Mary J. Blige: You’re going to shed people, it’s sad but they have to go

Hoda Kotb has a segment for The Today Show called Quoted By, which I have to watch more often now that I’ve seen it. She interviewed Mary J. Blige and Mary dropped so many pearls of wisdom that it’s hard to know what to talk about. I found myself nodding along and listening carefully, because I need this advice. It’s been so rough lately and I’ve been eating my feelings then feeling guilty about it. Mary talked about getting out of your own away, about making sure you have the right people around you, and about truly getting to know yourself. I particularly liked what she said about that.

Her “guiding light” quote
Chaka Khan told me that I needed to get it out of my own way. I think she was speaking vocally as well. She said once you learn how to do that you’re going to be able to do anything. It didn’t really click until I started seeing how I was doubting myself in everything. That’s me jumping in my own way instead of trusting everything that I am. I can only give you me. If I stop doubting me I can only give you the greatness of me.

“[There’s] a quote that says you’re the sum total of the five people you spend the most time with so choose wisely. Did you have to say goodbye to people in your life to kind of clear your path and how hard was that?”
Environment is everything so in order to grow you have to change your environment. In order to get something new you have to see something new. If my environment didn’t change when I
was living in Yonkers in the projects. I had girlfriends that took me out of the projects and I experienced Benzes and jewelry and furs and condos and houses. I saw something that made me want something else.

You’re gonna shed people and it’s gonna be a little sad but they have to go. When things start to stall someone has to get off the boat or get off the bus. You know when the bus stops somebody has to get off.

“Do you have any advice for people who feeling either alone or their problems are getting magnified just because of the current environment?”
Loneliness is hard. If you’re by yourself at this moment take this time to get to know you. Take this time to embrace you to talk to you. Talk to yourself, love yourself, greet yourself in the morning. Take a bath. Use the time instead of having a ‘woe is me’ moment and lift yourself up.

Sometimes we end up by ourselves because [we think] things have to be fixed in order for the right people to come around.

[From The Today Show]

Mary was excellent in The Umbrella Academy as a hitwoman. She nailed that ruthless character. Now I’m listening to Family Affair! Real Love is one of my all time favorites too. I listen to it every couple of weeks, it’s such an ear worm.

In regard to her advice, she’s right that it’s sad but true. Sometimes friends and relationships hold you back and are just going to impede your progress in life. I’ve felt that so hard in lockdown, especially as I see photos of people I considered good friends at the beginning of the year acting like nothing has changed. They’re not even wearing masks around each other indoors. Meanwhile I haven’t seen my mom in almost a year. Also I really like that final line in the quote above that we end up by ourselves because we’re waiting for something to be fixed first. That’s true of so many things in life, particularly relationships.

Here’s that interview!

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20 Responses to “Mary J. Blige: You’re going to shed people, it’s sad but they have to go”

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  1. Snuffles says:

    I saw Mary in person once. Cameras do not do her justice. She’s incredibly beautiful.

  2. Watson says:

    Don’t want no hateration, holleration in this dancery, indeed.

    Mary has always been real from day 1. She knows what’s up.

  3. Jamie says:

    Hoda’s show is on TODAY, not good morning america.

  4. Faithmobile says:

    Could not agree more. She looks great, by the way, that top pic is fire!

  5. Julie says:

    I think some of what Mary said is directed at Jaguar Wright. And if you don’t know who Jaguar Wright is and why Mary might be addressing her, count your lucky stars.

  6. lucy2 says:

    She’s just the best. And I love the “get out of your own way” advice.

  7. Tiffany says:

    @CB. I don’t know how much to follow Mary’s gossip history but her relationship with Jojo from Jodeci was DARK.

    When she married Kendu is seemed like she turn a corner (any and everyone, listen to the album No More Drama, it is a classic. I stand by that) and then, he was garbage, she had people telling her to tough it out and the pattern was happening again.

    I am glad to see her out there, doing what she does best and not having this….well, drama.

  8. ClaireB says:

    I don’t really follow MJB, but I needed to hear some of this today, especially about letting people go if they’re holding you back.

  9. Melissai says:

    MJB is truly iconic. Her life has had so many ups and downs. And she keeps on moving forward. Her music has moved me, inspired me and kept me going. The Breakthrough is my go to album. Every song is powerful – especially Good Woman Down.

  10. Nina Simone says:

    Her words are so welcome. I thought it was just me/ this pandemic has given me more clarity than I’ve ever had in life. I’ve lost several friends. I’m the primary caregiver for my sick sister and one of my friends had the audacity to invite me to a club for her bday, she even bragged about going to numerous house parties here. The virus wasn’t affecting her so what did she care? Even if she was asking her friends to put their lived at risk. For me, seeing that selfishness, and her values made me cut the relationship. It’s definitely been an eye opener

  11. ce says:

    I’ve lost so many people in my life that I often think theres something wrong with me. I’m not like one of those people who keeps the same friends since I was a kid. This is validating to read.

  12. StellainNH says:

    I haven’t listened to her music but she was awesome in Umbrella Academy as Chacha.

  13. Nikki* says:

    Celebitchy, sending you love as you sorely miss your mom, and are also dealing with hard stuff. I’m 64 and frankly have wasted a lot of my life having very little trust in myself, due to alcoholic parents and being incested once. I’m making strides, but I honestly pray you can take the leap to self love and self actualization before you fritter decades away as I have. <3

  14. detritus says:

    No lies detected. I love that she drops Chaka khan as an inspiration too.

    Also, on a purely superficial note – damn. That coat and gold collar? Yes. The blue and orange outfit? Yes.

  15. Kh says:

    Mary j blige sings from her soul. I was always amazed at how raw and real she gets in her lyrics and performances…. This is great from a woman who has had some ups and downs in her life.