On Friday, a young woman going by Gabby posted her Me Too story on social media. Her story was about Ansel Elgort, the 26-year-old actor best known for The Fault in Our Stars, Baby Driver and The Goldfinch (although no one saw that). I honestly don’t know much about Elgort’s romantic life? He has a girlfriend now, but I think they’ve been on-and-off and I also think he has been pretty gross to girls for years. Gabby’s story seemed to feel entirely possible, is what I’m saying. It started like so many other stories about a predator grooming his victim: contact on social media with a young teenage girl, organizing a meet-up in real life, then the assault/rape. Gabby has deleted her Twitter, but people got screencaps:
Y’all reported her account trying to erase the facts but okay here you go:
Gabby’s story about Ansel Elgort pic.twitter.com/TKctlNSShk— WHERE IS YOUR ScoOTer?! (@khen_sa_ni) June 20, 2020
She says she had only just turned 17 years old when Elgort raped her and that she has been in therapy and she’s still dealing with PTSD. The reaction to this was… not good. Some Elgort stans screamed at this young woman and took his side. They said really disgusting things to her. Everyone waited to see what Ansel would do. And what he did was… issue this terrible denial where he claims that he actually did date Gabby and she’s just mad because he broke up with her and ghosted her. From his IG:
I was distressed to see the social media posts about me that have been circulating in the past 24 hours.
I cannot claim to understand Gabby’s feelings but her description of events is simply not what happened. I have never and would never assault anyone. What is true is that in New York in 2014, when I was 20, Gabby and I had a brief, legal and entirely consensual relationship. Unfortunately, I did not handle the breakup well. I stopped responding to her, which is an immature and cruel thing to do to someone. I know this belated apology does not absolve me of my unacceptable behavior when I disappeared.
As I look back at my attitude, I am disgusted and deeply ashamed of the way I acted. I am truly sorry. I know I must continue to reflect, learn and work to grow in empathy.
I’m not going to pretend to know what happened, but I 100% believe that Gabby deserved a fair airing of her story, and she deserved to be listened to, understood and believed. Even if Ansel’s story is true, that means he was 20 years old when he began contacting a 16 year old. He groomed her, arranged a meet-up shortly after her 17th birthday, had sex with her then ghosted her. And that’s massively f–ked up too. And the fact that this is his “cover story” makes me believe that Gabby’s story has more truth than his.
Another young woman posted her story too – Elgort once again contacting a child (she was 14 years old and in middle school) and trying to arrange a meet-up, requesting photos and sending her photos.
the girl that exposed ansel elgort isn’t the only one that was sexually harassed/raped. this girl was 13/14 when she received dick pics of him (he was 20 fyi). y’all need to stop defending rapists. This is why so many victims don’t speak up. be smart, educate yourself.
A thread: pic.twitter.com/yau5TTF2XQ
— its me (@mvsaaan) June 20, 2020
Photos courtesy of WENN.
This story is so disturbing. I can’t get the “break you in” comment out of my head. I don’t believe a single word of his denial.
Really gross and totally believable. I’ve heard similar things and worse by other survivors.
I was date raped by a boyfriend when I was 17 and he absolutely shamed me for being a virgin in the lead up to it, then when I struggled with him and cried (I was recovering from knee surgery, in pain and had my period and had a tampon in), he pulled this giant mind f—- on me: “oh my god, I would never do that to you, don’t you trust me, I’m not going to try anything, I swear, blah blah blah” then the second I relaxed (because I did trust him), he raped me. At later dates, after we broke up (which didn’t happen straight away because I was a mess – I’d known this guy my whole life, he pursued me for a year, and I really liked him, plus I was sitting for my end of school final exams and it was all just… TOO MUCH); he yelled at me because I would ignore him or flee when I saw him.
All of these emotions this poor girl is describing are familiar to me. I want to give her the biggest hug. It’s incredibly brave of her to speak out like this.
@SKF I am so, so sorry you went through this. I can’t even imagine your pain. I’m glad you got away from him. A big hug to you.
SKF please don’t explain why you stayed with him. I hate that women have to explain why we stay with our abusers. Like it negates any abuse. Situations aren’t that easy to leave. We all have reasons for why we stay and yes sadly we also “love” the person that hurts us. It doesn’t make a lot of sense but it happens. Emotions aren’t that clear cut.
And I’m sorry that happened to you. Unfortunately every girl has a story just like this. It would be great if we all told our stories. Maybe then men would be shamed into changing their disgusting behavior. I shared mine on my blog and my ex claimed that I was ruining his life, which was rich coming from him because he had already ruined mine.
Good on Gabby for telling her story. I loved the Goldfinch, I thought it was a beautiful story but I am disappointed that yet another male has turned out to be just another a—hole. Although are we really surprised? At this point what male isn’t?
What a depraved person to rape someone (period) but also someone who is recovering from surgery–ugh.
I am so sorry that happened to you and hope you never experience anything like that again.
Oh, thank you so much for your supportive comments!! It was 20 years ago and I have long healed from it. In truth I was really messed up for a few years (although mostly in complete denial about that) but after about 6 years had really come to terms with all of my trauma and recovered and moved on.
I’ve told that story a million times, and frequently to men to explain the nuances of date rape and consent to them (the majority really don’t get it) – why victims often don’t report straight away, the confusion and shame victims often feel afterwards, how complicated it all is – when you have feelings for someone and trust them and they betray that. My story, combined with some hard stats plus some other case studies often helps them understand.
As a result, I tend to include all the details and explanations – or at least a summary of them like I did here. Believe me, I know I don’t need to explain these things; but it’s very helpful to do so for most people. Sadly, our society in general still has an incredibly poor understanding of rape. It’s fantastic that almost everyone here is so supportive and well-informed.
A final footnote: I told a lot of my rapist’s friends what happened 6-12 months later. They all said they believed me, they thought it sounded totally plausible from him, and not one of them ever altered their friendship with him or said anything to him about it.
Similarly, about 8 years ago when I was hooking up with a friend of my flatmate’s on the rebound and he got drunk and crossed some major lines (first forcibly shoving my head down because he wanted a bj – which I resisted and ended sex over after explaining why that p—-ed me off, then climbing on top of me three times when I was sleeping with me having to shove him off). After the first thing, I was going to leave and he got down on his knees and begged me to stay. Said he was drunk and being stupid. I was very clear “we are not having any more sex tonight, do you understand me?! Under no circumstances!” and stupidly stayed only to fall asleep and wake up with him on me trying to have sex with me. And then wouldn’t let me out of his apartment until I started dialling the police. I told me flatmates the next morning and they both believed me and said they could see him doing something like that. I banned him from our apartment which they respected. Yet they continued to hang out with him and be friends with him and never said anything to him about it.
Another friend had a similar situation with a friend of some close friends of hers who she had a one-off hook-up with – first trying to forcibly shove her head down which triggered her ptsd from being sexually assaulted as a 5 year old and so she freaked out and ended it. Then at a later date trying to sexually assault her in a bathroom which he thought was “sexy” and she thought was terrifying and traumatising. Again the friends did nothing and said nothing.
Honestly, I feel like the majority of men (and large numbers of women too) are like this in cases of date rape or assault. It’s uncomfortable and they just… do nothing. Say nothing. Carry on as usual and never call their friends out. We need huge changes in our society.
I shuddered when I read that comment. She was crying and he continued anyway. That’s rape.
We also need way better education and there should not be the expectation that it has to hurt for a girl the first time there she has intercourse. Uncomfortable perhaps, but actual pain is not acceptable and it’s a sign that the guy has no care for his partner. I feel this belief that it’s “normal” for there to be pain is a remnant of how women need to be punished for having sex.
That isn’t always true. I’m sure it depends on the person. My husband waited patiently for two years while we were dating for me to be ready. The first time I bled and it hurt. He was super gentle and went slow. Asked constantly if I wanted him to stop. Sex hurt for about 3 years for me no matter how gentle or how much lube. My best friend is tiny and her husband is giant. He was very gentle but it also hurt for her. I think it depends on their behavior. Are they being gentle and checking on your comfort or are they just thrusting away with no regard for you.
I’ve always gotten the worst vibes from him, so I tend to believe these allegations.
me too. I think I saw him in one movie, Baby Driver, and he creeped me out. couldn’t say why, if you had asked me, just that he had the “punchable douche-face” with a sprinkle of “date rapist” look going.
I guess I had the rapist part right.
Same, I just don’t get his supposed appeal at all. And he’s going to be in West Side Story? Ugh.
Hopefully he won’t be in it anymore…what’s with all of these guys going after children?! It’s so disturbing. I’m so glad I don’t have a daughter
Isn’t it already filmed, though?
WWS is in post, and is due out at Christmas. And apparently presenting quite a problem for Disney, because it would either have to be totally reshot–or CGI-ed to death.
if Disney releases it with him in it, it’ll flop and/or be boycotted due to the involvement of Elgort.
they’d be better off doing either of the things you mention, or scrapping the entire thing. if they scrap it, they take a huge loss. if they re-shoot or CGI it, they def have to lay out more $$$, BUT! they might make all or most of it back with the goodwill they get from casting someone in his place. I’ll be interested to see how this goes.
whatWHAT?, a _very_ hard call. If they scrap it, they get an insurance payout. But it’s unlikely Spielberg would be down for that–this is his passion project (and, I suspect, his last directorial gig.) If he has to star in this himself, he’s going to want this movie out there. 🙂 As well, WSS already has cost a good $100 mil before marketing, and Disney probably is not gonna want to re-shoot if it makes this movie cost near AVENGERS: ENDGAME territory. But releasing this as is would be a publicity nightmare–even if Disney opted to just stream it, or release it way later. Sheesh–there are two folks I would never want to exchange places with lately–Trump and Disney’s CEO. 🙂
If you follow Film journalists on twitter they are lending some credibility to all of this. Sounds like this guy is a known creep best case scenario, and much worse in the worst case scenario. So yeah, I believe her.
On a completely frivolous note, how pissed is Steven Spielberg right now? There are some powerful names behind West Side Story, so be skeptical of the defences and distractions that come out about this story.
her story is horrific and it rings true to me.
Ansel and his girlfriend have been together for years (they went to HS together I think) but they did break up for a while and then got back together….before Baby Driver maybe? She went on the tour with him for all the premieres etc. For some reason I follow them both on IG (not anymore though.)
He’s absolutely disgusting. I believe his victims. I wonder how he’s gonna try to justify a “consensual relationship” with a 14yr old girl. There are at least 5 accusations on Twitter right now with screencaps. Another is a 15 year old girl he tried to lure to a hotel with him. He was 21 at the time.
The first one is he said, she said, since the girl was over the age of consent. The second one is a serious and easily provable crime. She needs to come forward and give the police a statement, which will allow them to sieze his phone records and computers. Until that happens I am not going to comment further.
I’m sorry; but she doesn’t NEED to do anything. The justice system and courts are notoriously unjust and plain awful for victims of sexual assault. If she wants to tell her story and leave it at that, that is absolutely fine.
As for he said / she said, I absolutely HATE that term.
The vast majority of rapes are perpetrated by someone known to and trusted by the victim. Most commonly in a space they are comfortable in – like a kitchen or bedroom in a house known to them. There is rarely evidence beyond their testimony. The estimates are that 70-80% of rapes fall into this category; but it could be much higher. The chances of any of them ever being successfully prosecuted are rare indeed.
Why? Because are justice system was designed by and for men. Because we don’t trust victims when they report sexual crimes and a mythology exists that it is common for people to lie about it when, in fact, it is rare.
False reports are rare and often false reporters were assaulted, just not by the person/s they named.
There are a small number of people who are unhinged or malicious (or racist/classist) and make false reports; but they are few in number. It is not a 50:50 chance.
There are a number of studies wherein many men admit to behaviours that are legally classified as rape but also say they are not rapists when asked. Because many of them don’t actually properly understand consent and sexual assault and/or their male fragility means they simply cannot see themselves as a rapist, even when they are aware that they’ve done something wrong.
We’ve painted rapists as monsters in the bushes, inhumane freaks; but most rapists are just normal people – capable of being good and bad and morally grey. So there is a huge disconnect.
Enthusiastic consent needs to be the only valid consent, consent needs to be taught properly and in detail – with all of its iterations and nuances, and we need to change so much in society to force men to respect women and their sexual autonomy much better.
And when sexual assault does get reported, we need to be so much better at believing and supporting the victims.
PREACH! This
“As for he said / she said, I absolutely HATE that term.
The vast majority of rapes are perpetrated by someone known to and trusted by the victim. Most commonly in a space they are comfortable in – like a kitchen or bedroom in a house known to them. There is rarely evidence beyond their testimony. The chances of any of them ever being successfully prosecuted are rare indeed.
Why? Because are justice system was designed by and for men.”
Also he said/she said like its equally hard to go through this process? FFS:
The woman who reports often has been to a hospital and had a very humiliating and uncomfortable rapekit done. The she “says” something.
The man just says “i did nothing” (often a lie), but has not undergone any painful examinations.
Ad to that societys treatment of victims, again – victims have so much more on the line, there is just no reason to lie for “fun” cause its just not fun to report a rape!
Also, who are these people who insinuate women report falsely? What women have they met? I dont think its based in reality tho. 99% of women are empathetic and kind and would never lie and falsely accuse someone. The 1 percent has been blown up to like half of women and has become this story where women just casually acuse men of rape which just does not and has never been the case.
Thank you for saying all of this!!!
SKF , just a huge thank you for this statement
Reporting doesn’t always lead to arrest or even an investigation. I just read a propublica report about how a lady was raped and kept at sea by a captain, who was old enough to be her father, for a week. After she got back to land and told her boyfriend, they went straight to the police. The police said they couldn’t do anything unless the guy confesses. So she goes back to him with a wire and he said he shouldn’t have done what he did. The popo are still not satisfied and refused to do anything.
Indeed, in fact reporting usually doesn’t lead to much at all.
I can’t recall the exact numbers now, and they’d be out of date; but at University in human rights we covered a lot on rape and were given the stats of what percentage of rapes are reported, what percentage are then investigated, what percentage result in charges laid, what percentage make it to court and what percentage result in a guilty verdict. Each percentage was tiny. Shockingly so.
In the US, the RAINN stats say that only 5 in 1000 rapists will ever see a day in jail. So that’s a 99.5% chance that if you rape someone, you will never be jailed for it.
I had a friend from hockey who was pulled out of her car and gang raped as a 17 year old. She bled for months afterwards, had organ damage, and can never have children as a result. She went straight to the police after it happened, bloody, clothes shredded, covered in… well. They did nothing. They discouraged her from pursuing it because she’s have to relive it in court and it would be hard for them to track the rapists down because there were so many handprints on her car. They left her for hours by herself unable to clean herself. She ended up leaving because she couldn’t bear it. They never investigated it.
This was a small, pretty blonde white girl from a well-off family raped by a gang in a clear-cut stranger rape who reported immediately. If she couldn’t get interest or an investigation, what hope do women and girls from minorities, indigenous women, poor women, homeless women, sex workers or anyone else have? What hope do women with less clear-cut cases have?
I’ve read so many cases and so many of them are declined. The cops decline to investigate or continue to investigate or to press charges or the DA declines to take the case. In fact, one of the myths about rape is that all those times they do this, it’s because of false accusations when in fact it’s usually because the burden of proof required by the courts is almost impossible to meet in rape cases and they just don’t bother.
I’ve read stories by women with “perfect” cases: stranger rape, evidence, witnesses, even footage. Even then, they often wait years for their cases to go to court (which is traumatic and makes it hard to heal and move on) and the bulk of them are pled out to lesser misdemeanours like aggravated assault.
Even if a guilty verdict is found, sentences are often disturbingly short.
The whole justice system is broken when it comes to sexual crimes.
report you say?
here is a thread for you
https://twitter.com/sophiechiaka/status/1274678458036170759
Holy cow. I couldn’t read past the first ten or so, I was so sickened. And some of these aholes are women.
I mean, the fact that he even admits to dating a girl that young when he was 20 sends off massive alarms in my head. Some of the women coming forward are young enough that even if they consented to sex without physical coercion, it still falls under statutory rape. There are plenty over 18+ women he could’ve found to date. He goes after teenagers for a reason. What a pig.
Is it weird that I don’t find it odd for a 20 year old to date a 16 year old? I feel like it happened I was in high school, where some girls just had older boyfriends. In fairness though they were usually friends of friends or friends of a brothers. My college roommate had a 24 year old boyfriend when she was 18, and they had dated for 2 years already.
That being said, I think what he did in this situation is creepy, so I’m not condoning or justifying it at all. There’s definitely more to this story and he is not innocent in all of this.
I think it may be cultural. I’m french , and the age of consent here is 15. In fact the age of consent is 15 or 16 ( like in the UK) in the the vast majority of european countries . It’s 14 in Germany and Italy. And i feel that (at least here in France) it wouldn’t be odd for most people that a minor of 15 or 16 would date a 18+. And in fact i knew many 15 years old girls at school that dated 19/20 guys ( one was even engaged) , and it was Ok for the parents, friends, etc…It isn’t illegal, and it wasnt’ seen as weird .
But i think the feeling is necessarily different in a country where the age of consent is 18 , and you know that you can eventually be prosecuted because you had relations with an underage person.
@Arbelia the age of consent in my country is 16. Regardless, I have always thought it weird and predatory that men want to date prepubescent or barely pubescent girls. When I was 14 (and had not hit puberty yet) I was asked out by 3 different 17 and 18 year old guys and said no to all of them. The girls in my year thought I was insane (“older boys!!!”) and it would have made me MUCH cooler (I was not particularly cool at that point). But now I look back and am so happy for my good sense! They made me extremely uncomfortable because I thought the power dynamic was off and I was fully aware of how young I looked and thought it was weird that they wanted to date me. My Spanish friend lost her virginity to her 19 year old boyfriend at age 13 and now looks back with great regret and thinks that guy was disgusting and took advantage of her. I knew some guys who were dating girls 3-8 years younger than them in their teens and I always thought those relationships were gross. As an adult, a few years mean nothing; but as a teen, those years are huge. A gulf. And the older party will always have more power, control and influence. It’s not a relationship of total equals and therefore there is something unsavoury and predatory about it. Not to mention that, while to the younger girl the guy probably seems “cool” simply by virtue of his age; but every single guy I knew of who was into dating younger girls at that age was a creep, a loser, a sleaze, or in some way “uncool” or off-putting. Part of the appeal to them was undoubtedly the fact that they could shroud their negative qualities in the perceived advantages of their older age and have all the power to boot. Like the controlling douche who was obsessed with virgins. Gross. To me, these relationships are unhealthy, unequal and should be frowned at. The norm isn’t necessarily a good thing.
I think you hit the point right on. I don’t think it’s the 16-20 age difference that’s inherently predatory; it’s the fact that he sought out a 16-year-old, which is very different than meeting/dating a 16-year-old because they, say, worked together at a ice cream shop while he was home from college. Some states do have “Romeo and Juliet” or “close in age exemptions” where a four year age difference between teens is okay (caveat that I’m not certain of the particulars around say, 13-17).
All that being said, these accounts are disturbing, his behavior is disgusting, and his denial is complete bullsh*t.
I think it kind of depends on the situation – the age the relationship started, how they met, etc. A high school senior and freshman meeting in a school club or class or something and dating doesn’t seem that bad, but a 20+ year old in the next phase of life seeking out high school kids to date is not good.
NYS has an age of consent of 17. I bet he knew that and had her birthday circled on his calendar.
I don’t see the 3 year age difference in general as that huge a deal honestly. When I was 16 and a sophomore in high school I started dating my first boyfriend, who was 18 and a senior.
The difference is that we met in high school, lived in the same town, and formed mutual friends. It was a typical first love relationship. I think any guys that are 20+ using social media to meet high school or even younger girls are creeps and obviously are looking for one thing only, not a real relationship. They want to groom them and be their ‘first’. It’s really disgusting, and it makes me sad that so many young women have been dealing with this.
I saw another story recounting an experience another student had with in high school where they were learning about the Niger River and he taunted the other student in class by saying the “N—er River.”
He honestly looks like the kind of guy who would 100% be this immature, gross and hurtful, so these stories grooming and abusing young girls wouldn’t surprise me. Just awful.
He and Timothee Chalamet were tight in high school and still are currently. Something about that dude tells me he is next.
If so, it’s good to see that the younger generation is learning not to accept things just because someone else has some believed power over you.
They have a voice, and they’re using it.
I have a feeling he is next too. I’ve been seeing some allegations and rumblings on twitter of him giving STDs to many girls at NYU …
I saw that too and people were saying it’s a joke
Eh. Just because you’re friends with someone doesn’t mean you act like them. The girl I was best friends with in college revealed to me after a while that she did drugs ,and her boyfriend/now-husband was always getting into trouble with the law. We were friends because we had similar study habits and geeky interests, but I didn’t engage in any of the stuff I found unsavory about her lifestyle.
Granted, once we lost the college connection and it became clear we were nothing alike our friendship fell apart. But still — I wouldn’t want to be judged based on what she did behind closed doors, because I had nothing to do with that. I’m willing to give people the benefit of the doubt that maybe they don’t always know the extent of what their friends do. I’d certainly hope if any of this guy’s friends knew what he was up to they wouldn’t stay silent.
Case, it’s a bit trite to compare drug use to sexual assault.
Someone harming themselves or self medicating isn’t the same type of person who abuses others.
I don’t think Case is saying they’re comparable, but that sometimes people we are close with have secrets and do things we don’t know about.
It’s possible TC doesn’t know anything about this, and is not responsible for the actions of others. But if he DOES know his friend is preying on underage girls and possibly assaulting people, and he doesn’t nothing and stays friends…that’s a different story.
@detritus, not comparing drugs and sexual assault at all. Just saying that we can become friends with people for one reason and there’s a whole other side to their life that they keep hidden or only reveal to you after being friends for a long time. Therefore, I don’t think it’s obvious that Chalamet will also have allegations attached to him just because he is/was friends with Ansel Elgort. He’s a totally different person. But as I said, and as lucy2 said, if he DOES know about what Elgort has been up to and never said anything/is still friends with him, that’s a problem.
I remover he had this really gross interview a few years ago. It was very hyper sexual and borderline predatory. I felt very weirded out by him and have ever since. These allegations do not surprise me. Also, isn’t his long time gf much older? There’s just something with him overall that i never warmed up to…
These young ladies! They need to be protected. I’m so sad they experienced this especially so young. No one deserves that. How do we do as a society better protect young girls on social media?
What is so frustrating about this story, and the somewhat similar allegations about Bieber that also surfaced, is the way we condition young girls and also young boys to think about sex. Yes, there is straight up criminal behavior here, but the context of how we as a society think about sex and how we condition teenagers to think about it is really disturbing. How many movies where women/teenage girls are just portrayed as things to be conquered? boys are taught to keep going until she says no. Girls are taught that they have to say NO loud and clear. This is not a good foundation and it leads to these things, where men think it’s fine because she didn’t scream no and she thinks it was her fault because she didn’t scream no (at least until she grows up and gets some experience/maturity/confidence and realizes, hopefully, that it wasn’t her fault at all). Back when the Ansari allegations came out, Jamila Jamil wrote that fantastic essay about how the standard should be enthusiastic consent. That is what I plan to teach my kids. Not “you have to stop if she says no” but “you must have enthusiastic consent from all parties– get a yes, not a not no.”
Twitter in a sense has democratized news. It allows those without a voice to speak.
Ansel just basically said – well I didn’t rape rape her. I just did some other bad shit.
Sorry, but that excuse doesn’t fly. He by his own admission used her and ghosted her, which can be emotional abuse, and he wants us to believe he didn’t take his shittery (behind closed doors none the less, and do we trust his introspection?) any farther.
I believe the ladies on Twitter. Acting has been a goal for many people because of the power, the money and the sexual availability of partners. If you don’t have a good moral idea of what is right and wrong in sexual politics (and Ansel clearly does not), it can easily move into assault.
They want the power, but they can’t use it responsibly. And sadly, it seems many men use it to pressure young and vulnerable women into short term sexual gratification (and it’s clearly not female sexual gratification).
Sometimes I imagine a midsommar bear suit for them.
Every time I read stories like this, I’m immediately transported to my late teens and early 20s. It’s overwhelming, and then I think about it all damn day long with a pit in my stomach and a palpable pain in my heart. I’m already breathing heavier. I’d definitely rather er toward belief. Always. It’s too important to immediately dismiss.
It seems to get harder as you get older. The stories echo longer in your soul.
You remember a friend who told you something similar, or your body clenches remembering something personal. You remember the acquaintance who didn’t get support, or how easily concerns about a broken stair are dismissed.
You start to see the horrifying patterns in generations, and the social push towards behaviours that promote it. And how it never seems to end.
But, it makes me angry, and I intend to use that fuel and that fire to speak truth to power and to be the loud mouthy witch who supports the voiceless. It’s time to fix the broken steps and support those who take the risk of speaking out. We can do it together.
I think also as women get older they get more confident, more able to see patriarchal ideas and attitudes for the b.s. they are. And when you think about what you know now but didn’t know/understand at age 17, and how men take advantage of that, it just makes you so angry and frustrated. That’s how I feel anyway.
Good point about the broken steps! We need to have each others’ backs and get rid of these predators.
All of that. The feelings go around the world and back. Personal experiences. The feeling of being young and invincible and then thrown for a loop being the target of a predator or being massively let down by someone you trusted or violated, used and tossed, having to become tough and mouthy for not only self preservation but some of your friends were more vulnerable than you told yourself you were, fighting back every night out, trying to have unadulterated fun while maintaining surrounding awareness, being suspicious of everyone, and on and on. It was horrifying. Life-altering. Exhausting. And granted, I maintained my suspicious mind throughout my life. And even now, I might not have to filter through scores of advances like early 40s and younger, but it’s still there. It leaves a scar. Your mind, body and soul were forever diminished by men. Motherf*ckers. And I had three boys. You can be sure I drilled holes in their skulls and poured in psychological and social behaviors, characteristics and expected parameters lol. There was no escape.
This dude has always given be Patrick Bateman-esque vibes and this didnt surprise me in the least.
I believe her. And especially the “I break you in” comment. That comment alone is loaded with sexual violence.
God, he makes me sick. His career better be over now!
It’s so gross. And her pointing out her size just makes me think he’s one of those guys who loves skinny girls because he wants to “break” or “throw them around.”
I keep replaying that sick comment in my head and it’s breaking my heart
I believe her too. Especially after he gave that interview about how he lures girls to his bedroom by “pretending” to be harmless. That isnt a normal thing to say.
What, what? He said what? !?!
Okay,I think I found what you were referring to and WOW. The confidence of men to say something like that out loud. What a pos!
His team must be in overdrive dealing with this mess, he clearly responded without his agents approval and just showed us who he really is.
If he had sex with an underage girl, it’s statutory rape. Cut and dry. He admitted to doing that in his statement. Given that he is willing to admit THAT, I find her story highly credible. And the ‘break you in’ comment–when I was assaulted the guy said something similar to me. I believe her. He has always come across to me as a slimy, entitled person.
The age of consent in NY is 17. Also many states have Romeo and Juliet laws if you are close in age. I’m my state 16 and 17 year olds can consent to sex with people up to 23. At 24 it becomes statutory rape.
I sat directly behind him at a baby’s christening at our friend’s church last fall. He was with his girlfriend and her family and he seemed so genuinely in to the baby and his girlfriend. I usually have a pretty good douche barometer, but he seemed so wholesome! Goes to show you can never tell.
My gut feeling is with these girls, that he did this. I’m betting there’s more out there that were abused by him, too and are scared of the backlash and power his celebrity holds. Interesting to see how the media will react with a cleancut looking darling like this rather than warty looking Weinstein…I hope his career is dead.
His heartfelt statement “owning up to ghosting her” showing remorse “for how poorly he treated her”
is just a REALLY REALLY manipulative indirect way way of saying SHE’S JUST ANGRY SHE GOT DUMPED.
Yeah no. He is totally guilty. She’s 16!!!! That’s a minor.
She was 17 at the time they had sex. The age of consent in New York and most states is 16 or 17. He was 20 at the time.
There is a lot wrong and potentially criminal about his behavior, but he didn’t commit statutory rape.
I believe he believes they dated & he ghosted her…. because rapist & predators almost always believe they did nothing wrong. That she wanted it.
I believe her.
Also on that note, just 3 nights ago I had to deal with a guy trying to pressure me into hooking up with him and shrugging off my many “no”s as “why do you have so many walls up? You don’t need to with me…” full on creep. (This was irl, not via text)
I got away. But I’m 30 and still dealing with ‘nice guy’ creeps.
I’m so tired of this.
i never trust any man who dates/dated significantly younger girls
always a creep
at 20 yo, why would you want to date a 17 yo?
or sending dick pic to a 8th grader?
that more than enough evidence to me
All these rape allegations coming out. Is there any man left who ISN’T a rapist?
I believe her. Young relationships can be very messed up. Young men don’t care about consent sometimes. They don’t think women can ever say no to them. They will have sex whether you want it or not. This is a reality. If you have young daughters TALK TO THEM. This is very common. Boyfriends forcing themselves on their girlfriends. And young girls don’t know this is wrong. It certainly feels wrong but they try to rationalize it “he’s my boyfriend. Boyfriends don’t rape.” Emotionally, it’s another story.
Everyone here who doubts her, you’re lucky to not have been in that situation before, because almost every woman I know had very bad first sexual experiences where the line was blurred. It takes you years to understand that what happened was rape. TALK TO YOUR DAUGHTERS and don’t let them date older guys. I don’t care if the guy is 19. If she’s younger, don’t allow it.
Why should we talk to young women and NOT young men?? As far as I’m concerned, they’re the rapists. Why don’t older adults teach them about consent??
Unless men have a biological imperative to rape, if sexual agresssion/predation is socialized into men then they need to be socialized differently right?
I mean, even I don’t know tbh. There are valid arguments in favor of male violence sexual violence being a product of socialization but there are also valid arguments in favor of male violence being biological. I’m tempted to say it’s a bit of both.