I heard this soundbite on the radio the other day. They said that Carson Daly and his wife Siri Daly had gotten a, “sleep divorce. Find out what that is after the break,” but I got out of the car before I heard the rest. So when I saw the headline I circled back to it out of curiosity. It was mostly what I expected it to be: Carson and his wife sleep in different beds. Apparently, this has been known for two years because Carson gave an interview to People about it in 2019. Carson said that when his wife was in her third trimester with their fourth child, they realized sharing a bed was an issue for both of them. Between his sleep apnea and their tossing waking each other up, they just weren’t sleeping well. So they started sleeping in separate beds, something he said was “the best thing for all of us.” The reason we are coming back to this story now is because Carson told his Today show coworkers that they have found another solution, something called the Scandinavian sleep method, which is same bed, separate blankets. So now Carson and Siri have reconciled to a “sleep separation.”
Marriage is a lot of hard work. But, of course, not all marriages struggle in the same way — some couples struggle with communication, matching their sex drives, or parenting styles. No matter what might be rocking your boat, sometimes a little bit of advice goes a long way. And the celebrity marriage advice we’ve heard in a long time came from Carson Daly. Yes, really.
In 2019, Carson revealed that he and his wife, Siri Daly, were getting “divorced,” but in sleep only. When they were expecting their fourth child, Carson said at the time that they realized something just wasn’t working.
So, they came up with a creative solution that worked for both. “We woke up and we just shook hands like, ‘I love you, but it’s time to sleep divorce. It’ll be the best thing for all of us,’” he said, and that’s what they’ve been doing since.
Carson recently shared on The Today Show that since deciding to sleep in separate beds in what they call a “sleep divorce” in 2019, the two are still, mostly, sleeping apart. While joking that they’ve “reconciled” and he now considers himself “sleep separated” from his wife, they two still do believe that getting creative about how you sleep can be a good thing.
During the June 17 segment on The Today Show, Carson introduced the Scandinavian sleep method that’s quickly rising in popularity. It’s similar to what Carson and Siri did when they needed restful sleep, but instead of sleeping in separate beds, it’s separate blankets.
“You have your own comforters or duvets,” Carson explained. “Studies have actually found that sleeping with the same blanket can result in more interrupted sleep, as much as 30 percent.”
Like I said, I assumed this was about separate beds when I heard the blurb on the radio. But when I read the article and saw the decision was made during Siri’s fourth pregnancy, my mind went to different reasoning. If I was on my fourth kid, I’d keep my husband the hell away from me as well! But the not sleeping thing makes perfect sense. I’m going to be nit-picky here and say I hate the “sleep divorce” name, especially considering this is done for the couples’ overall health. It seems like a stigmatizing term and Carson isn’t the only one using it. There’s nothing wrong with sleeping in separate beds, regardless of the reason the couple chooses to do it. I have not, however, heard any celebrity discuss that sort of sleeping arrangement so it’s nice that Carson was comfortable going public with it. I’m sure there were couples who appreciate him normalizing it.
As for this idea of separate blankets, I’m intrigued. The article the excerpt linked is a fairly detailed study about how lack of sleep messes up everything, which it does. Here’s a more succinct description of the Scandinavian sleep method (and an article on how to make double blankets look cute!) My husband and I slept apart for two weeks during my quarantine, but it didn’t improve my sleep. I, however, had Covid so I was not a great sample group. In regular conditions, though, we’re both insomniacs. I wake up easily and stay awake and he can’t fall asleep. When we moved, we switched from a queen bed to a king bed, and I swear it’s made everything worse. It’s like every movement ripples across that stupid mattress. But I’m willing to try the dual blanket idea to see if that’s the culprit instead. Of course, we have a dog on our bed at night, so we’ll need three blankets. And a guest blanket for when the cat decides to sleep with us. We’ll tell the kids to bring their own when they come in. I guess instead of the Scandanivian sleep method, I’ll be following the Camping sleep method.
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My partner and I do this. Now I have a fancy term for it. His apnea still messes up my sleep, but I toss and turn a lot and get very warm. I keep him weighted down with a weighted blanket on his side. 😂
My partner and I were on holiday in the UK recently. Everywhere we stayed they had just one blanket. So annoying! I always had to fight for my half. We’re used to the double blanket in Germany.
I am from Germany too and I was so confused reading this article! I honestly thought it was a prank. Like…there is an extra name for it? While I knew that one big blanket is common in the US, I never knew that having two seperat blankets i seen as…exotic? I thought it was just as common, it just seems so logical to me to have my own blanket.
My husband is German and we do this. Works great cuz he’s always hot and I’m always cold.
My man and I have always slept like this, I didn’t know it was a method lol. I usually just use a sheet cuz I’m always hot lol
We’re sleep divorced due to hot flashes. My husband can’t sleep through the kicking off of blankets ten times a night.
I often escape to our spare bed. I love my husband so much and love being near him but his snoring is just terrible. It is bad for my health to have such interrupted sleep: I feel this is quite common amongst couples. I haven’t t technically sleep divorced him but he goes to bed quite early for work and it’s easy to just go to another bed if I can’t sleep.
Have set up in the spare room due to hot flashes & nightsweats. I actually prefer it now; I never thought i would.
My husband and I have been doing this since before we were married. Best thing ever. I’m a high maintenance sleeper and can’t stand to have anyone near me.
My husband and I had to sleep separately when we had a crappy old mattress because I struggle to fall and stay asleep and he tosses and turns and snores like crazy. We got a split king (two xl twins) and it fixed everything! We have an adjustable base so it even made a huge difference with snoring. I can’t recommend it enough for couples with the same problem. It was a little pricey but one of the best purchases we’ve ever made!
Yes! The best thing my husband and I ever did for our sleep was invest in a split king with adjustable base – it was so worth it!
I have been told that I starfish in the middle of the bed, so we have agreed to sleep separately.
It bothers me none whatsoever. I probably sleep better. Though the dog sleeps in my room and snores. Loudly.
We started the separate blankets thing a few months ago. It is much better- he’s a terrible blanket yanker! One of our two dogs chooses to sleep in our room and sleep barks when she’s had an exciting day. Annoying, but I don’t have the heart to shut the old gal out! Don’t get me started on our cats.
My husband and I do the two-sheet method! During my pregnancy, I often slept in a different room so I could toss and turn in peace. Last night I slept in a different room because I have a root canal today and knew I’d interrupt his sleeping.
I just don’t like the negativity of those terms, sleep divorce and sleep separation. I guess it’s meant to be cute, but this isn’t a replacement for divorce or a play separation! It improves our relationship, not a marker of alienation. We’re secure enough to sleep alone when we need to. No need to pathologize it!
We also sleep apart.
It seems so romantic, sharing & talking into the night.
Yeah, but they take the covers and snore.
And just as you nod off, they wiggle.
Forget it.
Only thing worse is sleeping with a cat.
I’ve always slept with separate duvets and the idea of sharing them just seem incredibly annoying and bothersome to me.
I like being able to choose how much, or how little, of the duvet to cover me without having to think about someone else.
It’s also really nice because it let’s one person have a heavier/thicker one without the other feeling smothered. I sleep in what’s known as a “summer duvet” or “all-year duvet” because winter duvets are to warm for me even during the winter (I’m up in Norway btw)
My husband snores terribly (he has sleep apnea and has a cPap, but will rip it off during the night without even waking up) and I get freaking homicidal after being woken up over and over. I know he doesn’t mean to do it, but the fact is that it happens almost every night. I have two little kids, a job, and a million other things to do every day. I’m a better person when I get a full night’s sleep, so I made our guest bedroom my little oasis. I spend about half my nights in there. I would spend them all in there, but I feel bad. I know there’s no reason to feel bad, but I do. I think I’m keeping the coffee industry going singlehandedly, sometimes.
Same here. I start off in “our” bed so we can have a little time together but almost always move at the first sound of a snore. I do feel bad sometimes, but I feel worse when I end up literally smacking him with my arm in frustration because his noise is keeping me awake. It’s better this way.
Lauren, me too. I do the same. I made our guest room into my own little reading room, with a really good day bed, that I bought a great mattress for. It really is my haven. I sleep in there as many nights as I can, because i sleep so much better.
I cannot wait until we convert our loft and have a full time guest room, I often end up on the sofa in my office due to snoring. Fortunately it’s the size of a single bed so once I get here it’s all good but it’s not the same as being in my bed! We also regularly sleep apart when one of us is sick (only then the office sofa either gets opened up into a full double bed or if I still need to work in there – there’s room for a double bed or my desk – it’s made up as a proper single bed, not just grabbing a pillow and blanket for the night).
My main issue with the office sofa/bed when it’s in single size is that the cat tends to follow me (he’s needy and I’m his favourite human) and it’s a bit cosy for two.
I do both of these things! Where our big bed is we have two separate twin duvets, his cool, mine warm, because I freeze and he gets sweaty and also will steal all the covers. I got idea from an ikea catalogue a few years back!
But also lately I’ve made our extra bedroom into a little getwaway which I sleep in a couple days a week because it’s better for my back and my spouse snores super loud. It has lots of books, lighting just how I like it, a little fan how I like it, a tv that can tuck away, even a mini (6-can) fridge. I can listen to podcasts as loud as I want. It feels a little rebellious. And sleeping apart has never hurt our sex life, if anything it’s improved our marriage.
That being said, I also really hate the term sleep divorce. Something about putting in the word divorce just implies it’s a bad thing, and it’s really not. (If you have the luxury of the space to do it, ofcourse)
My boyfriend and I do this! He runs so hot he only tolerates a single blanket and blasts the AC, while I have my own sheet and duvet. I didn’t realize there was an official term for this and none of our friends had thought of this sleep arrangement until we mentioned it. It’s nice to know others take a similar approach to bed sharing too.
I need to at least try the separate blankets thing.
During the fall and winter, my husband would watch football three nights a week (thurs, sun, mon) and usually fall asleep on the couch watching it while I went to bed. I LOVED IT. I slept so much better without him lol. No fighting over the blankets, no snoring, etc. Since then he’s been sleeping on the couch probably half the time. He actually sleeps better, I sleep better….its so nice.
In Germany separate blankets are the norm. We also sleep separately-my husband has sleep apnoe and used to snore terribly loud. He know wears this sleeping mask but it emits a loud hiss so I kept my own beedroom. Has nothing to do with the state of our marriage.
My husband an I started using separate blankets after taking a Viking cruise about 8 years ago and that was how they dressed the beds on the ship. Omg I love it so much, we can adjust everything to our liking and we both sleep so much better
My husband and I have been married for ten years (loved together for 12/13) and we’ve slept in separate rooms for 7ish year. He allows the dog to sleep with him. Yuck. Anyway, I toss and turn and keep him awake. Having a baby also really messed up sleep too. I really like sleeping alone and so does he. We both are better rested. It’s better for our relationship.
I have Restless Legs Syndrome. Even on medication I often kick my legs all through the night. I drive my husband crazy. So we share plenty of cuddle time, watch movies in bed etc, then I go to the guest room. It works for us and isn’t any kind of signal that our marriage is in trouble.
My husband FINALLY got a CPap and it’s the best thing EVER!! My sleep is no longer disturbed by his snoring. I’m thinking about trying the Scandinavian sleep thing. Interesting…..
I have hot flashes, so I sleep in the downstairs guest room, where it’s 15 degrees cooler, and my husband sleeps in our room. I don’t miss sleeping with him. I’m sleeping better than I have in years and we spend all of our time (minus sleep and working) together, so no negative impact on our marriage. I think we got along better. I certainly like him more when his snoring hasn’t kept me up all night! 🙂
My husband and I have been using twin duvets or blankets on our queen bed for a few years now and it’s awesome. You have to be willing to relinquish the idea of what a “made” bed should look like as it’s a bit harder to keep it all smooth and even, but we don’t care with how much more efficient it is. He often uses a heavier duvet as well and I can go lighter.
It may be tricky using twin duvets on a king bed if you have kiddos come in with you, but on the queen we have it’s plenty of fabric to cover our son as well.
My husband and I have been using separate blankets for a while and it works great. My bed looks normal when its made up because the second blanket is just another layer underneath the top blanket. You would never even know that there were two heavyweight blankets on the bed. It looks like a totally normal made up bed.
We resorted to this because he would often reach over to me, while he was in a deep sleep and pull the blanket off of me and wrap himself in it completely. I would wake up on my side of the bed shivering. He refused to believe that he was doing this! One night I was still awake when he did this and I woke him up to show him that he had my corner of the blanket in hand. We both bursted out laughing and he was very apologetic, finally.
Now- separate blankets keep the peace!
My husband and I have been using separate duvets in the same bed for years because he is a blanket thief. Highly recommend!
We started with separate blankets to sleep. I cannot share my blankets, even with my kids 😀 But we drifted into separate rooms. It’s has taken on so much more than just sleep. It has become my own space and it’s incredibly peaceful. No more arguments about sleeping with the tv on or off, who is going to make the bed, if someone is hogging the bed more, etc. I highly recommend.
If one partner snores, don’t sleep in the same room if you can avoid it. I am literally hard of hearing and before my spouse got a CPAP I could hear his snoring down the hall with the door closed. Without my hearing aids. CPAPs are great for co-sleeping arrangements. They’re good for the afflicted person’s health too.
We still don’t sleep together most nights though because I’m an aerobic sleeper. Apparently I like to do my cardio during my REM cycle.
Mr. Jaded and I have 2 twins pushed together and it works well for part of the night as he’s a bit of a wiggler, but he’s type 1 diabetic and has a CGM (continuous glucose monitor) that beeps and boops and vibrates during the night if his blood sugar goes up or down too much so at that point he heads to the spare room for the rest of the night. Now if only the clingy cat would go with him…he’s a total mommy’s boy.
My husband and I have been sleeping this way for years. He kept stealing the blankets so common sense told me to get another one. I’m surprised more people don’t do this.
My husband and I sleep separately and it has had 0 effect on our relationship or sex life. If anything, it’s better! I have a chronic pain condition and don’t sleep well, and my husband wasn’t sleeping well because he kept worrying about me. Now we are both more functional!
Holy crap, my husband and I have slept separately for years, and I still can’t believe how many people think that means we don’t have sex any more. Uh … I don’t have sex in my sleep, thanks.
We can still snuggle and cuddle and we even share a bed on occasion, but I have insomnia, he snores even with his CPAP, and we don’t have the same work schedule. Separate beds are amazing and I’m never going back.
Separate blankets for sleeping has worked for us. I run pretty hot, he does not. Also takes care of winter blanket theft.
I’m married to a blanket hog so we switched to two twin size duvets years ago and I’ll never go back. It makes shopping for bedding a little more complicated but it’s totally worth it. A king size mattress measures the same as two twin XLs pushed together and a split king is basically the same. We have a split king latex foam mattress and it’s great for not transferring motion when the other person moves (though less ideal for circumstances when you might want to bounce.) Consider that you spend a third of your time sleeping and sleep quality affects every aspect of your waking life. Good sleep is one of the best investments in health and self-care.
I posted before reading comments (so they wouldn’t influence my thoughts, lol), but yeah, we elected to make the same investment in a split King. When we bought a house, it was the first “home improvement” we made.
I generally love sleeping in the same bed as my husband, but I’m a light snorer, and he’s a light sleeper, so alot of times he retreats to one of the guest bedroom’s around 3-4:00 am, which is when I start sawing logs lol. I also have severe endometriosis and depending on my pain level, sometimes I just like having the bed all to myself.
I’ve been living with my fiance for only about 6 months now, though we’ve been together 4 years. I just don’t sleep well anyway, and with another person …. it’s so hard. We both snore, and both probably need CPAP, but that’s on the to-do list for next year. Meanwhile his feelings get so hurt when I move into the other room! I am trying to soothe those and gradually transition to the other room just for sleeping….
Best of luck with this. When I first raised the idea with my husband, he was really hurt — he felt rejected, like I was somehow rejecting a symbol of our unity. We talked through ways to make it clear to him that we were still an “us” — setting aside time to turn off the phones and snuggle and just be together.
I think what ultimately convinced him is that I was so tired, and so miserable, and he very reluctantly agreed that we could try getting a spare bed in the guest room … and then he discovered how much better we both slept apart, and how much more cheerful I am when I get good sleep. He said later he felt silly about making such a big deal out of it, but I _get_ why he felt so hurt — it seems like it’s a step removed from the relationship, society doesn’t really acknowledge that this is just a legitimate choice for some couples.
But we’ve never been happier, and we highly recommend it, and our marriage is stronger for it. Good luck.
Man, this is relatable. When I sleep with my husband, I get zero rest. (I’m a light sleeper, he snores, uses a CPAP, talks in his sleep, rips the blanket away, wiggles, and kicks with his long sharp toenails.) On top of everything, my husband prefers memory foam, which my spine cannot handle. Tears have been shed (by me).
As soon as we could afford it, we bought a split-King Sleep Number bed — in actuality, two twin beds shoved together — so that movement doesn’t transfer from one side to the other. Only the topmost comforter is King-sized, to give the impression of it still being one bed. I also sleep with two sound machines to drown him out.
My husband and I have been doing this for years. He works on Eastern Time and goes to bed early, I’m a night owl. He snores, and I toss and turn. In our case, he has the “guest room” which is basically like his bedroom, and I have the master. The master is where I set up my desk for remote work, and let him have the office since he was new to it at the time. It hasn’t impacted our relationship whatsoever. I was always afraid to admit this like there was something wrong with us. Then one time, a couple we knew confessed to it and I realized we weren’t alone. It’s nice to know we’re not alone!
Yeah, it’s perfectly normal to sleep in separate beds if you like. No need to call it a divorce.
Because “sleep divorce” is a thing. 🙄
I moved into our guest room at the beginning of quarantine and I refused to move back into our room until my husband had the nose surgery that I’ve been begging him to get for our entire relationship. He snores horribly!! It’s what finally pushed him to go under the knife and now he can breathe through his nose! It took me until recently to move back in. I loved having my own space!!! I seriously considered making it permanent but we needed the room for his work from home office. Our marriage is great otherwise and it didn’t negatively impact our sex life!
I highly recommended it!!! Do what you gotta do!! Sleep is so important!!
A lot of hotels in Europe have twin beds pushed together instead of a single queen-size, so their guests can share a room without needing to share the bed.
It seems like a good first step for anyone thinking they need this. By putting separate sheets and blankets on the beds, then covering it all with a single duvet, you might find you’re isolated enough from one another to not disturb each other’s sleep. And no one will know by looking that you have separate beds.
Plus, if that’s not enough, you can push the beds apart and get new duvets to fit them.
We’ve been using this method for years! Just learned this is a Swedish sleep method. Lol, It just made sense for us. We have a huge bed. I’m a blanket thief and a half. My husband and I have slept so much better for years now since using separate blankets. We would never go back.
My husband has a habit of shifting position clockwise several times throughout the night and ends up wrapped like a burrito. He’ll then get hot and toss the blankets to the foot of the bed. All this without waking up mind you!
After waking up bare and cold one time too many time, I now use a separate duvet (and a weighted throw). And he gets to revel away undisturbed in his blanket soap opera drama while I stay warm and comfortable.
My bf and I sleep separately. We each have our own room and bed, it was a requirement for me moving in. We’d tried to sleep in one bed when we’d spend the weekends together and neither of us slept well. Literally everything is opposite- he needs the tv to fall asleep, I need dark and quiet. I go to bed at a reasonable hour and wake up naturally early, he has chronic insomnia and can stay up all night. He snores, I toss and turn like crazy, neither of us liked the other’s mattress, we both “starfish” in the middle. It was ok for a few nights a week, but not sustainable long term (I need my sleep!). It’s been 2.5 years with separate beds, and it has no negative effects on our relationship. We will cuddle and watch tv (and do other things) in his bed for awhile while we wind down, then he will tuck me into my bed when it’s time to sleep. It’s honestly pretty great. Everything is more easily handled when you’re well rested.