I kept seeing the headlines about how Quentin Tarantino spoke about how he’s never given a penny to his mother, and I just thought “well, toxic parents, toxic relationships, who knows what’s really happening.” Without reading it, I just thought there was probably some terrible backstory about emotional or physical abuse. But that’s not really what it was. Apparently, Tarantino has never financially supported his mother because she… minimized and patronized his writing career when he was young.
When Quentin Tarantino was a 12-year-old aspiring filmmaker, he vowed to never share his fortune with his mother. The Academy Award-winning movie director and screenwriter stuck to his promise. Connie Zastoupil has never reaped the benefits of his success.
Tarantino, 58, explained the backstory on a recent episode of “The Moment” podcast, which is hosted by “Billions” co-creator Brian Koppelman.
“My mom was bitching at me about [writing screenplays] … and then in the middle of her little tirade, she said, ‘Oh, and by the way, this little writing career’ — with the finger quotes and everything — ‘This little writing career that you’re doing? That s— is over.’ I go, ‘OK lady, when I become a successful writer, you will never see one penny from my success. There will be no house for you. There’s no vacation for you, no Elvis Cadillac for mommy. You get nothing. Because you said that.’”
Tarantino said he once helped his mother when she got into “a jam with the IRS,” but that’s the only time he’s opened his wallet for her.
“There are consequences for your words as you deal with your children,” Tarantino declared. “Remember there are consequences for your sarcastic tone about what’s meaningful to them.”
Yikes. I mean, this falls under the banner of “toxic parenting” and a now-adult child seeking revenge for what he viewed as unsupportive parenting. And I would have been pissed off too. Parents are supposed to (at the very least) emotionally support their kids’ dreams. His mom sounds like a piece of work. Still… in his position, I probably would have set up a trust or something and then just cut her out of my life emotionally so I didn’t have to deal with any feelings of residual guilt. But that’s me – I deal (and have dealt) with so much guilt about caring for my elderly parents. I guess QT doesn’t feel guilty whatsoever.
Photos courtesy of Avalon Red.
Well, this explains the treatment of women in his movies and his friendship with Weinstein.
+1
Wonder exactly WHO he was choking when he choked Uma Thurmond and Diane Kruger? Sounds like he has a LOT of mommy issues here.
exactly. Talk about petty. Don’t get me wrong…his mother is clearly toxic and who knows what state she’s in today. But to write someone off at age 12 for a comment shows that this man holds a grudge to no end.
It’s petty because while his mother sounds like a total jerk, very few people (especially of that generation) would take a 12 year old seriously. And when you make decisions at age 12, you’re making them with the understanding of a 12 year old. When you STICK to those decisions for the rest of your life, you’re demonstrating that your understanding never grew beyond that which you had at age 12. I think we often find empathy for our parents as we age, as we become parents. The world around us seems less black-and-white. His mother could be living in total misery and her son has the means to help her…but just won’t, because she didn’t help him (take him seriously) when he was 12. Okay *eyeroll* He seems bitter and vindictive, which isn’t much better than his mother.
I doubt he is sticking to the promise because of what she said when he is 12. He made the vow because of what she said, back then. However, I would guess that he is sticking to his guns because she probably continued to be a bad mother and never regained his trust.
@chazz yes well put. I doubt this comment was a one off and the rest of her actions were supportive as most would’ve taken it as a one off if that had been the case
@Chazzz Agreed. It’s never about just one moment…
“and then in the middle of her little tirade, she said, ‘Oh, and by the way, this little ‘writing career,’ with the finger quotes and everything. This little ‘writing career’ that you’re doing? That s*** is over.’””
Yeah I’m sorry – imagine acting like that towards a 12 year old child. That is hostile as hell and I HIGHLY doubt that kind of reaction was a one-off. That is not in any way excusable regardless of context. I don’t even like Tarantino but jfc that’s a brutal way to treat a child – let alone your OWN child. Then she has the gall to go to him when she has trouble with the IRS.
He’s made sure she’s not homeless. He didn’t even owe her that, honestly.
And for those saying his mother encouraged his love for movies, his step dad (musician) is credited with helping encourage his love for movies and he’s still friendly with him. Included him in Once Upon a Time in Hollywood. After his mother divorced his step dad she shipped him off to the grandparents I believe.
That incident was likely the tip of the iceberg.
Sometimes the best thing to do is put distance between yourself and toxic relations.
There’s no doubt her words were inappropriate and hurtful but we also lack context. QT reminds me of certain men I know with mother wounds who are also incredibly difficult and selfish people. People are complex and family is whoooeeee
Well, I can recall when my son was 9 or 10 and took to writing a detective novel. He was inspired by some Calvin and Hobbs comics which had a “noire” style. It was awesome! I still quote from it today. My father copied it and sent to all of his friends. So, yeah, some times people do take children’s work seriously.
Denigrating a child’s self expression is cruel.
Toxic, abusive behavior does tend to propagate itself, doesn’t it? Q certainly has his issues. And he doesn’t owe his mother anything he doesn’t want to give. You’ll notice he DID help her with the IRS—she’s not in jail and she’s not destitute.
For those of you who think Q owes her—are you the same people that think Meghan should just take whatever Toxic Tom dishes out?
I don’t think he owes her anything. I do think it is weird that he is bringing this up basically out of nowhere and publicizing it. I think that says a lot more about him than her.
I don’t think he owes her. I think he COULD help her and that his rationale (his reasoning as he explains it) is the definition of petty. There may be more to that story, but he omitted the details. God, imagine dealing with him in a divorce.
@me
Yep good point
But is she giving interviews today trashing him? She’s not. There’s a difference in behavior between these to that if unacknowledged lets TM off the hook for selling his ADULT kid out daily.
@Sierra..agree. Relieved that he wasn’t sharing how much he doesn’t bathe or shower. I’m already feeling nauseous with the humidity we’ve had the last several days.
I completely agree. This is a man who needs therapy.
He’s also never had children and realized how crazy it gets sometimes.Single mom, I assume, so right there she had it tough. My son also used to sit in his room and write screenplays and make movies with his video camera and god knows I probably yelled at him at some point to do some chores I had asked and said stupid things. You are literally not parenting if you don’t at some point say something you regret to your kids. This seems really petty and narcissistic. Give me some more examples before I have any sympathy for him (he’s a creep).
Thank you Anne. It’s like every one commenting has always been calm and understanding and encouraging about everything. From another source it was about about him not writing when he should be “doing other things” – presumably school, chores, etc. Maybe not the best wording on her part, but come on.
Actually, it IS ever about ‘one moment’. I married a “one moment”er who’s done ALOT of work to get past his fractured view of his parents and heal their relationship. For decades, he held a grudge against them for leaving him and driving away on a deserted road and coming back two minutes later to get him (they wanted to make a point). His reaction was, “I can never trust anyone again!” but through the work he’s done, he’s been able to see that he was being a total jerk to his parents and they hadn’t been sleeping much due to his (only child) shenanigans. They had to do some work to do, too, as they didn’t remember doing that to him when he was four. They were generally good, loving parents to him. So yes, a strong reaction to ONE moment that lasted decades, to him. Maybe none of you realize that being a parent is hard work and most kids are assholes? Easy to judge. I think we all knew that QT was quirky. This really does all make sense when you look at his films, though! He’s never worked on his Mommy issues. Resentment is fertilizer for many types of cancer. It’s best to work that shit out, yo, before it works YOU.
“Maybe none of you realize that being a parent is hard work and most kids are assholes?” absolutely.
Is that also why he both despises and fetishises women?
Yes. First thing I thought of when I read this last night. Mother issues sometimes dominate how people live and see life, right?
I think he’s being petty. But of course I take care of my less than perfect mom with a willing, loving heart.
She was a young overwhelmed mother who was frustrated with her kid at the time. This sounds like nothing but an excuse to me.
Children aren’t obligated to support their parents. Especially if said parents only did the bare minimum. That’s not petty.
We have such a taboo in our culture against speaking up if a mother was abusive. Plenty of moms were too young, poor, overwhelmed, and generally imperfect, and sure, we should give a mother some grace for doing an extremely tough job in those circumstances. BUT some moms didn’t nurture their children. Some moms ridiculed their children. Some moms made their children serve THEIR needs. Some moms abused or neglected. If someone says they don’t wish to demonstrate gratitude to their mother, they are taking a stance that guarantees them a ton of societal blowback. Please give them the benefit of the doubt.
Where I come from adult children are very much obligated to their parents. The entire community supports the elders. Multi generational households are very common in much if not most of the world.
@Beana – I only know this one comment of hers and she may have been an abusive mother. But this one comment is not enough to consign her to that bin.
it’s so petty, he was 12 and held on to this forever. It sounds like his mom was momming and he did not like it. In the full interview, he mentions that he was doing screenwriting instead of schoolwork in class and got in trouble and that leads to the comment that he is clinging to. This could have been resolved by him speaking up to her, it’s not like he forgot.
Agreed. But especially for children of immigrants and from other cultural traditions, saying you wouldn’t support your parents is like damning yourself to hell forever. No matter what the circumstances or how abusive, children must always care for their parents. Sad but true.
I agree Popop. He doesn’t owe her anything.
That’s what it sounds like from this one comment. She made one comment one time when he was twelve about eighty years ago and he’s held on to that grudge this entire time? That says legions about him, not her. I’m not going to click through, maybe he went on to say this was part of her pattern of abuse, but right now? I dislike petty Quentin Tarantino even more.
No adult owes their parent anything, but I think most adult children are glad to help their parents, and a lot of wealthy adult children full on support their parents (MOST; children who grew up in an abusive home owe their parents nothing).
In my experience, that level of contempt is never just one comment. It would have cost her nothing to just let him write. Instead, she demeaned it and tried to make him stop. I guarantee that’s just the tip of the toxic iceberg.
Betsy, I don’t think one dismissive comment, in an otherwise sea of love and encouragement, would cause that.
I don’t like Quentin. I think his movies fetishize violence and toxic masculinity.
But. But it doesn’t invalidate how he says he felt as a child. And we aren’t right to put him down because he’s flawed.
We don’t have to consign her to any bin (we don’t know her anyway) – but HE has that right.
Surely it was not one comment. Toxic and abusive people and parents don’t just say one horrible thing.
Sayso, I agree with you. From what was said above about how he was doing screenwriting instead of schoolwork and getting in trouble at school, I can definitely see how she would say, in anger and exasperation, “this ‘screenwriting career’ you’ve got going on? that sh*# is over,” especially if this wasn’t the first time she had to talk to him about writing plays when he was supposed to be doing something else. Because yes, he’s 12, it is literally NOT a screen writing career at that point, so referring to it in air quotes or as a “so called” career is accurate, even if it is dismissive. And perhaps “that sh*t is over” referred to him blowing off school to write, and wasn’t meant to mean that he was never allowed to write again. I’ve said things like “this stops right now!” to my kids. Or “you’re done, this is not happening anymore,” when they’re misbehaving. Like if my kid was gaming at the dinner table repeatedly, I might say “you’re done, this stops now,” and I’m talking about gaming at the dinner table; I’m not saying he’s never allowed to game again. So was his mom actually saying he was never allowed to write plays again, or was she saying he wasn’t allowed to write plays at school and call it his “career”? It sounds like she was exasperated from having to deal with his behavior for awhile, and she lost her cool when confronting him about it.
I think it’s also important to think about who is telling this story, whose point of view is being represented, what do we know about that person, and why is he telling the story? Tarantino, noted misogynist who revels in stories in which female characters are used and abused, and who puts his female actresses in harms way to achieve that vision, is telling this story from his point of view to justify why he doesn’t support his mother financially—and not just justify, he seems to be proud of the way he’s kept this grudge-promise since he was 12. We don’t know the whole story, we don’t know if this is an accurate quote, or if he’s exaggerated with his word choice (“b****ing,” “tirade”). The phrase “b****ing at me,” definitely sets a certain tone. But if he’s considering his mother trying to parent him and set boundaries as “b*+**ing,” that already shows a very anti-woman way of thinking. He responds to her with “Okay Lady” which is also pretty dismissive a s disrespectful. If that’s an accurate quote from him, he sounds like a difficult child. But maybe they had a difficult relationship. Who knows. He doesn’t have to give his mother any money, but based on just this one story, I wouldn’t jump to the conclusion that his mother was toxic. emotionally abusive, or completely unsupportive of his dreams from the very beginning.
This is definitely petty. I recall in many interviews how he always gave his mother credit for letting him watch movies that were deemed “not for children.” He also said after viewing a movie his mother would talk to him about it. This sounded to me what enforced his love of movies so he owes his mother that.
Sticking to a vow made when you were 12 seems a little foolish and emotionally immature. Like getting a tattoo on your face. No room for growth, for new perspectives, just a scar.
As someone who was raised in an often toxic environment by a parent with narcissistic behavior, it sounds to me less like he’s sticking to a vow made when he was 12 and more like he’s focusing on one moment (out of multitudes) when the parent’s abusive behavior registered in a ‘I don’t have to take this’ way.
My narc mother has a golden child, a scapegoat, and a half golden/half scapegoat (my brother, golden because he’s the only male…and in her mind, males are the be all end all…but he was a scapegoat too because she really doesn’t like him). There’s also the forgotten child, which is me. The golden child was closest in age to me, so I was compared to her constantly and held to an impossible-to-live-up-to standard that was toxic and incredibly harmful.
I was actually eleven when I stood in my kitchen while my mom ranted because I had a B in math, a subject in which I struggled thanks in part to the prior 2 years (really bad teachers…and my mom KNEW this because the parents in both classes had meetings about how to approach the principal about the issue). That B was one of the hardest grades I’ve ever earned and I was proud AF about it. But all she could focus on was how GC had better grades (she didn’t really) and I should live up to her standard. I had to listen to 20 minutes how stupid I was because I didn’t make all As like my sister did (I had all As and the one B).
This came after years of comparisons to a sister who, frankly, wasn’t and still isn’t a nice human being. What was worse was the standard she compared me to didn’t exist, because half the qualities she said the GC had weren’t there.
And it was at that moment, at 11, when I realized I didn’t want to be like my sister, that my mom could jump in a lake if she thought I’d ever want to be like my sister and she was a c*** mom for behaving like she did, and my eyes were starting to open at the toxicity I lived in. And, yes, something along the lines of “I do not owe this woman anything, I am on my own here” crossed my mind at that point. And I wasn’t petty at 11, I was actually learning to be strong and take care of myself emotionally despite my parent doing everything they could to stop that.
I really dislike QT. I hate his movies. I have no idea what his mom is really like, but his comment about his experience resonated with me deeply. IF his mom is toxic, his behavior is not just focused on one incident when he was 12. It’s based on a lifetime of abuse. That one incident is just when a few things began to crystalize for him, IMO.
@tiger mcqueen
What you describe is so so relatable, youre not alone. It wasnt your fault. Hugs
I know just what you mean. My toxic narcissistic mother did the same thing.
It’s why I’m certain that QT didn’t decide to cut her off over “just one comment.”
That comment was just the final straw, the one that made his mind up that he would never receive the unconditional love a mother should give and therefore, would have to rely on himself and his own inner strength to reach his goals and dreams.
I wish everyone who has struggled with toxic parents all the love and strength, because we can see in these comments how other people’s ignorance makes us out to be the bad guys due to societal pressure.
Sorry to hear about your childhood experiences, sounds like you made it out ok and I totally agree with your last paragraph.
Thank you for sharing this @TigerMcQueen All strength and props to you for seeing this clearly even at so young an age and fighting for yourself.
Agreed @MissMarirose “we can see in these comments how other people’s ignorance makes us out to be the bad guys due to societal pressure.”
@TigerMcQueen – Holy cow do I relate to your comment re: the childhood realization of “I need to distance myself from this family member as soon as I legally can.” It sucks, but it’s better to realize it early than decades later.
Adding my story too… if you ask me about my mother’s emotional abuse, the episode that comes to mind first is what I call the “Popcorn Incident”. Basically I was sitting on the couch at my mum’s house, eating a pack of popcorn that I had bought, when my mum came up behind me and violently snatched the popcorn pack out of my hands. I was so shocked, it felt like I had been struck. I followed her to the kitchen and found her locking the popcorn up in a kitchen cabinet. It was bizarre. That was my moment where my eyes started to open.
That was just one instance out of hundreds if not more. It wasn’t the worst. One time out of the blue I received a phone call from a woman who said she was a psychologist and my mum had booked an appointment for me because I urgently needed help. To this day my mother still tries to provoke me with endless put downs all disguised as concerns and if I get angry its only more evidence that something is wrong with me and I need to let her help me or else I am headed for catastrophe.
It’s only recently that I finally realized my mother has a compulsion for fixing people and she was tearing me down to justify herself riding to my rescue.
I’m an African, and from what I have seen, just because there is a cultural emphasis for taking care of elders and not cutting off family doesn’t mean people are dealing with hurt maturely. They’re just holding in their anger until an acceptable target comes along; a child, grandchild, daughter in law who they can take their frustrations out on. And so the cycle of abuse continues.
As much as I think old Q is a putz, I don’t know the situation. His mother could have been absolutely terrible. He could also have been blowing off school to write as a tween which would rightfully concern most parents.
Both things can be true. Jerks like him most likely came from another jerk.
Yeah, we are only getting his side. I saw a larger excerpt where he was writing screenplays during his classes and that’s what prompted this. I’m not willing to call his mom toxic based on what QT has said. Maybe she didn’t express herself well, but he sounds like a hateful, self-indulgent little sh!tbag who needs to grow up. He doesn’t have to give her anything, that’s fine. But Jesus Christ, you don’t have to be a vindictive, self-congratulatory pisspot either.
I think this is kind of tricky, I don’t think a child who grows to be a successful adult owes anything to their parents as a matter of course. And I think often when that child-now-adult does support their parents, its often as a show of thanks for supporting THEM as they grew up and started whatever career they are successful in (thanks for driving me to all the practices, thanks for being there for all the performances, thanks for letting me live home until I was 30, whatever.)
So it sounds like his mother was the opposite of supportive (and was downright belittling and nasty about it) but did she change her tune at all? Did she still let him live at home and otherwise support him, even if she didn’t support the screenwriting?
do they have a relationship at all? Or is she completely cut out of his life? So many questions.
Bottom line – no, he’s not obligated to help his mother, but I also find it off-putting how he seems almost proud that he has these millions and he’s not going to help his mother in any way shape or form. Buy her a nice car for her birthday or something, geez.
Never thought I’d type the words “Team Quentin,” but here we are. I was raised by self-absorbed (maybe narcissistic) parents. Things can look really, really good on the outside – you’re fed and clothed and you behave impeccably because it’s paramount to them that you reflect well on them. The sick part is invisible. They invalidate your feelings. They fail to provide unconditional love. They insult your dreams and try to replace them with THEIR dreams. A kid in that environment grows up looking well-loved but isn’t – and struggles with chronic self-doubt, the feeling that they’ll never do enough to earn love, and often has no clue what they really want to do in life. It’s cruel and those who try to articulate it to people who grew up differently can often get invalidated all over again. It sounds like Quentin is describing a mother like that and I admire his tenacity in sticking with his dream. He doesn’t owe her a damn thing.
I feel that way about my dad. When people find out I’m not interested in having him in my life, they assume the worst, but he didn’t “abuse” me— throughout my childhood and young adulthood, he was rude and dismissive of me, did not connect with me, saw my independence as threatening and always tried to take me down a peg, expected me to forge my own way through life without any emotional guidance, and now that I’m successful in my own right he brags about that as if he had any part of it. I see him at holidays but stay away from him. People think I’m being petty, but it’s just like, no—in old age he’s become “softer” and nicer seeming, but he hasn’t reckoned with my experience of him as a father, and I’m not interested in repairing a relationship that was never there.
Hugs to you, Tree. It takes a special kind of person to grow up through that and start to love/parent yourself later on. As the saying goes, “I came through them, not from them.”
*TEEE* (sorry, I hate spell check)
Yeah I don’t care so much about QT but I can relate hard with your comment. My relationship with my dad has been very difficult for most of my life, and only became palatable recently (past 3 years or so) as he’s grown older and softer. However as I grow in life, he keeps trying to credit himself for my success, that I obviously have inherited his talent for this or that and should be thankful for him in that sense. Yes I’m thankful he fed me (while bullying me hard for being chubby and eventually fat), he got me into good schools (whilst undermining everything I did because I’m dumb right – if I don’t know math or physics I’m a failure) and so on and so forth. I do care for him, but I’ve built walls so high around me that we cannot spend too much time together or talk about sensitive topics. I hate that I grew up to be someone who constantly needs/seeks approval because I feel I’m stupid or incompetent and poster child for impostor syndrome, but yeah. Here we are.
Be kind to your kids y’all. You never know how verbal abuse can impact your child long term.
Guess this is also partly why I don’t want kids. It’s messed me up.
Yup I’m with you Beana. My mom is the definition of toxic. Everyone loves her, but they have no idea how hateful and abusive she is, and always has been, since I was a child. I cut her off (no contact) a few years ago and outside of periodic waves of guilit, I feel so much better because of it. If I had millions, she wouldn’t get any of it. Hell, she gets nothing now, and never will.
I’m with you, my mother is extremely toxic. She says and does horrible things, takes pleasure in humiliating us and then tries to “apologize” later. I told her I will only have a relationship with her once she starts therapy and gets proper treatment.
If it wasn’t for my dad I don’t know where I’d be right now, so when people say they needed to cut a parent off, I completely understand.
The crappy part is that SO many people just don’t get it, they are all like “give her a chance”, “she is you MOTHER!…”. It’s exhausting to try and explain this to people
Ugh I feel you Kath, and everyone else on this thread with toxic parents. I always have a strong gut reaction when people are like “oh but it’s your MOTH… Oh but you HAVE to take care of your parents, it’s your FAMILY, you owe them”. I’m always out with a violent HELL NO. Unless you’ve lived through toxic parents, you don’t know the pain and destruction they can cause.
Sending love babes, you can and will make it through 🙂
I have a former close friend who is like that – everyone loves her and thinks she is so charming and great. The closer you are to her the more of the real her you get to see. She is a very toxic narcissist who has little or no empathy/compassion for others, being around her for any amount of time was sooo draining – so in the end of the sake of my own MH I cut her off (that combined with the fact that when my mother was dying she was doing her usual emotional blackmail sh!t to get me to give her attention cause I was focusing on my mother i.e. ‘have i done something to offend you?’ etc..). She is def the type that if i ever got famous would be like Evil Papa Smurf.
Are we related? Because you just described my childhood to a T.
I highly doubt he made this decision based on of this one incident. This is probably one example of how she treated him. While hrs an ass I am also one if those people who believes person owes their parent nothing for doing what parents are supposed to do.
@ TippyToes, exactly!! Our parents brought us into the world and accepted the obligations of being a parent. To raise us until we are adults. We owe nothing to our parents for them bringing us into the world.
I feel badly for all of you who had awful parents, as I myself had an awful father. It’s hell growing up with a toxic parent and feelings of self doubt and lack of self worth is hell to grow out of. Not to mention the lack of love and support. We don’t owe our parents anything and we spend our lives trying to overcome our childhoods.
A few things (I don’t know QT’s background in general but….) he isn’t seeking revenge. He hasn’t done anything to his mother – that would be seeking revenge. He just isn’t doing something he could, which is fine.
Also, it really is his decision. There’s probably a lot more to it than that as well and he’s not interested in revealing it all? His money, his choice. Again I don’t know much about QT but we would certainly give any woman a round of applause for this. His mom (as many parents are) could have been far worse than we know.
His relationship with his mother wasn’t great because there were a lot of parents from his Era who would discourage their children from pursuing careers that they thought were not stable. Most of children didn’t bear a grudge against their parents like Tarentino because they realised they were just worried about their future. So it had to be that they had a bad relationship.
I agree. She had him when she was 16. She was a single mom, and when he was 12, she was 28. She was probably scared to death about his future- he was admittedly blowing off school to write. OMG, Quentin, rebel against her in your 20s, hate her in your 30s, but you’re almost 60, at least be grateful for what she did do. How many single parents in the 70s who were living paycheck to paycheck, would not have made some snarky reality check comments to their kids to push them on track?? He’s a jerk.
That’s how I feel. I don’t know what she was like as a mother. If she was constantly degrading him and generally cold and neglectful, that’s one thing. But if she got mad at him for blowing off his studies, a lot of that probably came from worrying about him being able to make a living. She probably struggled financially as a single mother and she didn’t want him to do the same. So she didn’t handle it that well, she’s human.
I do think it’s petty for him to be talking about it like this at his age, frankly. He doesn’t have to support her but he doesn’t have to cling to this either?
Again, we don’t know the context. It takes more than one sarcastic, probably highly frustrated comment for me to write her off as a terrible mother.
And comments like this are exactly why survivors of toxic, abusive parents are never helped or believed.
I find it really interesting the way this article is perceived in the US vs how it would be in my culture ( i’m an african currently living in Europe) .
I feel ( but I could be wrong) that Americans are quick to cut off contact with their parents due to toxic parenting. It makes me wonder, are American parents so bad ? or is it some sort of cultural norm where cutting people off is encouraged?
We have plenty of issues in my culture too but we tend to stick with our families through thick or thin, certainly a comment such as the one made by Q.Tarantino’s mother would never be the cause of such a rift. I’m also quite surprised by all the people who say that they don’t owe their parents anything, it’s bewildering but then again I suppose that explains why cutting off one’s parents is then so easy. How did things get to this?
https://www.nytimes.com/2021/07/29/opinion/estranged-american-families.html
Many modern Americans are less likely to feel familial obligations the way that other cultures might. In the past few generations, there has been greater emphasis on the importance of friendships and surrogate families, “You make your own family.”, over ties to a family that is toxic, abusive or unsupportive. I would say we are more likely to help friends, even if it is a friend we haven’t spoken to or been close to in awhile, whereas we are quicker to stop the relationship with family members that are toxic, or even that we just don’t get along with. Generally speaking.
There is more individualism in America. I don’t think the concept of coming from a “good family” is as strong here outside of marrying into old money. Also, because the social taboo about criticizing your parents or family in general isn’t as strong here, people are more likely to set boundaries. It’s like divorce. Marriages didn’t become worse when divorces were easier to obtain, people were just more likely to do something about feeling unhappy.
I wouldn’t necessary link coming from a “good” family with taking care of one’s parents especially in their old age.
I probably need to research this more but is the cutting off of one’s parents something that is new, that is is it principally done by people in their 30’s-40’s and younger ? if yes, then i wonder how people from that generation will feel when their children decide that their parenting has been toxic and sort of recreate the schema that they have witnessed.
Also, i wonder what the threshold for deciding that something is toxic or for that matter, that one’s parents is abusive or narcissistic ? Are these clinical evaluations or is the co-opting of clinical language to describe disagreements or situations of conflicts.
I apologize for all the questions, I find this change in society and break down of the family structure both fascinating and worrying.
Agreed @Kalana It’s all interconnected. If you don’t need the family connection and support in the same way and you also have the opportunity to forge relationships and new “family” such as in the case of LGBTQIA+ who may have been rejected from more traditional family structures by conservative kin, then you create new family and it is seen as okay to let go of toxic family including those who refuse to respect one’s identity.
MrsBump, the terms “toxic” and “abusive” are not clinical language and nobody is co-opting anything by using them. From what source are you getting your mistaken ideas about what qualifies as clinical language?
I find your commentary extremely condescending and judgmental.
You mentioned “recreating a schema.” “Schema” is clinical language. Are you a clinician, or did you decide to co-opt that term?
I’m not afraid of my children “recreating a schema.” That’s because I do not want to have children. Who will take care of me in my old age? My retirement account will.
I’m not a fan of the idea of having children so that you’ll have future caregivers later on.
Breakdown of family structure? Structures that keep people trapped in situations where they’re being abused due to financial considerations are not structures I’m too concerned about breaking down.
@MrsBump. **If** their children decide their childhood was toxic and cut their parent off.
@lola
First of schema is not clinical language. It simply means a representation of a model. I wonder where you are getting your sources from.
If you feel targeted by my comment and feel i am conscending and belittling you, then that is unfortunate, i dont know you and if you had horrible parents that you had to cut off that is your business and yours alone.
I am however looking at this from an observational standpoint. I’m not going to apologize for having an opinion even if you don’t like it.
The sheer volume of people on this comment section alone who claim to have toxic childhoods is astounding and prompts my question of the breakdown of family structure.
Also i found it rather sad (for me) that you would equate looking after one’s family to being trapped by some sort of financial construct.
My grandparents were not perfect, yet my parents took them in and took care of them till the end. My parents aren’t perfect either but i would walk over hot coal for them, i travelled to three different countries with my very sick , near death father suffering from organ failure, to get him medical help and save his life. The realities of living in a third world country are stark, so someone cutting off his own mother because she didn’t believe in his dream is the definition of petty.
Eastern European here. His reaction and the comments in this thread are so weird to me.
Firsr of all, cutting off family is very rare here, we’re much more connected. And I do believe children have responsibility towards their parents ( if no abuse etc took place)
But also, if not blindly supporting their kids’ dreams in an unstable career were enough reason to get into a fight with your family, no Eastern European would talk to their family ever. A vast majority of parents believe you should keep your dreams realistic and will tell you so. If this is the only thing she said he’s very much overreacting.
This is very much my upbringing too. While I certainly don’t support abusive parents, it does feel like the definition of abuse has been widened to include pretty much any kind of disagreement or deviation from an idealized form of parenting.
Or maybe a lot of parents in the west are really genuinely awful people, I don’t know.
Not to say that parents from where I come from are perfect, far from it, but we are grateful for the sacrifices our parents made for us and don’t simply dismiss these as “it was your choice to have me hence I don’t owe you anything” since they could also have chosen to give birth and then leave the child to an orphanage.
I think seeing and acknowledging their sacrifices/efforts are important in order to contextualize the areas where they may have failed to live up to our standards of how we wished we were parented.
it’s petty and it’s ignorant. and frankly goes along with his general douch attitude towards other people (he is an abusive white man surrounded by other abusive middle aged white men). I have no trouble believing he is a person free of guild, so up his own ass, the idea of forgiveness, reconciliation and duty is beyond his orbit of self awareness.
Yes, parents need to be supportive, but really if that was said once, then it says more about him than her. And the way he tells this story, looks like he is proud in keeping up with his promise to himself when he was just a child.
My relationship with my mother, just like of millions of people around the world, is complicated, I am still grapple with how much damage her comments did when growing up. Yet now she has Alzheimer’s and I am here for her. I am sure that coming up in the second part of 20th century in Eastern Europe (or in any other country for that matter) was very different from now, our parents themselves were damaged and brought up in a very different world. Yet I feel it is my duty to care and to reconcile with my mother, cutting someone off is the easier way out. If not just for my own sake , then so I could show my own kids that you do not just pick up and leave and cut people out of your life, even if they hurt you. Long story short, if there is only that much to this story, as he is letting on here, he is the trash here at least in my eyes. Frankly it suggests he has a pretty easy life in a a bubble of privilege.
I am of Indian origin so my culture is one that is really strong on taking care of family etc, and I find the whole thing burdensome and unhealthy. I think this change in society is fantastic, and it took people too long to get here. I think it’s important that people realise that just because they are your parents and/or family it doesn’t mean that they can treat you as they want and say what they want. You can’t berate, abuse and mistreat someone as their caregiver, it is your responsibility to prepare them for the world, and not prepare them to take care of you. You are not beholden to someone because they raised you – it was their choice, not yours.
Eastern European here and I completely agree with you Snazzy. That whole culture of “having to” and “being obligated” is very burdensome and unhealthy. It’s time we stop, for the sake of future generations
100%, Snazzy!!
And anyone who thinks it is EASIER to set boundaries or go no contact…has clearly never walked in those shoes and needs to sit down.
Family distance/estrangement is still PLENTY judged in American culture – no matter how strong or visible your reasons.
Strangers judge you without knowing your damn childhood.
Strangers want to give the parent the “benefit of the doubt” and say “it was just the one time.”
This is so damn triggering, y’all. Just reading half the comments under this article is raising my blood pressure.
Haha me too Beana. I get triggered every time! Stay strong – I’m with you!
Same and agreed
Thank you all for saying this. I’m getting very triggered reading the comments. Going no contact was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do and it took me 43 years of emotional abuse to do it. Although it was to protect my mental health and to allow the healing process to begin, I still feel guilty and sad that things had to come to what they are now.
And yes, most people “side” with my mother because from the outside looking in, she puts on a fabulous show of perfection and graciousness. Plus I was often blamed when she did exhibit poor behavior. I don’t bother explaining to anyone the reasons why. They simplify it to being “just that one time” or a “she didn’t mean it that way”. Other family members just laugh it off and say your mother is crazy without acknowledging the damage that was done to me. From the outside, it appeared I was well cared for so how could I be damaged.
I am first generation American and also grew up with the idea that you should take care of your parents. And I am the only daughter so I really grew up with it. My dad was somewhat abusive growing up and then when I met my husband he was mounting a never ending campaign to belittle and dominate my husband. At some point I realized that my dad wasn’t going to stop until he succeeded in breaking up my marriage or getting my husband totally under my thumb and after my dad threw a really horrible temper tantrum at Christmas two years ago, we no longer talk. I told him I’d consider family therapy if he would apologize to my husband and acknowledge that several specific actions were not okay and he flatly refused. To be honest, the complete lack of effort on his part to repair the relationship has been really shocking and hurtful, like okay, all those years I spent trying to please you and maintain a relationship that stressed me out to an enormous degree and apparently you are now willing to do absolutely zero for me? Nice.
Anyway, one thing that kept me from “breaking up” with my dad earlier was fear that my son would eventually turn around and do the same to me. But then I thought, why do I want to teach my son that it’s okay for his grandfather to be an asshole? Why am I okay with my son seeing this constant tension between his parents because his grandparent is incapable of behaving decently? How about I stop spending energy trying to maintain this awful relationship with my dad and more energy on being present for my child? I don’t want my son to feel obliged to perform love for me. I want him to look back on his childhood and feel that his parents loved him and supported him.
I’m going to go out on a limb here, and say that trashing your child’s ambitions and dreams isn’t a one-time thing.
It isn’t okay to crush your children that way.
THIS.
It wasn’t the only time she said that. It was just one of those moments that gets carved so indelibly on a child’s brain, and remains there because it was never healed afterward.
This article hits home for me. I grew up with similar parents—and through therapy I have learned to accept and “forgive them” (for me, more than them) in that they were doing what they honestly thought was in my (and also their) best interest. Was it ? Absolutely not, they were very unsupportive of my dreams and inadvertently very sexist.
I guess the only advice I’d give Quentin is, as my therapist says, “holding a grudge is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.” It’s been a long journey for me and while I do struggle with old memories and current mean comments from my mother on a regular basis, I recognize that its best for me to let it go and take a more “let it go,” approach. Regardless of money, he seems still very bitter.
As a mother who raised 2 kids on my own, I have many moments of regrets, regrets of the things I said when I was overwhelmed and exhausted, regrets of not being supportive enough, regrets and regrets. And while I completely support those who have had to severe ties with toxic family members, imho Q sounds petty and vindictive. Perhaps his mother is the one who is lucky not to have him in her life.
I think he’s perfectly in the right here. sounds like his mom was really condescending and unsupportive, so why would he support her? he’s not obligated to give her money because she raised him – she chose to have a child, so she chose to raise him.
also, my husband was a parent at 17 and he didn’t treat his kids like that, so let’s stop work the “oh she was young and must have been so scared” excuses. some people are just mean and condescending. he doesn’t have to feel guilty for not giving his adult mom money (and sounds like when she was really in trouble, he DID help her out).
1) That was a rotten thing for his mom to say. 2) It sucks that he’s taking out her abuse on other women.
Why are we assuming the mother is awful? (Was there some other history that other people know?) He was 12 – have you met a 6th or 7th grade boy? Was he told to do something else and didn’t follow instructions because he wanted to write? We’re also taking the word of a very problematic man on a situation that occurred decades ago – no context – and assuming his mother was abusive?
I’m just not sure this rises to the level of abuse – or even really something to drag his mother for. (And yes, I’m well aware that parents can be toxic. I’m the daughter of a narcissist. I’m familiar.)
Yeah, I’m not going to pass judgement on his mom without knowing the context of the conversation. Upthread it was mentioned that Quentin would skip school to write. So maybe this conversation occurred in the context of a discussion about his truancy and her wanting her son to have the solid start in life that she didn’t have? A parent at the end of her rope with a stubborn teen doesn’t automatically equate to a full-blown pattern of toxic parenting. Parents are human too. And NONE of us are always perfectly nurturing 100% of the time. Maybe she was a toxic parent, but we can’t know that from one incident filtered through a child’s POV.
My thoughts exactly, thank you. If my kid were skipping school at that age I would be showing some tough love for sure.
It’s a miserable comment, but also struck me as what a parent pushed to their limit might say. Apparently, this came up after teachers told his mother he was writing scripts during class. There’s more context in the interview the quote is taken from. The true nature of his relationship with his mom is still an open question, but note, as mentioned above, when Q was born she was 16, so 28 to his age 12 when this occurred. As per Huff Post:
“During the podcast interview, Tarantino explained that he struggled in school due to lack of interest and was ‘officially known as the dumb kid in class’. But he said that around the time he was in middle school, he developed a passion for writing scripts and would work on them during class.
To Tarantino’s surprise, instead of viewing his penchant for screenwriting as an academic strength, teachers ‘looked at it as a defiant act of rebellion’, he told host Brian Koppelman.
The filmmaker went on to say that his mother always had issues with his ‘scholastic non-abilities’. One day, his mother began reprimanding him after his teachers had informed her that he was writing scripts instead of doing schoolwork.
In the middle of her little tirade…” and so on.
The Today article the CB story was taken from has another interesting quote, from his mother:
“In 1994, Zastoupil revealed that her son use to write her ‘sad Mother’s Day stories’ to commemorate the holiday.
‘He’d always kill me and tell me how bad he felt about it”, Zastoupil told Entertainment Weekly at the time. “It was enough to bring a tear to a mother’s eye.”
So many different things could be true – that his very young mother worried about him getting a good education to prepare him for the future, and like a normal 12 year old boy, he resented her. Or, she truly was toxic, and this was one unsupportive comment among many, which explains the stories he wrote for her and his problematic views of women as an adult filmmaker. Obviously there were issues with his teachers as well; does he resent them for not appreciating his 12 year old talent, and his mother for apparently siding with them?
Those Mother’s Day stories though, wow. Maybe on some level she truly deserved them, or maybe, he’s also turned out to be a crap human being who never grew up (how did Chet Haze come to be?).
I’d think if my kid was writing stories about KILLING ME, (for Mothers’ Day no less!), I’d be hustling him off to a therapist ASAP!!
I’m sure her behavior toward him wasn’t a one-off situation but a pattern. I say good for him. Parents who are dismissive toward what their kids are passionate about is so harmful. It sounds like he’s helped her when she’s needed it but just doesn’t want her to get additional benefits from his huge success. Nothing wrong with that.
I have to think there was more to their bad relationship than just this incident. She certainly doesn’t sound like mother of the year. Maybe this was just one of the more notable incidents because she dismissed his dreams of writing specifically.
I have a terrible, narcissistic, toxic mother as well, so I’m definitely predisposed to sympathizing with Quentin. But only on this issue lol. Other than that he seems like a prick
All of the commenters calling him petty: do you really think that that was the only example of her toxicity? Despite what he’s like as an adult, what she said to him is unacceptable and likely one of many examples throughout his childhood. And how many of you cheer Meghan for cutting out her father? This kind of verbal abuse and belittling isn’t ever a one and done.
Based on what evidence though? All we know is that QT has *said* this is what his mom said. We know he isn’t a reliable narrator in many situations, so why the rapid jump to assume mom was The Worst?? Again, has anyone ever met a 12 year old boy? Worked with them in any capacity in which they were told to do something they didn’t want to do? Middle school teachers, perhaps? In fact, it sounds like exactly what happened, given the full quotes…
“The director said his teachers viewed his screenwriting in class as “a defiant act of rebellion,” so they contacted his mom, who scolded him because she had “a hard time” with his “scholastic non-ability.”
“She was bitching at me about that and then in the middle of her little tirade, she said, ‘Oh, and by the way, this little ‘writing career,’ with the finger quotes and everything. This little ‘writing career’ that you’re doing? That shit is fucking over,’” Tarantino said. “She meant you just can’t do that in class when you should be doing something else.”‘
Why are we owed evidence? Since when is anyone not in the abusive situation (other than a court of law during a case) owed evidence? The answer is we’re not owed shit. How many other celebrity abuse victims are you calling to prove their abuse claims?
Are you saying this because Tarantino is a prick and you just want to dismiss him or do you really think a parent speaking to a child like that is a non-issue? Do you not understand how narcissist parents do their damage?
Someone’s mother reprimanding them for not doing their schoolwork and focusing on something else isn’t abuse. If your kid is failing every subject then tells you they’re not going to do the work because they have a writing career – at 12 – you really think telling someone that their “writing career” is over is ABUSIVE behavior? As if she would’ve had the foresight to know that he would be a writer/director? As if HE actually had the foresight to know that he would be a writer/director?
There may be other signs of abuse in his childhood, but a mother telling her kid to get his sh*t together when he’s not doing his schoolwork isn’t one of them.
And yes. I do understand how narcissist parents do their damage. Again, I’m the daughter of a diagnosed narcissist. This is not that. This is someone pitching a fit because they got busted not doing their schoolwork.
So, question. Do you think what she said – raging about the situation and mocking him, outright belittling him is a healthy way to treat your child? Do you think that kind of reaction would help him find interest in his school work?
You’re inferring a lot here by saying she was “raging” – and you’re assuming QT is a reputable source. Several of us already had this conversation up thread and there’s quite a bit more context that people seem happy to leave out. If my children weren’t behaving in school and refused to do anything other than what they wanted to do, you’d better believe we would be having a conversation. Should she have just said “ok, Son…you’re not listening at school because you’d rather write. You’re 12. You probably know best. Screw math and science – you keep writing your script.”? He CLEARLY states that her comment was a response to him not doing his schoolwork in every other article covering this. (Which…why?)
I don’t care if he supports his mother or doesn’t support his mother, but to see people flock to the comments to say she was abusive strictly because of the story (that’s missing quite a bit of the context…) is an oversimplification.
When you are a survivor of your parents abuse, you are on trial. People demand your evidence. You’re given the third degree. The burden of proof is on you to try and convince people what happened was real. Survivors are not believed or supported. And you wonder why we never come forward until decades later, or never at all.
Lots of people telling on themselves in this thread.
He swims in misery, he is poor of spirit and so impulsive, with no room for growth and evolution. His mom definitely made a mistake, but he forgets that she is also a woman who is living and learning. Perfection is not to be expected of anyone, but hey, we should turn a blind eye to all the f-k ups he has made as an adult, which have been plenty. Thank God he’s not a parent.
He is a parent.
I feel for his mother. It sounds like he wasn’t making an effort in school because he’d decided to focus on writing instead. With hindsight, we know that was a good choice for him, but his mom probably thought it would turn out terribly- because it generally does! She could’ve said it better, but I get what she was trying to convey.
Of course, it’s possible that there are other things that contributed to his decision. But if he’s framing it as “this one comment guaranteed I’d never help her”, I have to choice but to evaluate it on the single comment alone. And I don’t think it deserves such an angry, spiteful response. He’s under no obligation to support her financially, of course, but his reasons for not doing so make no sense to me.
The quotes from his mom remind me of things that get said when the kid is not doing his homework or doing chores or something. Like, it’s not the best way to handle the situation, but for all we know she tried to take away his “career” (he was 12) away as a punishment rather than out of the blue like he’s implying.
I’d have to know more before passing too much judgement on his mother. How many parents have kids who reckon they’re going to be millionaire sports stars and parents are like, yeah sure honey, stay in school, how’s that algebra going?
I mean I have a 12 yo and the mouth on him occasionally…. if they were having an argument it may have just scaled up to that comment. Regardless he doesn’t owe her anything but the man knows how to hold a grudge if it was just that comment.
I didn’t know he had a child. Well, I hope he is an excellent father and that he makes use of all the resources available to be his best. I hope his self righteousness doesn’t come back to bite him.
Writing is Quintens passion and his mother ridiculed him over it at his tender age. That would stick with him for a very long time. And I doubt it was only one comment.
Why is it when someone says they don’t want to deal with their toxic Mom, everyone clutches their pearls and makes excuses for the Mom? Also because you don’t like Tarantino, he must be wrong about his Mom? Do you honestly think that this was the only incident with his Mother and that’s all she said? I doubt it and I had my first son at 20 and I never ran him down or trashed his dreams, it’s one of the worst things a parent can do. Belittling your children out of “love” ain’t love. She isn’t starving and when she got in trouble with the IRS he bailed her out. He’s living his life and she’s living hers, just not on his dime. Words hurt, ESPECIALLY if you’re a parent, you can break your child’s spirit and leave scars that last forever that no one can see. Your words have consequences.
THIS
100%
and you said it so much better than I did with my long winded story.
Its just so true.
my dad broke my spirit- and I mention 2 examples below- but there were so many examples-
its awful what a parents words can do to a child
👏👏👏👏👏👏👏
Only the two of them know what happened between them, and if it was a moment of frustration or a pattern of toxicity and abuse.
But it does remind me of one of the recent drag race episodes where Kylie mentions the advice she was given not to make choices now as that hurt child.
Quite possible to still go you were toxic then, you’re toxic now, and as an adult, decide it’s not worth a relationship. But the way he frames this story is that he’s still making a choice based on his feelings as a 12 year old boy.
I’d bet all my money that wasn’t the first, only, or last time she’d been so dismissive and nasty. It’s just the most relevant example. And so really I do not care.
I agree. No kid holds that kind of grudge against a parent unless there’s a ton of built up anger and resentment. Some parents suck, and they reap what they sow
I’m Team Quentin in this area for the same reason I am Team Meghan in this area.
Children are not retirement plans and they don’t owe their parents anything.
If his reason sounds petty, it might be, or it might be just one highlighted reason why she is/was dismissive of him.
He paid off her IRS debt. That’s more than she should have expected.
Just because he’s successful doesn’t mean he is her ATM.
Meghan Markle owes her father nothing.
Vanessa Bryant owes her mother mothing.
Quentin Tarantino owes his mother nothing.
Again, children are not retirement plans.
yes yes yes yes yes
Thank you HeatherC
Thank you!
This is an extremely cultural attitude. Meaning it is not universally shared, and many people from different cultures will have an entirely different perspective on this.
I read this elsewhere first and the full story seemed to be that he got in trouble in school for working on his screenplay instead of doing his work and this was something that happened multiple times. So his mom was pissed. Anyone who has kids around the age of 12 knows that they can be frustrating little shits. And sometimes parents say things out of frustration. Because parents are human. We also don’t have his mother’s side of the story. I can imagine Tarantino being a disrespectful little punk too. Tarantino doesn’t owe his mother. No child does. But holding on to such resentment for decades of his life just shows exactly what kind of petty, egotistical guy he is. Get over it.
The thing is, when I was around 12, and always writing instead of doing homework-
my father came in my room and demeaned what I was doing
Said “academic come first” as if what I was doing had not “academic” value
and I HATED him for it. I never forgot it. At the time, it chipped away at my feeling safe and understood. It made it him VS me. He just didn’t get me.
And a year later when I laid out my plan to “ve on broadway by 15, in LA by 17, and buy a house by 21” my dad said “do you know how many people want to do that? Millions”
abd i was like “but i thought i was one in a million?” but
the damage was done. I mean i didn’t realize how damaging it was -until years later and with therapy and self love but
after that I developed an eating disorder, began drinking and partying…and even tho I went to film school and had some success in LA ultimately I was self sabotaging and destructive. And it took me a long time to realize it was because I didn’t think I deserved it. I wasn’t good enough. If your own parent thinks youre not good enough and doesn’t believe it you- how do you over come that?
Well obviously LOTS of people DO overcome those obstacles…and obviously I have issues.
QT has issues too. But he pushed thru and achieved his dreams and I love him for that.
I believe whole heartedly that if his mother had been supportive in emotional ways he would’ve forgiven her or at least used that story as a motivating factor like “ill show you” and had gratitude for the push
But sounds like she was of that generation that poo-pooed kids and thought very little or the arts. She didnt choose to root for and champion her child who clearly knew in his heart he was gifted.
I do still help my parents all the time- but Im the youngest of 4 and – again I have issues with guilt and self esteem.
QT clearly doesnt!
Hugs, Stormsmama. I hear this. I wanted to pursue acting andy drama teacher supported it. My parents wanted me to be a doctor. Spoiler alert: I am neither. But as long as I wasn’t financially depending on them, I still wonder why it was so important that I not even give it a try. I don’t think it was my destiny to act or anything – I am pretty sure I would have failed and pivoted to something else. But I spent wayyy too much time and money pursuing the “doctor” path. My only regret is that it took me over 20 years to grow a backbone and establish some adult independence.
He also has serious issues with his dad which were discussed too. Wishes he’d gotten rid of his last name. He’d kept it because it sounded cool for his career.
He should set up a trust for her…why?
He told a singular anecdote. You really think that’s the only toxic thing she said or did and everything else was nurturing and lovely and he’s just being big bad Quentin with mommy issues from that one mom-having-a-bad-day comment?
No. If he were talking about not financially supporting his father, people wouldn’t be calling him petty or trashing him, but because it’s his mommy, he’s a monster and how dare he, she gave birth to him, blah blah. Same stuff she probably said to him, too, because that’s what toxic mothers do.
People have the right to remove toxic parents from their lives, they have the right to not fund their lifestyles, regardless of whether that parent provided the sperm or the womb, and there should not be shame in speaking about drawing your boundaries as an adult.
I mean there are plenty of people who have zero relationship with their parents. If he didn’t want to ever giver her money, that’s his choice. I mean if there is no relationship there, why would you? Just because you share DNA doesn’t mean you owe anyone anything. Reward those that have been there for you and supported you along your journey, not those who did the opposite.
QT is a horrible person. His mother raised him so the chances are good that she’s a horrible person too. His pride in this story is unsettling. I had to go no contact with a parent at one point. I vividly remember hurtful things that were said when I was small. He doesn’t owe anyone an explanation for why he cut his mother off but he decided to tell the world that he has. That’s on him. The explanation for why he won’t give her a penny was that she berated him for writing instead of paying attention in class at age 12. That alone is not a reason for any emotionally functional adult to be seeking revenge more than 4 decades later. Again, he doesn’t owe anyone an explanation but the explanation that he chose to give doesn’t make sense.
Maybe a detailed explanation would be much much worse? Like who knows what his mom said/did to him. Maybe he doesn’t want to tell the worst of it?
He actually did tell the whole story, it’s just not covered here. It was a response to him not doing his schoolwork and instead writing scripts.
Is it really revenge to NOT give money to someone? Revenge would be taking away money.
Now we know why he hates women.
Guys with mother issues–always always always bad news.
Fully grown adults are not entitled to other people’s money, even if they’re family. I have zero sympathy for children of celebrities who complain their parents cut them off and vice versa. Unless they need to be in assisted living or unable to work and need unemployment, they should support themselves. Just because you were born from or birthed an extremely wealthy person doesn’t mean you are entitled to their earnings. Access to obscene amounts of wealthy isn’t a right.
Tarantino’s writing is… cause for concern for any parent. Maybe she was just frustrated at the path he might go down and hoped better for him. Maybe there were other concerns over fixations he had? Idk.
I do think he has major issues. Huge issues. And I personally find most of his movies awful. Just recycling some problematic traits of his.
If he doesn’t want to spend his money on his mom or leave her any if he passes before her that’s his right. So whatever.
So basically this a grown adult over the age of 50 still holding a grudge from when he was a teenager.
First, I’d say: he needs to grow up. Even from his side alone, holding onto that for over a decade? To say that’s unhealthy is an understatement. Get help, please.
Second: stay away from this one, all women with sense.
Tarantino is a talented meat popsicle, and I wish I didn’t like his movies so much.
I mean, what if he was just a spoilt ass brat? And his mom was like “cut this “writing career” bs out and get your ass to school.” In that case I wouldn’t blame her nor as his mom would I want his money. I’d probably be crying in my pillow about the asshole my son turned out to be.
I’ve squashed my 12 year olds dreams. He wants to be a youtube gamer. No, just no. I tell him all the time, he’s far too smart to waste his brain on being a social media gamer.
I cannot comment on what his relationship with his mom was/is like-
but QT is a raging A-hole to women. I cannot stand him.
Zero interest in him or his movies.
He has a history of a**hole behavior to females.
His movies are always at minimum 25-40 minutes too damn long in run time and too much violence for shock factor.
Wow, what a tool in making his Mommy issues public.
I agree that no one is obliged to financially take care of relatives, etc.
OTOH, is it so easy to hire a lawyer, set up a funded trust for the person, have a clause in the trust that all communication goes thru the offices.
Same with Wills. Leave your $$ to whoever you choose, anyone contests it in any way, that person is disinherited. Period.
Guess how I know these things? Yes, I am the responsible Adult for a few branches of my family tree.
I think this article leaves a big point out by not mentioning his mother was 16 when he was born and was at least partly a single mom.
Always support people cutting toxic relatives out, but if Tarantino is doing AITA, I’m always going to guess he’s the asshole. And I lovvvveed his movies when I was a kid.
Simone Biles would be mighty proud if the way a lot of you are flipping and twisting to make QT the asshole in this situation when if it was a different celebrity doing this, it would be all “Yassssssss! We Stan a true Queen!”
Mama Tarantino might have said some terrible things she regrets while trying to raise a challenging kid as a single Mom and do her best job. She might have locked in the closet and screamed about wire hangers. We don’t know. But everyone rushing to say he is automatically petty and whiny for doing this, *without knowing any more about the situation*, is something else.
I’m better hard he gave correct details and if he had a better story it would have come out.
It’s interesting he speaks about consequences when he never seems to take responsibility for his own.
His mom doesn’t sound like the greatest. But can you imagine having a child like Quentin? Imagine how that egotistical, obnoxious bore of a man was when he was 12 years old. I can’t imagine his mom had it easy raising him, by any means. She shouldn’t have belittled his dreams but come on, he should probably be thanking her for not drowning him in the bathtub before he could grow up to be…this.
Well, she could always pull a Meg Ryan Mom strategy and write a tell all book about QT. I would be curious about some of the details of this clearly narcissist man’s childhood. He never mentioned anything about physical abuse, but one blurted sentence spoken in the heat of an argument, about his school truancy and lack of respect for the teachers and his mother, does not warrant this kind of life long resentment. He clearly has a deep seated hatred for women and probably should be in therapy every day.
Is it me or are White men suddenly unveiling their ugliness? They’re rude, unbathed and hate on their women. Imagine being QT’s mom and having to look at that sneering smug face. That said, it’s okay to avoid toxic family and a child at that age is particularly vulnerable and could have been bullied at school so he clearly needed his mum to not be one as well.
Adult QT is insufferable though
Some folks grownand realize when they hit adulthood, “hey, maybe mom was always mad because she worked 2 jobs and then had to listen to me and Linda Bobby complain about how we hated tater tots and blew her stack…” etc. they maybe try to get some perspective, maybe improve their own behavior to be sure that they don’t use their own parents’ behavior as some sort of blue-print, you know…grow up.
Or you can be like QT and be emotionally stunted at age 12 even though you can well-afford the best therapy available…
As someone who had abusive young parent, who projected an image of sanity, there was a period that I feel she was mental unwell. She was my only parent, people tell me I should give her a break she had it tough, and a tough childhood. While I am sympathetic, there was no need to punish me for her circumstances. Honestly I wish she gave me up for adoption.
My mother irritates me beyond human comprehension but I’d still give her money