Michelle Obama on the Sussexes: ‘There’s nothing more important than family’

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Y’all know I love Michelle Obama. She was and is a wonderful person. But sometimes I do feel like Michelle is a little bit too… turn the other cheek/when they go low, we go high/preachy/patronizing/churchy for my taste. Case in point: Michelle was asked about the Duke and Duchess of Sussex’s interview with Oprah, which aired two Sundays ago and has been seen in over 60 million homes around the world. Michelle’s take was that she hopes Harry and Meghan are focused on family and forgiveness. Nah.

Michelle Obama is sharing her thoughts about Meghan Markle and Prince Harry’s bombshell interview with Oprah Winfrey last week. The former first lady was asked for her thoughts on the Duke and Duchess of Sussex’s headline-making interview last week during her own recent sit-down with Access Hollywood.

“My hope is that, when I think about what they’re going through, I think about the importance of family and I just pray that there is forgiveness and there is clarity and love and resolve at some point in time,” Mrs. Obama, 57, said. “Because there’s nothing more important than family.”

[From People]

What I saw during the Oprah interview was two people in a lot of pain about how they had been treated and abused by family and media. Harry and Meghan are still processing so much of what happened to them, and the journey isn’t perfect, nor does anyone know what “perfect” looks like. But I feel pretty safe in saying that Meghan and Harry have tried turning the other cheek, they’ve tried going along to get along, they’ve tried to meet people halfway and then some. And it’s all been thrown back in their faces, aggressively, with smears and character assassinations. So I’m completely fine if Harry and Meghan write off a big chunk of the Windsor clan and all of the White Markles entirely. I actually find “there’s nothing more important than family” to be really patronizing from Michelle. At some point, when you’re dealing with a tsunami of toxicity (like H&M got from the Windsors/media), the best and healthiest thing to do is step away. Get some space. Or cut people off completely. Not every family is healthy and it’s fine to walk away and focus on your own mental health and the family or support network you’re building away from your toxic relatives.

Apparently, MO also said, about Meghan’s experience in the Royal Family, that “Race isn’t a new construct in this world, for people of color. So it wasn’t a complete surprise to, sort of, hear her feelings.” Meaning… Michelle figured that many in the Windsor klan were pretty racist, I guess.

oprah meghan1

Britain's Meghan, Duchess of Sussex reacts as she arrives to visit Canada House, in London on January 7, 2020, in thanks for the warm Canadian hospitality and support they received during their recent stay in Canada.

Photos courtesy of Avalon Red, CBS.

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182 Responses to “Michelle Obama on the Sussexes: ‘There’s nothing more important than family’”

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  1. Neners says:

    I didn’t take her comment to mean, “Forgive the Royal Family and reunite.” But that might just be my biased interpretation.

    • Ronaldinhio says:

      I dislike when people tell other people, with abusive or toxic families, that there is nothing more important than family
      It makes them think their experience isn’t important. The boundaries they need to keep themselves safe are wrong. Their choices invalid.
      Good family is a wonderful thing. Bad family can destroy you.

      • KatianaD says:

        Yup! She came from a happy family and made a happy family. People like that have a blind spot, in my personal experience. Not that they don’t mean well.

      • Snazzy says:

        Yes Ronaldinhio! I come from an extremely toxic family and have cut off my mother, sister and others and happier and healthier for it. People don’t get it and give you the whole “family is all” bulls**t, and sorry, like you said – bad family can destroy you.
        I hope Harry and Meg stay far far away from all of them, and build a new, chosen family of people who will actually care for them.

      • Neners says:

        I agree but I also think family can be defined however we choose. In this case, for Meghan and Harry, their family is them and their children. And that family is the most important thing in the world to them. Michelle knows them personally and I’m sure she knows this.

      • Oh_Hey says:

        100%. You don’t light yourself on fire to keep others warm. Sometimes going no contact with family is the healthiest for everyone when one party is toxic.

      • Lorelei says:

        @Oh_Hey— “You don’t light yourself on fire to keep others warm.” I love this!!

        I think Michelle’s “When they go low…” comment, while well-intentioned, did a lot of damage tbh. It just wasn’t the right approach for that particular moment in time, considering what we were up against. IMO.

      • GraceB says:

        I felt more like MO was taking issue with the fact that this had all be aired so publicly. It came across to me that she felt that this was a family issue. Specifically with her comments about public service being about the people we serve and not about us.

      • Cheslsea says:

        Totally agree. When you come from a toxic family, there is nothing more important than getting away from them and breaking all ties. Because if you don’t. they will destroy you. People who were not raised in a horribly toxic family really have no idea what it is like and, IMHO, they need to keep quiet.

      • Margot says:

        Chiming in to agree. A good friend of mine has a toxic family and it has taken years for her to learn to protect herself and put herself, and now her kids and partner, first.

      • Where'sMyTiara says:

        Hard agree!

        It’s about more than race here; I was disappointed that Michelle Obama was encouraging making peace with toxic, abusive family.

        It’s not on the victim to “make peace”. It’s on the abusers to 1) change their behaviour, 2) apologize for the wrong they’ve done, and 3) make amends.

        And when it comes to the issue of race, the abuse dynamic is much the same. Meghan/Black folks should not have to be the first to offer the olive branch. It’s on their white abusers to 1) change their behaviour, 2) apologize for their wrongdoing, 3) make amends as victims deem right *for them*.

        Meghan owes no one forgiveness. That’s a gift she can give herself, if and when she chooses.

        As someone who had an abusive family of origin, I was made to be the peace maker for YEARS. I was the emotional caretaker of my parents. Until I couldn’t stand the abuse anymore, and the peacemaker decided to “peace out”.
        Don’t insist on happy families where there are none. If I cut someone off, chances are high, they are the ones who gave me the scissors.

        What Michelle Obama may not recognize here, is that the BRF is chock full of narcissism. Untreated, rampant narcissism. I grew up under the thumb of one overt, and one covert narcissist. I can tell you from bitter personal experience, there is no “come to Jesus” meeting, no kumbaya moment, that is ever going to straighten that out. Narcissism is one of those diseases where the disease itself prevents the sufferer from seeking treatment, because they refuse to acknowledge they are the problem. Everyone else is wrong, they’re the only ones that are right.

        That’s what Harry is dealing with, in his father and brother. It’s what Meghan is dealing with, with her father and sister. Charles cut Harry off the minute he refused to be the family scapegoat, as punishment. Pretty much what happened in my family when I set boundaries too. Narcissists like badmouthing the boundary setters to anyone and everyone – family, neighbours, or the world if you have the press at your disposal.

        Chaz and Willileaks are not as popular as Harry & Meghan, and they take that I suspect as narcissistic injury. Hence the narcissistic rage from the two of them, and how much character assassination/vitriol that spawned in the tabloids.

        The only way these two are going to meet with the consequences of their actions, is via the courts. I hope H&M are quietly getting their ducks in a row for that. Defamation lawsuits, at minimum.

      • Queen Anne says:

        Bingo RONALDINHIO! Not all families are great! If you have toxic family members, then it is better to remain distant in my opinion. The physical and emotional impact it has on you to stay in contact with them is truly great. Much better to surround ourselves with loving friends and other family that are supportive.

      • Delilah says:

        You win the internet @ Wheresmytiara

      • PrincessK says:

        ‘Where is my tiara’ Spot on!

      • NTheMiddle says:

        Absolutely. Mental health is everything. My mother and sister are sociopaths & are also paranoid; they have caused so much mental harm accusing me of things that never happened and telling those lies to others. The cycle of abuse (showering love one minute and hate the next) has been immensely damaging. I was extremely suicidal as long as I can remember (even from early childhood, I just remember wanting to die). Therapy and medication helped, but only when I stopped having a relationship with them, did I start to really heal and begin to thrive.

        I love Michelle Obama but family is NOT everything, especially if they only induce suffering.

      • Missskitttin says:

        She probably meant hire a mediator that specializes in working families through their issues and getting them to talking civil again…

      • dc says:

        KatianaD. Generous of you to call it a “blindspot”. But MO should have more understanding about the toxic racism and bullying affecting one’s mental health. I’m very disappointed in her. She had racist & sexist shit from the press when she was in the White House.

    • MissMarierose says:

      I agree. She doesn’t say that M&H should forgive and reunite. She could be talking about the rest of the royal family gaining clarity and love and resolve, because she starts off with acknowledging the Sussexes’ pain and ‘what they went through.’ And that’s something that the rest of them haven’t done; accepting and acknowledging what Harry and Meghan have gone through is the first step to gaining that clarity.

    • Juju says:

      Neners I agree. I took it to mean that the RF should be open to forgiving Megan and Harry for speaking about their experience.

    • Juju says:

      Neners I agree. I took it to mean that the RF should be open to forgiving Megan and Harry for speaking about their experience.

      • Saucy&Sassy says:

        juju, no, I don’t think it had to do with speaking out about their pain and experiences. I didn’t read that in her comment at all. I focused on the fact that she said that she hopes that’s there’s clarity and forgiveness. I felt that she was being quite diplomatic and instead of going off on the brf, but she still said it in such a way to make her point of view clear.

    • minx says:

      I agree, I think MO was just trying to offer some comfort and she said what she said. No ulterior motive.

    • Yvette says:

      @Neners … I agree, I don’t think she meant to bend over to the Royal Family either, just that family is important. For Harry’s sake, I hope they ‘are’ able to work it out, talk, and forgive so he can reunite with his family. Of course that will have to come with a ‘We won’t throw you under the bus again to make others look good’ promise.

    • Freddy says:

      I agree. The DM is saying that Michelle’s comments were a slam on Meghan, but I think Michelle was saying H&M putting their family first is important…but everyone should work through it and remember they are family…HOWEVER, I have a few friends who have had toxic relationships with family members (over being Gay, dating “outside their race”, and other BS) only to cut them out of their lives (or be cut) and one thing I’ve never told them was how important family is. If your family isn’t racist or bigoted a**holes, you can work through things.. The Windsors are NOT that family

    • Delilah says:

      I’m right there with you Neners. Any blanket statement that leans in the “family first” direction should be interpreted as pushing for reconciliation. Meaning despite perceived slights, abuses, etc., the right thing is to come (back) to the fold. Fold over individual interests. I love MO but at the end of the day, she is a politician. She will NEVER take the risk of expressing her real opinion when it means alienation.

  2. Tom says:

    Let’s hear from Endora of “Bewitched” instead. Her advice would be more useful in this situation.

    • death by bacon says:

      lol no lies detected. Plus they’d all be furniture somewhere in a 15th century castle.

  3. Wiglet Watcher says:

    She could have phrased that better.

    • bettyrose says:

      Yeah, some how I doubt that she meant they should return to that den of vipers because “family.” But I do think MO strongly believes those words, nothing is more important than family. Based on her memoir seems she was blessed to not know from toxic relatives herself, and we’ve all seen her prioritize family over all else. And while I do agree with her that family is the most important thing, I’m a staunch believer we each decide who our family is.

  4. Cate says:

    I’m pretty sure they tried also. Toxic abusive families like the Windsors are not capable of seeing their dysfunction, turning the other cheek, forgiveness, and meeting “halfway” will
    Just get you right back where you started. I’ve been there with my own family of origin and trying to forgive nearly cost me my marriage. So no, don’t do it, get away and get on with your life.

  5. Levans says:

    I do love Michelle but Harry and Meghan have to protect themselves and their children. They should not put up with abuse, gaslighting, or racism just because the family is the one doing it.

    Hard pass!

    • sayso says:

      Yes. His mental health and his wife that he vowed to protect and honor along with those little ones are more important than ” toxic family”.

    • Still_Sarah says:

      I agree with what you said. They have to protect themselves and their new lives in California appear to have been a great move for them. But I don’t think they needed to have an extensively hyped two hour interview with Oprah to protect themselves. Enough already – you hate them and they hate you. Nobody in the royal family is going to do a mea culpa over this. I was estranged from my family for ten years over my raging narcissist mother and I was able to really move on only when I stopped laying blame and waiting for the apology. It’s not coming – ever. I can tell you from experience – the victim mindset may be accurate depiction of what happened to H&M but that mindset keeps the person trapped.

      • Keri says:

        They had every right to go to a legitimate news source and set the record straight on the abuse they suffered from family members and the press that their toxic family weaponized. They endured this for 4 years. Toxic abusers count on their victims to remain silent. They repeatedly went to family members and the institution privately to get the situation resolved and were ignored and dismissed. Anyone who says they would have meekly gagged themselves if they were in Harry’s and Meghan’s shoes after suffering from very public, unfair, relentless, vilification in the press is lying.

    • Beana says:

      Exactly!! My son and husband are everything to me. Which is why my son won’t know my mom and brother – I will not put him through witnessing addiction, enabling, and emotional abuse. Meghan and Harry DO think family is everything – and that’s them, Archie, and their baby girl. MO should have said it better.

    • Eleonora says:

      Well said.

      In toxic families, the ones with the power will always want to bend back to them having all the power again.

      So, even if they change their behavior because the formerly less powerful isn’t having it anymore, it will feel wrong to them to be on equal footing and they will resent it.

  6. Sunday says:

    I think Michelle gave a bs, diplomatic response because one of the most damning receipts re: racism in the royal family is that infamous painting that the Cambridges had hanging in their living room when the Obamas visited, and Michelle really doesn’t want to be put on the spot and have to answer ‘why do you think they chose that painting? how did it make you feel when you saw it? did that change when you learned what the painting was named, and that aides hid the placard from you? did you feel like the cambridges were racist?’ etc etc

    • nana says:

      THIS!!! all freaking day this!

    • Naomi says:

      i don’t know, i think an equally diplomatic response that wouldn’t have gaslighted the sussexes would be what the Biden administration has said which is to something to the effect of “Everyone deserves to be heard” or “Black women deserve to be heard.” Given that “they go low/we go high” was immediately followed by the Trump administration, I mean… sorry, Michelle, much respect to you, but I’m super disappointed you wouldn’t stick up for a Black woman. Michelle is such a good speaker, and she could have found a way to diplomatically support Meghan without “wading into it.” (especially disappointing given that Michelle & Harry had such good vibes together)

      • Cecilia says:

        Exactly she could have said something along the lines of “my heart goes out to her and i hope that the family and the sussexes can reconcile at some point”. What she said was a dig at meghan

      • Sunday says:

        I definitely think she could’ve given a better diplomatic response, but I also think it’s fair to say that anything she said would’ve been pounced on by the right wing media in the US & UK as basically starting a war between the windsors and the obamas, regardless of how innocuous it actually was. Biden and his administration can get away with saying things that she could never, for obvious reasons.

      • SomeChick says:

        I don’t think it was a dig at Meghan, at all. the BRF is also supposed to be a *family* and they are failing at that.

    • NCDancer says:

      I think both Obamas are of age/generation deeply steeped in respectability politics. That you have to show up in particular way to be acceptable to white audiences. And to some degree that has been the secret to their success and I believe for African Americans of their generation it was a requirement to survive. I love them both but this feels very on brand for them.

      • Naomi says:

        100% agree

      • Lemons says:

        Yep, totally agree. Because I know that since my husband was no longer in office, I would have shared my true feelings about that racist painting, but they know that they still feel they have obligations to American politics and international politics as a whole, so they want to stay PC, even if I don’t feel they need to anymore.

      • tee says:

        you’re right. this is always the mindset they’ve conveyed and exhibited. it’s really harmful, however.

      • MF1 says:

        This is a very smart take.

      • Nic919 says:

        That’s what I was thinking.

      • LaraW" says:

        For context: When Michelle was in her 20′s, the HIV/AIDS crisis exploded (which disproportionately effected the gay, Black, and Latino populations– also fun fact, many doctors during that time refused to treat people with AIDS), Reagan signed the Anti-Drug Abuse Act (the act that makes sentences for possession of cocaine much lower than possession of crack and aggressively pursued a war on drugs), Reaganomics cut a lot of federal programs and the term “Welfare Queen” came into popular use, and number of black Americans who graduated college ranged in ~55K to ~60K, or 2.3% of the US population.

        So yeah, respectability politics were absolutely necessary for her and Barack to get to where they did.

      • NCDancer says:

        @LaraW”: I agree wholeheartedly. They had to do what they had to, and I mostly respect them for it. It is, however, an attitude that is falling out of favor.

    • PrincessK says:

      Can you explain further ? What was painting called? Was the placard hid?

      The royals have loads of 18th century paintings and so some are bound to show Africans in subservient roles.

      • SomeChick says:

        the royals have loads of paintings to choose from, and they chose one that shows an African person in a subserviant role. FTFY

      • Nic919 says:

        The plaque was hidden by a plant when they went to visit. There was a story showing this.

      • PrincessK says:

        I don’t think they ‘chose’ it. It just happened to be in that room where the reception took place. Rather than removing paintings l would like to see the Palace reassess the interpretation and provenance of items in the Royal Collection. I have written to them about this and so far have not received a reply.

  7. Kay Dozier says:

    “There’s nothing more important than family.” Depends on the family though doesn’t it? Just because someone is in your family doesn’t mean they need to be in your life. I don’t know why some people have such a hard time understanding that. And of course the responsibility always seems to be with the abused to forgive and move on, never with the abuser.

    • Hell Nah! says:

      @Kay – x100000%.
      Amen!

    • bettyrose says:

      Exactly! As I said above, I also believe family is the most important thing – and I believe “family” is defined differently for everyone. Toxic relations don’t have to be included in that definition.

  8. IntheKnow says:

    Early in the marriage to Harry, I believe t Michelle and Meghan met in London after some show (maybe a Tina Turner concert) (my memory around how and why they met is a bit hazy) and allegedly Michelle’s advice to Meghan to ‘ lay low and figure out the lay of the land before jumping in’. At the time I thought it was great advice. I still think it was great advice. No matter what, I believe the Windsors would have treated her horribly, but I also feel Meghan’s hit the ground running was the not the right approach given the Windsor’s history of jealousy (ala Diana). Clearly Meg caught up quickly, but I wonder if she could have better sheilded herself had she do the figure out the lay of the land approach so she could know who her enemies were because there are and were many many of them.

    • Cecilia says:

      Meghan knew the obama’s before she and harry got married

      • L4frimaire says:

        She met the Obamas at a White House function . She didn’t know them. There is a big difference. That said, both Obama’s are very inspirational and I’m sure Meghan looks up to them and is paying attention to what she said.

    • Kalana says:

      One of the main differences between Michelle and Meghan’s situation is Michelle and Barack were in charge and leading everything while Meghan and Harry were meant to be scapegoats for others.

      Meghan seemed to try to follow that advice of laying low. She didn’t leave her house more than twice in 4 months, right? But the smear campaign was there even before tbe wedding.. I’m still taken aback at how intense and pervasive it all was. With the Obamas, the call was not coming from inside the house so to speak.

    • Adrian says:

      Meghan was going to be smeared either way. If she had sat back and gotten the lay of the land, she would have been accused of being lazy. I can see the headlines: Lazy Meghan refuses to work, spends days enjoying royal luxuries at taxpayer expense. This was a no-win situation for Meghan. I think she decided to do what she has always done. Work. Meghan has always been a go-getter and I personally don’t think she should be faulted for that.

      • Naomi says:

        agreed. a lose/lose situation. with anti-Black racism, the press would have called her “lazy” or “welfare queen” if she had laid low; and in the event she hit the ground running – which is what she did do – she was smeared as an “uppity” “diva.” Those are the two categories for Black women in a white supremacist world. (Amber Rufifn has a great take on “uppity” as a dog whistle, btw)

    • Amy Bee says:

      Meghan laying low would only have sparks complaints that she was lazy. In fact, very soon after she was married there were some journalists who felt that she wasn’t doing enough. She had the right approach however, due to jealously and fear, the Royal Family decided to smear her so that she would leave the family.

      • L4frimaire says:

        There was criticism also that she was trying to reach out to different British people to get a feel for the UK, and that was criticized. Being a royal is very different in some ways from being a politician with a set term in office.

    • Osty says:

      Do you seriously believe that had Meghan laid low they would have left her alone? Cos we all know the thousands of stories they would have written about how lazy she is, how she thinks she is better than everyone working and how she has left Kate and will to pick up her slack .she couldn’t win but at least pple can’t use work to smear her cos we have all seen the evidence
      Also she was MIA during her maternity leave and that didn’t stop the idiots from smearing her. In fact they bullied her for not leaving her baby to come and welcome trump

      • Still_Sarah says:

        @ Osty : I don’t think the British press was ever going to leave Meghan Markle alone. They get clicks or readers by churning controversy – if none exists, they make it up. This is the history of the British press for decades. It’s the fame game – build them up and then tear them down. I remember in the ’80′s how Princess Anne was always being compared to Princess Diana in a very negative way. The headlines were that Diana loved being pregnant and Anne was quite open that she found being pregnant to be uncomfortable. And having been raised as a royal, she was very “nothing to see here” about motherhood. So Anne was trashed and Diana was built up until that storyline got old and was dumped and reversed (Anne good, Diana bad). I honestly don’t know why anyone pays any attention to what the British press says about people. I would only pay attention to the business newspapers.

    • original penguin says:

      The reason I like Meghan is because she hit the ground running. If she had laid low and not tackled projects and charities I would have respected her as much as I respect Kate, which is to say not at all. Then she would have had all the racists who hated her and no UK fans.

    • original penguin says:

      It was on Michelle’s Becoming tour. To be honest I remember at the time I was very jealous that she got to go ‘behind the scenes’ and talk to Michelle

    • Myra says:

      I also wanted Meghan to lay low like I wanted Kate to lay low when she joined the family as a commoner. The problem is laying low meant that Kate became a non-entity and her whole identity stripped. Meghan had immediate impact on those around her. I’m glad Meghan took the approach that she did. Otherwise she would have ended up like Sophie. She also wouldn’t have been afforded the same leniency as mediocre white woman are given. Any WOC can attest to that.

      • IntheKnow says:

        @originalpenguin, yeah that’s it! Thanks, it was bugging me I couldn’t remember.

        A lot of you are misunderstanding what I mean by ‘laying low’. Sometimes it’s best to know the relationships that exist between people. Like if Meg figured out Jason Knauf was more William’s man than Harry’s..could that have helped Meg and Harry in anyway? I personally believe it helps me to understand existing relationships when in my case let’s say start a new job for example. I work in a very white space and in a field with very few women..and I used to do the hit the ground running thing because I felt if they saw that I knew my stuff, know I am a hard worker it would help and stop some of the crap. It never did.

        So I started doing the lay low thing, figuring out the lay of land, whose who, whose friends with whom, who is loyal to whom etc..and I’d approach dealing with those people very carefully. I mean, the shitty hateful racist ones continue and will continue to shitty and hateful. I just found that it mentally helped to shield myself because I didn’t set myself up for the shock and trauma and eventual betrayal. Once the shit started, I would already be in a mentally different space, I was ready.

        I think maybe Meghan felt initially people would be respectful to her because they do (strictly speaking) worked for her and Harry. Imagine having people who report to you calling you names like Me-gain, Duchess Difficult etc…it must have been a shock to Meg and so hurtful and traumatising. So my original point was not for Meghan to not do any work, I was thinking and wondering if it would have helped her if she figured out how shitty Jason and others were sooner and that can only come by approaching things a bit slower and taking a bit of time to ‘observe’…clearly Meghan went in trusting Jason and others initially.

        Hope this makes better sense.

      • ClaraBelle says:

        This is in reply to InThe Know: That’s my feeling about “laying low” too. I think almost every job I’ve had (and I’ve had a lot) involved a period of trial….almost like a hazing. I hate it, it’s awful to be new. But I learned to both do my job and not to have expectations of anyone for a long time, even a year. It’s a delicate time, but I think I was eventually much more comfortable when I figured out “the lay of the land”, and when I felt I could voice any criticism, I think it was more constructive.

    • PrincessK says:

      Yes, I remember that good advice. I also wrote Meghan a letter offering advice on how to approach British people, especially upper class ones. I think that Michelle feared the worse.

      Poor Meghan really wanted to work hard to counteract and prove wrong all the nasty things said about her. Poor girl did not understand that British people hate people who they think are too clever or eager to achieve, the very opposite of the American ethos of reaching for the sky and blowing your own trumpet.

      Add to that the fact that Meghan is far more intelligent and accomplished than any of the royals, despite their posh accents.

      • IntheKnow says:

        You know, the more I think about the original advice MO gave Meghan, the more I I think it was a warning and also tactical advice. MO and Barak met Kate and William, spent time in their home. I BET you the family farm Michelle and Barak figured Will and Kate’s attitude about race and race relations. I bet you Michelle especially figure out Kate’s under cover racist bitchiness…hence the ‘figure out the lay of the land’ advice to Meghan.

  9. Kalana says:

    You can make your own family though. Family isn’t just the people you’re related to by blood. Not everyone is lucky enough to be related to loving people who have your best interest at heart.

    One of the things I admire about Meghan is that she is a woman who knows her worth (Michelle does as well) and stands up for herself and sets boundaries with people. It’s not an easy journey and I admire her strength.

    • Neners says:

      This exactly! It never really dawned on me until I read this comment section how many people equate relatives with family. In my life, I obviously didn’t choose my relatives but I absolutely chose my family. My family means everything not because we are related; my family is everything because the people I choose to view as family are the people that mean everything to me. I don’t know if that makes sense 🤔

      • SarahCS says:

        I agree with both of you on all points.

        On the family issue, my best friend recently encouraged me to add emergency contact details on my iphone (because we’ve been reminded yet again that it’s not safe to be a woman here in the UK or anywhere) and when I added her I was stuck because ‘friend’ sold it so short. In the end I picked ‘family’ as it’s way more accurate.

      • Kalana says:

        @Neners. It makes total sense. I have friends that are absolute my family to me and I couldn’t think of them any other way.

  10. HeatherC says:

    I mentioned this on Twitter and many times before. There is a huge difference between forgiveness and reconciliation. They’re not the same. Forgiveness is something you do for yourself. I believe they will forgive both sides of their rotten families. Reconciliation is completely different, and probably won’t happen because neither her side or his side are willing to change, so reconciliation is just setting themselves up for it all to repeat again. Family is everything, but family isn’t strictly defined by blood either. Tyler Perry has been more family to them than their own fathers.

    • Neners says:

      Very well stated! And I think that is what Michelle is hitting on.

    • Becks1 says:

      Perfectly said. I do think H&M are trying to work through their pain and the stress and trauma of the past few years to get to that point of forgiveness. But that doesnt mean there will be a reconciliation.

    • Nancy says:

      “Tyler Perry has been more family to them than their own fathers”. Yes, we all love MO, but she truly missed the mark on this one. I expect a clarifying statement in short order. Of course we all wish we had families and made families like Michelles, but sadly that is not Meghan’s reality.

  11. Cecilia says:

    I love michelle obama but her comments disappointed me to be honest. It was like she was saying that meghan should have just taken it. That part about public service was utter BS. The responsibility to mend the relationship is on the royal family. So start looking at them.

    • Carty says:

      I agree, but I will also cut MO some slack. She’s been the target of this for years and maybe she’s just exhausted from her own fight. I’m sure she’s probably supportive without jumping in the middle of this.

  12. Harper says:

    The Fail is going today with a big headline from Michelle that royal racism is no surprise. Will will be engorged with rage upon reading that.

  13. LaraW” says:

    Given her position as former FLOTUS and at this point a cultural icon, I think this is the only answer she could give on national tv without raining a sh-tstorm on her family. Feel like she probably had something very different to say to them in private.

    I think this is why she cried tears of relief when they left the White House and hated it when she was there. She faced a lot of racism despite being practically perfect, so I thought her comment re racism wasn’t so much a reflection of M’s experience as her own as a high profile, popular black woman.

    Additionally, a lot of her statement to me read like coded speech. I didn’t read the statement re forgiveness and family to refer to their relationship with the royal family, but their own growing family. Letting go of toxicity and resentment is important for fresh beginnings, because doing so allows you to set boundaries without getting sucked into a trap of rage. The unprocessed rage is how generational damage/abuse is passed on- you end up reenacting your own traumatic upbringing on your children. Getting clear of that really is important for family.

    • whateveryousay says:

      Exactly!

    • Watson says:

      Laraw: i completely feel the same. Her answer was very neutral and pc. But given her experience in the white house Michelle Obama knew exactly what Meghan had gone through. They were both “firsts”, in their lines of work, and endured the unnecessary criticism (omg sleeveless dresses, racist gorilla memes, jokes and discussions about their ties to terrorism on right wing talk shows etc.), racism and sexism associated with that. They hit the ceiling hard and endured despite the bs.

    • Midnight@theOasis says:

      Totally agree.

    • Nancy says:

      Maybe. But since when does MO speak in code? Saying nothing would have been a better option than this happy talk. Michelle knows as well as anyone that many, many people live with the reality that family is the cause of their living nightmares.

      • LaraW” says:

        Honestly? I assume every POC in politics is forced to speak in code, doubly so for WOC. It was literally a survival tactic of enslaved and then freed black Americans— saying what white people wanted to hear. It’s carried through for generations and it’s still very prominent today (“I’m know you’re not a racist,” etc).

        It’s not something you think about consciously. It’s just part of being a POC, having a generic white facing mode where you act within white cultural norms and speak white people’s language.

  14. BertieBott says:

    Thank you for saying this, Kaiser! I love Michelle Obama and was annoyed at myself for getting itchy about what she said about family and forgiveness. With the Windsor Klan (love that you’ve been calling them this) there’s no point going high when they’ve played low and dirty for so long.

  15. S808 says:

    Forgive so they stop taking up real estate in your head but there’s no need for a reconciliation imo.

  16. Snuffles says:

    I haven’t seen the interview yet but some on Twitter are saying that the edit didn’t include the full context.

    I don’t think she is saying put up with toxic family no matter what. Harry and Meghan have given both of their families more chances than most would. They are just drawing a hard line now. I predict they will maintain civility but remain distant. And forget about trust, that’s gone for good.

    Harry will focus on HIS wife and kids but if anything dramatic happens, he will be there for the royals. By dramatic, I’m thinking death and funerals.

  17. Myra says:

    There is a danger in trying to be diplomatic all the time. It provides the abuser with a cover for their abusive behaviours and it makes the victim feel guilty for speaking out. In family dynamics, this approach is especially toxic as the victims already fear being ostracised by other members of the family and often time they choose not to speak out. I’m glad that Meghan Markle is synonymous with removing toxicity from your life. It’s an important message that should be taught to all young persons if you want to live a life free from emotional abuse.

  18. Meghan says:

    I think people who grew up with healthy families have a very hard time understanding just how toxic unhealthy families can be. And that generational trauma gets passed on to the kids unless someone is willing to call a spade a spade and cut off toxic and abusive people.

  19. A says:

    Michele talks like someone who comes from a healthy, loving family. People who have not experienced abuse in their family, especially narcissistic abuse, shouldn’t speak out about this topic because they simply can’t understand it.

    • Nic919 says:

      I agree. Her parents always supported her and so it is hard to imagine cutting off parts of your family if you haven’t experienced toxicity. Meghan was already dealing with her father publicly betraying her before she joined the most famous toxic family in the world.

  20. OriginalLala says:

    I’m sure H&M will forgive when they are ready, but they won’t forget how they were/are treated by that toxic cesspool of a “family”.

    Forgiveness is something you do for yourself, to break the chains of anger and pain, and to fully accept a situation. It has nothing to do with the party that wronged you.

    • tee says:

      How can you begin to forgive when you’re stilll being abused and your abuser denies it’s even happening to you? Forgiveness in this context sounds more like delusion and emotional suppression. Meg (and Harry) are allowed to be resentful, hurt, and angry. And they’re right to seek retribution if they please.

  21. Becks1 says:

    I think Michelle gave a very diplomatic response kind of because she had to. She cant say “oh yeah the royal family is racist AF, did you see the painting they had hanging when we visited? I’m not surprised they treated Meghan like trash” because her husband is an ex-president of the United States and she’s in a weird place because of that. But honestly I think she came as close as she could – saying she wasnt that surprised to hear Meghan’s experiences. And Michelle knows what it is like to be a black woman in a space usually occupied by white women, so I do think Meghan has her sympathy and support.

    • Cecilia says:

      I kind off disagree. This sounded like a dig to me. Her comments about public service were a bit condescending because meghan has been doing public service since she was 12. As for being in the public eye: meg has no problem with publicity. This wasn’t the first time meghan was around press. What is problematic is that this was a calculated character assassination, nobody can prepare you for that. And Michelle Obama never had to deal with that to the extent that it came from inside the institution.

  22. Amy Bee says:

    Even though Michelle acknowledged the racial element of this issue, asking Harry and Meghan to forgive their family at this time was inappropriate and extremely damaging. I doubt she would be so forgiving if the same thing had happened to her. I get it, she doesn’t want to upset her friend the Queen but it would have been better if she said, no comment.

    • Midnight@theOasis says:

      IMO, I don’t think she was saying for Harry and Meghan to forgive his family. Forgiveness is something you do for yourself in order to heal and move forward. Michelle didn’t say for H&M to reconcile with the BRF.

      • Amy Bee says:

        Her constant desire to sit on the fence, leads people to make their own interpretations of what she says. She should have said no comment.

  23. whateveryousay says:

    What did you think a former FLOTUS was going to say? She says anything too pointed then the GOP would be jumping all over her for interfering with the US/Britain relationship. She was being diplomatic by saying forgiveness is the key which to me means, yes they did her wrong, but she should move on from those petty people and focus on her family.

  24. whateveryousay says:

    ‘The thing I hope for, and I think about: this first and foremost is a family, and I pray for forgiveness and healing for them,’ she said.

    ‘So they can use this as a teachable moment for us all.’

    I didn’t see anywhere in there that she was saying forgive the racists.

  25. Nan says:

    Michelle is blessed with a really good supportive family so that’s her perspective. Many people are not so blessed and don’t have love and support from their families, no matter how much they need it or work to try to earn it. It’s funny because she understands a lot about life but she apparently doesn’t know what it’s like to get through life with the absence of anything good from family. Dysfunction and jealousies are toxic and harmful and the only thing to do with a family like that is try to get some space.

    • Midge says:

      Just wrote something similar below. Agree 100%

    • Ann says:

      There is a saying: “All happy families are the same, but every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.” Now, I don’t think ALL happy families are the same, but as other have said, Michelle came from a happy nuclear family situation and she is in one now with her husband and children, too. The Windsors have their own specific alchemy of disfunction, coldness and mistrust. You can’t really understand it unless you’ve lived it, which Meghan now has. Michelle means well but she doesn’t get it. She can’t.

      My family was happy in its own way, I think, but we also had some disfunction that was specific to us. My sister and I have discussed trying to talk to therapists about it, and agreed that it’s really best for us to just talk to each other because no one else gets it. Our problems were never with each other, so that works for us.

      Anyway, I love Michelle and she probably feels constrained by her role but her answer was very anodyne and I don’t think it works in this case. Not to bash her, but as I said, she doesn’t get it.

  26. Atti says:

    That bridge is burned and gone. I cant even imagine a world where they make up. What went on over there was disgusting, then its all aired publicly… there is nothing left.

  27. South African Girl says:

    No Michelle. No.

  28. Midge says:

    She says this as a person who comes from a loving family and who has a loving family. Those of us who have neither, we get it. I’ve often been mildly annoyed by friends, especially around the holidays, who do not get it – that some of us create space and boundaries with our families.

  29. TheOriginalMia says:

    I didn’t take her comments as a suggestion to forgive the BRF right this minute, but she’s right. At some point they will have to forgive them, but not for the BRF, but for themselves. The anger is as toxic as what the BRF did to them. You have to forgive, but never forget. Harry is doing that with his grandparents and Charles. He is terribly hurt, but he’s decided to work through it with them and maintain relations. He’s not there with William and that’s because William continues to hurt him and attack Meghan. Harry can forgive William and never speak to him again. Same as Meghan with her dad. She still loves him, but she won’t place her sanity and heart with him anymore. She can forgive him for being a weak, sniveling, backstabbing ass and cut off all communication with him. Forgiveness is for the wounded, not for the abuser.

    • Ann says:

      All very good points. I think that’s the healthiest thing for them to do, when they’re ready. Not because their family deserves it but for their own sakes.

  30. Valiantly Varnished says:

    I love Michelle but I have never bought into the when they go low we go high way of thinking. I don’t believe in turn the other cheek. So this is a no for me, dawg.

  31. M.S. says:

    The interviewer asked what went through her mind watching Meghan and Michelle responded: “Public service, it’s a bright, sharp, hot spotlight, and most people don’t understand it, and nor should they. The thing that I always keep in mind is that none of this is about us in public service. It’s about the people that we serve. I always try to push the light back out and focus it on the folks that we are actually here to serve.”

    Is it just me or…does it sound like she’s shading Meghan? Very disappointed and surprised that she wouldn’t be more supportive!

    • Desdemona says:

      I think she’s shading the BRF, they always want the spotlight on them and don’t care much about the cause.

    • Didi says:

      This is the part the shocked me the most. Even if she wasn’t criticizing Meghan (and I’m not sure about that), Meghan’s critics are saying that she was and are all sharing her comment to attack Meghan.
      Suddenly, all the racists who hate the Obamas are saying that Michelle is classy and wise.

  32. Moxylady says:

    Meghan and Harry have a family. Her mother. Archie. The soon to be baby. There is nothing more important than that family. Protecting that family.
    The abusers who dare to call themselves family can go rot. They aren’t family. Family doesn’t hurt like that. But abuse does. When family abuses you they lose all right to you and yours. And as the scapegoat- the deeply dysfunctional family needs it to operate.

    • Nan says:

      Moxylady – Yes. And being the scapegoat is never a role you choose for yourself. It’s one that is laid upon you like a ball and chains.

  33. girl_ninja says:

    “Race isn’t a new construct in this world, for people of color. So it wasn’t a complete surprise to, sort of, hear her feelings.”

    Mrs. Obama knows that they’ve been through some sh*t and that they are just trying to protect themselves. Someone mentioned that this interview IS edited so who knows what is sliced together.

    I believe that Lady O has Meghan and Harry’s back.

  34. Scal says:

    You try for 2-3 years and the family throws you under the bus. Abuses you when you are pregnant with your first baby. Starts ramping it up again when yin are pregnant with your second. And these two kept their heads down and tried to make it work.

    There’s family and then there’s protecting yourself. There are kids we are talking about here who shouldn’t have to grow up in that environment. I love Michelle, but she came from a stable 2 parent household with extended family that loved and supported her. I don’t think she gets it.

    Also H&M aren’t the ones who cut them from the family-the other side did that and continued to abuse them. Speaking for yourself is to be commended not passive aggressively belittled

  35. MsIam says:

    I think she gave the best answer possible as an outsider. Even though Harry is beefing with his family, he still said he loves them. And Meghan still blames the media more than her father for what happened. So given that, it would not have been right for Michelle to trash them. Its Harry and Megan’s journey to figure out and I think she just wished them the best. Its one thing for anonymous people on the internet to say things about the royals, its entirely different for a prominent public person to say them. As far as her comment about service, at first I thought it was harsh but when I thought about it, I think she was saying don’t let the personal attacks, “the heat” distract you from your goal of being of service. Michelle was horribly attacked but she didn’t make fighting back her main focus, she just kept on pushing. Look where she is now.

  36. Petra says:

    I don’t interpret Michelle Obama words as reconciliation with BRF. More as for Meghan and Harry finding peace within themselves after realizing the truth of their extended family members. You can forgive, but it doesn’t mean the family is invited to your cookout. Also, forgiveness doesn’t mean Meghan and Harry should not stand up for themselves and call out the BRF on their lies.
    This line “Because there’s nothing more important than family.” is the unclear part for me because it could include the BRF or just Harry, Meghan, Archie , baby girl and Doria as the new family unit. I’m going to believe Michelle Obama was talking about the latter.

  37. swirlmamad says:

    I love Michelle Obama, too. And I agree that that statement came off a bit…..glossed over and ever so slightly dismissive. I’m NOT saying she meant it at all in a heartless way — she’s shown that she is supportive of the Sussexes — but I think between the tendency in communities of color, especially older generations, to just “go along and get on with it”, as well as her own public persona of constantly going high to avoid falling into the “Angry Black Woman” trap, those two things deeply impacted her response. She and Barack Obama have always had to be extremely measured in how they react and respond to things. This is no different. Black women (and to a lesser extent black men) simply do not have the luxury of being candid and off-the-cuff, especially when you have the rare opportunity to hold a highly respected and visible place in society. It’s a very fine line that you constantly have to balance.

  38. Div says:

    Eh, she also called out the racism which is what most are focused on. I think that is the biggest part. I also think if people aren’t following the story closely, it reads as if Harry wants to fix things with Charles and that it wasn’t him or Will that made the racist comment about Archie (most assumed it was Phil, and the clarification it wasn’t him was after the interview).

    At the end of the day, a former Flotus is not going to bash the royals or political leaders much, she does turn the other cheek a bit much, and she’s from a different generation.

  39. lanne says:

    She has to be diplomatic–she can’t really say what she really thinks as a wife of a former head of state. She may have to attend another event at the palace.

  40. Lizzie says:

    I don’t like this statement at all. Yes, there are things more important than family. Not a lot, for sure, but your wellbeing is one of these things. Please admire the strenth of those who dream of a supportive family yet have to walk away from the toxic family they were born to.
    It’s up to Harry and Meghan if they choose to forgive. None of us know anymore than they have chose to tell so leave it to them to sort out and not declare publically they should forgive. That is a very preachy statement to make from a distance.

    • MsIam says:

      I don’t think she was putting the burden only on Harry and Meghan to forgive though. I think she was saying as a family they all need to figure out what needs to be done to make things right. What is the benefit to them to go on beefing with each other for all eternity? While it may be entertaining for us, that’s all it is for us. For them it is family so they have to work it out.

  41. tee says:

    It’s the apparent lack of empathy and compassion for me. Her comments weren’t “diplomatic”. They were not helpful at best, and actively harmful and stigmatizing at worst.

  42. Jodi says:

    i imagine she was “taking the high road” in order to not be dragged into this as a bystander which she inevitably would be HOWEVER, this messaging isn’t a good one. Please stop saying that people who are dealing with toxic families need to forgive them. also, forgiveness and accountability are two separate things. you can forgive (and still not have a relationship with toxic people) and you can still have healthy boundaries and hold them accountable. these are not mutually exclusive. we need more people in positions of high visibility to talk about boundaries and accountability. she had an opportunity and missed it.

  43. JK says:

    Who should forgive who? Neither side thinks they have done anything wrong. BRF thinks they are the victims- they are going to be so pissed at the suggestion that they should be forgiven! I certainly hope she meant that Meghan and Harry should forgive (not be forgiven by) the royal family for what they put them through (and still putting them through). To that, I say that first, there has to be accountability.

  44. lisa says:

    people with bad families are told to suck it up all the time and it is painful and exhausting.

    • ME says:

      Exactly. I don’t care if we share DNA. If you’re abusive, a user, or just a good old a$$hole, you are going to be cut from my life. I have no space for toxic people…I don’t care if we have the same parents !

  45. original penguin says:

    Feeling sorry for MO here she really couldn’t have said anything more direct, and probably hates being dragged into this, hence why focusing on service itself is important

    Despite the position she held – precisely because of race she doesn’t have the privilege of being able to comment on this in a direct head on manner. If she ‘takes a side’ she gets dragged into a diplomatic snafu. And right now she needs to protect the Obama brand.

    No one asks Laura Bush what she thought – that is privilege.

    She isn’t saying reconcile. She is saying racism exists and she’s not surprised that Meghan experienced it.

    Forgiveness is as much for an individual to allow them to move on – as opposed to hanging onto resentment which isn’t healthy. Focusing on family. That is why H&M are doing – focusing on their own little Sussex family.

  46. Nyro says:

    I’m not here for dragging Michelle Obama for being diplomatic. If she came out forcefully against the British royals, it would have created a complete firestorm. It also would have opened up questions about any racism that she did or dudn’t experience at the hands if the royals. Why should she have to deal with that as a black woman who spent eight years having to walk on a tight rope. She’s promoting her Netflix kids show. She’s supposed to blow all that up because of what’s going on with the Sussexes and the BRF? Michelle Obama is not some random black woman or maginal celebrity with a blue check on Twitter. If she went at BRF and BM, it could have a very real impact on her and her family. The DM have already gone after her own daughter simply for being a rich black girl breathing and dating a white British guy. She’s supposed to chuck her well being and her business aside to jump in and play defense for Harry and Meghan? No. It was diplomatic answer, so benign that she could have been talking about almost any POC in the public eye or any public family. The squad thinks she’s unsympathetic towards Meghan, the mugxits think she adores the royals, and the other 99 percent who watched the interview aren’t phased by what she said. The answer was for the 99 percent and it was the right one. She has a right, after what she’s dealt with, to be diplomatic.

    • original penguin says:

      Totally agree with absolutely everything you say here. After everything she has been through MO is the last person we should be attacking in the story of H&M and why they left the BRF. This (the MO quote) is a non-story.

      ETA – Tee – I don’t mean exclusively here, I mean everywhere, especially social media

      • Tee says:

        I don’t think people are attacking her, just pointing out that she has the privilege of coming from a loving and supportive two-parent household and has supportive extended family members. Further up thread you’ll see how many folks say how the comments (esp. the “there’s nothing more important than family”) rub them the wrong way because they come from toxic households. And as someone with a toxic father and father’s side of the family like Meghan, I agree. I love Michelle, but this just reads like the stuff my friends from stable homes tell me all the time. Sometimes it’s okay to not go high when they go low.

      • Nyro says:

        Tee,
        Gayle King said this morning that Meghan and Harry “want healing” with his family. So it looks like they too are trying to go high. I’m not here for dragging Michelle Obama, of all people, over this when Meghan and Harry themselves no longer want to be on better terms with the BRF.

      • whateveryousay says:

        Tee MO doesn’t have the privilege of coming from a loving and supporting family. Please stop. I know you don’t make it mean it to come off that way, but the way it’s written someone could think that is a rare thing for black children to have growing up. I grew up in a loving 2 parent household as did my cousins and other relatives. Where people get this odd thing that black people are just raised by single parents in the ghetto or cities on fire (TM Trump) is baffling.

      • Lady D says:

        @whateveryousay, It’s shows like Jerry Springer and Maury that allows the racist populace to believe all black children are being raised in single family homes.

  47. Anilehcim says:

    I love Michelle, but this isn’t a fair or true statement. Family is everything to SOME people. Let me be clear that I’m not picking at Michelle here, but making a comment about the outdated, unfair narrative that people HAVE to love their family and keep them in their lives simply because they’re family.

    If you have a toxic family or a toxic relative, I hope you have the strength to sever those ties that do not serve you because it is HARD to do, but it’s also necessary. There are A LOT of people walking this earth being held back, left unhappy because they believe they have to view family as “everything” so they are chained and bound to people who mistreat them.

    What Harry and Meghan did was super healthy in my opinion; they were mistreated by their family, so they cut them out and exposed them for what they did. Family doesn’t have to be everything. We can also create our own family that doesn’t have to include blood relatives but DOES include those who love us, have our best interests at heart, and treat us the way we deserve to be treated.

    I’m saying it again because I don’t want to be misunderstood: I love Michelle Obama and this is NOT at all a criticism of her. I know Michelle didn’t say or even imply anything that I’m talking about. This is just me expressing my feelings about the narrative that “family is everything.” I’ve just seen and been in so many situations where people will say things like “yeah, that person treats such and such terribly, but it is her sister.” Or something like “Yeah, but that’s her mom” and it’s such bullshit. All the kudos in the world to Meghan and Harry for their emotional intelligence.

  48. aquarius64 says:

    Michelle I believe is being diplomatic regarding the Windsors because of her former position as FLOTUS and Bidden is scheduled to meet the royals this June during the G7. The BM would make it a political issue.

    • whateveryousay says:

      Yup. A lot of people are already questioning Biden about meeting with the RF cause they never came out and said BLM. So there’s a lot going on there that she would be aware of concerning US/Britain relationships. Plus Biden is already salty with the British government over the Good Friday deal.

  49. Annaloo. says:

    We’re going to see ww3 if people cannot find ways to see each other as human.

  50. Blerg says:

    Michelle knows both Harry and Meghan, and she is not necessarily being patronizing. I absolutely agree that there are times to step away (or run full speed away) from toxic family, but I also believe forgiveness and reconciliation are not the same thing. If Harry and Meghan can forgive legitimate offenses against them and move forward with their own lives, this is all to their own benefit. Bitterness is destructive even when it is warranted. This doesn’t mean H &R have to maintain any R.F. relationships or to reconcile, although Harry himself has said he is looking for some measure of reconciliation with his dad. (Or that he would pursue it.)

    I am totally open to hearing if I am thinking incorrectly about this, because maybe I’m off, but I saw M.O.’s statements as supportive of Harry’s desire to make some inroads with his family. And that is Harry’s call. (If we think he doesn’t have Meghan’s best interests at heart, that’s another conversation, but it seems as if he does. He got his little family out of there.)

  51. CatWomen says:

    There are no winners or loser, in dealing with a ‘family matter’ perhaps compromise is a needed factor. I think that was her intention. It was well meant.

  52. owoloua_afro1 says:

    Well she gave a diplomatic answer.
    But even as a Black woman I think the issues are bigger here. Sure a lot of media outlets are crap but you can chose what you consume.
    Meghan is the one who had problems with her paternal family.
    Meghan is the one who has (atleast at her public wedding) had only her mother and no other relative from her maternal family.
    Meghan is the one who had problems with the royal family.

    Soooo the common denominator is pretty damning.

    • Tee says:

      This is not the brilliant analysis you may think it is. Too many people equate family with blood ties when in reality, family chooses you and you choose them. Meghan’s dad chose money and publicly over his daughter. Plus from the little known about Meghan and her family, it appears that she’s close with her mom and was with her dead grandparents and that’s it. So please, cut the crap. Didn’t realize you’re supposed to bring them from the dead to prove you’re not a problem.

      • owoloua_afro1 says:

        I said what I said ..pour your venom somewhere else Tee. I have seen everyone with a differnet opinion being attacked here. Someone aseked me if I had a black friend yesterday lol
        I mean my whole family is black (with a few other ethnicities) so yeah… what kind of person has estrangements with nearly every family member…really a thought to wonder…they all could be awful but we dont know (except for the father’s toxic interviews)

      • Lady D says:

        My stepmother didn’t want me to have children. She broke 16 brooms that I can remember (7 year memory gap) across my pelvis in the time I lived at home. I suffered 13 concussions in 16 years when my mother would pick me up by the hair and slam me backwards into a wall. The first time I tried suicide I stepped off the road into the path of an oncoming dumptruck. I was struck by a teenager speeding on his motorcycle first. Knocked me right out of the truck’s path. I had been 13 for 10 days. When I was 14 I found and swallowed a handful of pills I found on the fridge. I remember passing out on my bed on a Friday afternoon. I could hear my 8yo sister giggling about something and I thought how very sad it was that I was never going to hear that sound again. I woke up Sunday afternoon in the same position, except I had wet the bed. My mother beat me with my dad’s nightstick because I did that. The father I shared a roof with for 17 years, had two conversations with me in those 17 years. To him I literally did not exist. And you, @owolous_afro 1? You don’t know what the hell you’re talking about. Consider yourself lucky.

      • PrincessK says:

        @Lady D…sorry to hear your story. I hope that you are stronger now and leading a better life.

        @Owolua….you seem to believe everything you read, take a step back and try and use a bit more deeper analysis, not everything is what it looks like on the surface.

    • ABritGuest says:

      Per her court case Meghan was the primary caregiver for Thomas Markle’s mother. She also helped care for Doria’s mother after her stroke until she passed. So for the relatives that she had around growing up sounds like she was family oriented.

      Doria has half siblings with a big age gap who she didn’t grow up with& apparently she’s only just in recent years reconnected with one half brother. Thomas Markle apparently hasn’t spoken to his siblings for years& before Meghan’s wedding hadnt spoken to his own children for years and had only met one or two of his grandchildren. Meghan is a decade plus younger than her half siblings and didn’t grow up with them. How is it Meghan’s fault that she wasn’t close to these relatives given the various estrangements?

      Family feuds arent new to the royal family & Charles and Andrew are said to despise each other. sadly Harry& William’s issues seem to mirror the usual heir v spare dysfunction. And reporters etc people have openly said people in the firm expected Harry to marry an Anabelle (aka an English rose) rather than this American actress & gossiped about the marriage only lasting 3 years etc.

      Apart from the lie about Meghan making Kate cry there aren’t reports of her being a bitch to the family and only that people like the Cambridge’s didn’t really take the time to get to know her& distanced themselves. We also know that KP staff have been some of the main leaks against Meghan, no doubt exacerbating the issues between the brothers. So again how is Meghan to blame?

      • Tee says:

        Textbook patriarchal tactic “ blame the daughter/daughter-in-law for any dysfunction in the family; both in her own and with her in-laws” Not like both sides of the family ignore her for years and only appeared once the engagement was announced like clout chasers

      • PrincessK says:

        I also think that Meghan was a care giver for Thomas Markle himself, given the ‘issues’ he appears to have had since she was a kid.

    • MsIam says:

      A lot of the folks you mentioned are terrible people though so your argument is weak. Those were some of the ones gossiping and selling pictures to the tabloids. And they started acting terrible even before the wedding. So miss me with your Megxit talking points. And she doesn’t have bad relationships with all her family, she is close to a couple of Samantha’s kids. But who doesn’t have family that they are not particularly close to? Doesn’t mean you hate them, it just means you don’t know them that well. I have family I only see at weddings or funerals or the occasional family reunion. And here is the thing, I think its a bit much to invite people you barely know to a wedding in another country, where you need a passport, airfare, hotel, clothing for a royal wedding, etc. Should Meghan have to pay for that? Should her future in-laws? Should the relatives have to pay?

  53. Nina Simone says:

    Her hands are tied as the wife of not only a former US President but also the first black President. It could become a diplomatic row so she’s sitting on the fence. Im not calling it respectability politics because Michelle in particular has always been candid about race even more than her husband. In the past, It’s been implied she’s privately supporting H&M. I mean the Obamas template is what they are following so they can provide for their family.

    The family stuff, I agree with people above. It’s a blindspot for Michelle. Her having a supportive family was what made her who she is today. I can’t see her stepping out of that anytime soon. And that’s fine. For me, I have very supportive family and some toxic family. I’m still trying to that out.

    Furthermore, I am not going to put ANY onus on a black woman to publicly take on any cause that she may be unwilling to do or may jeopardize her peace. Nope. Especially a black woman that endured probably worse that Meghan. Not just at the White House but in life. Michelle is a dark skinned black woman and didn’t have the LS privilege Meg had. To me Michelle has earned her silence.

    • whateveryousay says:

      Thank you! I don’t get that many people here get that as a black woman Michelle has to always mind her words when speaking cause too many people take what she said and ran with it when she didn’t mean that. For example, too many people kept quoting her during the Trump years by saying well Dems and black people need to go high and not go low like the MAGA people. She had to finally come out and say, hello, not when people are doing this rancid mess repeatedly to you cause you are then opening yourself up for abuse.

      And I hate that anyone here thinks that MO of all people should just invite in more racist nonsense not just from people in the US but Great Britain too. In her own book she talks about how she got blasted for being too familiar with the Queen. She’s not about to alienate anyone and or cause problems for President Biden and VP Harris.

    • Nyro says:

      Thank you. Exactly that. One thing Barack has always said about her is that Michelle likes a peaceful non-stressful life and makes choices to ensure that, even as he was taking her on a whirlwind as a political spouse. Why she is required to go against her nature for the sake of the Sussexes is beyond me. If she doesn’t want to step into someone else’s family mess, especially when she’s simply trying to work and promote a show she’s worked hard on, that’s her business. She was asked about a topic that’s on the tip of everyone’s tongue and she gave a diplomatic response, to the point of it almost being non-answer. And yes, as a dark skinned black woman who had to navigate totally in chartered waters as the wife of the leader of the free world, she has indeed earned the right to stay above the fray.

  54. Fani says:

    I imagine she has met all these people, whereas we have not.
    Michelle might know things we do not.
    I put a lot on what she has to say.

  55. February-Pisces says:

    I’ve said it so many times to people who keep saying it, but harry did not end his relationship with his family, they ended it with him. Him leaving and doing an interview isn’t the reason they have no relationship, his family’s abuse via the press when Meghan was suicidal and pregnant is what ended his relationship. Abuse is abuse.

    As for Michelle, there isn’t really anything she can say, she can’t be seen to pick sides, so this is a non committal response.

  56. JanetDR says:

    Michelle’s statement about praying for forgiveness, clarity, love and resolve doesn’t seem to me like it is telling H +M what to do. I am reading it as she hopes that everyone has some growth and they get to a better place as a family. No harm in hoping for that…doubt it’s going to happen. She can hardly fire off at the royals for being racist. It might be what we want to hear though.

  57. april says:

    It sounded like a “tough love” speech to me. Especially the part about serving your country, a la, “ask not what your country can do for you but ask what you can do for your country.”

    • MsIam says:

      It was a “keep your eyes on the prize” speech. Harry and Meghan want to do great things so that’s what they should focus on. People have said terrible things about the Obamas for the past twelve years but you don’t see them on Twitter like Trump, always complaining about who didn’t like him.

      • Kalana says:

        That’s how I saw it. Set your boundaries, forgive for your own mental health, focus on your public service.

  58. Freddy says:

    Love you Michelle, but you should have said..nothing….

  59. MA says:

    I’m not a fan of MO’s response. I don’t expect her to go after the BRF but she could’ve given more of a neutral non answer instead of this clumsy wording that could be interpreted as playing respectability politics.

    That being said, Michelle has publicly praised Meghan and called her a friend. I would imagine she’s offering her support behind the scenes. Even if the other comments were not great, she got in the comment on race and didn’t deny the racist experience which hints that she’s supportive. Contrast that to the other black Britons the BRF are wheeling out to refute their racism. I think this is kind of Michelle’s MO, like I don’t remember her coming out to defend Serena when the reffing controversy and racist cartoon incident happened but she’s obviously friends with her and has praised her on a separately occasion

    Tl;dr I understand MO needs to look out for herself and her family and know she’s supportive of Meghan, but she could’ve given a more vanilla answer

  60. Rainbow says:

    Minority opinion, but when Michelle said “nothing is more important than family,” I thought she was referring to Harry putting the wellbeing of his wife and child first, and how she thought that was the right thing to do.

  61. MMadison says:

    This was never about the Queen. This has always been about Harry v William and Meghan v Kate. Charles probably got involved after William had a baby tantrum. At some point Meghan will have to show her receipts because William will LIE and the press will print his lies without fact checking them. Maybe we will hear more about Rose :)

  62. Valerie says:

    If she means what I think she does, I have to disagree with her. Family should mean something if not everything, but it’s often the people on the receiving end of that well-intentioned tenet who are the ones who’ve been wronged, not the other way around. It isn’t up to the one who’s been hurt to extend the olive branch or keep the lines of communication open, not in a toxic relationship.

    But if this is her way of saying that Harry was right to prioritize his wife and children, then she’s absolutely correct.

  63. aquarius64 says:

    Anyone noticed NO ONE mentioned a patch up with the Markles?

  64. molee says:

    I thought Michelle’s comments were intended to be supportive of them doing the right thing. I thought her meaning was that Harry and Megan’s *new* family was the family that is most important and they especially need to be protected from the abuses and betrayals from those who lclaim that they love us. As for forgiveness, that might be good for a feature goal, but it is not helpful, and frankly dangerous, while suffering and abuse are actively going on. Turning the other cheek does not help if someone is trying to kill you, and and advising someone to do so is hurtful toxic positivity.

  65. SMS says:

    Michelle Obama is right. They are family and at some point they need to forgive, forget and move forward. A prolonged battle only ensures that everyone loses. I suspect the royals are terrified of taking in the press because the press knows too much and could make their lives hell.

  66. Nina says:

    Yes , family is important. Harry’s family is Meghan and the kids. That’s why he removed them from the toxic environment William and Kate are looking after their family too, themselves and their kids. Harry has far more empathy for his father and brother than they have for him. They are very immature. Forgive but never forget.

  67. MsGnomer says:

    Hey Michelle, I made my chosen family because of violent abuse in family of origin. You sound like my aunts who like to trip and tell me to get over it. You, dear, should not have said a word.

  68. Victoria says:

    Black women can’t win I tell you.