Brad & Angelina get “married” by Maddox, plus triangle drama


In Touch’s uncool Bermuda Triangle is much of the same crap they’re been shoveling for the past … what is now?… four years and ten months or so. I suppose the twist is that they’ve joined their normal “last straw” story of “Brad is sick of Angelina, must run back to Jennifer Aniston as fast as his little legs can carry him” with a more current story. This version is about Brad’s motorcycle accident over the weekend – according to IT, he got in the accident because he was in such a rush to meet Aniston. Oh, yes. The gerbils are leaking stories all over the place! Allegedly, Brad texted Jennifer to set up a meeting to talk about her rumored reunion with John Mayer. IT’s source claims Brad thinks Mayer is “nothing but trouble” but Jennifer is “rubbing the relationship in his face”. Ugh. So he asked for a meeting, and then got into an accident, and they didn’t meet, I guess. Whatever.

In Touch also say Angelina’s “retaliation” against “Brad’s independent streak” is to reconnect with her two ex-husbands, Jonny Lee Miller and Billy Bob Thornton. Some source overheard Billy Bob telling friends that he and Angelina speak all the time, and apparently, Angelina may still talk to Jonny. Which doesn’t sound that weird, because she and Jonny seemed to have maintained a genuine friendship for many years after their divorce. IT claims that “Angelina knows Brad gets jealous” of her relationships/friendships with men, and she speaks to men on purpose, knowing it will get him riled up. Whatver.

The National Enquirer also had a story revolving around the Triangle and the motorcycle crash, but it was kind of boring. The gist was that Jennifer Aniston was really scared that Brad could have hurt himself, while Angelina was all “meh”. Meanwhile, Life & Style‘s take on the accident was courtesy of a named eyewitness/resident of the building that Brad went to wait for help. Talia Schwartz claims: “He told the building manager that Angie was going to kill him because she thinks motorcycles are too dangerous.” Uh… but Angelina rides motorcycles too.

My favorite Brangelina tabloid story of the week comes from Star Magazine. It’s just as credible as all the other ones (re: not so much), but it made me laugh, and my mood definitely needs improvement. Star reports that while Brad and Angelina were staying in France, they got “married”. But not really… they just had a fake ceremony with Maddox acting as the justice of the peace. Seriously!

Brad and Angelina held an intimate, romantic marriage ceremony at their French chateau, with all six of their kids by their side.

“They threw themselves a wedding for the sake of the kids,” an insider tells Star. “Maddox has been pressing his parents to get married for a long time. It wasn’t legally binding, but it was important for them to have a special ceremony to let the kids know they’re just like married people.”

The ceremony was conducted by 8-year-old Maddox, who put Shiloh, 3, in charge of the rings. “He was adorable when he mispronounced the word ‘bearer’ and told Shiloh, ‘You’re the ring bear.’ She was thrilled,” the insider says.

Zahara was the flower girl, Pax got to be best man and 15-month-old twins Knox and Vivienne giggled as they watch the ritual unfold in the Grand Hall of the magnificent Chateau Miraval.

“Mad was so honored to marry Mommy and Daddy… He learned all about traditional wedding vows and memorized a lot of it. But he ended up reading off a piece of paper.” Brad and Angie also read their favorite poems and stories aloud.

The bride wore a simple, flowing white dress while the groom was dashing in a suit. “All the kids wore costumes… Shiloh had her sword, Maddox was in a camouflage army top while Pax dressed in an Adidas outfit. Zahara wore a dress and a plastic Disney tiara.”

[From Star Magazine, print edition, November 9 2009]

The wedding meal provided to the wedding party was home-baked bread, salad and cheeseburgers. And one cake, which led to a food fight – “Angie couldn’t stop laughing… Shi had cake in her hair!” Star also claims that Brad got emotional, like a little girl. He apparently called his family and told them about the “wedding” and now he and Angelina are thinking about doing it for real. Yeah… I don’t think that it will happen, but the image of Shiloh as “ring bear” and Zahara in her tiara is a good one, isn’t it?

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65 Responses to “Brad & Angelina get “married” by Maddox, plus triangle drama”

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  1. Rosalee says:

    …and the unicorns laid down with the lions and Jen and Angelina hugged and kissed.

  2. stacy says:

    Meh. I do see how AJ could use men to make Brad stay interested. It seems like her style. The kids sound cute, all dressed up. BP and JA may still talk but i dont see Brad rushing to her side to talk about a boyfriend. Ridiculous.

  3. Praise St. Angie! says:

    wow. I’m surprised that the IT story didn’t make you laugh, too, Kaiser. It’s pretty ridiculous.

  4. SARAH says:

    Honestly, people just need to leave them alone. This whole love triangle drama is just ridiculous! Jen needs to get over the fact that Brad is over her – they had great years together, but that’s all in the past and its time for them to move on, Brad sure has.
    Jen should just stick to her fame-whoring boys and leave Brad’s life already. He’s a busy father now!

  5. June says:

    LMFAO!!!Thanks Kaiser, they all provided a good laugh. Who do they have writing for the tabloids, fifth graders? LOL

  6. Anaïs says:

    Thank you intouch, I was a little sad and you make me laugh hard, thanks

  7. stacy says:

    @ Sarah- ummm, did you miss the part in the “story” where Brad texted JA, and BP wanted to set up a meeting, and BP gets jealous of AJ’s harem, and BP got into an accident b/c he was “rushing” to meet JA. It sounds to me like BP needs to get over it, not JA.

    Its retarded that these rags cant help but pull JA into BP’s motorcycle accident. Its all stupid if you ask me.

  8. Firestarter says:

    It’s not just a love triangle, because the Newsboy hat is most definitely involved somehow!

  9. princess pea says:

    SARAH – Umm, Jen IS over it. I don’t think SHE wrote these articles.

    The wedding story grosses me out; it sounds like Loonie fan-fiction (and probably ends with a pr0n scene where they consummate their marriage). I really don’t buy the story that Maddox is so obsessed with marriage. Where would that come from? He’s 8, and his parents aren’t likely talking about marriage all the time and making it seem so exciting and important (especially given that they don’t think it’s important).

  10. For Sooth? says:

    Celebitchy – I know you will stare in wonder at my post, but I agree with Kaiser on these stories. The triangle thing is so meh by now and I think that the post about the wedding is cute, especially if it is true. Thank you Kaiser for not going deep into Angie’s head today.

  11. Praise St. Angie! says:

    um, SARAH, I think you need to direct your “get over it” to the TABLOIDS.

    there is no indication that Aniston had anything to do with this ridiculous story.

    your brangeloonie is showing…

  12. Bek says:

    Hahahaha! That Star story is the most ridiculous load of crap I’ve ever heard. If there’s any truth to it, then the entire family is mental. But I do have to say that I believe Jolie would use other men to make Brad jealous. A lot of girls do this. Hell, I’ve done it. And the “source” that claims to have heard Billy Bob? They don’t even need a source. He’s said multiple times in interviews that he still talks to Angie. Yet we all know that IF Brad ever wanted to say “hi” to Jen, Angie would cut his balls off like a frickin’ hypocrite. I don’t even care whether the triangle stories have truth to them at all. All three of them are a hot mess.

  13. Firestarter says:

    @SARAH- What makes you think that this is anything to do with Aniston? Funny how the parts of the story that involve Jolie are false, but people believe the crap about Aniston in the same story.

    Jennifer is NOT an InTouch reporter, so how is she responsible for this ridiculous story? She is as much of a victim as the Pitt/Jolies. I am certain that Aniston is more than over the Brad issue, just like Brad is over the Jen issue.

    Jeez people, it’s a rag sheet not the Bible!

  14. Cinderella says:

    And Brad grew his beard because Jen said she likes it….And Angie told her to worry about John Mayer’s grooming habits and leave Brad alone….And John’s mad because Jen never spends time with him because she’s always trying to meet her ex in hotels…and so on and so on.

  15. Anna says:

    Oh, but of course! And then Audrey Hepburn and the Lord Jesus came down from Heaven, saying they would be godparents to Knox and Viv, because no one on this earth was saintly enough for them. And then God Herself blessed the union and delicately kissed Angie on the forehead as a mark of Her eternal protection. Then She turned to Brad and poked his abs, so they may stay firm forevermore. And then She shaved his granny muff off and spanked him, telling him not to do it again, it was offensive to Her up there, who has Brad and Angie on a 24 hour giant screen and has to look at it in HD.

  16. Lem says:

    I haven’t opened a triangle post in forever that was cute!

    BTW, are we still doing shots every time a commenter says ‘get over it’?
    Not that I read carefully; I think we’re up to 4 shots. Not bad for 13 comments.
    giggle*burp*get over it (5!)

  17. Munkey says:

    Firestarter, didn’t you know? Jennifer has her evil PR people plant all these stories to piss off the loonies! It’s a conspiracy, man. LOL.

  18. moo says:

    I remember reading a “fake” interview in Rolling Stone and I wish these rag mag’s would do the same and admit it’s just a cute little story someone made up (but isn’t it just so joyously cute anyway????)…. barf.

  19. Firestarter says:

    @Munkey-LOL! My mistake, I forgot she had so much extra time on her hands that she worked towards planting stories about herself and Brad. She has more clout than the President has with the press!

  20. Eileen Yover says:

    @Lem: This is why CB runs this article on Fridays!! It’s a type of CB Happy Hour to sit and read everyone freak on this never-ending JA, BP, AJ fiasco. We should add more shot words to the mix-this post would get REAL funny in a few hours!! =)

  21. Angelina is sexy says:

    Aww I agree that would be very cute indeed if it were true. I simply love the JP.

  22. ogechi says:

    shapeless and ugly Angy get behind me…i love Aniston

  23. Mommy says:

    Hey! Why was Katie forced back to Tom?

  24. Beth says:

    I know people hate Brad and Angelina but they sound really ridiculous believing all of these stories. Especially since all them are contradicting each other. I don’t get the “Brad is in love with Jennifer” stories. If he’s so desperate for her he would have left Angelina long ago. I’m 99% sure that one of the tabloids already did a “Maddox marries his parents” story months if not years ago.

  25. Firestarter says:

    Mommy- Apparently, the force was not with her! Haha!

  26. birdie says:

    Jen is over it, Brad is over it, Maddox is over it, and Angelina never cared…. Please In Touch readership, stop buying these stories. There are soap operas on television with more of a basis in reality than the stories run in IT or Star. We are ALL sick of reading this crap.

  27. whatever says:

    Poor Sarah. DON’T you know it’s illegal to hold an ANTI-Aniston opinion? The gods have decreed it that Jolie is the devil girl that deserves to be trashed, but Aniston is an angel made from the purest white driven snow (dating slutty rocks stars and posing naked to promote doggy movies), but she IS PURE and INNOCENT. Heaven help you if you EVER disagree. They will atack you. haha

  28. Sigh. says:

    The “rushing to Jen” one was the best.

    Cos he was SOOOOO wrapped in emotion, anticipating a possible reunion, that he TOTALLY forgot who he is and that the usual paps would follow him from his own door to hers, especially if he wears his personalized gold helmet.


  29. Freitag says:

    Its a old message!

    And a FAKE!
    This “family” is big marketing fake!!!!!!

  30. Jazz says:

    How many shots are we (hiccup) up to now?

  31. snowball says:

    I want to know how or why Knox and Vivi actually knew what was happening and were giggling about it – aren’t they still practically babies? For some reason, that reminded me of those creepy girls in front of the elevator in The Shining.

    Yes, I know the stories are dog doo, but IF the “wedding” actually happened, don’t you think the kids would want to dress up for it? Why the hell would Shiloh still have her little pirate sword with her? Gee, because this impeccable “source” happened to see the picture of her with one in one of the other tabs and decided to run with it.

    Apparently these kids never change clothes, since the descriptions of them at the wedding are suspiciously close to what they were wearing the last time they went out and were photographed.

    And please God, make Brad shave off that revolting billy goat thing he’s got going of his chin.

  32. Firestarter says:

    Whatever- Give it a rest. People can like whichever of the three they want and not be subjected to insults. The sad thing is that people like you perpetuate the nastiness by YOUR hatred of Aniston. Love the JP’s, no one says you can’t, but please respect others right to like Aniston as well. Aniston NOR the JP’s are the devil but they aren’t saints either. They are simply people, nothing more, nothing less. Why don’t you spend your time saying nice things about the JP’s and spend less time focusing on your hatred of Aniston.

    Before you fly off the handle and accuse me of hating or loving any of these people, let me point out- I do not care about any of them one way or the other. I have watched, over the years, things that all of them have been in. I have no preference of one over the other. I do comment to individuals who go out of their way to assassinate Aniston over stories that are obviously false about her, just as most negative stories about the JP’s are false. You cannot have it both ways: The tabs being right about the Aniston stories and wrong about the JP’s. Have some fairness: They are all a bunch of crap, and Aniston is no more rtesponsible for stories than Brad and Angelina are. The three of these people are quite happy in their lives and like we should be doing, ignore the flap about the so-called “trinagle”. All of them go about their daily lives and I am CERTAIN do not give a rat’s ass about anything InTouch, Star, Enquirer, OK! or any rags have to say about them.

  33. crash2GO2 says:

    Oh Firestarter. You are my hero. 🙂

  34. stacy says:

    Love the Firestarter 🙂

  35. Codzilla says:

    Firestarter: Ditto, ditto, and ditto.

  36. DD says:

    Firestarter and all those of you saying that Aniston actually isn’t over Brad and not constantly meddling in his life, are you part of the boo-hoo sisterhood?

    Don’t you know no woman could ever get over Brad, stop lying to yourself…
    (please note the intense sarcasm).

  37. Rosalee says:

    All hail the Firestarter!!

  38. Paloma says:

    Dear fan magazines and fans: Brad and Jen will never ever be together again; Brad does not care who Jen dates, he does not pine for her; he has lived a thousand lives since his time with her, they are kaput!

  39. liz says:

    So Brad was on the way to meet Jen while been followed by Paparazzi that sit outside his house and follow him everywhere. Damn even IT used to be better than this This sounds like a Globe Magazine story.OT I see the tabs are mocking each other last week Lies and Style claimed AJ was afraid to hug so OK printed several pics of her hugging refugees, Clint , Brad and a panda at KFP premiere

  40. Maritza says:

    What a soap opera! Please, the so called love triangle exists only in the heads of the tabloid writers!

  41. truthSF says:

    Those damn Tabloids, they stole my writing style from 5th grade.

  42. liz says:

    Parade magazine top celebrity givers list #1 Paul Newman 21 million, #2 Brad and Angie $13.4 million, Mel Gibson #3, Oprah #4

  43. TwinkleToes says:

    Not to be too bitchy but I believe JA is responsible for most people being run of the mill and thinking they have a chance on reality TV and such. She is the classic Cinderella story but she looks like one of the ugly step sisters. A modern take/twist on the classic story.

  44. TwinkleToes says:

    Speaking of scary things, any CB’ers see the movie “Paranormal Activity”? Going to see it soon then will review here.

  45. anneesezz says:


  46. snowball says:

    TwinkleToes, please let me introduce you to Firestarter.

    You can’t start a sentence with, “Not to be too bitchy,” and then proceed to be just that. There’s something scary here, but it isn’t a movie or JA.

  47. NicoleAM says:

    Jen never came across to me as lonely or desperate. The tabloids keep trying to paint it that way to fuel their love triangle bullsh*t. I do feel bad for Jen, those rag mags keep trying to convince the world she’s this pathetic woman who’s constantly watching her biological clock.

  48. TwinkleToes says:

    Paranormal Activity movie blew major chunks. I’m so disappointed because it’s getting great reviews. We can really use a good horror film but this movie isn’t it.

  49. Elle says:

    Right on Twinkle Toes! It explains why so many people identify with Aniston and want to defend her like she’s their personal “friend.” I mean, for real, right? omg, people going ape because someone made a joke. Get over your self. Someone has an opinion you don’t agree with, and then, you call them names? Wow, thats messed up.

  50. WTF?!? says:

    @ Anna: ROFLMAO!

  51. Firestarter says:

    @Elle- Yes, I agree, but there are just the same amount who defend Jolie/Pitt as if they were their personal friends. There is plenty of name calling on both sides. Take a look at the threads with any of the three.and you will see the hate spewed at both and by both sides.

    You don’t have to be ugly to identify with Aniston, by the way. That is a stupid comment to make period!

  52. sheryl says:

    Well, I think that Aniston LOVES being associated with Pitt and Ang. How else is she going to get the words “Double Academy Award Nominee,” and “Academy Award Winning Actor” linked in the same sentence with her name 😉

  53. truthSF says:

    LOL @ sheryl, that was a clever one.

  54. Kylie says:

    If people actually believe that there is any point in still going on about this so call ‘triangle’ then their as stupid as the stupid tabloids that keep writing it.
    For god sake give it up!

  55. whatever says:

    Geez, Fire–, overreact much? I made a joke and now I’m harboring this Jen “hatred”? lol Aren’t you always complaining about being judged as a Jen hen? And, now you’re being judgmental?
    Contradict yourself much? And, writing a book over a joke says a lot. Save your lectures for school, this is a gossip site. Stop trying to control what people say, this is a democracy.

  56. HashBrowns says:

    Silliness all around. That Star story reads like some sick Brangeloonie fantasy. Calling the kids by nicknames? Describing what they said, in detail, even though supposedly the only people who were there were the family?

    Seriously, the tabloids creep me out sometimes with these types of stories.

  57. Firestarter says:

    Hmm, well Whatever, looks like quite a few people agreed with me, which may be why your feather’s are so ruffled..
    Have a nice day though!

  58. whatever says:

    Heck of a P/A vibe you have. Geeee, smug much, Firesarter? Notice you avoided my questions; did they hit home? And lots of people agreed with Bush when he began the Iraq War, just because you have people agree with you, doesn’t automatically make you right.

    And, of course, have a nice day, too!

  59. Firestarter says:

    Whatever- I would hardly compare a man who started a war with someone who is commenting on a gossip blog.

    I avoid your questions because there is no discussing anything with you in a logical manner. You are right and everyone who disagrees with you or has a different viewpoint is WRONG.

    From now on, I won’t be commenting on any of your posts. It is pointless to argue with someone who never sees things from any other viewpoint but their own.

    Here, for your benefit and to make you feel good: YOU ARE RIGHT! Satisfied? I am the devil and a bully, you are not.


  60. whatever says:

    wow-SO dramatic! You’re talking about my logic when you missed the point of my comparison? Just because people agree with you doesn’t make you right. It’s a simple point/You responded to my jokey post, but now you’re acting like the victim? nice–dish it out, but can’t take it when someone responds. I guess you like to have the last word?/oh well, have a nice day! 😉

  61. lolo says:

    I like this. The little wedding thing I mean.

  62. TwinkleToes says:

    Brad’s lazy hillbilly eye needs to be recalibrated, AGAIN.

  63. stacy says:

    @ whatever- you sound extremely childish. talk about needing the last word, it looks like you managed just that.

  64. Breanna says:

    Can’t wait for the tell all book to come out about the JP. I heard Angie is/or was hooked on the junk.

  65. whatever says:

    Stacy, you sound like a moron. There, two can play the name-calling game.