Megan Fox & Machine Gun Kelly’s blood drawing, drinking criticized by vampires

Megan Fox and Machine Gun Kelly really do indulge in each other’s blood on occasion. According to Megan, it’s just a few drops and it’s only for rituals – phew. I mean ew. I’m not squeamish about blood, but I cannot think of a reason to willingly drink someone’s. And I’m cool with rituals. Well, most rituals. I don’t mess with blood rituals. Fortunately, I don’t have to counsel Megan and MGK on their sanguineous ways, the vamps will do it for me. The vampire community is warning the couple about proper plasma procedures. Just because it’s a ritualistic bloodletting, doesn’t mean it can’t spoil your tummy, kids!

Machine Gun Kelly’s revelation he and Megan Fox drink each other’s blood is drawing a warning from vampires — yeah, the real deal — and, believe it or not, they’re reminding the couple … safety first!

Belfazaar Ashantison, the co-founder of The New Orleans Vampire Association (NOVA), is urging Megan and MGK to take proper precautions before drinking their lover’s blood, including testing for potential diseases and blood-borne illnesses, from which he says vampires are not immune.

Megan and MGK have been together for nearly 2 years, which alleviates one concern, because Ashantison says most vampires do extensive research on their blood donors before using even the slightest drop. He says it took him 6 months to get to know his blood donor and feel comfortable drinking their blood, and they still get tested every 3 months just to be sure.

[From TMZ]

If ever I wish for time travel it would be now. Some poor dazed voyager from the past pops up today, “Excuse kind sir – what are we discussing?” “Oh, this vampire is advising the Fox and Machine Gun Kelly about how to drink blood properly.” What a time to be alive.

If I was going to take anyone’s advice on drinking blood it would be a hematologist, a phlebotomist, or a vampire. I might have all three to dinner just to cover all my bases. But you can’t argue with Belfazaar’s advice about getting the blood tested and re-tested. That is a surefire way to spread disease. He has a point that Megan and MGK have been together for a few years, so they’ve probably shared enough bodily fluids to know that they are safe and compatible. However, if they are going to float the idea of blood drinking out in the world, then I am grateful for the Balfazaars who tout safety precautions for all those who want to be cool like Megan and MGK. Because so much can go wrong with rituals and ceremonies that involve body fluids and parts. I’m not saying I believe in them, but there are impressionable people who might, and they might participate without doing their due diligence like Balfazaar suggests. I appreciate that the responsible vamps and witches are still watching out for us, especially when most us deserve a good hexing.

Photo credit: InStar, Avalon Red and Instagram

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35 Responses to “Megan Fox & Machine Gun Kelly’s blood drawing, drinking criticized by vampires”

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  1. Ariel says:

    Well, bless their dumb*ss hearts.

  2. C says:

    Vampires are immune to disease. Because they aren’t real. But yeah I guess being urged to test blood before consuming isn’t bad.

  3. Emma says:

    This is hilarious!

    Ashantison UH HUH

  4. Merricat says:

    These people are in their 30s.

  5. Bettyrose says:

    Back in the 80s I lived for newspaper advice columns. We had no internet then, kids. It was the height of the AIDS epidemic, the public service announcements were everywhere, and I recall a letter to such a column (I can’t remember if it was Ann Landers, which could get spicy or a more specific sex/love column) about a group of teens who liked to play vampire and suck each other’s blood. They wondered, they asked, were there any possible health considerations? And I just imagined the health educators tasked with crafting a response crying out with frustration.

  6. Colby says:

    My God are they trying SO HARD to be so kewl and edgelord.

    We get it.

    You’re soOoOoOo cool and in love and edgy.

    Leave us alone now please.

    • NorthernGirl_20 says:

      It’s all so twee despite the fact they are both in their THIRTIES

      • Colby says:

        Okay?! Their Thir.Ties. They sound like 15 year olds at best lol

      • Maddiish says:

        Megan didn’t really get a chance to be fifteen, so I always cut her a lot of slack. When she was 15, Michael Bay had her dancing under a waterfall for a bad boys movie. When she was 18, BAG was already grooming her–he was thirty one when they started dating.

        Same with MGK, he comes from a rough background and ended up being a father at a very young age.

        Neither of them got to enjoy their teens or their early twenties because they had to be parents. Now they’re secure enough that they actually get to enjoy dating & being cringy early twenty somethings. I’m really happy that megan is with someone who makes her happy, she deserves it after the way she’s been treated in the media & by her sh*tty ex.

    • Noo says:

      +1 @maddish.

      Also, chicken or egg scenario curiousity… You are named Balfazaar so you become a vampire? You are a vampire so you change your name to Balfazaar?

      I have heard Balthazar / Baltazar variations before but never Balfazaar…

  7. michyk says:

    i don’t really recognize the planet i live on anymore. what even is happening?

  8. Quincytoo says:

    They are way too thirsty

  9. Christine says:

    Does anyone actually care what happens to these two?

  10. abby says:

    I don’t know why I find this so hilarious, but I do. Probably the absurdity of it all with the rest of the world on fire. Thanks for posting this!

  11. K says:

    This is the post and the comments I didn’t know I needed until it appeared. Lolz

  12. NotSoSocialB says:

    She’s crossed the Rubicon on fillers, and is fully on her way to becoming a meat-face.

  13. Sue E Generis says:

    Silly couple. Considerate vampire.

  14. Meh says:

    When a vampire makes you look bad.

    • Agreatreckoning says:

      When a vampire makes Supreme Court Justices look bad. He’s at least supporting personal decisions and doing them safely. Two sentences I never thought I’d type.

  15. Lulu says:

    Why is Megan morphing into a Kardashian look-alike? This disturbs me more than than her try-hard blood drinking rituals 😑

  16. pottymouth pup says:

    @Hecate – I would suggest you also include an Infectious Disease specialist to that dinner

    When the story about them drinking each other’s blood for rituals, the RWNJs on twitter went bonkers about how it’s proof that all of Hollywood are Satanists and how libs prop them up. Mindnumbingly dumb

  17. Valerie says:

    I do my best to not judge what other people do as a couple, but this just too fucking weird.

  18. Leigh says:

    I’m sure the vampire community doesn’t have to worry, do any of us truly believe these stunt queens are indulging in one another’s blood vs. just making provocative claims for that juicy, juicy attention?!

  19. AngelaH says:

    What is even happening?? I feel like I did a bunch of drugs and wound up through the looking glass where VAMPIRES are doing PSA’s for the goths I went to high school with. And it’s all so serious and sincere and I’m yelling into the void “they are getting advice from VAMPIRES.”

    I need to actually do some drugs now.