.@violadavis Opens Up About Bullying, Trauma in New Memoir: I Was 'Hiding a Huge Part of My Story' https://t.co/vgUva5nqBt pic.twitter.com/LEWVtccGL9
— People (@people) April 12, 2022
In addition to the Showtime series Viola Davis is producing and starring in, The First Lady, she also has a memoir coming out called Finding Me. Viola has always been honest about her impoverished past and her imposter syndrome. But in her memoir, Viola gives details that she’s left out from her past. Viola describes how traumatic her childhood was, detailing her abject poverty, the sexual abuse she and her sisters survived, having rocks thrown at her because she was black and watching her father physically and emotionally abuse her mother for years. Even though her father, who has since passed away, caused her pain, Viola forgave him before he died, which she now sees as her legacy.
Viola Davis has learned all about the power of forgiveness.
Growing up in deep poverty in Central Falls, R.I., Davis, 56, endured trauma and heartbreak: being so hungry she and her five siblings had to dumpster-dive for food; incessant bullying from boys who threw rocks at her for being Black.
Davis also experienced the physical and emotional abuse her father, Dan, inflicted on her mother, Mae Alice, for years. A horse groomer who left school after second grade, Dan regularly beat his wife. Before he died of pancreatic cancer in 2006, he made peace with Mae Ellen, who stayed with her husband of 48 years until the end.
“My dad changed,” Davis explains. “My mom said he apologized to her every single day. Every single day, he rubbed her feet. Forgiveness is not pretty. Sometimes people don’t understand that life is not a Thursday-night lineup on ABC. It is messy. He did hurt me then, but love and forgiveness can operate on the same plane as anger.”
Davis healed her relationship with her father as well before he died. “I wanted to love my dad,” she says. “And here’s the thing: My dad loved me. I saw it. I felt it. I received it, and I took it. For me, that’s a much better gift and less of a burden than going through my entire life carrying that big, heavy weight of who he used to be and what he used to do. That’s my choice. That’s my legacy: forgiving my dad.”
Finding the power to forgive that kind of trauma is extraordinary. I understand the drive of wanting to love or forgive the person though. Not making a concession to forget about it just to move on, but actually forgiving the damage. It’s hard. I know that love and anger can operate on the same plane but for forgiveness and anger to operate on the same plane takes a very compassionate and strong individual. I hope I’m that person someday. I’m happy Viola got this for herself. Not many do, not in such a genuine sense as she sought for herself. But she did the work she needed to to get there. I’m glad it brought her the peace she needed as well.
Elsewhere in her interview, Viola talked about reconciling her past with her present. She said that people told her to focus on everything she’d become but that forced her to ignore the strong child who overcame such adversity. She said, “Everything I’ve experienced is what connects me to the world. It’s given me an extraordinary sense of compassion. It’s reconciling that young girl in me and healing from the past — and finding a home.” Viola talked about how she, “reinvented all the things that I wanted to and tossed away the rest of it.” But writing this memoir made her look back at the little “spitfire” she was and what it took to survive, and it connected the two sides of her. I very much needed this perspective. I understand the need to shut things out to move on. But as a person who has wondered what happened to the person I once was, Viola has made me rethink how I’m looking back on my life. If I keep erasing the parts attached to the trauma, I lose the person who got through it.
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I love this woman so much. She’s such an inspiration. Beautiful on the inside and out. HTGAWM is still one of my favs 😍
She is an extraordinary human being – grace, talent, humility, compassion, humor – an amazing person.
She’s amazing. I would love to see a conversation with she, Oprah, and Lady Michelle too!
Forgiveness takes so much work and effort, but it can be freeing. Anger is a grind and a weight to carry. Two of my siblings are locked in a grudge and I wish forgiveness for them, but I don’t know if they’ll get to it.
I’m not religious anymore but when I was young I was always struck with the Catholic tradition of forgiveness and how so much of the rituals were about seeking it, and stories about it being given.
Will be buying Davis’ book for sure!
There are aspects of forgiveness. we don’t talk about enough. One, is that it can be private, I have forgiven my ex for his abuse. He does not know this, he does not need to know this, because I have no contact with him. And were I to make myself vulnerable to him by EXPRESSING my forgiveness he wouldn’t even appreciate it because he doesn’t think he did anything wrong! The other person does not have to have ANYTHING to do with your forgiving them. But I can tell you this. NOT forgiving is like a slow poison seeping into your soul and your life. Forgive for YOURSELF.
I read the Times interview with her this week, and her book sounds really compelling. She is so talented and beautiful, and I was astounded that her peers sometimes thought she wasn’t beautiful enough to carry off a lead role. (Hollywood is ridiculous.)
In her father’s case, it’s wonderful that he grew enough to account and repent for what he did to her mother. That’s a good reason for forgiveness (and the foot-washing is a deeply Christian demonstration of love.) It’s probably helped her to feel much more secure knowing that she no longer had to protect her mother from abuse after a certain point. The article talks about how her sister helped her get out of the cycle of poverty and how Viola then did that for other family members. That’s incredible strength, and many people accomplish it without being famous. It’s great that she is, so that she can tell that story and have people pay attention.
I recently read Sarah Polley’s “Run Toward the Danger” and although it’s a very different story, it resonates with Viola’s story as well, in that both of them went through a lot and overcame it. Another great book is “Not My Father’s Son” in which Alan Cumming discusses his history of abuse at the hands of his father. Both of them are great writers (I don’t use this term lightly–I really mean it) and I look forward to Ms. Davis’s book as well.
My God, this woman is resplendent. Incandescent, in a good way!
Viola is so good at explaining something complex in a way you can feel, without turning it into a trite comment or cliché.
She is so f***ing well spoken- I didn’t really get into her until how to get away with murder came out and because of that I’ve noticed how much I love her and could listen to her talk forever. She’s so talented too I’m totally getting her book
Going to look up this book and watch the interview. Thank you for covering it…some very healing and complex ideas here!