Kristen Bell: my daughter asked the doctor if he was ‘going up my mom’s butt’

Every once in a while I’ll pay attention to Kristen Bell or Dax Shepard and then I’ll remember why I usually ignore them. Kristen is promoting her Netflix movie, The Woman in the House Across the Street from the Girl in the Window. That’s the actual title and it’s a send up of those type of “woman spies on neighbors and assumes there’s a murder” movies. It has a middling Rotten Tomatoes score and critics say it’s plodding but that Bell is good in it. Kristen was on Kimmel where she told her typical cringe-inducing stories about her kids and husband. She opened by explaining that she’d had an elective coloscopy and brought her daughter Lincoln, eight, with her to the doctor.

She had an elective colonoscopy
Prep was a whole thing. When we went to the doctor’s office I had my eight-year-old in tow. She looks up at my doctor and said ‘are you the doctor who’s going up my mom’s butt?’ and he was like ‘yes I am, anything I should look for when I’m there?’ and she goes ‘the rubber nut’ because we say ‘up your butt with a rubber nut’ in our household if you’re missing something.

“Is that a thing or did you make that up? I remember ‘up your nose with a rubber hose’ I don’t remember ‘up your butt with a rubber nut’”
It’s a thing in our household. That’s what she said to the doctor. The procedure went very well. Apparently while I was drowsy from the anesthesia I told the nursing staff I was going to teach them how to play spades.

On how Dax never goes to the doctor
He’s thinking that his eyesight is going. Rather than going to the eye doctor he [bought himself an eyepatch]. There is a pirate in my bed. He’s wearing an eyepatch to train his other eye to be stronger. I’m sure he told you that he had the hiccups for 59 hours. He was on his way to the doctor. On the ride it stopped [so he didn’t go].

We found out that [his toenail is dead]. I walked into the bathroom, he is attempting to dremel his toenail off. His was a real industrial dremel that you use [for] outside yardwork. I said ‘Hi bud, can I switch this dremel with my nail dremel?’ because I have one for my acrylics. He said ‘this will work so much better.’

On her new film
I really fought for this [title]. They wanted to shorten it. It was the hill I died on. This is a weird show, it is a satirical dark, comedic, psychological thriller. As the suspense builds, so does the absurdity.

[From YouTube]

Am I the only one thinking that Kristen had this colonoscopy so she could have a story to tell on late night television? Also, I hope she only brought her daughter with her to the doctor for an appointment and not to the colonoscopy. I get that Kristen and Dax don’t have nannies but maybe get a sitter or have the other parent watch them in instances like this. I’m not going to examine the fact that she telling embarrassing stories about her children yet again.

So Dax would rather wear an eye patch than get reading glasses but he’s on “heavy testosterone” which he presumably got from a doctor. I wonder how that works.

Oh look Kristen has another “Purple People” aka “I don’t see color” book out. I doubt any schools will be banning that.

photos credit: Colleen E. Hayes/Netflix

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25 Responses to “Kristen Bell: my daughter asked the doctor if he was ‘going up my mom’s butt’”

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  1. jferber says:

    Over-share, but expect no less from her. Disappointing.

    • LJ says:

      I watched the new movie/show and I really liked it. It is a little wacky and the title suits bc doesn’t lead us to expect anything else. She is really good in it and I hope another one is coming 🙂

    • shanaynay says:

      Wow, super trashy!

    • shanaynay says:

      Personally, I’m finding it hard to believe that she said that. Sounds too made up to me.

  2. MaryContrary says:

    This is the same woman who’s gone and on about protecting her children’s privacy? Eye roll.

    • A says:

      I H A T E that. And no one ever calls her out on that!

    • Anony83 says:

      So I also wish she would share about other things. I’m sure she’s got other stuff going on than this “cool Mom” vibe, but putting that aside for a minute.

      There’s a difference between asking for privacy and then curating the stories you *do* tell (even if in this case the calibration is dramatically different than you or I). But all of our parents have embarrassing kid stories about us and in the grand scheme of things, this is on the very low end of “the weird stuff people have said” to the doctor.

      But most importantly, there is zero chance the daughter went along for the procedure. They may have attended the pre-surgery Zoom call but hospital aren’t allowing guests right now. I’m mostly impressed she got an appointment at all.

      Also, I hope people truly understand that elective doesn’t mean unnecessary. Trust me, no one does colonoscopies for fun.

  3. Catwoman says:

    As someone who is practiced ophthalmology for 32 years I can say with absolute certainty that the only way you could train one eye to get stronger is by using a patch on the other eye is if you are under the age of seven and have been diagnosed with amblyopia. Given that his mental age seems seven or under that sounds like it might work.

  4. JEM says:


  5. Escargot says:

    God she’s insufferable.
    Aren’t you usually somewhat sedated for a colonoscopy? I really assume and hope she didn’t have her little child there for the actual procedure. But with the complete and utter lack of boundaries this woman and her husband exhibit, I can’t entirely rule it out.

    She will lose her relationship with her daughters over time, that’s my sad prediction. As the daughter of someone who has zero boundaries and used her children for inappropriate attention, inappropriate therapy sessions and manufactured drama, I know how it feels and I feel for her daughters. I hope they get away some day or at least learn to lay their own boundaries down to her.

    • LightPurple says:

      Yes. It is up to you how out of it you want to be but they do sedate you and you are supposed to have a responsible adult with you to take you home.

    • Debbie says:

      Yes, sedation is usually involved in colonoscopies, as it was in Kristen Bell’s case. Knowing this woman, I’m sure she thought of a line about playing spades and muttered it BEFORE she was fully under – again, because it makes her seem “colorful.” Like someone else said, I also think that she chose to have this elective procedure just to have a story, so why not bring your daughter AFTER having a detailed discussion about said procedure with the child. Third, (because I simply can’t believe how she craves attention) I was NOT surprised that Kristen herself chose and fought for that long-ass title, because it gave her another thing to talk about on tv (and at home too). Lord, she loves attention, and for people to think that she’s edgy. How needy she is!

      Off topic, but that white child on the cover page of her “Purple People” book could NOT be more centered if he were an actual nucleus.

  6. jferber says:

    LJ, Yes, I agree that she’s good in everything I’ve seen her in. But the private life overshare sucks.

  7. LightPurple says:

    Was the eight year old the “responsible adult” required to bring the patient home after the colonoscopy?

    And for most Americans out there, your insurance will not cover the cost of an “elective colonoscopy.” You must be in the specified age group and then only within the required time frames unless there is documented medical necessity. My health insurance has spent hundreds of thousands of dollars on my care during and after cancer treatment but the only thing they ever challenged was a colonoscopy. Their reasoning was I was under age and it was not medically necessary. They reversed after it was explained that I was undergoing treatment for breast cancer at the time AND my cousin, who is three weeks younger, had just been diagnosed with colon cancer. They never questioned it after that but my point is they won’t cover an “elective colonoscopy.”

  8. Mabs A'Mabbin says:

    So calculated.

  9. Twin Falls says:

    We all know the answer but why is she taking her school age child to her medical appointments? I have two kids, a full time job and no nanny and manage to not have to drag my kids along to my medical appointments. She really is next level.

    • Mary Tosti says:

      And it’s got to be so weird for her child. I have a 10 yr/o and I wouldn’t think of subjecting her to something like this. It’s gross and really not something for a child to be included in.

    • AMA1977 says:

      IKR?? Mom of two school-aged kids, no nanny, managed to get my well woman checkup, mammogram, AND bloodwork all in a one-week span and no children had to accompany me. I’m not quite colonoscopy age yet, but my husband is and I was even his responsible adult for the last two, and…no children went with us! Remarkable. 🙄

      She bugs. And her husband is a child.

  10. wordnerd says:

    Is she morphing into Julie Bowen? They probably see the same plastic surgeon.

    • elle says:

      She’s turning into somebody else, that’s for sure. I see a little Jodie Foster in there now.

      • beeboop says:

        Something is happening to her face cause I could not figure out who the woman was on the advertisements for her new show. Whatever it is, its not hiding her grating personality unfortch.

  11. Meg says:

    It was funny, she’s supposedly a wealthy successful artist but she paints what’s looks like shitty computer screensaver flower art. Books in her art studio laying around called ‘anyone can be an artist’ ‘you too can be an artist.’ She spills wine on her white chair and reupholstered it like new as if a pro did it just like that after reading a book called you too can reupholster furniture.