I have so much respect for FKA Twigs and what she’s doing right now. In December, she sued Shia LaBeouf for the months of physical and emotional abuse he put her through. The lawsuit was Twigs’ attempt to force Shia to change, but the lawsuit became a jumping off point for Twigs to speak to women affected by abusive relationships. She’s truly using her platform to educate and inform about intimate partner violence. She covers the latest issue of Elle to discuss her new music, but the bulk of the interview is devoted to abuse, violence, and how Shia love-bombed and groomed her as his victim. She talks in great detail about what he did and when, why she stayed and how she left. The entire piece is worth a read. Some excerpts:
Coming out of it alive: “It’s a miracle I came out alive. If you put a frog in a boiling pot of water, that frog is going to jump out straightaway,” she says, attempting to explain the incremental and insidious nature of the abuse. “Whereas if you put a frog in cool water and heat it up slowly, that frog is going to boil to death. That was my experience being with [LaBeouf].”
How did she survive? “I think it’s luck. I honestly wish I could say that I found some strength and I saw this light. I wish I could say, ‘[It is] a testament to my strong character,’ or ‘It’s the way my mother raised me.’ It’s none of that. It’s pure luck that I’m not in that situation anymore.”
It can happen to a woman with money & access: “People wouldn’t think that it would happen to a woman like me. The biggest misconception is, ‘Well, you’re smart. If it was that bad, why didn’t you leave?’ ” Her response: “It can happen to anyone.” And when the lockdown began, and she realized how many women were potentially stuck inside with their abusers, she got very anxious. “It made me realize I need to come forward and talk about my experience.”
Shia is a textbook abuser: “When I look at what happened with [LaBeouf], I think now the most frustrating thing is…a lot of the tactics the abuser will use are things that if I would’ve known, I could have spotted in the first month of my relationship.”
The love-bombing charm-offensive: “He would send me between 10 and 20 bunches of flowers a day for 10 days. Every time I would sit down to work or watch something, the doorbell would ring, and it would be another three bunches of flowers. On the tag, each time, it would say, ‘More love,’ ‘More love,’ ‘More love.’ ” In hindsight, she says, “It was a bit too much. It felt uncomfortable. I look back now, and it feels like really aggressive love.”
When the abuse escalated: “After I moved into his house, that’s when the abuse really escalated. I realized then I wasn’t just dealing with a tortured person who was going through a divorce. Or that outside factors in his life [were] making him act out on me. I was involved with an inherently abusive person…. I was very intimidated living with him. He had a gun by the side of the bed and was erratic. [I never knew what would] make him angry with me.”
Shia bragged about shooting dogs: LaBeouf would shamelessly brag about shooting stray dogs. He said it helped him “get into character” as a gun-toting henchman for his role in 2020’s The Tax Collector. Twigs was disturbed by this confession and questioned him. “I said to him, ‘That’s really bad. Why are you doing that?’ And he was like, ‘Because I take my art seriously. You’re not supporting me in my art. This is what I do. It’s different from singing. I don’t just get up on a stage and do a few moves. I’m in the character.’ He made me feel bad, like I didn’t understand what it was like to be an actor or to do this…Method [acting technique].”
He isolated her: “If you’re not talking to your friends or your family about what you’re going through, then there’s no one to regulate your emotions or affirm how you’re feeling. There’s no one to tell you that you’re in a dangerous situation.”.
People around Shia knew: “I’m not here to throw people under the bus, but I’d be lying if I didn’t say that there [were] people who were very close to him who knew exactly what was going on…. There [were] people who have worked with Shia that I openly spoke to about the abuse that I was going through. The reaction that I got [from his team] was pretty much, ‘Okay. Well, it’s Sundance.’ ”
There’s obviously so much more in just the Elle story, and there are still parts to Twigs’ story which she has chosen not to tell (which is her right). Towards the end of the relationship, Twigs also realized that Shia had given her an STD, something he knew he had and yet never disclosed. She details the horrific daily violence, but so much of what she’s still recovering from is the fact that he terrorized her emotionally and psychologically. Poor Twigs, and she’s so brave for doing this.
Cover & IG courtesy of Elle.
I love that she’s drawing so much attention to this. I keep thinking of Carey Mulligan and wondering if she will say anything (she also dated Shia).
Didn’t Shia say that Carey “was chasing marriage and family”? now I’m curious too
Not dissing anyone’s comments, it’s a gossip site .It is awesome that FKA twigs can and has used to voice to speak out.
But just want to reiterate out loud that it is not Carey’s responsibility to speak out, if she were abused. If she was, she’s a survivor that needs to take care of herself, not go to the press unless or until it is right for her.
Also, every relationship with an abuser is different. An abuser can be erratic, even within a relationship, never mind in various stages in between. Even if Carey didn’t experience the same things twigs did [even if she might or would have when he got to the point where he was later] *doesn’t* mean FKA twigs’ experience isn’t true.
[Which is why all those horrendous ‘but he wasn’t that way with meeeeeeee’ accounts are so vicious]
Sure, I get that. I don’t think anyone should place that responsibility on her. On social media especially, there’s often a sort of pressure on women to make some public statement of support that ends up making any statement seem performative. And it becomes a sort of backhanded way to heap more unwarranted responsibility on women for their own abuse.
I’m actually more thinking about Marilyn Manson and how after Evan Rachel Wood said something, it sort of opened the doors for a lot of other women abused by him to name him publicly. Thinking about who Shia dated, Carey comes to mind and also Meghan Fox. Wonder if we’ll see a similar situation here.
I hear you. It is so great when we can support one another and help give someone a voice. If another survivor has been waiting to speak, thinking no one would listen, I hope this helps free them.
#MeToo
100% agree with her that you could spot it in the first month if text book abuser tactics only were known and warned about.
what she says about enablers is true too. those around the abuser deny their abuse and even if there are red flags, you doubt yourself when everyone else is telling you otherwise. not to mention the abuser’s ‘flying monkeys’ who do their bidding and try to make the other party look crazy. keep talking fka twigs. we need to stop the cycle.
If you’re a celebrity and it takes “months of abuse” before you figure out you need to leave, even though you have the resources to, you need to think about the many women who don’t have your resources and ability to go elsewhere or kick him out.
Normal women may get trapped for a while as they try to leave abuse, but if you have money, you can hire a bodyguard, if you don’t already have one.
THE FIRST TIME YOU’RE ABUSED YOU NEED TO GET OUT.
OR GET HIM OUT.
You always learn from your first abusive relationship. The issue is that we even have to go through it to learn what their traits are and that we are being manipulated, isolated and abused.
If I happen to have a daughter I know I will teach her how to spot these things, especially as it happened to me two times in a row (the second one I was able to jump ship pretty fast) And if I have a son, the conversation will be much tougher because men really have very little knowledge of consent and respect towards women.
I take issue with the idea you have to to through an abusive relationship to learn. You don’t have to. You can learn things without pain. But it requires a cultural shift. Parents can only do so much.
I know that children recognise the behaviors they see in their family as love. So if there is yelling, silent treatment or no room to make mistakes, that gets carried on to other relationships. Families can normalize toxicity.
Culturally – We teach women other people’s emotions are their responsibility. Their body has to be maintained to be attractive and if they are fat they don’t deserve love or respect.
Some people tell kids it’s their fault if their parents mistreat them and spank or yell. We tell women they are overly emotional and sensitive or bossy when they are assertive. Or kids see it’s normal for women to do all the emotional labor and be “chased” by men in movies.
The kissing booth, euphoria, the Disney movies – all have elements of men behaving with love bombing or aggression presented as some kind of ideal such that people know fairytales more than what is respect in relationships.
There is very little talk of abusive traits in regards to women (unless it’s full on aggressive abuse such as rape and serious body injuries).
I was raped by an intimate partner and that put an end to the relationship and my mental health. But I was never taught abusive traits, so my next boyfriend was able to gaslight me, manipulate me, guilt-trip me, and get away with control, threats and abuse. I managed to get away 5 months in but I know, had I known, I would have left at the first comment about my body and what I could do with it. Abuse begins slowly, after a period of sweetness and love-bombs, and then it escalates so slowly that by the time you’re in boiling water you have no idea how it happened or how to get away from that person.
We need to teach girls and young women how to recognise abusers and how to star away from them. Twigs is helping so much just by sharing her experience and thoughts.
I hear you. The only silver lining of my experience with abuse is that I am raising sons & spend every day looking for opportunities to go against our society’s constant implicit training for them to see women as things to be controlled for their own physical pleasure. I am also trying my best to prepare them to speak up when they see other men abuse women, or even talk that way. I hope they get to see the fulfillment of having a partner who is treated as equal & is able to bring all her special gifts & wisdom to their lives.
May we raise the children better than their fathers <3
ITA. Every woman knows a rape survivor (or abuse survivor) but it’s funny how men do not know any rapist or abuser.
My son is ten and understands the meaning of consent, because it’s something I have always talked about. When we played tickling games and he shouted stop I did. When he asked why I said it’s because you said stop. Consent is learned early… parents need to teach it. Same with respect to women. He has an older sister and idolizes her, and she’s a natural born feminist which means he is too.
Cee I’m so sorry these things happened to you. I wish you hadn’t gone through them.
That kind of teaching about consent is so important. Another example is not forcing kids to accept hugs or kisses that they don’t want, even if it’s Grandma or Grandpa.
I think a lot of parents want their children to be obedient and to unquestioningly accept “because I said so” as reason enough to obey. IME, when children are treated with respect, they will willingly do what you ask. I almost never resort to “because I said so” when I could give a reasonable explanation as to why I wanted them to do (or stop doing) something. Then in those cases where they just have to do it without an explanation being possible or there wasn’t time to explain, they’d usually trust that I was being reasonable and go ahead and do the thing.
This account is extremely sobering. A healthy relationship is truly a gift on some levels. What I truly admire about her is that she went through all of that pain and torture and is able to pull through that to bring attention so that others are aware and hopefully we’ll all take action in some way to stop it. A courageous woman.
Love bombing, I’ve never heard this before.
10 flower delivers a day? Would make me think the guy is odd. But, I never was involved with anybody that could afford that kind of thing.
I had a guy I had broken up with, I had moved out and taken a job in a different city an hour away and one day at the new job he called me. How did he know where I was working? Who had given him this info? Really shook me up.
Good for her for shining a light on this issue. Good for her for getting away from him.
He sounds dangerous in more than one relationship. Knowingly spreading an STD? Jail time.
No one should live in fear.
The problem is that this sort of behaviour is presented as being super-romantic and aspirational in tv and films, so when it’s happening you think this is simply something that a normal well-adjusted person who is really keen on you would do, assuming they have the imagination and the finances to do it. When most of the time it’s nothing of the sort.
YUP!
Yes, and in the movies, the woman nearly always gives in – so men who see this are conditioned to believe that being excessively persistent will eventually pay off.
There is so much of this sort of thing in movies… Sixteen Candles, Revenge of the Nerds, and many more recent examples. The Wrong Missy reverses the genders but it also ignores consent as a huge part of the plotline. I don’t watch many movies, in part because of this. I just can’t enjoy them with such awful plots.
So true that this tactic is seen as romantic by most. It’s a control tool used by abusers who also want others to see how much they “love” their partner & is frequently set up as a public display. This sets up a really crappy dynamic for the victim when they try to leave, or tell people what’s going on, and everyone has been groomed to think the guy is loving, romantic & that they “know” what the relationship is like. Love bombing can be inexpensive too- think of facebook posts, pop ups at offices so everyone sees him, big speeches at parties about how great you are for him. It’s part of the grooming & honeymoon phase of the dv cycle.
This is so nuts. I was love-bombed but had no idea it was an abuser technique (at the time). To be honest, it didn’t feel abusive on the surface, just really odd and intense. we had been dating like… maybe 1-2 months and he was working in a different state. he showed up on a saturday morning to surprise me at home. apparently he had driven from Portland to LA overnight? He also bought me like a set of thousand dollar Elton John tickets (the residency in Las Vegas) about a month into the relationship (again – he would always make me feel bad if I couldn’t see him and say all the time that prior gfs would drive long distances for him no problem and that he questioned how into him i was). Again – looking back and typing this now – it feels so icky. i ended up breaking it off with him for an entirely different reason (he made it so difficult – i think it was like my third attempt when it finally stuck) – I basically had to pretend i was too jealous of other women he hung out with/a mutual friend and use that as an excuse. I know that sounds crazy now, but that was the oddest 3 month relationship i ever had. we had a similar group of friends and he would tell the next guy i dated “im surprised she has time for you” – like WTF? seriously dodged a bullet here just through pure luck.
Yes, we need to teach girls, women to recognize the grooming and beginning of abuse. But also, that it is okay to say no and how to say no. Maybe it’s different now, but when I was a teenager, it was always so important for girls to never hurt anyone’s feelings, to always be polite, helpful, worry about everyone else. And abusers use that, twist that, against women.
This is why I read people a lot. This protects me from abuse, sexual assault and rape from dangerous and disgusting people. I live in a country that men should treat women like any old how, I usually put them in their place and what they do…. They use expletive words when I didn’t respond or take notice to them, also when they don’t leave me alone I call the police. While at my workplace I was sexually harassed by a man who worked in General Maintenance who look like a vagrant. I’ve made some complaints six times and no one did anything, until he went after a young girl. They took the side of the young lady but not me who made constant reports. This show how much my place of work cares about me and my feeling, which added injury to insult, instead of making me an employee, they would rather let me remain as casual worker on contract, of which we know that as labour exploitation.
Another example of how I read disgusting and pathetic people. I worked with a cleaning company on a late shift, this guy was assigned to come and take me home. I called to see what really happen because it was really late. Once he showed up, he had an awful attitude. This guy has a crush on me. Anyway, I addressed the issue, and he lied to me by saying that he has no issue with me and the proceeds to ask for my phone number. I didn’t give it to him and my little pride means a lot to therefore I quit that job too.
I am grateful to get out of that situation, only God know what could’ve happened. FKA Twigs did the right thing to sue Shia LeBoeuf. Ladies and gentlemen, that this be a lesson, if there are signs of red flags, adhere to them. Protect yourself.
While I agree that we need to teach women this, don’t forget that we need to teach men not to be abusers. We need to teach boys that girls and women do not exist to play supporting roles in their lives. It starts in our homes, when our boys are little.
^ This ^
But you can’t say that! You’ll immediately set off an army of self-righteous moms who refuse to believe that their darling boys would ever be anything other than perfectly gallant and chivalrous. There are just ever-so-many lying hussies out there trying to slander them. Remember #HimToo?
I definitely think we still need to work on being more consistent with what we’re teaching girls and young women. When my fiance’s 9-year-old daughter was with us over the holidays, she told me about a boy in her class who had a huge crush on her and was bugging the hell out of her all the time. I told her, “don’t TRY to hurt his feelings, but be honest and tell him you don’t like him in that way.” She did that, and got in trouble at school because some people (including far too many women, unfortunately) think “direct” and “firm” are the same as “rude”. Her teacher seemed to think the boy’s crush was cute and sweet, and that this poor little girl should just put up with it because he was harmless. Yeah, sure, let’s not set any boundaries for that kid now and see how entitled he acts towards women in 20 years.
Oh, there we go, we had this discussion the other day. Speak up, and you’re too aggressive. Sigh. ‘Twas ever thus.
I’m so happy she got out, that she is alive and that she has had the strength to share her story with us. Her journey towards recovery will likely be a long one. You don’t realise you are in an abusive relationship until you are well into it. After that, getting out feels like an impossible feat to accomplish. And it’s so humiliating too. The shame you feel once you realise that you are a shadow of your former self. It’s something you don’t want your friends or family to know.
Completely agree- especially about the shame and humiliation. And she brought it up to his team and they just shrugged. That’s just gross.
Yeah, that was horrific. The complicit yes-men around him, despite her suffering to the point she said she didn’t know if she’d get out alive, just ignoring her pleas for help and support. I never want to be that deliberately callous to suffering. The fact he isn’t in jail speaks volumes about his privilege.
Me too! 😔
I feel like her articulation of what she went through is brilliantly done and extremely insightful. I wish her nothing but the best and that this helps people being abused see their signs. This is all insane she went through that at the hands of Shia LaBoef. It seems he should face jail or punishment but I doubt that will occur. The best I can hope for is a dead acting career.
I must say as happy as I am that Twigs is free from Shia I am also so happy that she never married that cowardly other ex of hers, she deserves better.
I’ve loved her music from the start, she’s a wonderful artist and incredibly talented. As a fan it’s been lovely to see her come out of her shell over the past year or two. From talking about her health struggles to sharing the process of her work to this.
I love that Twigs shines a spotlight on lesser known organisations who support domestic violence survivors and sex workers. She seems like a very thoughtful and smart woman, I wish her all the best in her healing and recovery.
On a shallow note, beautiful cover! Gorgeous make up and styling.
Are you talking about Robert Pattinson? Why was he cowardly? From everything we know, Robert didn’t abuse her verbally or physically and treated her well.
I was saddened when she and Pattinson split up. I really liked them together.
So so grateful for her bravery!
Reading this makes me so angry. And the part where those close to him knew, and she even tried to go to them. Oh well it’s Sundance?! Those f’ers.
This interview is amazing and so important. It should be required reading for all young people just starting out dating, whether female or male. I love the fact that she was motivated to go public with everything by her realisation that the pandemic lockdown meant that so many people would be trapped at home with their abusers. I hope she heals and has a brilliant life and career, while Shia disappears into obscurity via prison. I assume this interview was done before he changed his tune and started denying everything, the wretch.
It’s not pure luck. She should give herself more credit. It takes a lot of strength to be able to break out of that brainwashing and mental conditioning and get the hell out of that situation, especially without relapsing. It’s why it’s so important to recognize the danger signs early – because once you’re in, they’ve got you, particularly if they manage to isolate you physically and financially. There is nothing abusers do better than charm. That’s how they weasel their way in.
Also, pay attention to the example of gaslighting she gives there. Look at how cleverly they know how to flip the script to turn your concerns into an attack on their person, reflective of your deficit rather than any flaw they make have. If you grew up in an abusive home, you’ll recognize that red flag immediately. It screams narcissist. They really are the worst to deal with. 9_9
Yes she should, but I think she is talking to all the women who aren’t able to break free: probably she doesn’t want to make them feel bad. She doesn’t want to sound like “I am sooo much stronger than you”. She wants acknowledge there were a lot of other factors.
This is how I read it.
She is so good in her telling of it, I totally had flashbacks to a relationship I had.
The boiling frog comparison is very apt. It’s gradual, can be subtle, confusing. And the episodes are usually pretty spaced out and a lot of times no violence you can point to and go That! That’s physical abuse.
He slammed the door, he hit the wall, slammed his hands on the table making me flinch and cringe… But he didn’t hit me
These are all things to condition you.
Next time he slams his hands on the table he shoves by you hard on the way out of the room
Then later maybe he says he’s sorry he got mad, he brings you some coffee or the book you were reading or sits next to you close and turns on the t.v, things are cozy and fine.
Then in a week or two maybe he gets mad again about something, slams his hand on the wall as your arguing and this time doesn’t just shove by you hitting your shoulder with his, but he actually shoves you as he leaves the room.
The other thing? Maybe they piss you off get you really upset and angry so when they shove by you , you shove back, you say things,
They make you a part of it.
They might even use it to gaslight you about YOU being the crazy one, unreasonable, you got angry you think, you need to not fight, be a better partner. If you’d do better and not fight maybe he’d be more loving like it used to be.
Well if you hadn’t have said that, he wouldn’t have gotten so mad, it’s partially your fault.
Then it just escalates in increments from there, til your right in the middle of shit. So much you might not even realize how bad it is, how abnormal.
It can happen to anyone at any age but teens, twenties, inexperienced people are more easily taken in because they don’t have a lot to compare it too.
And if the abuser is smart and is romantic, snuggly and love bombing a lot to blanket over initial abuse it takes a lot longer for a young/inexperienced person to realize it’s not normal
And by then they are already isolated, your only friends are his friends.
My sister and I talk to my 14 year old niece about this, tell her the signs, what they do. How sneaky it is. To never feel embarrassed to say because we have been fooled in the past also.
Also that we will see what’s going on before she does, and we’ll say something and she won’t believe us (if it ever happens) but to promise to think about what we tell her, and to compare any behavior to what were telling her now.
And that if she ever does feel she is in an abusive situation, we will believe her 100% every time over the partner.
Because the partner will try to paint a story
So we have PSA talks with her periodically, explain love bombing, give examples, ect. So she has a base of knowledge to draw on. And that no matter how tricky the situation might seem to her, we will get her out.
Hopefully this information won’t ever be needed.
Have you heard the song Julianna by The Chicks? It reminds me of your post. Unfortunately being in an abusive situation is a right of passage for many women in our society. It’s good to prepare our girls to be women who leave.
No I haven’t, I’ll have to listen to it.
I was drawing on my first boyfriend I had from 15-18 and then my first marriage (at 21)
The marriage one was much tricky getting out of (lasted 11 years)because we had a son. So I still have to talk to him about things (my son is 25 now lol)
But I don’t have issues with him now, I’m 51 and have no fucks to give about anything so he has zero power anymore.
I have two boys, 25 and 15, I have been talking to them all along about consent, avoiding situations, speaking out if they see anything.
I don’t worry about my 25 year old at all, he’s a good, thoughtful, kind man who will say something if he sees something shitty, no matter who it is.
He is an excellent example to my 15 year old.
My 15 year old is on with his friends online with xbox a lot, and I frequently hear my son telling someone something isn’t cool and to quit using that term, and will call them on questionable views. I’ve heard him explain misogyny and how it’s a loser attitude, when the guys are being misogynistic assholes (mainly 2 in the friend group of 7)
And how certain terms and jokes promote rape culture (after I or his brother has explained why), and how “That ain’t it bro”
So I’m proud that he isn’t afraid of speaking up.
But picture these conversations with much cursing and bathroom humor and smack talk as they are playing Call of Duty or Apex, and so LOUD because a lot of times he will play without his headphones
Because I very much believe that not only do we need to warn both boys and girls about red flags in relationships.
But we need to teach our boys consent, and how to be good partners, and to call it out when they see it
And keep in mind abuse is not limited to men, we need to coach our boys what the red flags are and that it’s ok to say no or leave too.
Plus my older son is Bi/Queer so he needed to know about red flags for both men and women
Whew, so much to being a parent 🥺
Great comments kkat, thank you.
This is EXACTLY what happens and how it evolves! 😔
It’s the love bombing that gets you. You think you have found the one and that they love you so much. True love. It’s hard to resist. Especially when you are young and don’t know better. Been there done that.
Is no one completely disturbed that he shot dogs???? He is a total sociopath psychopath.
I agree about the love bombing
And yeah wtf! He is a total sociopath psychopath. He literally fits pretty much all the criteria from what we know of his behaviors and what he himself has admitted to in interviews I’ve heard.
I’m not going to be surprised if I hear Armie Hammer has killed people eventually
And I will not be surprised if we hear this guy kills people, or a girlfriend or we get a murder/suicide situation
He kills dogs, he wakes girlfriends up strangling them, he has a gun out and she was so threatened by the situation she was afraid to pee..
This dude isn’t going to get better (reality) and any future partner is at horrible risk.
I’m so glad she is out and speaking up! Also Im
So sick of people being shamed for having STDs and the stupid stigma we assign to them. I’m glad she is speaking about it and not being too ashamed to address it. F those stupid stigmas! People get stds all the time and they shouldn’t define you.
I was so impressed by her strength and bravery to file her lawsuit and speak openly about this, and even more so every time she speaks about it. She is an excellent communicator, and very skilled at putting things in a way many can understand, and recognize in their own lives. She’s clearly showing people how it happens, what to look for, etc. Every excerpt was spot on, informative, and relatable.
He sounds like an absolute monster. I’m so glad she got away, and I hope exposing all of his cruelty will protect others going forward. I wish her safety and happiness.
I’ve only been really incandescent with rage a limited number of times in my life, but reading about this piece of shit makes me incandescent with rage. And on top of everything else, the idea of him riding around shooting homeless pets makes me so incandescent with rage I can barely think straight.
I hope he gets a number of prison sentences for his abuse of women, and I hope he’s also specifically held to account for animal cruelty as well.
Completely agree. I wonder if he’s actually going to work up to becoming a full blown serial killer. FKA twigs said she wasn’t sure she’d get out alive. Killing stray helpless animals is a GIANT red flag (along with being completely cruel and abominable).
What I find even more disturbing is the behaviour of enablers around him and culture of abuse it creates within the industry. It blew up in their faces in any case because she took legal action. Was it worth the risk of working with someone so volatile? If Twigs, a famous musician could not get the help she needed from these people then imagine a normal civilian girlfriend?! I have a feeling he’s done much worse to much more women.
I support her, and I don’t want to victom-blame her, but there’s one part about her story that I really don’t like: “There [were] people who have worked with Shia that I openly spoke to about the abuse that I was going through.” —ok, why would she be comfortable talking to his people about the abuse and not her own people? His people will always defend *him* because he’s paying them.
Because he had isolated her and she didn’t have “her own people” by that point?
I’ll be honest. I understand abusive relationships, and I am glad she finally took ownership of her life. You can’t be a victim forever unless the abuser kills you.
I love her. It’s so good to hear the truth about abuse. It happened to me and it was bad. Looking back, it feels like I was in a cult and I lost myself. I was ashamed for years after the horrible physical abuse I suffered in college from someone I loved. He’s dead now (cancer) and I’m not sad because of the pain and everything that I lost when I was with him. I’m stronger now though. Thankful for the women that speak out, paving the way for healing and hope.
Couple of things I experienced were shame, how could you tell people what you let happen to you. Powerful abuser weapon. And with me, my mother didn’t believe or support.
I’m so sorry DI. One of the things we have to do for our daughters, is believe them and let them know we are on their side. And to give them the power to own their own lives.