Seth Rogen and Lauren Miller have been married for a decade. He seems to adore Lauren and they have chill vibes with each other. In his recent GQ interview, he made it sound like he spent the pandemic year smoking pot, doing pottery and watching movies with Lauren. All of that made him perfectly content. They don’t have any kids and, in his interview with Howard Stern this week, Seth spoke about how he doesn’t actually want any kids whatsoever. Kids would ruin his vibe, apparently.
Seth Rogen is getting honest about not having a desire to become a father. Appearing on The Howard Stern Show this week, the Knocked Up actor, 39, explained why he and wife Lauren Miller both don’t plan on having kids. Rogen says he wouldn’t be able to work as much as he would like if he also had to juggle parenting responsibilities.
“I wouldn’t be able to do all this work that I like,” he says. “… People are always like — it’s something I think I was uncomfortable answering this before — but they were like, ‘How do you do so much?’ The answer is I don’t have kids. … I have nothing else to do.”
As for Lauren, whom he wed in 2011: “I would say she wants kids less than I do. I could probably be talked into it; she’s like no.”
The Yearbook author adds that he and his wife “have so much fun…. I don’t know anyone who gets as much happiness out of their kids as we get out of our non-kids,” says Rogen with a laugh. “Like, we’re f—ing psyched all the time! We’re laying in bed on Saturday mornings smoking weed, watching movies naked. If we had kids, we could not be f—ing doing this.”
Stern, who has three kids, tells Rogen, “It’s not an easy haul having kids.”
“You can’t be narcissistic, you have to give yourself over to parenting, and they’ve gotta become the priority,” says Stern, 67, to which Rogen replies, “Yeah, like, I don’t want that. That does not sound fun to me.”
“And why?” the Neighbors actor adds, “There’s enough kids out there. We need more people? Who looks at the planet right now and thinks ‘You know what we need right now? More f—ing people.’ That’s truly a confounding thing to me.”
I think this is the crux of it: “I would say she wants kids less than I do. I could probably be talked into it; she’s like no.” If Lauren was all for kids, they would already have one or two and Seth would probably enjoy fatherhood. But since Lauren isn’t down with it, Seth is like “awesome!” I love it when childfree celebrities talk about why they choose to be childfree. Sometimes it is just an easy rationale of “I don’t want kids, I like working, I like my chill childfree life.” Big same. Normalize being childfree by choice!
Photos courtesy of Avalon Red.
#normalizechildfreebychoice
Amen.
YES!!!
YES, 10 million times over!!
My husband and I never wanted kids from the start and ten years later we’re still very happy about that choice.
+100000000
Childfree by choice here! I love my nieces and nephews to bits, but I have never wanted to be a mother, thankfully my husband agrees with me and we decided early on that kids were not for us. It’s not an easy decision- family, friends, and society like to make you feel like you are less valuable, selfish, and a monster if you don’t have kids. I know in my heart I made the right decision for me and for the planet (already too many damn people in the world lol).
Nothing wrong with being childfree by choice (or any option, really. Everybody should do what’s best for them). I like that he’s open about his wife definitely not wanting children. Not all women feel the urge to mother, and that’s okay.
“You can’t be narcissistic, you have to give yourself over to parenting, and they’ve gotta become the priority,” says Stern, 67, to which Rogen replies, “Yeah, like, I don’t want that. That does not sound fun to me.”
THIS. Me and whatever I want to do at any given moment is my priority. Maybe it’s selfish but I don’t want to sacrifice that.
As someone raised by a malignant narcissist mother, I really love that Howard said this. And I don’t think people who choose not to have kids are all narcissists at all! But you can not mix narcissism and parenting without lots of therapy bills for the child down the line (I can say from experience it’s expensive to recover from narcissistic parental abuse!)
Oooof. My dad abandoned us when I was 15 and left us with my overbearing narcissistic mom. The thing about moms like that is that they dont see how narcissistic they are because they are convinced they are completely devoted to their kids – even though they dont bother listening to them.
I could write a book with all the issues this left me with and how hard my transition to adulthood was (and still is).
So yeah, if you dont want kids then please dont have them. Dont think about overpopulation – what we dont need here is more awful parenting.
Ugh i was raised by narcissists too. I grew up neglected disregarded and constantly shamed for having needs because narcs cant get beyond their own nose. I am not looking to be neglected again which happens from time to time as a parent as your kids come first. Ive already been neglected not doing that again
MN-Mother club member too. I’m so thankful for my therapist, honestly.
I don’t have kids -even though I love my nephews and little cousins and I enjoy babysitting – because I do not want the responsibility: I can barely keep myself alive, I could never afford to shift the focus permanently to other vulnerable human beings.
I think it’s more selfish to have kids “superficially”, neglecting them and trotting them out only for social approval.
He said it all perfectly and that’s the same view that I have. Kids are great. I couldn’t do whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted, with my own time and money if I had children. I’m sure that does sound selfish to some people, but I truly don’t care. Do what actually makes you happy in life.
Yeah, but you acknowledge it and made a well thought out decision! Parenting is hard! Carrying a child is a lot! It’s also a choice that should be respected more.
Seriously, everything he just said – except maybe the smoking weed part. The pandemic coupled with the stage of life I am in has equaled almost every single woman around me at work and in my personal life getting pregnant, and they all want to gleefully tell me “you’re next!” It’s hard to tactfully tell them I have no desire to be. I’m happy for them starting their families and I’m happy for me that my family isn’t growing. As Seth said, that does not sound fun to me. If we ever changed our minds, it would be to adopt, and probably not an infant.
I had people telling me that too, when friends were getting married and having kids, and when I’d say no thanks, they were visibly confused.
These friends are now the same people who say “you do so much cool stuff…” because (pre-pandemic) I travel, go to a lot of concerts, museums, restaurants and just fun outings with friends and family. I also work full time and have a hobby/side business, and I could never do ALL that with kids.
I love my friends’ kids, but if I had to spend every single weekend at soccer practice or other kids’ birthday parties, I’d go insane.
It *shouldn’t* be hard to tell your friends that this isn’t right for you, and it doesn’t have to be tactful. Consider the total lack of tact that they are demonstrating by assuming that you want to have children (like they do) and that you are ready now (as they are). Having children is a monumentally important decision and a very personal one. They are making this all about them, so there’s no need to put a gloss on it when you bluntly tell them that you don’t want kids. Or don’t tell them; they aren’t entitled to that information.
Completely agree! Those people need you to make the same choices as them because they need validation that they have made the right life choices!
The argument ‘you’ll be lonely later in life if you don’t have kids’ stinks because having kids absolutely does not guarantee this!! Especially not if you’re a d*ck and your kids want nothing to do with you!
Oh yeah he should stick with his guns. I think all people who don’t want kids should NOT have them. I wanted kids badly and I adore my two kids, they have brought me to a whole new space internally and externally. But boy are they a lot of constant work! I could not imagine doing this if my heart wasn’t 1000% in it.
And I still do long for the days of smoking a joint on a Saturday morning in bed, rolling out for a walk in the city and a slow, indulgent brunch with my husband, all that kid-free stuff. I miss it. I miss all the time with my husband that was just chill and creative.
Yesterday my kids and I laid in the sunshine on a blanket, they picked flowers for me and we named each flower, they sang and played and I watched them with my soul singing with how amazing it is to be a parent. So for me every trial and every moment is worth it. But each person is an individual and for some it still wouldn’t be worth it, to lose so much of yourself in pursuit of raising another. So I’m proud of people like Seth for knowing themselves like this.
I love everything you said. 💖 and your name.
Beautiful ☺️ Childfree and Agreed with everything you said
Agreed! I always knew I wanted to be a mom, but damn, the stress and anxiety of being a parent is going to kill me. I love my boys more than life itself, but it’s a constant struggle not to lose myself and identity while constantly praying that I’m making the right decisions to help them grow into functioning, healthy adults. This is not for the faint at heart.
I’m surrounded by people that are happily child-free and I fully support their decision just as much as they put up with my kids 😀
Child free by choice! I decided at 13 I did not want children. I’m 66 now and do not regret anything about my choice. I love kids, but never wanted my own.
I didn’t decide so young, but I never had that urge for motherhood and it always felt scary. Cut to adulthood and carrying would be very complicated for me. Luckily my husband never wanted children so we have 2 beagles and an Aussie. We save money. We have more time together. Our friends with children applaud our decision. Maybe our parents have commented early on hoping for grandkids, but they’ve accepted our choice and see we’re happy.
That’s the only thing I’ve ever felt bad about, I know my parents wanted grandkids, and I’ve been sad they haven’t been able to experience that, but it was NOT enough of a reason for me to have kids. But yay! My sibling is now going to have a baby, so whew, not my worry anymore.
Lol Lucy! Pressure is off! My mom loves my dogs and buys them Christmas sweaters, bday gifts. Asks when she can dogsit next.
Full treatment!
yes, I’ve been thinking more about the thread the other day about Katie Perry on this, and a tweet from Bethanny Frankel today about how her daughter “gives her life meaning.” It’s not that I’m not happy for her or others when they fulfill their dream of becoming a mother, it’s wonderful…for them. It’s just that it’s so out of whack, so much pressure on mothers and their children, and also personally sad to feel how our culture so celebrates that choice, esp for women, while ignoring or delegitimizing or marginalizing other choices.
And it feels like it got a lot worse when W and the christian right sort of took over… There’s a handmaiden’s tale aspect to it all. I’m childfree — and husband-free btw — by choice and when I think back on how much everyone celebrated the engagements and weddings and baby showers and kids’ birthdays all around me, while my choices (academia, teaching, arts, etc.) were sort of sidelined or worse criticized sometimes in v hurtful ways, even by older relatives I adored, I just wish I could talk to my 20/30- something self and say, ignore it, be you.
Thankfully I did follow my own path, but it was hard at times. One recent heart-break was a 20+ year friendship basically ending when this “friend” went on and on, out of the blue, about how being a mother is the only thing that makes a person worthwhile, that mothers provide for the community, that being single is so selfish, on and on. She’s become v fundamentalist over the years, is actually struggling as a mother w v troubled kids, and I think was enraged when I was telling her about some of the areas of growth I was enjoying in my own life. It was awful.
Anyway, yes, let’s pls celebrate all choices…including being childfree, and marriage free too. And to anyone confused or criticized or hurting now, I hope you can hear this — be you…
OMG I’m so sorry to hear about your friend and her bulls**t, hurtful views!
I adore my child-free friends! They keep me tethered to the adult world, they inspire me with their career growth as women, they are there with lots of energy for my kids when I really need help (other moms are as drained as I am because my circle of mom friends is in the baby to little kid stage and we are all TIRED). They pull me away from home life for girls weekend getaways etc.
I hope you find friends who value who you are and all the positives that come with your life choices.
Thanks so much Piratewench (maybe my fav name of all time, haha), you sound like a great mom and friend. And yes I’m v lucky to have good friends who’ve made all kinds of diff choices and are open-hearted enough to embrace mine, but mainly I feel lucky to be deeply fulfilled in my own independent, maybe unconventional ways — teaching, mentoring, writing, creative projects, being in nature, etc. I really realized how much during the pandemic, and was honestly so glad to be on my own through it. Thanks so much again Piratewench!
I’m sorry about your friend. I really feel like people who criticize in that manner are either jealous because kids are hard and they secretly resent your freedom, or really scared/intimidated by someone making a choice outside the norm, and it makes them confront a lot of their own choices.
Having kids is great! Not having kids is great! Being cool with what other people choose is great! Getting horribly bent out of shape with what other people choose to do with their life, perhaps to justify one’s own, is not great.
I’ve been thinking about this so much lately. My fiance and I have a life we love where we can pretty much do whatever we want, and I don’t have a strong urge to be a mother. I’m in my mid-30s, and he’s in his mid-40s with two daughters who are 17 and 19. And people keep asking me if we’re going to have our own kids, and if so, I better hurry up because I’m a ticking time bomb. Such a lovely thing to say to a woman…
I don’t have my own bio kids, but have two step-kids with my (non)husband. I’d been asked when I was going to have my own, but seeing how I’ve NEVER wanted my own kids, it was the easiest decision. We considered how it would make the boys feel, and decided it wasn’t worth it. 12 years later, no regrets, two wonderful teenagers that couldn’t be more like me unless I had in fact birthed them. AND, I can selfishly say I’ve never changed a diaper.
I love hearing about people making this decision. I totally would have done the same thing but being with my husband after several years made me realize I’d like to have just one with him. He always wanted kids and I never did until him. Then, I was willing to try for one. We have a 6yo son now. He’s great but parenthood flips your entire life upside down!
I think it’s nice to shine a light on fence sitters, since that’s the umbrella he probably most falls under. I know SO many people who feel they could go either way and then feel sort of alone, since it seems like most vocal people are either childfree or want kids. My husband and I are on the opposite side of it than Seth and Lauren…I always knew I wanted kids, and he was “I lean kids but could be talked into being happily childfree if that’s what you want”, and I remember thinking that was sort of weird. Turns out, a ton of people are on the fence! We’re expecting our first and are thrilled, but I like knowing that if I had decided I didn’t want kids, he would have been just as happy.
I agree, I never had strong feelings either way about kids and I think for a lot of people like me it’s just society that kind of makes the decision for you. People get married and it’s non-stop pressure to have babies and everyone around you is having babies and if you’re on the fence it’s like well, why not? I’m glad there are more people coming out loud and proud about being child-free by choice. Parenthood can suck the life out of you and it’s not for everyone. I have my regrets, and if I could go back in time I wouldn’t do it again. I for sure will not be that mom pestering my kids to give me grandbabies.
I think you’re spot-on, and it’s really interesting to see how this changes based on where you live/what your background is. We both work in academia AND we’re older (32 and 42), so I’m happy that we made the choice without that pressure that my peers from my midwestern hometown faced, since SO MANY people who work in higher ed tend to be CFBC or have 1-2 kids, later in life. In our field, you see a LOT of people who are CFBC, so I’m always shocked when I hear about people who get flack for it…we’re definitely in a bubble!
I’m also a fence sitter and my rationale is that if I ~really~ wanted kids I would have stronger feelings about it. And maybe one day I will, and if that day comes and I’m 40+ there are tons of kids up for adoption.
I loved Allison Janney’s comment from a few months ago: I’d rather regret not having kids than have kids and regret them.
My boys don’t want kids — I have two age 24 and 29 and both are vehement about not wanting children (though for very different reasons). I think it’s fantastic because I don’t really have this overwhelming need to Grandma but my friends are … sad for me? I have several friends that think it is the worst thing in the world and that my children somehow owe me grandkids. I’m not raising them or paying for them so it isn’t my damn business.
My mom is going through this now – all her friends and siblings are grandparents and she isn’t, and I think is pretty sad about it (but she has never pressured me for grandkids thank god). I feel for her but I also don’t think I owe anyone grandkids
YES!!! I had children because I wanted them but married too young for the wrong reasons (wanting to be “a mommy” from the age of I can’t remember was one of those reasons) and am now married to the guy I would have loved to have married Back in the Day but – it would never have worked because he didn’t want children. He didn’t want them to the point that when I asked if my youngest – 17 at the time – had been 8, he said he wouldn’t have gotten involved with me. A younger me would have broken it off right then, my older-and-wiser self was “I get it!”
That said, as a young mom (23 and fresh out of college when I had my first, 28 when my youngest came along) and watching my friends get pressured by their parents for not reproducing, not reproducing quickly enough, or trying to get pregnant and being unable to, I made a conscious choice to NEVER do that to my offspring.
And here’s the thing – I have two grands now – 5 and almost 3. One is local, the other one, sadly, I haven’t seen live in almost two years because of the pandemic. There are those hands-on grandparents who take the kids all the time, see them all the time, etc. It turns out that I’m more of a “fairy grandmother” type who likes to swoop in and hang out, play, read to them, play music with or for them and do activities, then disappear for another week or so (with the local guy – the far-away one gets the reading and other attention over Zoom). I am a MUCH more hands-off granny I was a mom. And I really like it!
Cheers to any parents out there who are not pressuring their children to produce grandkids! My siblings and I don’t want children. My sister may end up there someday, but right now she’s 31 and single and in no rush at all. My mom was a SAHM and is very chill about us not having children, even though all of her and my dad’s siblings are grandparents multiple times over.
My dad is the one who makes comments and tries to put pressure on. I got divorced after 8 years of marriage and literally one month later my dad was talking about finding me a new man who I could have kids with! I’m so thankful to have my mom’s support in telling him to mind his own business. She is the most selfless and giving mother and that carries over in to her supporting our life choices.
I’m always very careful to tell both of mine that they can have kids or not, and it’s a choice they need to make with their future partner (they’re 8 and 13.) I’m the only one of my siblings (3 of us) to have kids; my sister and BIL are adamantly childfree by choice, and my brother’s wife had 4 kids from her previous marriage so they decided they didn’t want to “reset the clock” (her youngest was 9 when they married.) I know my parents love my kids absolutely to bits, and part of me looks forward to that someday, but the bigger part of me wants my kids to make the choices that are right for them and their lives. They don’t owe me a thing.
I think it’s important kids know that it’s a decision they need to make with THEMSELVES and then choose a partner accordingly.
I had a crush on Seth Rogan for years. I think his wife seems like a cool lady.
I didn’t really want kids so there was a lot of drama when I got pregnant. I decided to go through with it but I had really bad depression during my pregnancy. When I gave birth and got down to it, I was fine and I’ve been fine ever since. My daughter is overall great but sometimes I still miss the days when it was just hubby and I. I don’t think anyone should have kids if they don’t want to. Even if they want to, we should normalize people expressing their feelings of not wanting to without it having anything to do with their kids.
when I had my first kid (who turns 9 tomorrow, where did the time go lol) I became even more pro-choice than I was before and more pro “if you dont want kids don’t have them.” Being pregnant is hard. Having kids is hard. (and expensive.) I was pro-choice before pregnancy and I kind of wondered if being pregnant would make me less pro choice but instead I was like “no one should have to go through this if they don’t want to for whatever reason.” and same with actually having kids – no one should have kids just because society pressures them to do so. People who have children aren’t better than people without children, it doesn’t make someone selfish or unfulfilled to not be a parent – it’s a personal choice and everyone should do what is right for them.
We absolutely need to normalize people being childfree by choice AND still being a family. I cringe so much when people ask others “are you starting a family soon” – first off, its none of your business if someone else is planning on trying to get pregnant, and second, you can be a family without having children.
I’m like you. I have kids and am 100% Pro Choice. I always was Pro-Choice, but being a parent adds another dimension to my feelings about it. People who do now want kids absolutely should NOT have them and should feel no pressure to have them.
Pregnancy, giving birth, changing diapers, it’s all stressful, but for me honestly that was the least stressful thing about it. I didn’t even mind changing diapers, not with my own kids. If a friend asked me to change HER kid’s diaper, I would resist like crazy. It’s funny how some fellow mothers think because you have your own kids, you’re just in love with all of them. Not true.
The lack of sleep, the worry, the way your time is no longer your own, the fact that your heart is out there running around and you can’t always control it, THAT is the hard part. Mine are older now and there are tremendous rewards to parenting, I don’t regret having kids at all, but I know having them made things harder as much as it enriched our lives. And it is not for everyone. I also don’t intend to pressure my kids to give me grandkids. I’ve told them to wait until they are good and ready financially and emotionally, should they choose to have them. As of now both say they do want kids eventually, but that might change, who knows.
I have a friend whose 21-year-old daughter got pregnant while using an IUD. She was in shock and upset but chose to keep the baby. She’s due in September. She has a BF who will be part of the child’s life even if they don’t end up together, will have a college degree, and parents who have plenty of money and are supportive. She’s lucky. My friend said that had it been her other daughter (she has four kids), she (the daughter) would have scheduled the termination ASAP. Her daughters are just very different. But again, they are all Pro-Choice…this wasn’t her daughter’s plan, but it’s her choice.
” second, you can be a family without having children.”
THIS!! My husband, me and my cats are already a family. It should be normalised, instead it gets stigmatised and ridiculed!
Oh my gosh, that being a family thing hit me hard. We have 3 kids now, and I love being a mom, but we were married 8 years before we started trying (and were lucky enough to get pregnant immediately) and talked about not having kids at all. (My thinking evolved in my 30s out of what I wanted in life.) We both worked in jobs that required a lot of travel, husband still does, and the decision to have children wasn’t made lightly by either of us, as we knew it would require one of us to get off their career path. (Yes, it was me—again by choice.) Anyway, for a housewarming gift a while back, my in-laws gave us a paver that had “The ___ Family, est. 2008” carved in it. I was like, WTF, since we’ve been married since 2000. 2008 was when our first child was born. Guess that first 9 years didn’t count to them. Big sideeye. Huge.
Lol. I imagine Lauren Miller already feels like she has a child.
Ha ha Merricat. That’s the best comment here today.
I was looking for this comment!!! Probably she is aware that all the heavy lifting would fall on her and that is pretty much why she doesn’t want to have them with HIM.
I’m all for choice. Forever and always. I never thought about having kids. Never babysat, never played with them, didn’t want. All three of mine are birth control babies with six and seven years difference respectively. It’s all so very funny now, but I cried and cried for a collective six months finding out. I had choices, I know, but I dove into each pregnancy, and was in love with three boys the moment they entered my life. My choices have always seemed to be someone’s punchline, so there ya go lol. I wonder why I’m not cynical and ridiculously sarcastic? 😁
I think it’s smart. Making films and throwing pots — sounds like a really great life!
This is where I confess I’ve had a Seth Rogan crush for years. I’ve always been looking for a successful stoner but they can be hard to find. They’re cute together.
He says some great things here. Not to offer free cookies but it’s nice to hear a man talking about this topic.
Kids aren’t for everyone and if people don’t want them, be happy that they know enough about themselves to make this choice. They’re plenty of people who had/have children to make others happy , to fit in, or because they’re supposed to , those kids end up abused in some way and it’s a mess for everyone.
He can be mature and well spoken when he wants to be. He has movingly spoken about his and his wife’s support for Alzheimer’s research for instance. And not to threadjack but I hope the site addresses what’s he’s said about James Franco plus Charlene yi’s response. I’m surprised it hasn’t been yet given how long, in gossip years, it’s been out there.
@Becks1, I had the exact same sentiment while pregnant. It solidified my pro choice stance in a way that clarified any ambiguity I had about the movement.
I always wanted kids but looking back I truly had no idea what I was signing up for. We live in a middle class neighbourhood and there is a bougie couple down the cul de sac who don’t have kids. I find myself fantasizing about having the luxury of spending 6k on Christmas lights, fancy 2 door vehicles and Sunday morning lie ins…..
My kids are teens now, but the toll they have had on my career, body and psyche is real. It doesn’t escape me that we hold mothers responsible for almost everything – there are few villages when parenting.
So I applaud anyone making an informed decision about parenting. We should be more honest about the ‘cost’ of parenting. The Daily had a great episode on the falling birthrate in Japan. Essentially women are saying no to the wife / motherhood lifestyle. And the dudes in charge have no idea how to influence the trend.
This is exactly the way I feel, @eviesmom
Wouldn’t give up my kids for anything, but I spend a not insignificant amount of time wondering what might have been had I not had kids. They’re older now and I find it a lot easier because I’m starting to feel like I’m my own person and can actually enjoy the relationship I have with my husband again, but the toll it’s taken – especially physically, despite having last given birth 15 years ago – has been significant and unexpected.
I’ll sometimes read comments along the lines of, “People shouldn’t have kids if they aren’t prepared to take care of them,” but honestly, even though my kids were planned and wanted AND we thought we were prepared, I had no idea what I was getting into and how hard it would be.
I fully support people’s choice and desire not to have kids, and, like others have said, am even more strongly pro-choice after having become a mother.
We are newly weds in our mid 30s with no kids and are currently happily child-free and in no rush. (My username is in reference to my dog lol.) People may or may not be surprised, but basically everyone around us is asking when we will start a family. It’s beyond annoying. We live in the Deep South where having a family is the only acceptable way of life. And honestly, the more I think about kids, the longer I want to put it off. Like we might only have one and it could be a couple years away. We enjoy sleeping in on the weekends, spontaneously going to happy hour, traveling (once pandemic is over) etc. Being child-free is awesome and I truly believe that our friends w kids somewhat envy our lifestyle sometimes, but of course they would never admit to it. I wish more public figures would talk about this topic and help normalize a child-free lifestyle. I joke with close friends that my goal right now is not a baby, but more like planning a trip to Napa and getting a second dog.
Do not let society pressure you into such a big choice that will change your whole life forever. So many couples just have children because “that’s normal” and not because they truly want it. A lot of people do not even question if they really want it or if society tells them that they “want” it….
“People may or may not be surprised, but basically everyone around us is asking when we will start a family. It’s beyond annoying.”
SOOO annoying!! I got married late in life, I’m in my perimenopause now and still people are asking if I would have kids?? Like, are you kidding me??
It’s a choice, and men getting criticism for it is something that isn’t discussed a lot. My now ex-husband was constantly put down by his Dad with passive aggressive jokes and outright statements that he would never have kids because he didn’t have any by the time he turned 30, and after that it was too late because he was too old and it would never happen, so his life was forever incomplete.
Childfree by choice here as well!
I love hearing people talk about making the child free decision. It’s hard, you get so much judgement. Let’s normalize not asking people about their family status! There’s so much more to life than that. We don’t all have to be cookie-cutter copies of each other.
For all of those people commenting about how hard things are right now with kids – it gets so much better! The years are short, so sooner rather than later they’ll be grown and out of the house. My husband and I are (prepandemic) enjoying traveling, going out to dinner with friends, getting theatre tickets, sleeping in on weekends, etc. We adore our kids, but are very happy only talking to them about once a week! While financially it sets you back, in other ways parenting just delays doing all that fun stuff. Wouldn’t change it for the world.
Kids can be awesome. I would do just about anything for my niece and I’ve worked as a responsible, empathetic and popular nanny. Despite having many positive experiences with children, I LOVE not being a parent myself! It allows me more freedom to have diverse experiences and keep myself healthy enough to survive the anxiety and depression inherited through my family. I’m a designer who builds and improves things constantly to help serve the needs of others. So I need a lot of quiet and rest to recharge at home after giving so much of myself at work.
There are plenty of other valuable and necessary contributions to society a person can offer outside of bringing more humans onto this struggling planet. Quality of life over just more life. Parents and child-free adults are equally deserving of compassion and respect.
Yes to this, no kids, I’m a great aunt & love my dogs. It’s not a requirement to life to be a parent, I’m glad it’s becoming more acceptable as I’m sure my moms little church lady friends think I’m odd for not marrying or having kids, they expect it. I’m on my own vibe I don’t need that to be happy, I’m happy right the way I am now.
I didn’t set out to not have kids—I just never got around to it. I’m an artist. I’m too covetous of my alone time to have kids. It all worked out.
I think people that don’t want children should absolutely not have children.
People on the fence about it might have kids with zero issues and it will probably turn out fine.
But what if you have a kid with a lot of issues?
You could have that child with you forever, are you prepared for that?
I have two kids, boys, 16 and 25. I love them to pieces and wanted them very much.
They are also bipolar, on the spectrum, my youngest more than my oldest, but they may always be with me.
I’m hoping with more maturity they can branch out more, my oldest is going to college, but they may always be with me.
And that’s ok, I’m good with that outcome.
But would someone who was meh about kids be prepared for that?
Or omg how much work and stress it still is when it should be starting to get easier?
Most people don’t think about what if your kids have problems.
It’s really not selfish at all not to want kids! I know quite a few people who HAVE kids for selfish reasons though. Someone to love me forever, someone who will always stay with me, someone who can fix my broken marriage etc. It never works and the poor kids are left to deal with emotional trauma caused by their selfish parents.
We as a society need to move away from shaming people for making their own choices and standing up for those choices.
It all only comes down to biology in the end. If you gave me a piece of paper to write down the pros and cons of children, there would be hundreds of things on the con list and only two on the pro list. Those two are the deep wish for a child and the love and joy you experience as a parent. Now, before you have kids, you wouldn’t know about the latter so the only thing you have to go on really is whether you have the wish for a child. I know it’s not quite as simple because some people may wish for children but can’t have them or haven’t got the financial means but you get my meaning.
I can’t help but think people who think about kids and then decide against them would actually make the better parents because they have actually put thought into it! As opposed to have kids because that’s what your family or society tell you.
I am not a very maternal person and up until I was 33 I wasn’t sure whether I ever wanted them for pretty much the same reasons others have mentioned above. But then I just started getting these little aches and yearnings and they completely hit me by surprise. I still had my con list but my longing sort of started to trump them all. Now I have two kids and I’m currently sitting next to my 3yo daughter cuddled up on the couch eating cake, feeling blissed out with my choice and feeling blissed out for all you ladies out there lying naked in bed smoking weed or doing whatever YOU want.
Lots of love to you all, we women have so much going for us, have so many corners to fight for – let reproductive choices not be one of them.
I know my neighbors were glad when we moved in and told them we don’t want kids lol
I do not have kids. IDK why but I don’t like the term “childfree”…to me it sounds like people who DO have children have a skin condition or something that they can’t shake. lol. I prefer to say “I don’t have kids” or “I am not anyone’s parent”