroidery scissors. They’re small, so you aren’t tempted to chop off big chunks.

  6. JanetDR says:

    I have (had) a short pixie cut and missed my appointment just before the shut down. Hair around my face is making me crazy! So unless it’s freshly washed, I’m wearing headbands. I also ordered a couple of those braided hair headbands, one in blonde and one in a highlighted Brown-blonde mix for when it gets rooty. I’d been looking them over for awhile and decided to go for it. They look good, but I’m saving them for back to work. As for the hubs, although he does go to a barber sometimes to get his goatee just right, I’m pretty good at trimming him up. Number 3 on the clippers for hair and beard!

  7. Lisa says:

    I am leaving my hair alone.

    • Adrianna says:

      I have a layered bob and I am going to leave it alone. It’s not that long anyway. For those with really long hair, there are a ton of YouTube videos on the subject. I see some brush it all to the front, put two hair elastics in it, then trim away.

  8. Pamspam says:

    I mean…go ahead. I did it and it’s pretty bad and since misery loves company, come on and join me! 😊 #coronamullet

    • Prayer Warrior says:

      Wish I’d read this two days ago. I did and am regretting it because now the sides are uneven; I tried to fix and now more uneven and so short won’t stay tucked behind my ears. Anguished texts to my Avril ensued, BUT I was using big-ass dress-making scissors because they are sharp. I bought them from a dress-maker for trimming plants. The tip above about using seriously sharp, SMALL embroidery scissors would have been helpful, if I was a sewer….sigh. I guess I’m gonna have short hair for awhile (which I hate on me cause…double chins) after all this cause Avril is going to have to do some corrective pruning…..

      • pamspam says:

        I used actual hair shears but my technique ain’t great and I can’t really reach the back. Haha oh well. My stylist knows I’ll be first in line when it’s safe to fix it. I’m sorry about your results – I’m sure it’s fixable. Be well!

  9. Scal says:

    My hair I’m tempted as I was overdue due for a cut in February before all this started. Just a trim for those ends though. I also bought a gift card from my wonderful stylist so she can have some income now-and then will def go in when this is all over.

    My brows I’m letting grow in for the first time in years. Going to start over from scratch as I think last time she took to much off.

  10. Slowsnow says:

    My hair is wavy so I’ve always cut it when I have no patience to go to the hairdressers which is almost never. It doesn’t have to be a super regular line so I’m fine. I also cut my bangs myself but again: wavy bangs, so I’m safe. I also find the hairdressers ridiculously expensive. But you have to use the proper scissors.
    Now waxing on the other hand… I was never able to do it myself.

  11. Sarah says:

    My boyfriend is obsessive about getting his hair cut and keeps it short on the sides and ever so slightly longer on top but based on the number of different barbers he has been to there is clearly a very right and a very wrong way to do it. He’s now talking about ordering clippers and getting me to do it. I am TERRIFIED. I’ve never cut hair before and while I’m game for giving it a shot I also know I’ll never hear the end of it when it’s not exactly what he wants. I’m making him sound like a bit of a jerk here, it’s not that bad but he really cares about his hair!

  12. VKES says:

    I have long, very straight hair. I cut off a couple inches last night because the dead ends were driving me nuts. No regrets. Don’t really care if it isn’t perfect right now.

  13. nuks says:

    A while back I explored self-haircutting on youtube (yes I have easy long straight hair, so I can experiment a little bit). It’s kind of amazing what you can learn! I did buy a Creaclip, which worked well enough (but definitely use scissors that come with the clip or buy some halfway decent ones.

    I needed a trim badly before everything went down, and I did the over-the-shoulder trim for my sea witch ends. I’m glad I did it’s a nice simple straightline cut and I learned how to twirl a piece, fan the ends and snip upward into it for a thinned line. My hairdresser can fix the ends whenever we get to go back out.

    • nuks says:

      Oh, and I’m buying wigs! Lol. But I have thinning hair so that was inevitable. But you can get good deals now.

  14. SJR says:

    JVN just has the most lovely smile, doesn’t he? Such a positive personality too.
    Bit too late to take his advice tho, I clipped my bangs after my shower yesterday, don’t care how it looks.

    My grooming concern is the dog..I am clipping a little bit when she seems mellow, etc. She is 14 y/o which puts her mid 90′s in people years..she does not like grooming, so doing the best I can without stressing.

    Daydreaming about having JVN beautiful Malibu Barbie brunette hair for me.
    Dishwater blonde here.

    Take Care CBers!

    • Insomia says:

      UK retired dog groomer here, Keep your scissors straight for fringe comb forward rest scissors on bridge of nose and cut.never pull and cut do a bit at a time is the trick make it fun and reward with treats get someone to hold or distact for bums. .PS All of these tips can be applied to hairy humans as well though not sure about the last bit

  15. Cupcake says:

    You know, so much is stifled and has to remain status quo during the shelter in place. Why not get creative and do things you never imagined before? My hair only needs cutting every 4ish months so I’m not due for a while yet. I’ve cut both my sons’ hair and I’m ready to give my husband a haircut anytime. Hair grows back, probably before the shelter in place is over with the way things are going.

  16. Texas says:

    I cut my bangs and they did great. But I cannot fathom cutting the rest of my hair. I am doing a box dye highlight this weekend. So we shall see how that goes.

  17. EM says:

    I had my husband take an inch off my shoulder length hair. It turned out totally fine. Not amazing, but fine. It’s just hair. You can trim it!

  18. Spicecake38 says:

    Serious question here-who is doing the hair and makeup for the news anchors who are still in studio these days?
    I watch a few minutes of Today every morning and Honda Kotb looks professionally done just using her as an example-I mean isn’t it too close for a hair stylist or makeup artist?
    Quarantine questions….

  19. lucy2 says:

    Cats!
    I don’t think it’s a big deal if you do a little trim on longer hair, it can always be fixed up by a professional once this is done. Short hair is a different story, but again, it’ll have some time to grow out a bit if it gets messed up.

    I was supposed to go this past weekend for highlighting and a cut, and all I see when I look in the mirror is DARK ROOTS! Plus it’s at an annoying length now, but I’m basically putting it in a pony tail or bun every day.

  20. Viv says:

    I need more CATV in my life!

  21. DemoCat says:

    I have incredibly thin hair which a weave a few years ago made worse. I had my head shaved a few years ago and am THIS CLOSE to doing it again myself. I hate that it grows on bottom, but just a few strands cling to the top of my head. I look like freaking Benjamin Franklin.

  22. Mustlovedogs says:

    I just finished reading JVN’s autobiography “ Over the Top”. Very moving and very very honest. A difficult life but he remains so kind. He’s a sweetie. And funny. Love the cats!

    As an isolation tip I discovered ‘Borrow Box’ through my local library. Heaps of really good electronic books to borrow free online. Worth a look! I’m following Jonathon’s advice and leaving my hair alone. Hubby making noises about me doing his though. help!!

  23. Angry Bird says:

    If Post Malone hadn’t tattooed his face, then he’d look like Jonathan Van Ness.

  24. Kersplasha says:

    I cut my husband’s hair yesterday. It looks pretty good (I think LOL).